Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi and all those good things
also I didn't edit this so sorry
"Why did you set them up if you like her?" Holly J asks me over the phone. We are talking about how I had set up Imogen and Eli.
"I want her to be happy. That's all I ever want for her." I admit. I hear Holly J sigh on the other line.
"Yeah, I guess I understand." She says. "Well I have to go, talk to you soon, okay?"
"Yeah, bye Holly J." I say back and with that I hang up.
Ever since I have fallen for Imogen everything has seemed jumbled up in my mind. I can't concentrate. All my emotions seemed to be mixed with anger and pain. I really am truly happy for her and Eli, but that doesn't stop the pain.
Tonight, just like the past couple of weeks, I will go to sleep thinking about her, remembering the way she hugs me, hoping to find something deeper in her words, memorizing the way she moves, the way she talks, just trying to figure her out. Tomorrow won't be any different. I will go to school and pretend like everything is normal. I will pretend that I don't have feelings for her and that I'm okay with her and Eli dating. I will help her with her relationship and hide the pain of hearing every little detail of it. I think she appreciates it. The way she can come to me and talk about it. She needs someone to help her. Her and Eli's relationship isn't the best but she's happy. He's happy, they're happy. That's all I need for them to be okay.
"So, Fiona, want to have a movie night tonight?" Imogen asks. I should say no. Put some distance between her and me. Distance is the only way I could get my feelings to go away but I nod anyway. She smiles and takes the seat next to me in chemistry.
When taking notes my hand accidently bumps into Imogen's. "Sorry." I say ignoring the fact that my stomach is doing flips. She winks at me and pulls my hand into hers. I know she is just doing this because she's Imogen and this is how her friendships work, but my heart jumps all over again. I want to get away and not get pulled in deeper, but I just sit there instead.
The bell rings and I rush to get my stuff. I need to get out of this room as fast as possible. Once I am out of the room I bump into Eli.
"Hey, Fiona." He says smiling at me.
"Hi." I say a little be too rude. I'm shouldn't be mad at him. It's not his fault that Imogen likes him. He makes her happy. Thankfully he doesn't notice my tone.
"Thanks again for setting Imogen and me up." He says giving me a pat on the shoulder.
"No problem." I say back giving him a fake smile. I then turn away and walk in the other direction.
"I love this part." Imogen says scooting closer to me. We are at my house right now, watching some chick flick that she picked out. It's a cute movie though, and she seems to be enjoying it. She squeals at the kiss that is happening on the screen and I can't help but smile at her cuteness.
After a little bit Imogen yawns and puts her head on my shoulder. I tense at her movements. My heart starts to ache. After that I become much quieter because the pain has caused me to be silent. She takes notice. "You okay?" She asks in a whisper.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I lie. I could never tell her how I feel. It would ruin the bond that we have. It would ruin our friendship. It would ruin me.
"Okay." She says looking back towards the screen. "This part I don't understand. Why doesn't she just tell him how she feels?"
"He's in a relationship." I say back to her. "He's in a relationship with one of her best friends. Telling him would ruin both those relationships. Loving your friend who loves one of your other friends is the worst pain of all. It's a hard feeling to explain. It's like a burden on your heart. You can't say anything because they're happy. You value their happiness too much. But the pain is always there. Eventually, you try to push yourself away from them, but since you love them too much you come back. You have to keep your pain silenced though. There is really nothing you can do about it. You just have to suffer and hope your feelings go away."
She gives me a look and then finally says, "Is that how it felt when you thought you were in love with Holly J? You couldn't do anything about it because she was with Declan."
"I guess." I say with a shrug. She doesn't know it's her that I am talking about. She will never know that it is her that I love.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that." She says giving me a small peck on the cheek. I close my eyes at contact, letting it soak through my skin. I will remember this moment for a long time. I will look back at it constantly. I will wish it never happened and I will wish for it to happen again. I will forever be conflicted by Imogen Moreno.