I'm not sure if anyone even reads these anymore, but was sick on my couch over the holidays and binge watched a few seasons of the show. It's still SO GOOD! I'd forgotten how great it was and fell right back into it. They definitely don't make shows like that anymore!

This story is based on the episode "Another Woman" from season 2, an episode that I really can't decide if I like or not. There were elements of it that completely frustrated me to no end, but the angst was so good! I hated how it was left off with no resolution, and the characters just moved on in the next episodes like nothing had happened. I wanted to explore some of the emotions of both Dr. Mike and Sully in a way that more accurately depicted the pain both were feeling. It always bothered me that Sully didn't seem to have any understanding of where Dr. Mike was coming from, and she, in turn, wasn't able to articulate why she was so hurt. This story attempts to address all of that.

While I've borrowed some of the dialogue from the ending scene, I've also manipulated and added parts of my own to help paint the picture a bit better. This is obviously my own interpretation of the series of events. My apologies in advance as this came to fruition during a very stressful, angsty time of my own life.

CHAPTER 1

The further they got out of town, the angrier he became, especially when he saw how she sped up as soon as she suspected he was behind her. He was itching for a fight, to lay it all out in the open, and approached her attacking. He barely even registered the words that were being exchanged in anger, and it wasn't until she finally turned around to face him with her ashen complexion and glassy eyes that he realized that it wasn't just anger she was feeling. He blinked in shock, as his own frustration fled his body. "What if she'd stayed?" Her voice was a broken whisper, her eyes meeting his in agony.

"I'd've chose you." The answer was so obvious and logical to him and came so quickly that it never occurred to him what was unsaid behind those words.

"There should never have been a choice to make!" she cried out in anguish. The little composure she was holding onto so desperately was quickly slipping out of her grasp. He took an urgent step towards her but faltered as she quickly shuffled backwards, wrapping her arms around her midsection in a protective stance. She took a gasped breath, pushing down the sob that threatened to break loose and continued when he remained silent. "How would you have felt?" she whispered, desperate for him to understand. "If she had been a man who came to town needing help, if we had exchanged sentimental gifts, if I had looked at him the way you looked at her, if he had needed me by his side at night, if he had kissed me." He couldn't continue to look her in the eye, as the reality of the situation and related guilt weighed upon him. He dropped his gaze, his weight nervously shifting from foot to foot as her words drifted over him in shame.

Images of the last several days washed over him – Catherine leaning in and their lips meeting, him walking away from Michaela in anger, Catherine admitting her feelings for him, and him forcing to acknowledge that Michaela had been right all along. The accusations Michaela had hurled at him hurt even more now knowing that she had seen the truth that he had avoided. He knew she deserved a response, but the words wouldn't come because the one feeling that overwhelmed him now was one that he didn't know how to admit to being the cause of. Picturing her at another man's side, being touched by him lifted the fog that hovered over him since the other woman arrived in town. "How would you have felt?" she repeated in a whisper.

Finally, he met her eyes again, and his voice came out in a whisper. "Betrayed."

Her lower lip quivered in an effort to once again tamper down the sobs that threatened to rack her body. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before she slowly closed her eyes and turned away from him. It finally dawned on him what she hadn't been able to make him understand through her words all these days. The pain was so clearly etched on her face, throughout her entire body, and he knew now it was only her sheer will and determination that prevented her from completely falling apart in front of him. There was a helplessness in her entire demeanor that terrified him, and he half expected her to run away. He watched as she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, trying to regain her composure. "Nothing happened between me and Catherine," he tried again. "I wouldn't let it."

A moment passed before she finally turned around and stepped towards him. "Something happened here." She touched a hand to his chest right over his heart, almost exactly where Catherine had touched him, and his body responded even now. How he could ever have doubted it, he didn't know, but Michaela's touch was home. She was home. He reached out to grasp her hand in his, desperate to hold onto her, even as he felt her slipping through his fingers. He tightened his hold, only to have her forcefully pull away, and he was left looking down in confusion as his hands grasped at nothing but air. He knew at that point that she was already rebuilding the walls around her heart that he had so carefully been chipping away at over the last several months. He blinked in shock, fear flashing in his eyes, as his gaze rose back to hers. She took another broken breath and swallowed. "I'd never have thought it was possible, not after all the things we'd said to each other."

