What Am I?
ElectricCircuslover: Just another vent. I couldn't sleep all night and my mind kept going. Noticed no one sends me reviews anymore...Kinda sad. Anyways, doctors are looking at me now. Something is wrong with my liver. They're looking for hepatitis A and C. If they don't find a way to help me, I'm going to die. I didn't say that on my last story...Just wanted to now.
This story is just a vent. Needed to blow some steam.
Enjoy.
Shadow sat on the swing set at the park, not moving very much on the seat. His doll, Mom, sat on the seat next to him as it watched the human children play on the merry-go-round. It was a sunny day out and it was the perfect time to get some fresh air outside the house for a change.
He sat there, watching the others play happily while having a long face. Shadow raised up his right paw, blocking his view of the children who enjoyed themselves while his older brothers and sisters played among them.
"You know, Mom, I'm old enough to accept what I am but the thought of thinking about it still bothers me. I know I'm not human but I carry human traits but I'm not an alien either like my other siblings. I'm one of a kind but that quote 'kind' unquote sticks in my mind. I'm old enough to know what sex can do, I'm old enough to understand how baby is made, but I can't understand why I was created when I don't have the same genetics as my family. Mother is the only DNA I have in me, which is funny because I should be a girl instead of a guy. I don't yet want to believe that I used to be someone evil who inflicted pain onto mom in her sleep. Then again, I don't want to believe in a lot of things. Even right now, I believe you are listening to my every word, wishing you could wipe my tears off my face. I know you're a doll, and dolls don't have any form of life in it with the exception of Teddy and that one doll that tried killing me in my sleep. But you, silent and always waiting for my every word. To me, you're the only one who cares about what I truly feel inside other than mom," Shadow kicked a little of sand.
"Mom always told me that 'We are no different from the humans. Our family talks, humans talk. We walk upright, they walk upright. We are just small people trying to fit in this world,' but sometimes it really isn't enough for me. I don't want to ignore her words and forget how meaningful they are, but look at my paws and compare it to a human hand. I only have four fingers with claws while the humans have five fingers with short finger nails. Our feet don't match as they are flat with claws on bottoms as the human foot takes on the form of a shoe with big peanut-shaped toe fallowed by smaller rounded toes. I have long ears and a funny round nose as the human ears are small and round while the nose is small and has pointed shape to it. I don't know why this bothers me a lot, Mom. This is a dumb question to you, but have you ever dreamed of being human?" he sighed, lowering his ears as Shadow faced his doll.
"Silence only beckons answers. Answers that I wish could be heard from your mouth. I dream about becoming human and taking on a human lifestyle. This body can't really do that without a disguise. Even we are not disguised right now, how do my siblings and I know that a we're not being judged right now. Stitchie and Andy look so happy with the other kids. Spring looks like she's going to blow chunks and Berrie is talking to a human girl on the bench next to the merry-go-round. How am I supposed to think good thoughts when these humans have treated us poorly? Okay, spray painting the principal's car wasn't a smart move on our part or taking you to school to talk to isn't such a wise choice but aside from that, how do I know these humans won't backstab us? I mean, look at the mix races and us. People of ethnic group are treated poorly by racial discrimination in any country. We aliens, well, us 'special' classes are looked at as freaks. Is that all I am? A freak? What am I? Discrimination and freaks…How is one supposed to live a normal life when whites slander people of a different color and race? How do whites live knowing they are looked at as savages? Blacks are looked at as pot heads, Mexicans are looked at as border hoppers, and everyone is blaming one another for every crisis in a country. We aliens don't judge one another with such prejudges. How come humans do?" Shadow paused, looking up at the cloudless blue sky.
"Okay, maybe I came out strong with that statement, Mom, but do you honestly believe I will be treated kindly as an adult? Just wish one another can get along you know. I don't want to brag, but the alien race is far superior in proper communication than humans. Though, it's not really going to help me on Earth. Seriously, would you take a person who is thirteen feet tall, like me for example, for serious? Come on, I'm talking to a doll for crying out loud. See, midgets are not looked at as animals. They get jobs and some work with comedians but our looks make people want to have us as pets. I'm not an animal; I'm just a thing, an entity, something that doesn't fit with alien or human. Shadow Stitch really put a hurting on my life. The fact is, in all reality I don't look like my father, Stitch at all. This is just a default form to keep everyone, including myself safe. The real me is a large monster with six arms who nearly killed Gantu a few times. I don't want to be a monster. I want to be a human. I want to be a human boy in a human family. There's no class for me. I'm just an 'IT' a very lonely 'it.' You should understand my drift. You're a doll that wishes to be alive," he frowned, looked back at his doll.
