SUMMARY: Erwin x Levi rated M, reincarnation AU where Levi and Erwin remember the past life, but don't exactly pay much attention to it. Slightly mature content!
A/N: SPOILER ALERT DUE TO MANGA UPDATES!
We've met, but I doubt he remembers. I don't know what day it was, there's no sunlight there.
You have to cross the bridge above the city, and turn a few corners, and then sneak past military police for about three blocks until you reach a wide opening that shows you the moon. It's rare to find the sun, as it takes awhile to finally get there.
It's like being suffocated, but it's never so bad where you absolutely hate life. Up here in this real world, you miss the darkness. You learn who you are underneath the ground.
Up here, you don't miss sleeping with your knife.
Up here, you don't miss the cramps in your legs that handicap you.
Up here, you don't miss not being able to see the sun, and feel the heat of it embracing you.
The flowers here are different. And it's funny, because we met with a simple flower and the brush of my hand through his hair.
He saw me with bruises on my face the last time, and it was fortunately not because I was beaten by the only relative I knew I had- I was in a fight with a group of people for trying to extort money from me. It was a simple shakedown run, and it could have been worse. They could have been the group a month ago who attempted sexual assault. I was still only a bratty kid.
He looked at me that day, "You're cleaner than most."
He was blunt.
"I enjoy cleanliness."
I gave him the same bold treatment as everyone else. I promised myself it would be better this way- not because his eyes looked like the sky, not because his voice is stern and respectful, but because my mind wants to stay away from his. It's screaming at me to stay away from this man. Stay away from the sunlight of his blond, blond hair.
He asked me about a flower I sat next to, and I told them it's nothing of importance. He begged a differ, telling me, "It's more important than you believe."
"How so?" I gulped down the little water we have down here. It was a bottle I was only allowed to fill three times a day; anymore, and I have to pay a fine.
You were to fill your bottles at the station by the old sheds. You take anymore, and it's like climbing the stairs without the price.
Even though I usually sneaked out to the river, and filled a small container, it would have served me time if I got caught. I usually had to be stealthy for retrieving, and quietly boiled it back home. I cleansed it before I was caught, putting it into the spare bottles I had laying around.
Shit, I forgot I'm having a conversation.
"What do you use for seeing the world with? Use your eyes," His words annoyed me, but, "You don't see the world as a normal person would. You don't see live, growing trees. You see the world as ruins, a place for gypsy's and the poor who don't have much wealth."
"Hey!"
"But, this," He rose the flower, "Is proof that you are at least living. You're alive. You are breathing, just as this flower is. Maybe one day you can see the world above, and see how breathtaking it is at a comparison."
He swept back my hair, and I scowled at the cheerful persona and the hand touching me.
"When's the last time you washed your scum hands?" I was about to reach for my dagger, but the stranger pulled at the pocket inside his pants, revealing a clear, dense liquid in a bottle. "What's that?"
"Sanitizing agent. It removes germs from your hands. It's a hefty price to own, but it's worth it." I gaped at the bottle, trying to break down how "science" works up in the world above. I wanted to know how it worked, how it cleaned. I wanted to feel pristine.
There were only a few scientists down here in the underground cities, and most of the time they were "those" scientists. The ones who act like they know what they are doing, but then take you back to their "corner" and toy with your body.
It happened before, and the military police had to come down and rescue nineteen children that were being operated on. The operations were terrible, supposively cutting up live patients without sleeping agents.
Such a strange place to live.
The mans name was called, "Erwin! It's time to leave!"
He threw me a coin, and I quickly caught in my hands. "Money?"
"Yes, for the flower." 'Erwin' left me sitting where I was, and all I could do was mutter, "..But it was never mine in the first place."
The coin was worth more than a simple weed. Way more, to be blunt. It could a bath and a carton of milk for my living quarters.
I allowed him to leave. All but his name in my memory.
All of that and the piercing color of his eyes.
I wasn't expecting this.
"Your job, will be to one, retrieve the papers." He said, "And two, you, Levi Ackerman, will kill Erwin Smith."
I didn't expect this.
