One
What the hell? Lulu let herself wonder while kicking off her shoes and falling onto the edge of her bed. He didn't even try to kiss me goodnight. She recognized a feeling of disappointment creep into her stomach. She thought for sure…oh never mind. He was obviously distracted by what he had seen tonight. It was weird though; Lulu could have sworn that when the night began, he would have made some kind of a move by the end of it. The way he had just shown up at her door, looking so unbelievably sexy in that suit…smiling that contagious smile…damn. There it was again, the disappointment. She shook her head briskly and resumed getting ready for bed. She had some difficulty unzipping the gorgeous green number that Dante had said she looked unreal in. A smile unconsciously lit up her face at the memory. After a few tries, she was able to slip out of the thing and head for her dresser where she could pull out some comfortable pajama pants and a loose t-shirt. Just as she was about to put them on, Lulu thought better of it and decided a shower was in order instead. She hated going to sleep with product in her hair.
Dante was frustrated and confused when he left Sonny's. The whole day had been a blur of intensity but was finally unwinding. Without the adrenaline pumping, he was beginning to feel conflicted once more. Before the meeting with Joey Limbo went so incredibly wrong, Dante had been firm in his resolve to take Sonny down. When news got to Ronnie about the shootout, Dante knew what he would say. He also knew what his response would be.
Still, was he lying to himself? Why hadn't I just let Joey's men take Sonny out? Why did I shield him? His official answer would be that it was just one more way to ingratiate himself into Sonny's life and that the victory would be made that much sweeter by taking him down through legal channels. Still, he wasn't quite sure he even believed it. It was instinctive really; a millisecond's reaction. Then, after it was all said and done, Sonny surprised him. He really had been trying to avoid violence by meeting with Joey. That was a curve ball Dante hadn't expected. He just didn't know what to think anymore. All his life, he had this image of Sonny Corinthos—power-hungry, violent mob-boss who eliminated anyone who got in his way. Was it possible that this image wasn't the real man? Or had he grown out of that man at some point, perhaps after his kids were born? Could Dante punish this man for the crimes of the man he used to be?
At that thought, his resolve once again cemented itself. All he had to do was picture Mr. Poletti's pale face, lying in that coffin with what seemed like hundreds of mourners gathered round. Detective Dante Falconeri had a job to do.
After her shower, Lulu's mind was no closer to rest. She had been lying in bed for nearly an hour and sleep still would not come. She kept alternating from disappointment to frustration over Dante and then a nagging worry at the back of her mind over Maxie's whereabouts. It was strange that she should worry about her at all, but something just seemed off. First, Spinelli could not find her and then Kate made some off-hand comment to Lulu about Maxie landing Franco for that photo-shoot by any means necessary… something was just not right. Still, if things really were fine, Lulu wouldn't want to worry Spinelli unnecessarily. She briefly contemplated calling Dante to ask what he thought, but pushed that out of her mind almost as soon as it had entered. She knew he would know it was just an excuse. And he would call her on it. She hated feeling that vulnerable and the last thing she needed was him being aware of it. After another half hour or so, she was finally asleep.
Two
Lulu hadn't seen Dante in two days and was beginning to get anxious. It was ridiculous, she knew, but still couldn't help it. Thanksgiving at the Quartermaines was strangely uneventful this year, but she was still glad it was over. It felt weird to celebrate those holidays without her mom, even though it had been done so for many years past. Still, it didn't feel right now that her mom was recovered. If she had wanted to, Laura could easily have come home. Or Lulu could have gone to her. No, she knew she couldn't stand being in the same room with Scott Baldwin for more than five minutes and, even though her mom claimed Scotty wasn't living with her, he always seemed to be around. It was with this thought in her mind, that Dante approached her table outside of Kelly's.
"Whoa, I hope I didn't do anything to deserve that look."
"Huh?" she was confused for a moment. "Oh, no. I was just…you're not…huh?" She cursed herself for allowing him to see her so flustered.
"Seriously though. Who was that look for?" He pulled up a chair across from her, leaning in attentively.
"No one really. I was just thinking." She looked at him skeptically. She saw he wasn't buying it. "I was just thinking about my mom."
"I thought you liked your mom. That look was definitely reserved for someone on your list."
Lulu raised her eyebrows curiously. "My list?"