"I meant all those things!" His hands clenched to resist the temptation to reach out and touch her, believing that if he could get her back into his arms, then all would be right again. "I still do!" Panic seized him, as she turned away from him again, not even acknowledging his words. He took a step toward her, desperation now evident in his voice. "Don't you hear what I'm sayin'?" He reached out and pulled at her sleeve, only to have her shake him off. "Are you gonna stay mad at me forever?" he asked timidly.

Finally hearing the pain she felt echoed in his voice chipped away at the little control she still had, and her cheeks became damp with the tears that managed to escape. Once again, he reached out tugging on her elbow to try to get her to turn around and look at him. She forcefully pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Leave me alone!" she cried, but the warning was ruined as the words came out in midst of a broken sob.

The fear of losing her warred with the anger that he felt at himself, at the entire situation. "Answer me!" He tugged more insistently at her arm, forcing her to meet his eyes, but when she whirled around, he was taken aback by the tears that were barely contained. He had seen her cry before and had always taken pride that he had been the one for her to turn to. Only, now, he had no idea what to do, knowing that he was the one this time to cause her this pain.

"I'm not angry. I'm –" Her voice was thick with emotion, and she stopped herself. She wasn't sure how much longer she could speak before she would completely break down. Taking another deep breath, she forced herself to look up and meet his eyes once more. "You hurt me, Sully." He could feel his heart breaking alongside hers, and he had a feeling it pained her just as much to admit it as it did for him to hear it. She paused again, and he could see her try to pull herself together before continuing. "I'm a doctor. People put themselves in my hands, they give themselves to me, they trust me." He could see the heartache and insecurity through every bone in her body, as she stood in front of him, looking so small and frail. "I'm-" Her jaw worked as she tried to come up with the words. "I'm not used to giving myself to anyone. I gave myself to you. I trusted you."

His heart lurched painfully, and he quickly closed the distance between them, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek and wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered achingly.

But before he could even touch her or get the words out, she flinched and shifted away. "I am, too." It hit him then that he had broken, not only her heart, but part of her spirit, her confidence, her faith in him, in them. Helplessly, he drew back his hand, sensing that if he touched her again, she would lose all semblance of control. "I just – I can't be with you right now." She didn't actually realize what she was going to say until the words had already passed her lips, but now that they had been said, she felt an odd sense of relief. Maybe, just maybe, with some time and distance, her heart would stop hurting.

The finality in those words rocked him to the core. It had never occurred to him that he would actually lose her. Michaela had been pushed too far, and now he had to deal with the consequences. When he came after her as the stage rolled away, he had no inkling that this would be the outcome. The shock and anguish of the last several minutes left him drained physically and emotionally, and for the first time in a very long time, he didn't know how to fix what was clearly broken. Despite his denial that this was happening, he knew her well enough to know that, if he continued to push her now he might possibly push her over the edge, and he would lose any chance of regaining her love and trust forever. He knew what it took for her – such a private, cautious, and outwardly strong woman – to bare her raw emotions to him, and he knew that they both needed to take a step back to process the ramifications of his actions. He knew he needed to give her at least an opportunity to step back and try to mend what he had broken inside of her. With a little distance, maybe he could earn her trust again. Not knowing what else to say, he cleared his throat and said, "If you change your mind, I'll always be here." Fighting back his own tears, he couldn't walk away without one last attempt to pull her into his arms, and this time she came willingly. She let out a broken gasp, and a silent sob shook her small frame, as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to commit every detail to memory. He inhaled the scent of her, as he ran his fingers through her hair and down her back in an effort to provide some sort of comfort even as he was the one to cause her this pain. He couldn't avoid it any longer and gently released her, the pain and devastation he saw in her eyes causing him to retreat. When he could bear it no longer, he finally turned his back and walked away.

She watched in anguish as he walked away further and further. There was a voice inside trying to scream out, Turn back! Fight for me! Her emotions were at war with one another, though she knew the pain she was feeling wouldn't have allowed her to be in his presence any longer. And though she had already set herself to rebuild the walls that she'd carefully constructed around her throughout her entire adult life, she couldn't deny the hurt she felt knowing that, while the emotions were clearly visible on his face as he said goodbye to Catherine, and his eyes followed the stage long after it had departed, for her, he hadn't even bothered to look back.

