He doesn't know how intense it is when our eyes meet. I should be getting better and better at looking casual and hiding everything from everyone when I'm around him... I've had a lot of practise... but it hurts more every minute that I keep it all bottled up like this. I'm so completely in love with him. The one he treats like a sister is the one that's in love with him.
I'm so jealous of Hermione. She sees him all the time, since she's in the sixth year. They're such good friends too... you can almost feel her feelings radiating from her for him.
Maybe I spend to much time watching her at lunch. It's not that healthy, watching the one you love with another girl every day for an hour... I guess it'd be worse if they were actually together.
We went to Hogsmeade today. We saw a horror movie. Hermione didn't want to come with us, because she wanted to get ahead on her homework for a good start of the year. So it was me, my brother, and him. I even allowed myself to sit next to him in the movie theatre, while Ron sat on the other side of him. I couldn't even watch the movie. I was too busy staring at his face out of the corner of my eye, lit beautifully by the light from the screen, watching his expressions as something suspensful or scary happened. Watching the movie's reflection off of his glasses.
I'm too pathetic to say that I'm obsessed. And I'm also too pathetic to let out what I've held in for two long years. But don't get me wrong. Looking back now at my first three years, thinking and talking about him 24/7, looks really bad to how things are now. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have him as a friend.
I always wonder what he's thinking when he's around me. Sometimes I think that if I concentrate hard enough, I could use my intuition to guess how he feels whenever the slightest thing happens. With every sentence, I could guess what he's thinking. But I doubt that kind of magic is available.
If only he loved me..
If only my wishes on those stars would come true..
If only I never fell in love with him..
If only I was anything but me.. then maybe he'd love me.
If only there was a person that could make me forget him.. or magic..
But if only's never come true.
Sunday, September 17th, 10:34pm.
I can't get to sleep. I keep thinking of her. How she looks at me like she never used to fancy me. How she talks like nothing's wrong. It's so painful and so nice at the same time.
I suppose I blew it. I had three whole years to see what was right in front of me, and I never took the chance. I'm so completely in love with her... yet she treats me like a brother.
Sometimes I wish that I was in fifth year with her. Perhaps we might together then. I wonder if there's a charm to make me one year younger... but I doubt it. I'm not strong enough.
I hate how Hermione thinks that I want to be more than just friends. Like we're playing some teasing game. I hate the way she looks at me. If only she knew how Ron felt...
We went to Hogsmeade today. Thankfully, Hermione stayed in the castle, away from me for once. I wish Ron would've stayed with her, where he belongs.
The three of us watched a horror movie together in Hogsmeade. I was trying to concentrate on watching the movie, but the scent of her was too strong. Her scent of strawberries was driving me crazy. I wanted so badly to wrap my arm around her and tell her I loved her. I probably went through the motion of whispering those three words into her ear more than thirty times.
I'm too weak to say that I'm obsessed, even to you, journal. I'm also too pathetic to let out what I've held in for these past five years. But don't be mistaken. Imagining obsessing over her and having the whole school know it isn't really something I want. I mean, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have her as a friend.
I always wonder if maybe, just maybe, she still has feelings for me. And that when Hermione told me she moved on was just a lie to get her out of the way. I'm too afraid that if I convince myself of this, it'll be untrue and I'll have my heart broken.
The only reason why I went out with Cho Chang was to see if I could forget about her. To see that maybe there is another girl like her. But I was wrong. Cho wasn't even close.
If only she loved me..
If only my prayers would come true..
If only I never fell in love with her..
If only I was anything but me.. especially The Boy Who Lived.. then maybe she'd love me.
If only there was a person that could make me forget her.. or magic..
But if only's never come true.
Author's Note: Ick. Sorry. It's a bit sappy. But I'm in love with my idea. If you haven't guessed already, it's a journal entry by Ginny, and then a parallel one by Harry. Tell me if you hate it or love it. I'll appreciate the criticizm. Just be nice. :). Also, every chapter will be like this one. Except a whole lot longer! Review it! PLEASE. Or I won't continue! And I really do want to!