A/N I've kind of had this story floating around in my head for a while now. I don't know what made me write it to begin with. Sometimes I tend to get way over my head, and I guess this is me getting over my head. So this all started when I watched the episode of Nationals last week. When I saw Payson break her back, I started thinking about how Sasha might have felt if when Payson broke her back, and if he helped with her recovery. So here comes me getting over my head and thinking that I could rewrite most of the plot starting from Nationals and try to work my way up all the way to the Olympics, so tell me what you think!
Summery: Nationals broke more than just Payson's back, it broke her courage and confidence, leaving Sasha to build her back up, stronger than ever. A story of forbidden love, and what it means to be a true champion.
Sasha watched as Payson stepped up to the set of dredded uneven bars. He had never seen so much nervous energy radiating off of her before. She stood in front of them, uncertain, as if trying to mask a horrifying pain. Never before had he seen this side of Payson, one which almost made her seem vulnerable. He walked up and took his place beside her. She winced at his presence next to her. He could see that deep down, she knew she couldn't fool him that everything was okay.
"Are you hurt?" he whispered, his voice low, so only she could hear. The last thing either of them wanted was for anyone in the competition to sense there was something wrong. She bit her lip and shook her head a tiny bit, trying to get away without words. Payson knew that if she spoke, her voice might fail her attempt of hiding the pain. When she noticed he wasn't buying it, she took a deep breath before beginning to speak.
"I'm fine." Her voice was small and hesitant, attempting to control how much she said. Sasha could see the color fading from her face as she spoke. She really was in pain, he just didn't know how much. She placed a hand at the small of her back and sucked in another deep breath. Sasha clenched his fists, trying not to reach out and wrap his arms around her and telling her she shouldn't risk it, but he knows that Payson Keeler was never going to let him pull her out of Nationals. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath.
"I'm ready," she murmured, her crystal blue eyes focusing in on the last apparatus holding her back from earning the title of National Champion. When he didn't move away from her, she looked up at him, her expression reading of both anxiety and pain, and gave him another nod, trying to assure him she was okay. Sasha felt like he had to make a life changing decision whether to let her compete or pull her out of the competition. She was in pain, it was a question of how much and whether she could handle doing her last routine. He could see Payson wasn't herself at all, which screamed warning, but he didn't know if that was enough justification for pulling her out of one of the biggest competitions of her life.
Unsure of whether he was making the right decision, he hesitantly took a step back, trying to read her face for any signs of discomfort. When there were none, he let her proceed with the routine. When the judges gave her the signal to begin her routine, Payson took a deep breath and unwarily sprung into action. From the mount, he could sense that he didn't make the right decision. Every movement had an uncertainty to it, something he wasn't used to seeing in Payson's routines.
Right as she launched herself to the high bar, her body stopped moving. Instead of soaring to catch the high bar, she plumaged towards the ground, unable to stop herself from falling down like a flightless bird. Sasha knew he couldn't get to her in time. He knew that he would never be able to take back what he had done. He knew that what was about to happen at that moment, was going to effectivly kill the chances of Payson's dream to the Olympics. Sasha knew he couldn't stop her from falling, or catch her in time.
He had to try. He had to try to save her dream. He has to try to keep her whole. But he was too late. He was too late to catch her limp body. He was too late at realizing how much pain she was really in. He was too late to save her dream. The moment she hit the mat, he heard her neck crunch under her body, as her spine bent itself into an odd position, even for a gymnast.
At that moment, Sasha felt a range of emotions flooding through him, taking every ounce of self control he had to not pull her contortioned body onto his lap and encircling his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. He felt anger at himself for not stopping her from doing the routine when she was clearly in pain. He felt scared for her dream, whether she would ever be able to do gymnastics, let alone walk ever again. He felt rage at her for not telling him how much her back really hurt to begin with, but the emotion that belittled all the other feelings over whelming him was one he least expected. Love.
At that very moment, he felt so much love for Payson that he didn't realize he always had. Deep down, a small part of him knew that he was playing a dangerous game loving his sixteen year old gymnast, but an overwhelmingly larger part of him didn't quite care. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms, and tell her everything was going to be okay. All he wanted to do was travel back a few moments before the disasterous routine and promise her that whatever happened, she was going to be okay. All he wanted to do was tell her he loved her.
Before anybody in the stadium could react, Sasha ran over and knelt down beside her, his eyes clouded with the wave of emotions. He watched as three shady men loaded Payson's body onto a gurney and rushed her out of the stadium. He ran beside her the entire way to the ambulance as they rolled her out. She opened her eyes and met his worried gaze, her eyes brimming with tears.
"Sasha," she croaked out, her voice cracking before she could finish. Sasha couldn't bear to see Payson this way. He could see in her eyes, how she felt, he could see the mixture of worry and fear. All he wanted to do was tell her he loved her, promise her he would always be there for her no matter what, but he knew that was something he could never say to her. He knew he didnt have the right to.
"It's okay Payson, you're going to the hospital, and everything is going to turn out okay." As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt like he was lying to her. Nothing would ever be the same ever again, nothing was ever going to be okay. With an injury like Payson's, it was hard to say she would ever even be able to walk again, let alone put her body through intense training for the Olympics.
"Sasha," she murmured again, "I didn't take it." Before he could ask her what she was talking about, they rolled her into the ambulance, and zoomed away to the hospital.
A big part of Sasha wanted to do nothing more than be inside the ambulance with her, holding her smalled hand in his, hoping for the best, but he knew he had other duties to attend to right then. He still had three other promising young gymnasts to coach into the National Team that evening. He knew it was the right thing to do. He knew it's what Payson would have wanted him to do.
Keeping that in mind, he coached the remaining Rock girls into solid victory. Emily Kmetko was placed twelfth which earned her the last spot on the National Team. Lauren Tanner placed fourth place, which also assured her a place on the team, and to everybody's surprise, Kaylie Cruz swept gold and was named the National Champion, the title which was expected to be nailed by Payson.
That day was the most successful event of Sasha's coaching career, but he couldn't help but feel as if he had miserably failed. He failed to save Payson from a life altering injury. He failed to even see that she was in the emense amount of pain she was in, and let her continue to do a stunt which required her to put a lot of pressure on her body.
Sasha knew Nationals would be credited as one of his biggest accomplishments, but he felt like it was one of his worst nightmares. He didn't care that everyone around him was happy, there was a sadness lying in the bottom of his heart that would never disappear. Even though that day was filled was joy and delight for everyone surrounding him, Sasha Belov's heart was slowly withering away in Room 216, prepping for back surgery.
A/N I know this story might be a little too ambigious, but I'm going to try my best on it. I'm trying not to second guess myself here, so tell me what you think about the idea! Next chapter is going to be Sasha visiting Payson at the hospital. As always, R&R!