"You know. Your list. Your list of people who, if given the chance, you'd drop an anvil on. Cartoon-style."
There it was. That grin! That infuriatingly sexy smile that made his eyes shine and her face turn red. She couldn't help but smile back. "Well, when you put it like that, it's true; that look was aimed towards a particular person who has latched himself onto my mom."
"Is he the same age as you?" He was still grinning. At that, she had to laugh.
"Nope, you've definitely got me beat there."
"See then, it can't be that bad." His hand reached across the table to give hers a squeeze. Instead of letting it go though, he held it firmly in his, moving his coarse thumb slowly over the softness there. She let her eyes fall to her lap, shyly. This wasn't the first time he had held her hand, but it still gave her chills of excitement and, in turn, embarrassment.
"You miss me?"
She forced herself to look at him then and was surprised to see a seriousness mingled with his usual cockiness. It took her a moment to remember how to breathe.
"Maybe." She answered playfully.
"Maybe I should be hurt. Then again, maybe you're just in need of some reminding of why you should miss me." He leaned forward, rotating her hand and bringing it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on her palm. Lulu couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across her face.
She was simultaneously grateful and disappointed that they were in a public place. She knew that if they weren't, her composure would not be so contained. She wanted to kiss him so badly. Strike that; she badly wanted him to kiss her. There was something so much more satisfying about the kiss he had given her last week. She couldn't quite explain it, but she knew she wanted more of it. More of his intensity. His charm made her smile, but that seriousness made her feel as if she were melting into her shoes.
Dante wished they were alone. Their encounter started out playfully enough, but now all he could think about was taking her upstairs to his room. The way she was looking at him made him question his resolve to keep things light. He definitely didn't need the distraction since he was finally within reach of his goal to bring Sonny down. Still, he suddenly found himself wishing he were anything but a cop. Even though Lulu knew the truth about who he was and what he was doing here, Dante knew she didn't realize what that would mean for them. That because of his job, there could be no them. Once this was all over, he'd be going back home and she would be left to deal with the fallout of keeping his secret from everyone she cared about.
Dominic let go of her hand and she saw the smile fall from his face.
"What's wrong?" She tried not to sound hurt, but couldn't help her voice cracking slightly.
She could see that he tried to play it off, putting on a goofy smile. "Man, I'm starved." He placed his left hand on his stomach and rubbed it over-dramatically, while leaning back in his chair. He looked behind him towards the door to Kelly's. "What's a guy gotta do to get some service around here?"
Lulu wasn't fooled. "Follow me." She pushed her chair back from the table and stood up, holding out her hand to indicate he should do likewise. Thinking they were just going inside to get some lunch, he complied willingly. Instead of finding the nearest table once inside however, Lulu walked straight to the stairs. He started to protest, but found himself following her upwards.
"Keys." She held out her hand to him once in front of his door.
He could tell she wasn't in the mood for anything sexy, but still made an attempt to keep it light. "Just can't wait to get me alone, huh? All you had to do was ask, honey." Some of his real smile was starting to return.
"Cute. Just open the door." Her tone remained serious and after the door swung open, he gestured for her to enter before him. Once the door was closed, Lulu removed her jacket and plopped on the edge of the bed. "What was that about? And don't act dumb. You know exactly what I mean."
His jaw and fists clenched instinctively. How did she do that?
"See, I knew it. Too late to play it off now. Just tell me what's going on. You know I won't leave it alone until I know, so you may as well spill."
He sat down to her right and turned his body to face her. After a few moments' silence, he closed his eyes and said, "it's the case."
"Figured. You frustrated because you don't have anything or because you do?"
"Seriously, how do you do that?" he looked up at her, eyebrows raised.
"Do what?"
"Make me question my job. I mean, I'm gonna do it to the best of my ability. It's a matter of principle. But, I didn't realize it would ever get so complicated."
"You mean because of Morgan." He looked a little confused. Maybe she couldn't read his mind after all.
"He's part of it, yeah. But there are other people who are gonna get hurt. Sonny's family is surprisingly wonderful and I'm sorry this is gonna be so hard on them, but they aren't the only ones I'm thinking about." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't think I really appreciated the situation this has put you in until now. I mean, I know you've been up front about how it makes you feel, but I don't think I ever really realized the extent of it. Once this is all over and I leave, you'll be left with damage control."
