He would do it tonight.
They were going to have a small Christmas get-together at Naegi's home. Ishimaru would pull Mondo aside and tell him then. To be honest, he much would have preferred to tell him where there was a better chance of nobody hearing him, but he had already told Naegi about his plan and he would have to do it tonight.
Because Kiyotaka Ishimaru had had a crush on Mondo Oowada since they had become friends, and lately it had been bothering him so much that he needed to tell him on his terms or he feared that it would just burst out of him at the most inopportune time.
The two of them got ready together. After graduating high school they had gotten a small place together, just for convenience's sake. Mondo had gotten a job as an apprentice to a local carpenter, and Ishimaru went to the nearest university. Whether it was luck or fate that Ishimaru's school was close enough to Mondo's new job, it was a good thing that had happened.
Although it did not do much for his crush.
"Ready, brother?" Mondo asked. Ishimaru nodded, straightening his coat. "So, I heard Asahina's managed to get the time to come. You went out with her a couple times?"
It was true. It was one of his attempts to forget his crush on his best friend, his 'bro', his brother in all respects apart from actual relation. "Yes," Ishimaru said. "I believe it went well both times, although I think she is dating someone else now."
"Too bad," Mondo said. "She's a cute one, right?"
"She is a beautiful young woman," Ishimaru said. "Let's go."
Naegi didn't live far from them, so they walked. It was snowing lightly. Ishimaru shivered, and Mondo glanced over at him.
"You want my mittens?" he asked. "Your gloves can't be doing much good against this wind. Woulda thought you of all people would have-"
"Weather-appropriate gear?" Ishimaru said. "I did have a pair of heavier gloves, but they have gone missing. I thought that these would be fine for such a short walk."
"Take mine," Mondo said. He handed over his gloves and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I got enough shit in my pockets to keep my hands warm."
"Thank you, brother!" Ishimaru said brightly. The rest of the way to Naegi's home was made in near total silence. There were a few comments here and there, but overall, it was a nice, calm silence that one had with his best friend on a cold December evening.
They were the first to arrive at Naegi's house. Naegi opened the door with an apron on over his clothes. "Oh!" he said. "You guys are early. Sorry not everything's ready yet."
"It is fine!" Ishimaru said. "Perhaps we could help you set up!"
"Yeah, sure," Naegi said. "Come in before you freeze to death."
They helped set up, Ishimaru helping Naegi with the cooking and Mondo finishing up decorating. He was a big help, considering neither Ishimaru nor Naegi were tall enough to reach the highest places even when standing on a chair.
Soon, others began to arrive – Asahina and Oogami arrived next, and then Togami with Fukawa a few minutes behind… Maizono and Kuwata arrived together, Kuwata looking similarly bewildered and proud of his date for the night… Kirigiri and Chihiro lived near each other and had decided to come together…
Overall, most of their former classmates showed up. Ishimaru stayed near the wall while Mondo greeted his friends, grabbing Kuwata around the neck and grinning, asking Chihiro how his training was coming along, and eventually sending Maizono a nervous look and moving on.
The party had been going on for a while – and Naegi had been glancing at him every few moments for a while – before Ishimaru finally did it.
"Brother," he said. "I would like to speak with you."
"Sure," Mondo said. He looked a bit confused. Ishimaru pulled him into the kitchen, and he looked even more confused.
Ishimaru took a deep breath. He could do this. He had been preparing. He had prepared what he would say, he had written it down and memorized it, he had it all figured out and he could do this. He had his reactions for both possible outcomes planned out as well – if Mondo said yes, then everything would be good and they would perhaps share a hug that was less brotherly and more romantic.
If Mondo said no, then Ishimaru would nod, accept it, and leave as quickly as possible. He had also made plans to move in with Naegi if this happened. He was not sure he could face Mondo after such a rejection – in fact, he was not sure if Mondo would allow him to stay if he didn't feel the same way.
But right now he wouldn't worry about that. Right now he would worry about getting the words out.
"Brother," he said. "Mondo."
"Yeah?" Mondo asked. He looked concerned. "Something wrong?"
"No," Ishimaru said. "I am just having difficulty expressing myself."
He forced a laugh.
He could do this.
He had given a speech in front of one of his classes just a few days before, he would just pretend that this was exactly like that.
Except he had not been emotionally involved in that speech.
But that didn't matter.
"Mondo," he said again. Mondo was watching him, trying to be patient, but Ishimaru could see his finger tapping his elbow, again and again and again as he got agitated. "I… I am not sure how to say this."
"Are you leaving?" Mondo asked. Ishimaru shook his head, then paused.
"Perhaps," he said. "But that relies on many things, and doesn't matter right now. I hope I will not end up leaving. I enjoy living with you, although you leave a mess and forget to do the grocery shopping."
Mondo nodded. "Getting married?"
"I haven't planned to."
"You knocked up some chick. Wait, that's why it's so awkward with Asahina!"
"No!" Ishimaru said, then saw Mondo's grin. He was simply joking with him. He took a deep breath. He swallowed. Mondo was silent, apparently out of guesses. "I… I like you, brother."
"I like you to, bro," Mondo said, but his voice was uneasy. Ishimaru swallowed again. There was a lump of emotions building up in his throat. He was fairly certain he was going to end up crying no matter what Mondo said.
"No, no, not like… not like brothers," Ishimaru said. He managed an awkward, choked laugh. "I believe I have somehow developed a crush on you."
