Frist fic

Chapter 1:Wasn't a good idea

Disclaimer:How the hell could I own NGE?

Shinji Ikari, famed EVA pilot, hailed hero, looked on at the growing pool of crimson. His eyes shifted to the sliver kitchen knife, its chrome was bleached in a dark earthy red. He was intent on loving the felling of his assured end. His eyes felt heavy, he let them slip, and at first the deep cuts in his wrists hurt.....alot! But now he felt like the warm maroon liquid was similar to sheets of heavy velvet. A sickly simple thought came to his mind. No more pain, no more hate, nothing. He heard the light knock on the apartment's door. Both Misato and Asuka were off at some mall trip. The knocks grew louder, the hiss of the automatic door and the sounds of footsteps. He was sure he locked it now he was hoping he had lost enough blood so that no one could ruin his end. He tried to find a fake light at the end of some dark tunnel.

"Hey Auska...It's me Hikari I found your-" Hikari spoke quietly before letting out a shrill, the house key card falling from her hands.

Her hands shot to her mouth as tears began to run down her face. Her words only came out as small squeaks and gasps looking around; she grabbed a few towels and a phone. She nearly crashed into him as she slid toward the boy, franticly pushing the towels onto his wrists. He heard the buzz of the phone and Hikari's shouts he slowly felt a strange warmth fill through his numb body. He was slipping into oblivion and dark circles closing in his eye sight. His last sight was a close, crying, Hikari leaning on his numb limbs.

His eyes fluttered open and focused on the now very common ceiling, the place smelt of latex and bleach. His anger rose his fists clenched the pale blue sheets, noting the sting in his wrist. Tears welled in his eyes. He had failed....again.

Why did we always fail? The only thing he did right was pilot EVA and then he failed himself. Why the hell had that stupid class rep took that away from him that.....that...that bitch!

No that wasn't fair, his chest relaxed from its previous rising and falling, she was just helping, just caring. That thought slowly infected is mind and drew an odd warmth into his heart. If Asuka had found him there she would have bitched about how he was bleeding out all over her kitchen, and Misato would have cried and got wasted. Maybe she wasn't bad though......maybe someone did care.

Shinji sighed. Right that would great. No he couldn't think that. The truth would only create another wound in an ever gaping world of cuts and holes. If she was scared of him he couldn't blame her. Everyone was so scared of self mutilation he'd never know. Wait why was he spending so much time thinking about her?

"Shinji!" Misato screamed as she ran to the boy

'Christ why does she always do this' His look of hate was more apparent than he wanted. He felt her grip tighten as her tears soaked his medical gown his mental pain slowly rising. Had he failed her to? Yes why had he even thought about it?

"Shinji why.....why did you.....do this?!?" Misato managed to force through sobs.

"I....I uh I don't know" Shinji lazily said

"Why won't you talk to me, to anyone!" Misato cried out

"Do I have any synch tests this week?" Shinji said

"God why....why...no." Misato voice gained some composer

"Can I leave?" He asked quietly

"Yeah" Misato said

She watched him, the slow rise and fall of his steady breathing. She found it strange how she missed him of all people, after Toji was hurt and moved she hated him. But when she saw him sitting in the kitchen lying against a table leg in a pool of his blood. She was scared for him, she thought often about holding him as he cried into her chest.

'I just want him to be happy, I can see smiling holding my hand, me playing with his hair, his lips gently pressed on min- what am i thinking!' she blushed as she played with her pencil 'I really should listen to the teachers'

She jumped at the lunch bell, she watched as Shinji slowly rose from his seat letting everyone else leave first.

"Let's go, that idiot wasn't here all week. I still haven't eaten a decent lunch" Asuka spoke behind her

"I got to do some work for the teacher" Hikari called out as she ran after Shinji

"Whatever"

She just stared at him, she found herself doing that a lot lately, every day at lunch he come up to the roof by himself and lay down. She slowly walked over to where he laid, his eyes closed.

"Shi-" Hikari was cut short

"Why?" Sjinji asked quietly

"What?" Hikari asked confused

"Why did you save me, other than the humanity" Shinji cold voice held a little sadness

"I.....I....I don't know" Hikari sighed out the last words hoping to change the subject

"Do you feel sorry for me?" Shinji asked

"A little bit" She squeaked out

"Is that why you're talking to me?" Shinji sat up and looked her in the eye

"No" Hikari saw the look of shock on his face

"Then....then why?" Hikari blushed

"Because......" Shinji just stared at her

"I'm sorry, I just wanted it all to end, I didn't mean to drag you in" Shinji spoke sadly after a few minutes

"Why....why are you so sad" Shinji was surprised to see her crying

Shinji opened his mouth to speak but was hugged tightly. He was surprised as he wrapped his arms around her for once in his life he didn't fell like he failed. In Hikari's embrace he felt warm a first in a long time.

"Shinji.....that wasn't a good idea"