I remember the stares when we arrived. I remember the way people judged all of us, just from coming from the underground.
And this. The bodies of my friends eaten by this titan.
"I'll kill you!" I screamed, my blade at his throat. He threw the papers.
"They're fake."
They're fake, my mind rang.
Fake.
The papers are fake.
I did this for nothing.
I'm alone.
I'm desperate- how does one bring back a human life? It's simple; you can't. It was your decision, it was your mistake.
And now all there is for me is this damned rain ruining my pants, but I don't care. All I wanted was to be safe. Now all I'm getting is his kind words. I don't deserve this kindness when all I can feel is being numb.
"Bro!" Her voice sings in the back of my head. "That was a pretty cool thing for me to say, wasn't it, bro? Ha-ha!" Her laugh is something I won't ever hear again. I won't be able to protect the only family that made me want to be someone- or even something- better.
I just want them back.
Farlan.
Isabel.
Please forgive me. Please, please forgive me. Please forgive my selfishness. Please forgive the actions I made. Please forgive my not- "Don't do that." Erwin's voice stops my thoughts.
Tears ran down my cheeks with the rain, and for once I didn't miss the city. Because for once, my tears could be hidden underneath a different element.
We didn't feel the rain in the underground city. Only drops from mud on our ceilings, only dirt specking our cheeks.
Please forgive me, Isabel, Farlan. Please give me the strength that I desperately need that your arms can't give me.
And here we are. I took respect in him after hearing his words. They hit me with force, and it was ice cold. But somehow, at the same time, it was the best words I've ever received from anyone.
My "sister" is dead.
My family is dead. I am alone.
I stared at my ceiling for hours until sleep put its grasp over me.
Hange was the first of everyone I took a liking to, other than Erwin.
Hange gives the same brutal force as anyone, but has an irrational, crazy way of putting her words and skills. She didn't yell at me when I told her to clean. She did as told, and helped me reach the ceiling of the room- after, of course, picking me up by my waist so my rag could reach.
"How are you adjusting, Levi?"
"...I'm fine."
"You know, you never smile. You should try it sometime."
"I don't see a point in smiling." Not when they're gone.
She scolded me when I wouldn't eat. She scolded me when I yelled at newcomers. Scolded when I said something insensitive. Scolded when I didn't get sleep, and when I wouldn't at least contact her or Erwin when I couldn't.
Maybe this could be a family? No.
I mustn't get attached once again.
Another surprise, was when I did go to them. They were in the conference room, and looked at me perplexed when I walked in with bags under my eyes.
Then again, were they ever not there?
"Levi?" Hange would wonder.
"...I couldn't," I paused, my gaze meeting the floor, "I couldn't sleep. There, I said it."
She bolted to the tea station, rummaging through different teas, "Don't make a mess!"
"I won't, I won't, go sit down." She never was effected by my harsh words. She would always throw back sly comments back to me.
Zoe set the tea cup in front of me with a warm hug, and I furrowed my brows. I wasn't used to physical affection. She shoved herself off after feeling my will to fight pierce to it's peaking point.
But, maybe..
Maybe I just wanted a second longer, after all. Just to feel safe.
"That, right there, should help you calm down and sleep, Levi."
"Why not just give me 10 pounds of cigarettes and alcohol."
"Oh, Levi, you need to relax! Alcohol isn't any good unless you're happy!"
"Happy, huh?" I won't ever be.
"Plus, don't you never really drink? You did say you were quite the light-weight." Erwin teased.
I was soon enough handed a pack of cigarettes from Erwin, muttering a "thank you" towards the gesture. There was a lighter in the box, and I appreciated it more when Hange lent me an ash tray. It was glass and would have to be cleaned afterwards, but the action..
It was lovely.
"Did you know you hold things weird?" Erwin spoke, "Your blades, and your cups. What are we going to do with you?"
"Did you know, you're a pain in the arse?" I shot back, sipping my tea "weirdly".
"Did you know we have training squads next month?"
"Oh, great." I was sarcastic about this because of the fans I had. "Humanities greatest strength" was the nickname they gave me after that mission, and I want to kill them all due to it. I'm not a great hope just for surviving titan attacks and killing them.