Those words stung. When he leaves. He's going to leave. Of course he's going to leave…I didn't actually think he would stick around…
"Unless," he continued "you could just pretend to be as surprised by this as everyone else. You don't need to tell anyone that you knew the truth." Lulu was fidgeting now. "What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She shifted her gaze to the floor. "Thanks for acknowledging my predicament."
He placed his right hand under her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze. "Hey. Tell me what you're thinking." His face was so earnest and she really did want to tell him what she had been thinking. Instead, she tried to lighten the mood. "I bet you can't wait to get out of this crazy town, huh?"
He let his hand fall from her face, picking up on the mood shift. "Oh I don't know. It certainly has its flaws. For instance, in all my years as a cop, I've never been shot at so many times, or spent so much time in the hospital for that matter." They both laughed a little. Lulu was smiling almost sadly. "Still, there are certainly things I'm gonna miss." She looked up at him, not daring to hope. "Mike's chili for one. Now that's some good stuff."
"Yeah, I don't know how you could live without that." She rolled her eyes and smiled genuinely.
"And, well, there's this girl…" he couldn't help himself. All his worries from before vanished when he reached his hand behind her neck and pulled her towards him. Unlike the kiss he had given her on the pier last week, this one was gentle. It was like Dante was trying to convey in this kiss all of his feelings, including the ones he had not yet admitted to himself. Lulu's initial surprise turned swiftly to pleasure as his lips pressed lightly against her own. Her arms wrapped around him and he too tightened his grip, letting his left hand curve around her lower back to pull her body closer.
His tongue lightly pried her lips apart and danced with hers. What began as sweet soon became urgent, as their hands began to explore eachother's clothed bodies. As if to tell him that it was okay, Lulu led his hands to her back, underneath her shirt. His hands were cold from being outside and she inhaled sharply when he touched her bare skin. He began to pull away, thinking he had done something wrong, but she crushed her mouth back to his more urgently than before.
She reached for the top of his shirt and began unsnapping buttons. He relaxed once again, but brought one of his hands back to her face while the other slid around to the small of her back, exploring cautiously. A moan escaped her at his touch and she felt his own body respond to her reaction. His fingers were gliding up her back, positioning themselves underneath the clasp of her bra. Growing impatient, Lulu pulled back from him long enough to lift her own shirt above her head, revealing a simple blue demi bra. Dante pulled her face back to his and hungrily kissed her. His lips moved along her jaw and into her now-tousled hair. "You are so unbelievably sexy," he whispered huskily. She felt goose bumps rise all over her skin.
His shirt was completely open now and Lulu slid her hands underneath the material on his shoulders and down his arms until the remaining cloth disappeared. Now she felt goose bumps rise on his skin as she ran her hands up and down his amazingly gorgeous chest. She bent to place her lips below his neck, trailing moist kisses down his torso. His breathing quickened with each kiss. She smiled as she felt his body tense with anticipation. "You're not so bad yourself," she purred. Dante grabbed Lulu by the shoulders and pulled her upwards so that he could devour her mouth once more, this time allowing them both to fall sideways into a lying position on the bed.
He knew he should stop this before it went too far, but he just couldn't find the will power. Neither one of them was inebriated this time. Both were fully consenting adults. He pulled his face back and locked eyes with her. "We don't have to do this. I wasn't planning on doing this. I just want you to know—" She cut him off with another deep kiss.
She breathed, "shut up Dominic" and saw his smile had grown to a width she wouldn't have thought possible.
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked while caressing the naked skin around her waist, making his way slowly to the belt loops on her jeans.
"Hmm?" was her only reply as her nails made tiny circular patterns on his chest.
"Could you call me Dante?"
She was stunned for a moment and slightly embarrassed. Of course she should call him by his real name. If ever there were a time… "You got it, Officer."
They both laughed and Dante lifted himself up on his elbows so that he could look down at her. Her hair was splayed out like a fan beneath her and her eyes were watering slightly from the laughter. Nothing compared to the smile on her face, however. It was the most magnificent thing he had ever seen. He could have stared at her for hours. "What are you staring at," and then, almost as an afterthought, she added, "Dante?"
