"What are you thinking?" His whisper came from the darkness. I wanted to open my eyes, but I didn't know if I could handle what I would see.
What am I thinking about?
I'm thinking about you. About how much I love you, and always have. I'm thinking about how I never got tired of you, your laugh, your eyes. I'm thinking about how so many people grow out of their relationships, and wondering how. How anyone ever could. I could never grow out of this, never get bored by it, never in a million years. Every time I look at you, you take my breath away. From the time I saw you sing Blackbird, right up to just this morning, my feelings never changed. I've never doubted that you changed me for the better. I've never doubted that you're the most beautiful, most spectacular, most flawless person in this world. You frustrate me, drive me crazy, but I've never stopped loving you, and I never will.
And I'm thinking about the future. Without you. And it's ... It's kind of incomprehensible to me. How can there be an end, however temporary, to something so perfect? How am I supposed to go on without you? Where's the satisfaction in life without you? How are things supposed to be okay, if the thing that always makes them okay, is leaving me?
I'm so proud of you. I'm more proud of you than I can say, and I want this for you. More than that, you deserve it. And that is the only reason that I'm not begging at your feet right now for you to stay in this shitty town with me and never leave my side again. Because what you want is the most important thing. It takes priority over absolutely anything that I want or need.
It's funny. All this time, being with you, it's always seemed kind of surreal. Like I was living in a dream, or someone else's life, and that I was going to wake up any minute and go back to my lonely life, without you. Without your voice to soothe me, or you arms to embrace me.
It's never felt more real to me than it does right now. And I really, really don't want it to end.
I shifted closer to Kurt in the bed, tightening my hold on him, pretending I never had to let go. "I'm thinking," I breathed back the tears streaming silently down my face, "that I'm excited for you."