It's been awhile since I've tried an Assassin's Creed genre for a story, but here it goes. And please check out my other story, The Official Assassin's Creed Answering Machine, if you are looking for more laughs.
(I do not own Assassin's Creed or any of the broadcast commercials from Direct TV.)
Assassin's Creed: Direct TV?
*Don't wake up in a roadside ditch*
When you family is made fun of…you get angry…
When you get angry…you get into a fist fight…
When you get into a fist fight…a rock is thrown at you…
When rocks are thrown at you… you get facial scars…
When you get facial scars…people call you an Assassin…
When people call you an Assassin…they chase you for years…
And when they chase you for years…you wake up to cannonballs through your window
Don't wake up with cannonballs through your window
XXXXX
*Don't fall into a dinner party*
When Templars kill your family…you feel powerless…
When you feel powerless… you want to take revenge…
When you want to take revenge…you become an Assassin…
When you become an Assassin…you want to use your skills…
When you want to use your skills…you become stronger…
When you become stronger…you run along rooftops…
And when you run along rooftops…you sky dive into a hay bale
Don't sky dive into a hay bale
XXXXX
*Stop taking in stray animals*
When Templars piss you off…you throw knives at them…
When you throw knives at them…they are killed…
When they are killed…you have some free time…
When you have some free time…you save citizens…
When you save citizens…they become loyal to you…
And when they become loyal to you…you build an Assassin's Order
Don't Build an Assassin's Order
XXXXX
*Don't re-enact scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen*
When you are forced into a machine…you are unhappy…
When you are unhappy…you view your ancestor's memories…
When you view your ancestor's memories…your up for anything…
When you're up for anything…you find yourself in Masyaf…
When you find yourself in Masyaf…you meet Altair Ibn-La Ahad…
And when you meet Altair Ibn-La Ahad…you re-enact dangerous assassinations with Altair Ibn-La Ahad
Don't re-enact dangerous assassinations with Altair Ibn-La Ahad
XXXXX
*Don't have your house explode*
When Ezio freezes in motion during assassinations…Templars are killed…
When Templars are killed…you become notorious…
When you become notorious…you hide away in crowd…
When you hide away in a crowd…he has time to think...
When he has time to think… a plan is developed a lot…
And when a plan is developed a lot… you blow up a harbor…
Don't blow up a harbor
After watching these commercials…I almost couldn't resist myself. I had fun writing this.