"Levi." Hange was scolding me again.
"Just imagine how I greet them, oh hello, my little brats, are you ready to be killed?" My chin rested on my hands as I spoke, "We need better ways of attacking the titans, or soldiers will all still be dying and not avenged."
"Levi," Erwins eyes were large, "Calm down."
I went to bed later, the tea worked into my system. I was still irritated at the thought of "taxes being wasted".
It's not wasted as long as they live with you as you fight.
These brats were starting to get close to me, and I am scared helpless.
Petra especially made me aware. She's patient, and she's gentle. I have to ready myself the most with her as she will get killed one day. She has a warm embrace, and often refuses to let go after we lost over sixty comrades outside the walls. She doesn't take my cold comments. She just stands there and hugs me, and I believe I felt tears. Not on my face, but on hers.
"Why are you crying?"
"Because you won't, captain."
It was a simple answer from the simple woman.
After the day of the attack for the female titan, we entered the walls and Petra's father approached me.
Marriage.
Why did he take it so lightly? Why is he doing this?
And then it dawned on me.
He doesn't know she's dead.
The new kid, Eren, the Titan Shifter took the effects the worst. He cried for what seemed hours of looking at their uniforms. "I told you," I began, "No one knows the right answer." I left at that, their water dampened, blood stained uniforms resting on the tables. The kid was crying so hard, I couldn't take it.
He reminds me of myself at his young age. Angry at society, angry at himself, disfigured and judged for every little thing he has done. His friend Mikasa should be taking care of him about now. She needs to take a step back and leave her feelings behind the battle field- it will only get her and her friends killed.
I sneaked into Erwin's room that night, and he had a blank expression to his face. His eyes were red- the signs he was just recently crying.
I'm not great at the whole "making people feel better" thing. I remember Isabel, how she would help me feel better at the worse of times, and how I helped her.
But you don't kill people to make the other person have better emotions.
"We all got close to them." I attempted to sympathize.
"I know."
"..It wasn't our fault."
"I know."
"Would you rather have me call you a brat, too?" I raised my eyebrows.
"No." His head lightly shook, hair strands leaving the sides of his head.
"I don't understand what you want me to do, Smith."
"One, call me Erwin for once." His mouth twitched, "And secondly, how long are you going to stand in the doorway?" His voice croaked, "You know what to do, Levi."
I shut the door, leaving on my shoes until I reached the edge of his bed, delicately removing them. When I finally relaxed onto the bed, I felt his warm hands grab me from where I was sitting, gathering me into his arms. His strong, bold arms.
Just for tonight, our minds molded. Our clothing left our bodies, and we became one. I still remember the tears we shared until it finally- finally- became pleasure. I evaporated like the water down in the cities, until it all mashed up into this bold humidity that only my sweat could describe.
It was disgusting, the sweat. But then again, it was him.
Only for tonight.
His arm is gone, I've been killing humans that are labeled as titans, and I suddenly wish I wasn't alive. His smile creeps about the room, his expression I could only tag as "creepy". It was creepy. Strange. Frightening.
And he agreed.
I sat next to him.
"Can you help me.. I, uh," He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, "I.."
"Perfectionist, as always."
"Clean freak."
"Shut up." I adjusted myself so I could help align the buttons on his shirt. One was off track. People didn't know this side of him.
He is a perfectionist. Completely compulsive about perfection. Whether it's the way you cut a titan, or how much gas you are using to attack them in your 3DMG.
But he also knows that there are better ways to do things.
His hand rested on my face, sliding down as I glanced up at him.
"What are you doing? Anyone could,"
"We're alone."
"But still,"
"Please."
I couldn't say no to him. I could never refuse him or his orders. I leaned into his face, and I jolted when our lips mearly brushed over each others.
"Old man."
"Shorty."
"I'm not short, you're just a tall bastard."
"Whatever you say."
We sat there enjoying the warmth of each other for only minutes, but we both could read in one anothers eyes our mutual thoughts.