At that he lost control and fell on top of her, planting kisses in her hair, down her neck, onto her perfect chest. His right hand fidgeted with the button on her jeans and she moaned softly at the sound of her zipper moving downwards.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Dante bolted upright and Lulu jumped, instinctively grabbing for something to cover the exposed parts of her body. He grabbed both their shirts off the floor and threw her hers before furiously dressing himself. "Who is it?" he called while buttoning.
"Yo, Dom. It's Ron. Open up man."
Dante rolled his eyes to the ceiling, gritting his teeth and swearing under his breath. Lulu still looked frazzled but was completely dressed at least, although in need of a hairbrush. She grabbed her jacket and gestured to the door. "Give me a second!" Dante called to the door.
He blocked Lulu's exit and grabbed her forearms. "I am so so so sorry." His eyes were pleading with her.
"It's fine. Really." She gave him a small smile and her face turned bright red. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" She tried to pull away, casually.
"Hey, no. Come here." He pulled her back close and placed his hands in her hair. He gave her a serious kiss, letting her know that this was what he wanted. She was what he wanted.
"Seriously, Dom. Open the friggin' door."
Dante gritted his teeth and sighed. "Seriously, Ron. Bite me."
Lulu smiled at him and began to relax a little. "It's okay. I should go anyway." Lulu patted him on the arm reassuringly. Dante gave her a pleading look. "Call me later?" she asked, pulling her purse to her shoulder.
"Count on it." He smiled and opened the door for her.
"What took you so—" Ron looked stunned. "Oh, I uh…I mean I…" he stammered.
"It's fine. Nice to see you again, Ronnie." Lulu left them both in the doorway.
"Yeah, uh, you too" he reciprocated, but she was already gone.
"Smooth, Ron. Real smooth." Dante gestured him inside quickly and closed the door.
Three
For the first time she could remember, Lulu wished she didn't have the day off work. She needed some serious distracting right now and dealing with Kate Howard would have been the ultimate distraction. Lulu contemplated calling Maxie to ask if there was any extra work to be done, but she knew her roommate would see right through her. The last thing she needed was Maxie's oddly insightful observations. Besides that, Lulu still didn't know how to react to the revelation that Maxie had slept with Franco. No, she couldn't call Maxie. What then? Maybe Carly? No, that wouldn't help either. She and her cousin were too much alike and Lulu didn't feel much like lying to her. More than anything else about this situation, keeping Dante's true identity was hardest when she thought about Carly and the kids.
No work. No Maxie or Carly. What was left? She was walking home, contemplating her next move when her phone vibrated in her hand, causing a flutter in her stomach. She eagerly looked at the caller id only to feel her face fall in disappointment. Seriously, what did you expect? It's been a whole ten minutes."
She pressed talk and held the phone to her ear. "What's up Maxie?" Lulu was digging in her purse in search of keys. "Are you serious? But it's my day off. Yeah yeah, I know. Okay already, I get it. Give me twenty minutes to put something decent on and I'll meet you at the office. Yes, with your latte. Bye." Lulu dropped her phone from her shoulder, having no free hands as she was turning the doorknob with one and grasping her bag with the other.
In another fifteen minutes, she was heading back out the door, thankful that fate dealt her a reprieve from obsessing over this morning's events.
Dante had tried calling Lulu twice already and was beginning to get anxious. His meeting with Ronnie hadn't lasted long, but then he got called to Sonny's office for an update on the Claudia situation. For once, his mind was filled more with Lulu than Sonny though, so he wasn't much help. Sonny sensed his distraction and sent him home after castigating him about his priorities.
Lulu's phone went straight to voicemail both times he called. He hoped that wasn't a not-so-subtle hint letting him know she was upset about what had happened between them. Almost happened anyway. Dante didn't usually do self-conscious and, honestly, wasn't loving the feeling.
He took a walk on the pier, hoping to maybe run into her. Instead, he saw Spinelli, computer in lap. "Hey man." Dante gestured to the open space on the bench next to the computer genius.
"Greetings, Audacious One. You look thoughtful this afternoon."
"Do you think you might be able to give me some insight? I could use a second opinion."
Spinelli, who was unused to this manner coming from the audacious one, was intrigued. "The Jackal would be delighted to try. What plagues your mind?"
"You've known Lulu for a long time, right?"
