He almost kissed you.
You can still feel his hand on your cheek, see the way his eyes softened as he looked down at you, hear the soft whisper of his voice as he reassured you. You remember the way that your heart sped up, and how you tried to tell yourself that it was only because you were afraid for the first time in recent memory. It wasn't because he was going to kiss you.
Part of you wishes that you hadn't pulled away, hadn't realized just what being afraid meant. Part of you wonders what would've happened if you hadn't, where you would be right now, both literally and figuratively. Would you have acted as if it didn't happen, let life go on as normal (at least as normal as it seems to get now) or would you have had the nerve to try to turn your relationship into something more?
Why didn't he kiss you?
You can't say the idea hasn't occurred to you. A relationship with him- a chance at a real relationship with him, no furtive sex in hotels rooms, no sneaking around, being able to hold hands with him in public, go on an actual date... it's appealing. And it's easy for you to imagine doing it all with him.
And you want it, you realize. Want to get to know him better, hear him laugh, see his smile, feel his arms around you like that day that he had to pull you out of the isolation tank and you didn't get to fully appreciate it because you were drugged out of your mind.
You wonder if he's thinking about you right now, too, wonder if he's going through the same thought process that you are. Does he wish he had kissed you? Or does he wish that he hadn't tried? Does he want all of these things that you have so recently discovered that you want?
It was just a kiss... and it wasn't even that. You're over-thinking this.
You wish he had kissed you.
You almost kissed her.
It amazed you, that she let you get that close, let you gently hold her face in your hand, whisper soft comforts to her. For a moment, as your face inched closer to hers, you thought she was going to let you press your lips smoothly to hers. Your heartbeat sped up at the thought of kissing this beautiful woman, before she suddenly pulled back and you were left cursing her devotion to duty at the same time that you admired her for it. After all, if she hadn't, all of those people might have been lost.
That doesn't make you stop wishing that she hadn't pulled away. Doesn't stop you from wondering how she would've reacted if she'd let you kiss her, whether she would have turned and run from you or let you show her how beautiful you thought a relationship between the two of you could be.
Why didn't you kiss her?
Does she even want this as much as you do? Was her withdrawal just her way of trying to convey without hurting you that this isn't something she's interested in? Or is she thinking about this right now as much as you are?
You want this... Want to be able to bring that smile out of her more often, make her face light up the way it does when she laughs, want to learn everything there is to know about her and how to make her happy. Because she deserves someone who will take her out to dinner, hold her hand, and, if only briefly, help her forget these gruesome events that you work on every day.
Is she thinking about this as much as you are? Does she wish you had kissed her? Or is she trying to come up with some way to politely let you know that you overstepped your bounds and she simply doesn't see you this way?
You're over-thinking this... It was just a kiss. And it wasn't even that.
You wish you had kissed her.