"If only we were somewhere else, a different world, a different time, where we could do this for eternity."
"Don't say such bizarre things." I scolded, hissing before his lips met mine in a fire.
[reality]
That dream.
It felt so real.
We live in a small house outside of town, and we own a cafe. We sell bento boxes, along with salad bowls and tea essentials. It's always clean in here. In that vivid- oh, so vivid dream- I was also known as a clean freak. I don't know if it was like a past life, but I don't think it'd be a future. We have no such walls.
It was so strange.
I feel his arms around me every morning, and it feels like a dream, sometimes. His blue eyes have flecks of gold and green, and it's a gorgeous thing to wake to.
I feel his arms curl around me, and his smile has a distinct smell of pirate alcohol. The rum in his breath meets the cigarettes in mine, an epiphany that makes us feel like the only two in the entire world. I remember asking about his arm, why there was a huge red mark around the shoulder. It was messy and pink, but it was always so intriguing.
"My parents told me I was born with it."
"That's... an interesting birthmark," He nodded to me, and we called it a night with more of his rum. It was seven at night. I still become curious when his arm gets aches and pains, why it connected to that dream I had.
Our lips meet every morning, just like today, just like tomorrow.
But then the dreams became like a story that connected so well to us in this world, that I just wanted it all to end. I took my pain with the love in his lips and voice, the way he speaks to me as if everything is going to be okay.
It will be okay, we both agree on.
It will be okay.
One morning I woke up- I saw him on his death bed into that dream. I had tears in my eyes, and I curled next to his naked form.
He must have felt the salty water drop onto his chest, because he woke up. It's not like I wanted to wake them up, but for some reason our voices met each other the same way.
"Levi," So hoarse. Oh, so rough.
"We remember?" I call out into his shoulder. His voice is so soft and rough all at the same time, that I barely miss, just barely, the "yes captain" that is whispered into my scalp.
Captain and commander.
It was a memory. All of it placed into the back of our minds until we met.
Yes, we met back then, too. We just didn't know of it. Erwin was a social worker at the time, and I was at my uncles. He were 20, I was only 14.
He was able to get his position because he took the secondary education plan here, and studied off in the Americas. He came back and were appointed to me, who was being abused in every way possible. I lived with the markets, doing everything I was asked to do.
"Such an obedient child" is what was told of me. "Such a loyal child", "What a good child".
"Now do some more work", I was forced to do many things, but I always did as told.
Then he showed up. It was after I was found by my mothers dead body- no, it was my uncle who found me.
But he showed up when I ran away from home, finding the only friends I had come to make over the years. They were the only real family, and I had the chance to be a leader. It was the same people in that terrible dream, but I saw it happen in this life.
We were only fifteen, and his business failed to remove us in time.
But it wasn't his fault.
He had years of acquaintanceship with me and my friends. He was met with my friends first, Farlan and Isabel. Isabel had no family until she met us. Farlan was a rebel from the start due to his relationship with his widower father, who soon committed suicide after a few months of "waiting for his wife to come back".
"Did you eat?", "Do you have a clean pair of clothes to change into?", "Did you bathe, Levi?"... He asked so many questions, but he made sure to take care of us. Even though he couldn't remove us from my uncle's grasp. He tried.
We were all going to escape together, just like this. We would have come out to this area, away from the city, only to open up a tea business like this one.
He had different plans for us.
We headed out together while he wore a sinister grin, and I was the only one who survived. They were drugged so much they had a high overdose reaction after an hour.
We left, eyes glued to the front of us to the party above the grounds. We went off to steal from them, kill one of the targets, and leave. We were to steal 1000 yen worth of goods, kill a man who was known to affect Uncles business of theft, and leave. It was simple.
They weren't so lucky. They were caught, assaulted, and then killed. I ended up rebelling orders and killing everyone there responsible. They took my friends, forced them to down cocaine, ketamine, acid, meth, everything they had.
They punished my friends, so I payed them with the same aspect. I took everyone into my hands, and all the others laughed as they toyed with me as I was only able to graze them with weak attacks of my knife.
