It's been a few days since Dean and Benny got out of Purgatory. They left Cas behind and Dean feels guilty about it. That's why he told Sam that he's dead. Since he's out he doesn't tell Sam anything. He doesn't even tell him that he met Benny .

Dean tried so fucking hard to find Cas. He was running for his life, but still.. he couldn't leave without knowing where Cas is or what exactly happened to him. But no one down there wanted to tell him where he is. No one.

It's been a busy day. Like the others too. Still the same problems with Kevin and Crowley. Dean and Sam are sitting in their motel room. Sam is researching some stuff and Dean is drinking his beer. They're not talking much since Dean is out. Dean is more or less a bit disappointed that Sam didn't do anything to find his brother, that he doesn't hunt anymore and that he's married. But he is not interested in being mad or fighting. So he is quiet.

No matter where Dean is or what he's doing he has to think about Purgatory. like now. How much his heart aches that he had left Cas behind. Just like that. He will never forget his words. When Sam interrupted his thoughts. ,, Dean.. " Dean turns around and glances at him. ,, Hm? ". ,, I know you don't wanna talk about Purgatory, but man look.. I'm your brother and I can see that you're not fine " . Dean sighs. ,, I have never said that I'm fine. I told you I'm not the same Dean anymore. so what? " . ,, I know but sometimes it helps to talk you know. And I know Cas isn't dead... You were lying to me. you're lying to me the whole time since you've got back ". Dean just looks at him. ,, Huh.. . you have no idea Sammy. " Sam wrinkles his forehead. ,, yeah I don't. " Dean gets up and puts his Jacket on. ,, I'm going out for a while. If you don't mind.. ". Sam sighs and Dean leaves the motel room.

Outside Dean takes his phone and calls Benny. ,, Hey Benny, it's me Dean. do you have time? I think we have to discuss some things ." ,, Of course brother. Is it still about your angel lover?" ,, Shut up you son of a bitch. It's still your fault that we left him behind. We had a Deal " ,, Calm down bro and meet me in this little resteraunt " . He hangs up and puts his phone back in his jacket.

When he arrived he already sees Benny sitting in the resteraunt.

Dean is full of anger. Full of guiltiness.

,, What's your problem Dean? " ,, I already told you " , he said distractedly. ,, Yeah I got that. Can't you just be happy that we make it through? You heard him . " . ,, Fuck yeah I heard every single word what he said ", he yells.

Flashback

,, Deaaan ! ", Cas screamed. ,, CAS? " . He took his hand to save him from this beast. ,, Benny god damn it help me . " . Benny kills the monster and Cas comes really close to Dean . Dean stares at him. ,, You're alive", he said relieved. " What the hell happened to you Cas? ". Cas stares back and releases Dean's hand. Dean clears his throat. ,, I'm in Purgatory Dean. What do you expect? that I'm still an angel? ". Dean looks confused at him. ,, What do you mean? ". ,, I'm almost human Dean. ". ,, you're what ? you gotta be kidding me. " ,, I am not kidding you Dean. There's no time for jokes " . ,, I'm sorry.. " Cas didn't answer.

,, Look Cas there's a way how we can get out . " ,, I am not coming with you ! " Cas answered directly . ,, What? " ,, I deserve this Dean. This is my punishment " . ,, It's not. Damn it Cas. Stop that crap . It took me everything to find you. Do you think I would leave you behind? ". Benny interrupts them. ,, Dean we have to go. If you wanna get out of here.. and If he doesn't wa- ". ,, I'm not going without him . " Dean yells. ,, Dean. Go. I'm not gonna say it one more time. " Cas looks sad. And Dean's heart hurts so much. He would give anything for him. ,, Dean.. I like you. I like you so much. More than anything else. And I'm so sorry .. Don't forget that.". Dean sees tears in Cas eyes. He has never seen an angel almost crying...

Back in the restaurant

,, He means a lot to you huh? " Benny asked amused. ,, You think this is funny? Shut the hell up . He was my friend. Like a brother to me. But yeah you're a monster. You don't know how this feels like " ,, That might be your opinion brother. But I have my opinion about you too ". ,, Hm? " ,, Have you ever told him? " ,, Told him what? " Dean responded. ,, That you love him ? That he's more than just a stupid friend? " No answer. Dean raises his eyebrows. ,, If I can give you that. You should. if we find your angel.. When we bring him back. When he's still alive. Deal is Deal, right? ", Benny added and smirks. ,, Shut up Benny ! ", Dean said angrily. ,, Yeah? You're not friends. You two are in love. Sometimes you hate him , sometimes you can't forgive him. But still.. you have to save his ass. You won't leave his side. You don't want to lose him over and over again. Your love kills you both but you don't care. Because the Angel is important to you.

That's love Dean Winchester . "

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