A/N: I haven't posted anything in about a year, so I thought I would. I hope this funny and I hope all readers enjoy. If it is a little OOC, I'm sorry and it has been awhile so work with me here. Please leave reviews! )

I OWN NOTHING.

A List of Reasons Why Hermione Granger is the Most Unfortunate Person Ever

I, Draco Malfoy, have made a list of reasons why Hermione Granger is the most unfortunate person I have ever met. I have given you readers the pleasure of my commentary.

1. She is insane.

It all started with a look. I hadn't expected to turn away from the dull conversation that my fellow classmates were having to see that girl, cross-eyed and looking like a lunatic. That was when I knew she was crazy. It wasn't bad enough she was a mudblood, but she had to be crazy and almost on the same level as Loony Lovegood too? It was horrible, so horrible that I actually might have felt bad for the poor girl, if I didn't her, of course.

2. Her hair is crazy.

Last Wednesday, her hair was a mess, like always, but it was even worse that day. It stuck out like it was bush. Couldn't she cast some spell to calm that mess down? There had to be at least one out there. Then in Potions, I couldn't see a damn thing because her hair was too wild and out of control.

3. Her friends

Harry Potter and Ron Weasley? Not to mention the ones that I don't bother to know the names of. That's probably the best she can do, being, you know, her and all.

4. Her house

Gryffindor is second in the worst houses list. Hufflepuff is first, but only by a slim margin. Slytherin is last on the list but number one on the best houses list.

5. Her teeth

That is before I fixed them.

6. She is annoying.

The 'Ooooo! Pick me professor!' thing gets old really fast. Being a know-it-all isn't something to brag about. But then again, it is probably all she has to brag about.

7. She can't fly to save her life

I have never met someone worse at flying other than that Longbottom git. Can't Potter teach her? Oh, wait, he probably doesn't want to be around her alone for too long.

8. She spends her free time in the library

It is probably the only place that accepts her. Other places probably turn her away as soon as she steps in the door.

9. She is a mudblood.

Do I really need to comment on this one? No? I didn't think so.