Even though the court marked it as self-defense, I still feel their blood on my hands. I keep washing and scrubbing, but I still feel the rusty residue, the disturbing and disgusting feeling of their hands on me as I killed them, feeling their hands leave as they died.
I came back to find the man responsible for us- my uncle- was gone. He fled the place. I had to find other means of living.
He lost track of me when I was seventeen, or at least that's what I told myself. I still don't know where he is, I just know he's out of my life. No contact attempts, so I must be fine.
Erwin lost track of me that same year. I didn't see him, he didn't see me. Or did I lose him? Where did he go? Wasn't he supposed to protect us until the end? Why do I feel abandoned?
I became the street slut. I was put into this large house on the outskirts of town due to my debt that I made.
How was the debt put into my life? I'm honestly not so sure. I spoke to someone who said a way to make some easy coin, and I easily fell into the hands of them.
They told me it would take xxx yen to pay it back, or I would need to have xxx amount of customers to buy me for a night.
They later told me about the night of the party, the day my Uncle dropped off the map. I immediately understood.
I often thought on how dirty the room was, how filthy the food was, how I probably would never see the outside world in so many years.
"Please do whatever you wish to me for the night, I am yours, I will obey your wish." I looked up, dirt filled face and pores, nails outgrown and jagged, hair outgrown.
I wasn't about to cry over an action I took for myself.
Months later, I didn't meet a strangers face.
I met his clean shaven chin and jaw, the piercing blue eyes. I saw the sky and I bit my lip before coming out with my line of, "Please do whatever you wish to me for the night,"
He sharply choked, peeling me from my sitting position from the bed into his arms. He hugged me. "I'm dirty." I croaked into his neck, "I am so, so, dirty."
His grip was tighter on me, and I realized how much weight I had lost. I apologized for what seemed hours as he only held me for the night.
"How much did you pay?"
"100,000 yen."
"You're going to go in debt."
"I'll be fine." His words were so kind. So kind.
He didn't try to peel my clothes off and make a mess of me. He didn't even move. He just held me.
Our relationship started when I was nineteen.
"A date?" He chuckled, but he accepted. I still don't know why he did. It was so sudden. It was mostly a joke, until he obliged. I didn't expect him to take my offer seriously.
Our dates included walking through book stores, parks, and the new aquarium that was built.
And here we are.
We hold hands behind the counter until we're forced to let go, rushing to our customers and back to do it again. We cling onto the little things the most because of the fact one day it won't be there again. I don't mind when his hand has fresh powdered sugar on them, or the disgusting feeling of the flour during the work day- his smile makes up for it all. He cleans thoroughly as I taught him, and he knows better with my reactions towards his hands and skin.
It was a normal life.
Hange came by with a different expression in her eyes, and she gulped before speaking to us. "Have you guys.. been having dreams?"
"What person doesn't?" I half-joke.
"Not what I meant.. I just," She hands us a picture- a drawing- of what seems to be what the past life called "titans". I lower my gaze, and Erwin avoids his.
"Yeah, we remember, as well." Her eyes glow as we tell her about the past life, and she notes to us on the birth marks other people are having.
Hange and I met during the year I came back to Erwin's cottage, she was apart of the anthropologist group who helped identify the remains of childrens bodies they had an account on in his business.
He was (apparently) gone during the time I floated off the map, helping out in Sudan with the traumatized families of the sudden murderous outbreaks.
They met during a case where he found a child's body at a house he was watching, burned to death. He was just starting the operation with the home, and first day he found a burned down apartment level where a child was still inside. Hange noted how there were other children in that house, bodies already so decomposed whereas she had to glue their skeletons back together after the cleaning of the bugs infesting the things.
Hange still has a crazy attitude towards murder stories, throwing random facts about killers who has fetishes towards slowly sawing off body parts. She has a degree in psychology, and usually speaks to the people responsible for different killings. She studies everything that can be offered- even taking classes on different languages.
She gets slapped for talking to people in their blood language than their native home language- once speaking to a woman who lives in the Americas in fluent German, even though the woman understood all of it.