"If it is the original blonde one we are discussing, I believe I have already made my feelings clear on the subject. It is futile to attempt to win her heart and ungentlemanly to attempt to win any other part of her loveliness."
"Why does everyone assume I'm not a gentleman? Seriously, I have a reputation to uphold." Dante's cocky smile was back.
"It would appear obvious from your assuming manner that your intentions toward Fair Lulu are purely carnal and not romantic." It took a moment for Dante to decode Spinelli's statement. When he did, he lashed out unexpectedly.
"Whoa, buddy! You're way off base. If that were true, I would have taken advantage long ago." Even Dante was stunned by the force of his reaction. "And for your information, I don't adhere to the 'hit 'em and quit 'em' philosophy of seducing women. And Lulu…well, Lulu's something special." He grew thoughtful.
After a moment, Spinelli replied, "I am sorry if I offended, but you are right. Lulu is special. There are many invested in her happiness and many more determined not to see her hurt again."
Dante furrowed his brow. "There it is again. Why does everyone make it sound like she's some porcelain doll about to shatter? The Lulu I know is anything but."
"It is not the Jackal's place to dredge up the original blonde one's past, but know that you should proceed with caution if determined to proceed. She has been through much." With that, Spinelli departed, leaving Dante to ponder curiously over what he had said.
Lulu's plan to be distracted from thinking about Dante had worked. A little too well even. By the time she stepped off the elevator at the Metro Court, it was nearly eleven at night and she was exhausted. Kate didn't allow personal calls during working hours and even though today wasn't technically a working day, she had kept her phone turned off. If there was an emergency, people would know to call the office. Still, Lulu realized that when she turned her phone back on at the end of the day, she would be looking for one particular missed call. If it wasn't there…well, she didn't even want to think about that.
As she was walking into the brisk cold, her phone lit up and Lulu happily saw that she had four missed calls and three voicemails. Two were from him. She smiled goofily while listening to them and imagined she could see his facial expressions with each word. It was late, but she felt confident he would still be up so decided to call him back.
He picked up on the second ring. "Hello, gorgeous! And here I thought you were avoiding me."
She couldn't help but smile and realized that all feelings of exhaustion were replaced by excitement at hearing his voice. "Yeah well, you wore me down. Anyway, sorry I missed your calls. I had to go in for work and am only just now leaving."
"Is that your subtle way of asking me to dinner?"
She laughed, "Sorry, but I actually ate at the office. Maxie ordered in. Another time?"
"You got it. How about tomorrow?" he asked even more eagerly than usual.
"Sure. I got tons of work done today, so I should be out of work pretty early tomorrow. Pick me up at eight?" Dante didn't know if he could wait that long, but agreed and wished her a goodnight before collapsing onto his bed.
Four
"Maxie's staying at Spinelli's tonight," she whispered as he pulled away from their kiss long enough to take a breath. His eyes widened at her statement and she nodded her head.
"Are you sure? I don't mind if we end the date here at your door. Just so long as you let me kiss you again." His eyes were smiling at her and she playfully tugged on his tie.
"Well, I mind so you'd better get in here." He complied easily, moving into the living room and closing the door behind him. Their date had been nice, but Dante had had a hard time concentrating on much of anything while sitting across from her at dinner. His skin felt like it was burning all over and he just knew that her touch was the only remedy. Luckily, it seemed that Lulu was equally distracted and didn't seem to desire to prolong the dining portion of the evening. When she suggested going back to her place to hang out, he eagerly agreed.
She led him to her bedroom and turned on the bedside lamp. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her body into his, kissing her more deeply than before. She yanked at his jacket and he moved his hands from her long enough to remove it himself. He continued kissing her as he loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt. Lulu's hands made their way up his chest and lifted the tie above his head and then moved to the remaining buttons and began to undo each one slowly. Dante's hands were back on her body, searching for the zipper to her red sleeveless dress. It wasn't in the back so he checked the sides, finally finding it under her left arm. He slid the zipper down easily and the dress was soon on the floor, revealing a pink strapless bra and matching thong. Dante hadn't realized until now that her shoes were already gone. She must have kicked them off when they first came in the apartment.
