Summary : To keep from forgetting, he pictures their faces.
Disclamer : I do not own the Vampire Diaries.
Author's Note: I actually wrote this piece on December 19th, 2011 and found it last night while browsing to my million unfinished ideas. Thought I would share it with you guys, let me know what you think. Much love, Maggie.
I Still Care
Stefan Salvatore wonders if anything will ever be able to hold him back. He is the Ripper again.
He is taking sides with the bad guy – all the dirty work is carefully left for him to do. He leaves bodies scattered all over the country and he is addicted to the rush he gets from his victim's last breaths. The cries of pain and the pleas for mercy have become mundane to his ears and if anything, they simply add to his urge to kill. Klaus doesn't even need to push him anymore – when he kills, he doesn't feel and that must be the closest he'll ever get to Heaven. And so, the Ripper kills. He kills, kills again, and kills some more.
When he is done breaking the skin of their neck and his thirst is quenched, he is so high on blood that he rips them apart limb by limb. He does it without thinking, with the precision of a surgeon. Bones are broken, flesh is torn. There is so much blood that he feels lightheaded. His eyes tingle with the threat of tears. That's when he must make a decision.
He can either shrug it off and walk away, made stronger by their warm blood drying on his chin, or he can let the tears fall down and put the pieces back together. In that moment, Stefan always unwillingly conjures up to memory one of those faces from his previous life.
Caroline's pretty face is always the first to come up, blonde curls, blue eyes and cherry-coloured lips stretched into a bubbly smile. If he ever came back, she would open her arms to him and heal his wounds, and speak and speak and speak until he talked back; and laugh and laugh and laugh until he smiled. Her heart of gold doesn't make him want to stop killing people, but it does ruin all the fun of it.
The blonde curls and bright smile give way to a masculine face. Handsome features, penetrating blue eyes. Signature smirk in place. His brother, the one for who he has allowed the monster to take over his life after so many years of self-loathing and guilt and remorse and thirst. Damon knows the Ripper, and he wouldn't judge. Hell, Damon can't judge. It doesn't make him want to stop killing people, but it does make him feel like a hypocrite for ever judging his older brother.
And then there's Elena.
Elena has absolutely no idea of what kind of monster he is; she could never get used to this. She'd be disgusted with him. It doesn't make him want to stop killing people, but the horrified look he'd see in her beautiful doe eyes does make him feel ashamed of himself.
He decides to let the tears fall down, and he puts the pieces of the body back together. As he is about to walk away to meet Klaus outside, Stefan turns around to his victims one last time.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
Stefan holds on to those three faces whenever he feels the urge to kill – several times a day. Sometimes, he manages to bury it, and he mentally thanks his family for getting him through this.
Sometimes, the Ripper is stronger.