A/N I realized two things - it's been a while since I posted, and for some reason, I hadn't posted this. So this was written to fill a stocking gift. It's also my first attempt at writing Criminal Minds smut, meaning it might not be so great. I hope you still enjoy it! Slight spoilers for 5x21 'Exit Wounds'.
For a very special person. You know who you are.
It's impossible said pride. It's risky said experience. It's pointless said reason.
Give it a try whispered the heart.
Taking a deep breath, JJ tapped softly on the door, casting an anxious glance along the hall. Greeted by silence from within, she groaned, and knocked harder.
"Alright," came the sleepy voice, "I'm coming."
JJ wrapped her arms around her waist, shivering slightly. The door opened, revealing a barely awake Hotch.
He squinted against the unwelcome light, then blinked. "JJ?"
Her mouth was suddenly dry, the sight of him standing there in cotton sleep pants and a white shirt rendering her speechless.
"Emily snores," she blurted. Hotch's frowning face relaxed into amusement.
"And?"
The teasing tone in his voice only added to her embarrassment, and JJ narrowed her eyes.
"And I need sleep, Hotch. Rossi is just as bad as Em, and Reid's in that room too. Then there's Morgan, who..."
"Talks in his sleep," he finished, smirking at her obvious discomfort.
"Right," JJ agreed with a smile, "You're the only one with space."
His grin faded into awkwardness. "I hate to disappoint you..." he began. He really did loathe letting her down, and winced as her face fell.
"Oh. You have company?" JJ felt her chest tighten, the idea of him with another woman unbearable. Since Will left, there was no denying she and the unit chief had grown closer, and JJ had long since given up pretending her feelings were simply platonic.
But Hotch shook his head. "I don't have company, JJ."
She frowned in confusion. "Oh. Then...?"
Sighing in defeat, Hotch opened the door wider.
"Come in and see for yourself."
JJ slipped past him, entering the room, and then stopped short. "Oh."
A double bed was the only other occupant of the room, a small one at that. JJ backed towards the door.
"It's okay," she stammered, "I'll take the sofa downstairs. Grab a couple of extra blankets..."
"We're in Alaska. You'll freeze," Hotch pointed out. She groaned in exasperation.
"Well, what do you suggest, genius?"
He couldn't help but chuckle as another shiver ran through her.
"We're both professionals," he said slowly, watching realisation dawn in her eyes.
"You want...are you...Really?"
"Do you have a better idea?"
JJ hesitated, and then shook her head. Gracefully accepting defeat – and secretly touched that he would give up his privacy just for her – she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"So, I really woke you up?" she asked guiltily. Hotch chuckled.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry, Hotch."
"Don't be. I'm glad you came to me."
JJ arched a confused eyebrow. "You are?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "It's, you know...nice to have company."
"Unless that company wakes you up out of a dead sleep," JJ remarked softly and got under the covers, closing her eyes.
"No need to apologize. You're a team member who has a need for sleep, and I have what you need."
JJ's eyes flew open in the dim lighting. She felt the mattress move as Hotch made himself comfortable. Unsure how to reply to his comment, both occupants remained silent.
Lying on his back beside her, Hotch cleared his throat. "I never got a chance to say. I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Will."
"Please. I'm not," she scoffed, although the barely concealed pain in her eyes threatened to disagree, "It was a decision that I made based on..."
"JJ," Hotch interrupted gently, "Don't lie to me." Her already strained smile disappeared, and she sighed in defeat, looking away.
"I didn't leave Will," she admitted into the dimly lit room, grateful that her blush was hidden, "He left me."
He didn't know what to feel, so he settled for a bit of everything. "Oh. Are you okay?"
Beside him, JJ shrugged. "I guess."
"I know you may not believe me, because my stoic reputation precedes me, but I know how you feel."
JJ felt her throat tighten. "I know." He probably knew better than anyone what she was going through. Looking at him, she had to chuckle softly.