Mondo was silent. Ishimaru chanced a look at his face and wished that he hadn't. He looked shocked, but not in a good way – not in a, "Wow brother, me too, how great is this!" way, more in a "Oh" way, a "Oh, wow, I definitely don't feel the same way" way.
"I apologize," Ishimaru said, voice small. He wanted to turn and run, to do something other than stare at Mondo's shoes and clench his teeth and try to force emotion back.
"I," Mondo said, faltering. "I don't really know what to say."
It was silent. Ishimaru stood there, hands clenched at his sides with his fingernails biting into his palms, hot tears threatening to spill over and down his cheeks – though he was older now, he still had such a loose control over most of his emotions it was embarrassing, once he was gone there was no going back.
"I apologize," Ishimaru repeated. He started speaking more quickly. "I should not have said anything. I should have continued to attempt to crush it, because you don't feel the same way and this was the worst idea I have ever had and-"
"Hold up," Mondo said. Ishimaru looked at him. "You're right. I don't feel the same way, because I just fucking don't. Alright? I don't fucking like you, and you made it awkward but-"
"I should go," Ishimaru said, interrupting him. "I'll move in with Naegi-kun as soon as possible-"
"You are leaving?"
"I told you it depended on what circumstances! This is the circumstance it depended on! You don't want me around anymore, and even if you did, I don't know if I could do it!" Ishimaru said, the sudden anger pushing him over the head. Mondo's eyes widened briefly at the tears, and then he processed what Ishimaru had said and they narrowed again.
"You don't think I – hell, I think it's kinda weird, sure, but I'm not gonna fucking kick you out! It's our place, not mine, anyway!"
"You have more money, you have a full-time job and you make most of the payments-"
"Sure, 'cause you're going to school so you can get a big fancy job and make a shitload of cash! How long do you think I'm going to be making more money than you? Until you get out of school, that's how long!"
"Oowada-kun!" Ishimaru said, and Mondo froze. Ishimaru stared him straight in the face. "Perhaps that was okay when we were brothers, but I cannot let you continue to support me like that. I will work something out."
Mondo scowled and crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "So you're just gonna drop the whole thing," he said. "So I just lost another fucking brother. That's fantastic, Ishimaru."
"I did not mean for you to lose another brother. I apologize," Ishimaru said. His voice was stiff, it sounded in-control but his insides were having a fierce battle. The lump in his throat had gone to the tears spilling down his cheeks but they weren't sobbing tears, no, he had gained enough control to keep himself from sobbing. "It is my fault, it is on my conscience. It may take me a bit to move my things out of-"
Mondo grabbed onto his arms and shook him roughly. "You're not leaving!" he said. Ishimaru wrenched himself away.
"Yes, I am!" he said. "I won't be able to look at you every day, even if you don't care! I won't be able to look at you and know that I made such a damn fool out of myself! It will be better if I live here. I destroyed our friendship and I apologize. I apologize for everything I have done. I- I- Good-bye."
Ishimaru turned to leave and was faced with a crowd. Asahina looked like she was close to tears. Most everyone else, however, just looked shocked.
He pushed his way past them and up to the room where they had thrown their coats. He shifted through them, pulling his out from the bottom and noticing as Mondo's mittens fell out of the pockets.
A choked sob managed to make its way out of his throat and he clenched his teeth. He put them in Mondo's coat pocket, fingers brushing against a piece of paper.
He pulled it out, opening it up and scanning it. It was a photo. It was a photo of the two of them back in high school, one that the Koizumi girl had taken. Hagakure had joked that that photo should have won them 'cutest couple' and Oowada had threatened him and Ishimaru had held him back and laughed, because "It's only a joke, brother! Hagakure-kun is simply being humorous! Ha ha!" except the crush had been there back then, hadn't it? He'd liked Oowada back then, too.
He shoved the picture back into Oowada's pocket and pulled on his coat, buttoning it and wrapping his scarf around his neck.
Naegi peeked through the door. "Are you okay?" he asked, a little nervous. Ishimaru swallowed.
"I- I believe I will be moving in with you after all," he said, and Naegi nodded.
"That's fine," he said. "I have an extra bedroom. I'll help you bring your stuff over, if you want."
"Thank you," Ishimaru said. He paused. "May I use your bathroom before I leave?"
"Sure," Naegi said, and Ishimaru headed down the hallway, keeping his eyes on the floor. He entered the bathroom and splashed water on his face, scrubbing away tears and trying to get himself back to normal. He looked at himself in the mirror.
Almost of their own accord, his arms moved into 'Forget Beam' formation. He hadn't done the 'Forget Beam' in so long, it had been a fun little joke that he had done many times as a child, but by the time he graduated high school, he had mostly grown out of it.
But he did it now, a scrap of hope inside of him that it wasn't just a joke, that it would make him forget what horrible thing he had just done.
For the record this wasn't my idea it was requested by someone on Tumblr and it killed me writing it.
So, this is non-despair AU, they're all graduated from high school… I don't know where Hagakure is during all of this, but Junko didn't want to come so neither did Mukuro, and Celestia declined to come as well, and Yamada heard about that so he didn't come either… Let's just pretend that Hagakure showed up after Ishimaru left and made a comment to Mondo asking where his boyfriend was.
It took both Sakura and Leon to pull Mondo off of him.