- x x x -

It had been nearly a month since Michaela had ended their courtship, and Sully had respectfully stayed away from her and the children, giving her the time and space she asked for. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take it though. He had tried to find peace out in the woods, but every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted with images of her with pain and heartbreak etched across her face. He kept hearing her words playing over and over again in his head, and he was racked with guilt at causing her this much pain. He had no idea how to fix it.

He had even avoided going into town, but even though it wasn't an anomaly that he should go weeks without seeing any of them, this self-imposed exile left him anxious and desperate for just a glimpse of her. He finally gave up and told himself that he was only checking on the children and stood up out of his lean-to and walked in the direction of the homestead.

Unbeknownst to him, Michaela was just as lost, and she shuffled through her routines, craving the days when her schedule was filled at the clinic so she could rely on her patients to distract her from thinking of him for just a few minutes. When her mantra one day at a time didn't provide any relief, it became one minute at a time. Although the children didn't directly ask why Sully was no longer stopping by for supper, she could see the covert glances they shared with each other and the way they looked at her in growing concern.

Sully told himself that he would just stop by and see the children, that it would be too early in the day for Michaela to be leaving the clinic, so there was no possibility that she would have to see him, but his subconscious had another plan. He slowly made his way through the woods, stopping to check a few of his closer traps and sitting underneath a large tree for some time to aimlessly whittle at a small piece of wood that he carried in his pocket, that by the time he was in sight of the homestead, the sun was low on the horizon, and he knew Colleen would likely be starting supper. Which meant there might be a chance that his and Michaela's paths would cross on her way back home. The smoke he saw coming out of the chimney was a good indication that supper was underway, and he saw Brian and Matthew finished up their chores outside.

The leaves crunched under his feet as he walked towards the boys, until finally Brian glanced up and noticed him. "Hey Sully," he greeted sullenly, before dropping the bucket he was carrying. Sully noticed the uncharacteristic slump in his shoulders as he shuffled dejectedly towards him. "Where ya been? We missed ya."

Guilt ate at him, as he tried to formulate a response. "Been busy," he responded quickly with a small smile.

Brian looked up at his idol with none of the mischief he usually had in his eyes. "Are you and Ma gonna make up soon?"

Sully ruffled the younger boy's hair sadly. "I don't know, Brian." He looked up at Matthew, who was chopping firewood. "Hey there, Matthew."

Matthew looked up, and Sully wasn't prepared for the hostility in his eyes. "Sully," he responded with a stiff nod in his direction.

The tension sizzled in the air, and Brian looked between the two warily. Sully tried again tentatively, "How y'all been?" His gaze shifted to the homestead hopefully. "How's your ma?"

"Why do you care?" The vehemence in Matthew's voice caught him unawares, and he turned back to look at the boy. He was glaring at Sully with so much hatred in his eyes, Sully didn't know how to respond.

"Matthew!" Brian warned.

"Stay out of it." Matthew continued staring down Sully, even as he sent his younger brother inside. As soon as Brian had shut the front door behind him, Matthew threw down the axe he had been holding and stormed towards Sully. "What the hell are ya even doing here?"

Sully held up both his hands in as non-threatening a pose as possible. "Take it easy, Matthew. What's wrong?"

That seemed to inflame him even further, as he looked at Sully in disbelief. "What's wrong?" he repeated. "What's wrong? You don't think we saw how you looked at her when she left?"

Sully closed his eyes and sighed wearily. "Who?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Catherine!" Matthew spat out the name like it was poison. "How could you do that to Dr. Mike? It may not be my business, but last I checked, you was courtin' our ma, and if that's true, ya ain't got no right lookin' at any other woman that way." The spiteful words just flowed out of him, as he shifted around, too restless to stand still. "Colleen says she's cried herself to sleep every night. Did you know that? She ain't eatin, ain't sleepin', tries to pretend like everything's okay, when we all know it ain't." The words were like daggers to Sully's heart, reopening every wound that had been festering since he walked away from her. Matthew's fists were clenched to prevent himself from physically harming the man who had caused his mother so much pain, as he got right in Sully's face. "And you know who did this to her?" He jabbed a finger in Sully's chest. "You."