"You sleep in a shirt?" she questioned with a grin, amused at the idea that his workaholic outlook stretched into his sleep. He shot her a pointed look.
"No. I put it on because somebody was knocking at my door at 2am and I thought it might be an emergency."
JJ nodded, trying to hide her smile. Hotch coughed lightly, then fixed his attention on the floor.
"Do you mind if I take it off?"
"No," JJ replied quickly, then realised how it sounded, "I mean, whatever makes you comfortable."
He hesitated. Realizing that if he took his shirt off, JJ would see the damage to his chest and torso, Hotch felt fear spike deep in his chest. He swung his legs off the bed, standing.
"You know what?" he began, pulling the shirt sides together, "It really doesn't ma..."
"Don't," JJ said calmly. He hesitated, hearing a reassurance in her voice that struck deep within. She moved towards him, her deep blue stare locked on the scars cross-crossing over his chest.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hotch asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Because," she replied softly, "Here, like this...it's impossible to pretend that...that I don't have...feelings, for you."
Her hands came to rest lightly on his chest, finishing what he started and dropping the shirt to the floor.
"JJ," he said in a low voice, "We shouldn't."
Her eyes flicked to his. "Really?" Gently, she touched one of his scars, her fingertip cool and soft. Hearing him take a sharp breath in, her eyes flew to his.
Hotch nodded, swallowing hard. JJ's fingers were slowly tracing the lines across his skin and he drew in a shaky gasp. A wicked smile curved the corner of her mouth.
If her touch wasn't enough to seduce him, her smile certainly was.
He didn't know who closed the distance between them, but then their lips were attached and JJ's hands were caressing the muscles of his chest and Hotch let his mind go deliciously blank. She didn't want to think about how wrong this was, didn't want to admit that maybe Hotch was right and this was a mistake, so she let her tongue snake out to stroke his. JJ pulled him closer, his semi-naked body perfectly fitted against hers.
Hotch ran a hand down her spine, feeling each bone beneath his fingertips and committing them all to memory. Her own hands fell from his neck, and heat rushed all over his body as she began searching for the elastic of his pants. His hand stilled hers.
"I don't...do you have...?" Hotch said, trying to clear the fog of arousal from his mind. JJ shook her head.
"It's okay, Aaron. I trust you."
He let out a shaky breath, "It's been so long, I don't trust myself to pull out in time."
"Then don't," she said bluntly, craving that ultimate closeness as her blue gaze burned into his. Hotch heard his breath catch, caught unawares by the trust he could see in her eyes
"Jayje...I can't risk...you can't..." he protested weakly. His body craved release but the risk was too great. Not only could he ruin their friendship, he could ultimately be destroying both their careers, the thing that had brought them together.
He pushed her away, shaking his head. "JJ...God, please don't take this the wrong way. I can't do this."
JJ flinched. "Why? And I swear, if I have to hear another 'It's not you, it's me'..."
"I don't want to hurt you."
Hot anger flared in her stomach, and she pressed her lips together in a thin line. "Do you trust me?"
"You know I do. More than I trust myself."
She frowned, desperately trying to keep up with his logic. "So if you could find a way to trust yourself, you would make love to me, and I wouldn't be standing here feeling like a complete moron?"
Hotch turned away, struggling to find the right words. "Yes."
JJ stared at him, and then asked. "But what if you don't hurt me? What if what we have is really great? Isn't that worth it?"
Hotch hesitated, and she groaned in frustration.
"For a smart man, Aaron Hotchner, you're full of shit."
It was over. She'd taken more than she could handle, and she still needed her sleep.
JJ had barely lifted herself away from the mattress when a hand closed around her wrist and she was dragged backwards. She landed with a soft gasp, but then Aaron was catching her lips in a fierce kiss and her momentary struggle was forgotten.
Tugging the shorts down her thighs, he let out a low growl.
"You don't get to walk away from me now," Hotch responded. His tone was low and dark, now full of the desire he had spent too long keeping beneath the surface.