"Sure, humans are judgmental and insecure but deep down they're afraid of change. I'm not afraid of change. I'd gladly take it over being a quote, 'Puppy' unquote. I'm reduced to a dog status. I don't know what I would do if I had that proper chance to be a human. They have such long legs and arms and I don't. It looks so hard to run and jump from my eyes. Don't they lose balance at first? I learned how to walk when I was five months old but human babies take much longer to learn. It's interesting. Looking at those kids run around the merry-go-round makes me queasy. It looks so hard running with legs that long. Hmm, why am I talking about legs," Shadow chuckled.
"I'm lame, I know, but it surely does look fun. I'm just not a fan of the human social life despite wanting to be one. Look at me, you would think that I'm an ordinary teen trying to find himself in this big world. You would never question my sexuality because there isn't any known types but heterosexual. If one was to be gay, bi, or pan do you think our species would push them down too? Humans do that in a cruel manner. To be called 'gay' would be taken as an insult but taken as a praise in pride by a real gay. I don't understand the human nature. Don't tell anyone but…" he moved his seat closer to his doll, "I'm bisexual" he whispered quietly to his doll.
He moved back wearing a frown on his face, "People are so cruel to put down another for his or her quirks. It's like, having a paid judge give you a sentence before making a case. We are not bad people, we are just misunderstood. I happen to know a gay from another world and he's such a sweet person. I don't see what the problem with society is. Humans love perfection to the extremities of luxury but are grossly oblivious of their incompetence. If word got out, I could be a target for just being that out of the ordinary. It's not like they cause a problem and I see medical situation, but for love of this Earth Deity, can't they just leave us alone? What does it have to take to be equal in this world? I know mom loves all her children with the utmost passion, but would she except me for what I am, knowing that sensitive kind of material? I can't help but wanting to tell someone about it but the fears outweighs the reason. Do you know what it's like to live with so many insecurities? You don't because you're a toy. I just want this anvil to be lifted off my back for a moment," Shadow shed a bloody tear.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so emotional," he wiped his tear of his face, "It's a touchy topic, Mom. I'm glad to know you understand me. Then again, you're the only one who seems to do. I just wish things weren't so hard. People are hard and the worst part is I'm not even an adult yet. I still have a long way to go. You're not an adult unless you finish college. Mom has high hopes for us. Kinda wish I had some confidence in myself. Humans turn into full adults when they hit twenty-one or something like that. It would be nice if that implied to born experiments. I still have two years left of high school and then college. Don't know what I want to be. I know Stitchie and Andy talk all about being in the Galactic Alliance. I'd join if I wasn't so dangerous. Once again, I'm too much of a freak to carry out a normal life. Humans lives easier than me. I have so many questions about myself and how to carry them out that isn't discriminating to anyone. Do you ever feel like you're in glass box and the more you cry the faster you drown? I'm in a box right now and the reflection I see is mom, you, and Shadow Stitch," he paused, frowning at his siblings.
"Mom is everything to me but she can't help me with everything. You are the only person that doesn't look at me like some freak wishing to be something he isn't. Even now, knowing that truth about my sexuality you don't want to say anything to put me down. Then there's Shadow Stitch the person I used to be. I still cry for what he did to my mother, what I did to my mother with my hands that were not owned by me. I cry because I don't understand why I was put in this world with all these thoughts in my head. Actions speak louder than words but tears speak for themselves. I spend a lot of nights crying because I'm so different from everyone. Tears, my red bloody tears are the physical words of my pain. Am I just another dreamer, Mom or is there more to me that I'm missing? Yeah, I'm starting to get depressed now. It's not hard to tell isn't it?" Shadow sighed, giving his doll that resembled his mother a frown.
"I promise I won't change for you, Mom. I promise to make some good happen to my life no matter what I happens to me in the future…" Shadow closed his eyes.
Ten years later, Shadow repeated those same words, before opening his eyes. His reflection on the mirror revealed a hulking beast with spikes all over his body. Shadow alligator-like face shed bloody tears as he looked at his reflection.
He looked at his doll his mother made him when he was little and crushed it in his middle left arm, "I promised I wouldn't change…I never kept my promise…" he snarled, slamming his top right fist into the mirror, shattering it into pieces.