"I know, Matthew," Sully said, not even bothering to try to deny it. "I never meant to hurt her, but I'm gonna fix it." Matthew scoffed in disbelief and threw a disgusted look at him, as he stalked away. "Don't know how yet, but I'm gonna fix it."

Just then, the sound of hoof beats hit Sully's ears, and his heart jumped into his throat, as he looked up hopefully to see Flash trotting down the path, carrying her precious burden upon her back. Michaela's gaze was down at her reins, as Flash made her way towards him and Matthew, and Sully took the opportunity to stare his fill for a few moments. The pain hit him anew, as he noticed the defeated slump of her shoulders. Her whole demeanor screamed exhaustion, and he could see the dark circles under her eyes, confirming Matthew's earlier words. Sully's eyes greedily ate her up, as she got closer and closer, until Flash came to a stop nearly right in front of him. "Matthew, I –" He watched as she wearily lifted her head to speak to her older son before noticing there was another person standing in front of her homestead. Michaela's eyes met his, and she lost her words.

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked up to see Sully standing in front of her, before it started to throb painfully in her chest once more. She couldn't stand to see the emotions so vividly displayed on his handsome face. In a matter of seconds, she recognized the love shining in his eyes, alongside flashes of pain and regret. When she saw his lips move as her name came out in a whispered breath, she broke away from his magnetic stare and turned to slide off the horse.

In a move of solidarity, Matthew had maneuvered himself between Sully and Michaela in what Sully knew as a protective stance, and he stood there helplessly, knowing he wasn't welcome, but not able to bring himself to leave just yet. Trying to diffuse some of the tension at least for his mother's sake, Matthew took the reins out of her hands. "Hey, Dr. Mike. Why don't you head on inside. Colleen's got supper on the table." He handed her her medical bag and gently nudged her towards the house. "I'll take care of Flash."

The trance broken, Michaela looked at her son with a small smile of gratitude. "Thank you, Matthew." Though she knew that she couldn't escape inside without so much as even acknowledging Sully, she steeled herself to guard her heart and looked up at him with as little emotion on her face as she could. "Hello, Sully."

He gave her a tentative smile, and she could see the hope in his eyes. "Evenin', Dr. Mike. Just stopped by to see how you were gettin' on, and- and the children." He stumbled over his words as his nerves hit him.

"That's very kind of you." The lack of emotion in her words was killing him, but he vowed to himself, one step at a time.

Grateful to simply be in her presence again, he hardly even knew what he was saying, just that he needed to be near her for as long as she would allow. When she moved to walk around him towards the door, he purposely stepped in her way to halt her progress, forcing himself to not react when she flinched away to avoid contact with him. "I was thinkin'," he said earnestly, not remembering the last time he felt so flustered, "I'd maybe come by Saturday mornin' and take Brian fishin'. Ain't had a chance to do that in a long while now."

He looked down at her with so much hope in his eyes that, even now, Michaela didn't have it in her heart to burst it. "Brian would enjoy that. I'll let him know to expect you. Good night, Sully." With that, she awkwardly shuffled around him, hurried up the steps, and fled inside, leaving Sully to stare longingly behind her.

Matthew, who had been cautiously watching this encounter, eyed Sully suspiciously, but even in his anger, he could recognize the love that he still saw in the older man's eyes. It was several moments before Sully could pry his eyes away from the door, as if hoping that Dr. Mike walk through it again. Resigned, Sully turned to leave, and Matthew caught his eye again. "I wanna see my ma happy again." His eyes met Sully's, and they maintained their stare for several heartbeats. "Fix it."

"You have my word."

Matthew continued to glare at him for a few long moments before letting out his breath in a huff and shaking his head in disgust. He turned away to lead Flash into the barn, leaving Sully on his own.

I will fix it, he told himself. I'll figure out a way to let her know exactly what she means to me. Though he wouldn't let himself admit that he hadn't the faintest idea how at this point as he walked away.