Grinning, JJ kicked the boxers away. Hotch's underwear joined hers on the floor. Joining her on the bed, he positioned himself between her thighs.
"Wasn't planning to," she replied, feeling beautiful relief blossom in her chest when he rolled her beneath him.
Her small hands curled around his biceps, fingernails digging into his skin as he settled his weight against her. Hotch pushed into her, feeling her sharp exhale of breath against his neck. His hips met hers, and they both groaned as he sank further into her warmth.
He pressed a mindless trail of kisses along her jaw and up to the spot beneath her ear. JJ tugged at her bottom lip, biting down to stifle her cry of pleasure. He was big, bigger than Will had been, and she felt her walls stretch around him.
JJ turned her head to meet his lips, snaking her hands around to stroke his back. A groan caught in her throat as he pulled out to the tip, and she fidgeted distractedly, her body arching up to reconnect. Hotch groaned as she nipped threateningly at his lip, holding himself above her entrance.
"Are you sure?" he asked, even though he knew it would be damn near impossible to turn back now. The media liaison smiled against his lips, her hands tightening in the soft hair at the base of his neck.
"Yes," she replied in a husky voice. Hotch slid back into her until he was buried to the hilt.
"JJ..." he moaned.
"Move," she replied, her voice equally as strained.
Slowly, Hotch pulled out and pushed back in. With each groan from JJ's lips, he repeated the action a little faster. He wanted to possess her in every way possible, but was afraid. Afraid that she might run. Afraid that she might be yet another dream to torture him and leave him broken.
Pulling out, he looked her in the eyes. So much trust lie there that he wanted to weep. Stroking her hair, losing his fingers in the golden curls, he tried to get himself under control.
"Give in Aaron," JJ commanded gently, "Please."
With one simple word, she had shattered his resolve. Slowly, she wrapped her legs around his waist and knotted her ankles behind his back. That was all it took for Hotch to lose control.
His knees bore the brunt of his weight, his back arched as he slammed into her. Her inner walls fluttered around his length, threatening implosion. With his control gone, he couldn't stop. Not now. Not ever. He had to have her - hear her cry out as he drove her as mad as she had made him for years. His strokes grew faster as his name became a breathless chant in his ear.
"Aaron," she begged, "Touch me."
Never losing his momentum, he slid a hand between them to finger her swollen nub. Hotch watched, sweat beading on his brow, as her whole body tightened beneath him. Her thighs clenched around his hips, and JJ felt something inside of her snap, her orgasm strong and intense and possibly the most beautiful thing Hotch had ever seen.
JJ's head fell back, her lips parting in silent prayer and her face a frozen mask of pleasure. She tightened around him, and Hotch groaned the beginning of his release into the hollow of her throat.
"Oh, God, JJ..."
Her name left his lips as a strangled groan, and with one final push of his hips, Hotch spilled himself. JJ tightened around him over and over again, milking him off everything he had. The room was spinning wildly, the air no longer cold and their bodies no longer tired.
Their heavy, ragged breathing was the only sound in the room. Her fingers moved up his back to his shoulders, feeling the taut, sweaty muscles under her hand.
Hotch collapsed to the bed beside her, and JJ rested her head in his chest, his heart racing beneath her. His body was warm beside hers, their legs tangled beneath the sheets.
"Wow," she breathed. He wrapped an arm around her waist.
"Definitely."
Hotch traced his fingers up her spine, feeling laughter bubble up from the pit of his stomach. His laugh caught her by surprise, and JJ turned her head to look up at him.
"What's so funny?"
"This," he chuckled, hugging her closer, "You came here to get some sleep."
The humour of the situation bedded itself in her mind. JJ found herself laughing too. Grinning, he rolled them onto their sides, his body pressed tight against her back. He tucked his arms around her, savouring the feeling of her warm skin against his own.
"That's okay," JJ said when her breath returned, "This is so much better than sleep."