Lulu was still fidgeting with the buttons on his deep purple dress shirt. He helped her by undoing the last ones while she yanked the bottom of the shirt out of his slacks. She was thankful that he didn't have an undershirt on and she kissed his chest while his hands roamed all over her body. Growing impatient, Dante held her at arms length and gently pushed her onto the bed. He stood in front of her, removing his shirt completely and then reaching for his belt buckle. Lulu sat up and pushed his hands aside so that she could do it herself. He looked towards the ceiling and inhaled sharply as she took control. Once the belt was gone, he bent to remove his shoes and socks while she gazed at his gorgeous body.
Now barefoot, Dante placed Lulu's hands back on his waist and she unbuttoned his slacks, pulling his zipper down gently. Loose, his pants fell to the ground and Dante stepped out of them, lifting his knees onto the bed one at a time, hovering above Lulu as she lay back, scooting towards the headboard.
He kissed her again, first on the mouth and then along her jaw, beneath her earlobe and down her neck. One hand held him up so that his weight wasn't resting on her, while the other explored the curves of her body. She was so unbelievably smooth. Perfect.
Lulu loved the way he felt above her. He still had his boxer briefs on, but they did little to conceal his desire. She could swear she felt his pulse against her thigh and it only intensified her own arousal. She was torn between wanting this to last all night and needing to feel him inside her now.
"Dante?"
"Hmm?" was his only response, lips and tongue still exploring.
"Do you have a condom?" It had to be asked. She only hoped it wouldn't ruin the mood.
"Got it covered." He leaned behind him, searching for something on the floor and then coming up a few seconds later with one between his fingers, placing it beneath a pillow.
Dante's hands slid underneath her back, searching for the clasp to her bra. After a couple of tries, he had it undone and the material was on the floor a second later.
"Have I told you how utterly magnificent you are?" he whispered, breath hot on her face. "Truly, truly glorious." His lips and hands found her breasts, trying not to be too rough.
Lulu blushed all over and a noise she was not aware she could make escaped her. "This feels too good," she breathed, hands now gripping at the sheets on either side of her.
"No such thing," was his response as he moved his face and hands further downwards, nibbling and kissing his way towards her waist.
She inhaled sharply as his fingers began sliding her panties from their rightful place. He pulled them down slowly, taking his time while caressing her now goose bump-riddled thighs. She instinctively slid her feet back so that her knees were touching and the thong fell to her ankles as he moved his hand over her knee and then down her leg, gripping her calf. She kicked the tiny piece of cloth off the bed lithely and pulled Dante back on top of her, his face just above hers once more.
Dante was in no hurry. He wanted her so badly, but knew that this night had to last. For now, just seeing and touching her was enough to fill him to the brim with pleasure. God! I could kiss her forever!
Lulu decided it was time to take things into her own hands. While his hands felt unbelievably good on her body, she hadn't had much of an opportunity to explore his assets.
With this thought in mind, she began to fidget until he sensed he should pull back a few inches. Dante looked confused momentarily, but then relaxed when Lulu flashed him a sexy smile and lifted herself into a sitting position. Before he could say anything, she pushed him onto his back and leaned over him, letting her hair fall over his face as she pushed her lips back to his.
"Well hello," he managed to get in when she moved her mouth down his neck, nibbling not so gently on his collarbone.
Now it was his turn to squirm and Lulu observed with pleasure that he didn't disappoint. His chest muscles stiffened when the tip of her tongue began drawing tiny circles up and down his torso. Her hands were all the while sliding down his hips, onto his thighs and then back up to the waistband of his boxer briefs where they lingered for a moment before lifting the elastic and pulling down. A deep moan escaped Dante and his breathing became exaggerated.
A moment later, the last barrier was gone and Lulu returned her attention to Dante's lips. When she put her face back to his, he pulled her into him forcefully, with one hand in her hair and the other wrapped around her waist. His breathing was ragged and before Lulu realized what was happening, he had rolled her onto her back and was balancing above her, staring intently into her eyes. He was looking at her like he had that day on the pier when he kissed her so seriously. Lulu felt herself melting under that gaze. Dante placed his right knee between her thighs and slid them open slowly before lowering his body.
There was no more waiting. There could be no more waiting. Dante took her then and Lulu's body turned to jelly when he filled her. Within minutes, they were both completely spent, collapsed in exhaustion and release.