She told us about a ten year old boy who has marks on his hands, where it looks as if he bit them over time, but it was his birth marks.
Erwin's eyebrows rose as she told him, and suddenly I remember the other day. A few kids came in, a girl with black hair, a blonde boy, and a dark haired boy came strolling down the hills. They were lost, and also hungry as they apologized for not having money for food at the moment.
We gave them sweet iced-tea and sandwiches, Erwin of course recommending what to cook. I was a brat once, but kids never struck me as appealing, so I didn't pay attention.
I remember the boy from the dreams. He was fifteen, titan shifting abilities.
"Shit." I mutter under my breath, eyes gazing at me. "It's nothing." I say, because it really isn't anything to worry about.
We're twenty and twenty-six, Hange twenty-four, and here is a ten year old boy who might become more affected by us with his friends.
The names Eren, Mikasa, and Armin come into my mind.
I won't be able to get out of this, will I? These dreams.. I might as well accept them.
Maybe one day I'll meet the others.
The night ends, and he wraps himself into me, sucking onto my bottom lip. I love him. Even though I won't ever say it so casually- I love him so much, and it irritates me how much I've come to respect him and love him.
He's so gentle with me, but somehow always has that edge to be rough.
I appreciate the roughness.
Whenever I see he's looking at me, my mind scrambles for the words to tell him to knock it off, but I can't. "It's him" my mind whispers, so I can't ever refuse the stare he has on me. His eyes, a suffocating blue, nearly taking my breath away each time they look into my grey ones.
It's an everlasting effect he will have on me.
"You can cry out, you know." His voice whispers through my ears, "I just expect you to take care of my back after this."
Sometime's he'll tell me such embarrassing things, teasing me thoroughly. My bones ache just like my chest does, clawing at him as my body convulses to his movements. I bury my face into the pillow as he overwhelms my body, sending me into overdrive.
He always helps me off the bed into his strong arms, setting me on the couch by the large window as he changes the sheets. Before I realize I'm being pulled back into his muscular, dried off arms, I'm already almost asleep.
This is bliss. Even if I'll only stay asleep for a few hours and have to wake for more tea and cigarettes; this is bliss.
"I love you." Is the words I hear when we're about to sleep.
"...I hate you." Are the ones I mumble to him as I kiss the back of his hand, a harsh smile at both of our lips as we fall into the darkness.
"...Want to go again?"
Yeah.. This is bliss.
Authors note: I apologize if this is short, and not so lemon filled- I recently read a couple of non-canon fan-made doujinshinji's (spelling?), and it gave me quite a few ideas. Once I find them again, I'll be sure to link you guys there so you can take a look at them. They matched a couple of my head-canons, and I just had to write them- some of them even caused some of my head-canons!
I've been in love with the Attack On Titan series, and I've been trying to push myself to write a fanfic about this pair.
I see Levi as more of a rest and set out to make a cafe type of person, kind of a relaxed person, but doesn't have time to actually relax. Erwin, I see as either a teacher, business man, or an engineer in a parallel universe.
Hange, I truly believe she would take up every study there is so she could know everything in the parallel universe. Scientist to a love for the arts- even if she's not very great at making clay pots. She's probably the character out of the manga that I relate the most to, other than being shot in the arm and pretending it's nothing (Hange, we love you, but take care of yourself!).
I apologize for spoilers I'm giving right now, and the spoiler about Erwin's arm.
Also another update: I just recently read Junjou Romantica's manga (or at least the translated pieces), due to the new update that it should have another anime season in July of 2015, and I'm finding an appreciation for manga? So, I'll probably be reading the Attack On Titan manga (I did receive some spoilers from other fans, but I don't particularly mind- I'm going to be reading and watching anyways!), along with other series like Fullmetal Alchemist, Maid-sama, Soul Eater, Free! (which I haven't even watched yet), and many many others.
Also, the whole thing is italicized because I usually write in third person, not first. It feels really.. weird to me for some reason, and looks a bit weird! You really have to admit about 3/5 of writers on here have a tendency to write in third person.
Please review and give suggestions for next fanfiction's?
Sincerely, elephant mistress. xox.