Well! My first fanfic for the Glee fandom and... first fanfic since I was a tween, really! That I've posted publically, anyway. Be gentle!
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Sometimes Kurt pretends.
Not like imaginary-friend pretending; he may be in Glee Club but he's not that weird. No, it's just simple stuff. When he's in his room singing and sashaying along to one of his CDs, sometimes he pretends he's finally made it to Broadway and is sharing the stage with Liza. Or when he's walking down the halls at school, mentally making note of all the Fashion Don'ts and correcting them, he imagines he's starring in his own TV show: Queer Eye For The McKinley High School Guy.
But sometimes, it's more serious than that.
Sometimes Kurt pretends that he's the one Finn's smiling at.
But that thousand-watt grin is never directed towards him, no. It goes straight through, it's Quinn's smile. It's all for her.
Kurt concentrates on singing, hoping his voice doesn't waver. It was a mistake to sit so near to Quinn during the Glee Club's rendition of True Colors. Finn kept looking over in his direction, and Kurt's stomach would flip, but Finn would glance away as soon as their eyes met. Damn it.
Mercedes would ask what was wrong later. Somehow, she always had a way of knowing when Kurt was upset. But he'd smile and say he was fine, just getting caught up in the song, it's nothing, really. But it was something.
Rachel's words had cut deep.
"... I'd still be ahead of you because I'm a girl."
Colder than a Slushee to the face. Kurt kept his composture when he told her off, "we're nothing but distractions", but had to clench his fists and bite his lip once he walked away. He was not going to make a scene in the middle of the crowded hallway.
The worst part about it was that she was right. She was so right. No matter what choice Rachel was -- second, nineteenth, fiftieth, three-thousand and twelfth -- she would still always come before Kurt. Always.
He didn't need that dose of reality. He was only faced with it every day, for God's sake. So that's why he pretends.
Even though he knows deep down that coercing Rachel to dress like a skank won't make Finn like him any more than he already does, he still imagines he has a chance. Even though Finn's dedication to Quinn is obvious enough to be seen from Mars, Kurt still pretends that he's the one Finn's smiling at -- that megawatt grin that causes Kurt's heart to leap up into his chest is all for him.
It makes him happy.
Finn looks over, smiles. His eyes meet Kurt's and quickly glance away.
Even if just for a moment.