Who is the beauty, who the beast? Would you die of grieving when I leave?" Stevie Nicks
House hobbled into the lobby around 11 am. His eyes scanned the lobby for the quickest escape route when he saw Cuddy at the reception desk.
"Speak of the devil." The receptionist said with barely a glance upward. "Target at 6 o' clock." She said and Cuddy wheeled around in time to see House attempting his escape.
"House," Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Don't pretend you don't hear me." Cuddy got to the elevator doors the same time House did and clapped her hand over the button.
"I'm in a hurry. Late for work." House said, avoiding her glare.
"The clinic's that way."
"And my office is several floors up. I need to see if my team has anything new--."
"I just spoke to your team when I was looking for you. They were bored so I found something for them to do as well. You have clinic duty." Cuddy slipped her arm through House's and led him away from the elevator.
"But mom!"
"Cut the crap, House. If you can only show up for half a day you're not spending it hiding in your office." Cuddy blocked his exit from the clinic entrance and pointed toward an exam room. "Time to make yourself useful."
"I can think of lots of ways to do that." House wiggled his eyebrows at Cuddy. She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "What? Your Latin stud taking up all of your free time these days?"
"That's enough!" Cuddy's hand went to her hips.
House smirked. "Who's going to keep the board and accounting in line if he's distracting you from your work?"
"There's work and there's after work. Some of us can make that distinction. Some of us don't while away our working hours playing with the phone!" There was a momentary silence and Cuddy retracted the claws. She could tell by the look on House's face she'd gotten a little too close to the bone that time. "Sorry, House."
"No, no, you're absolutely right." House said, giving her a dirty look. "I'm only wasting my time." He grumbled as he hobbled toward a clinic room. "No pleasure for the pathetic." House
muttered to himself as he snapped up the patient info and walked into the room slamming the door behind him.
Cuddy was left holding her breath in the hallway. She forced herself to exhale and shook her head as she walked away. She hoped under her breath that this spat wouldn't last much longer. Cuddy didn't know how much more of House's misery any of them could bear. She knew she wouldn't get any real status report from House. Maybe Joaquin could give her an update. Cuddy smiled that evil Cuddy smile. A reason to call, maybe House's bad attitude was worth putting up with for a while longer after all.
Maybe Cuddy could rationalize it but the rest of the staff were hard pressed to find want or reason for dealing with House these days. November had come in with a chilling force in more ways than one. House's usual demeanor was more frost covered than ever easily matching if not surpassing the miserable weather.
Several hours and too many clinic patients later, House headed for his office. He wandered in and glared at his idle Fellows. "Get to work!" House snapped as he headed toward his desk.
"Well, we would if we had a patient." Cameron started to explain.
House rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance. "There's an entire hospital full of them. Find something that interests you and busy yourselves with that. Now get lost."
House watched as they scurried out the door and sighed in relief when he was alone at last. The relief didn't last long. Alone. That word was nagging at him these days. It was either an unobtainable goal or an inescapable hell. There was no happy medium and no respite from its constant companionship.
House had gotten used to the idea of company and he was a creature of habit. But he was picky about his pairings and Jesse was far away. House's eyes scanned the emptiness of his office. Time for some distraction. He had time for his soap opera now. He'd need time to catch up on everything that he'd missed. House dwelled on that thought as he tried to get in to his soap.
Time. He had plenty of that. He had time because he was alone. His soap brought him little satisfaction that day or any other as of late. House turned off the TV after his soap was over. If anyone had asked he couldn't have mentioned a single thing he'd watched.
His thoughts were racing. His concentration was shot. House was angry. He wanted Jesse to come home. This self-imposed exile was a load of crap. It was maddening. And it was entirely his fault, House sighed as he rolled the entire crash and burn scenes through his mind for the thousandth time.
What right did he have to make demands and corner Jesse in such fashion? Why? That question haunted House every day. Why had he treated her so badly? Why had he acted like a man possessed?
Because you love her, you idiot! You fell in love when you weren't looking. It snuck up on you while you were busy having fun and being loved in return. How could you have let this happen? How could you have ruined it? Why aren't you moving heaven and earth to fix it? Fix it, you moron! Fix it!
House reached for his cell phone. He stared at it for what seemed an eternity. What to say? He'd certainly put an end to all communications with his last blow up. Surely Jesse would never speak to him again after that. Surely he'd ruined everything, again. She hadn't called. There hadn't been a single text. No angry comeback. Nothing. Only silence.
House thought about it some more. The only thing in his favor was the fact that Jesse hated being alone too. She was a people person. House's brow furrowed as his thoughts took a left turn. His jealous possessive thoughts went in to overdrive.
Jesse wasn't really alone. She had all those graduate students to keep her company. Surely one of those college boys that thought he was all that and a bag of chips too would be more than happy to console their sobbing Queenie in the middle of the desert.
Some chivalrous idiot would offer her a comforting arm, a shoulder to cry on...his bed to snuggle up in. House's eyes narrowed. It wouldn't take the vultures long to move in on the road kill House had left in his wake. And Jesse must have been feeling like she was kicked to the curb and run over several times after their last discussion.
Discussion. House had blindsided her and hung up the phone. And House wasn't there to protect his interests, now that Jesse was not so all alone in the desert, thousands of miles away.
House flipped the phone open. He thought about it. The phone closed. What to say?
How about I miss you, I love you, please come back to me so we can try again? How about that? The truth wouldn't be a bad place to start!
House stared at the phone as he warred with his conscience. The truth made him feel like an idiot. He tried to fight it down.
So you feel like an idiot. Feeling alone and miserable all the time is such a good thing? Is the way things are now so much better than they were before? Do you like this? Is that why you're sitting here tearing yourself to pieces?
You were loved, you fool! You were loved, and spoiled, and pampered. You were catered to like you were the center of her universe. What the hell is wrong with you? Call her!
House opened the phone again. He started a text message and stopped. He erased it and started again. Demanding was out. Sounding like he was demanding was out too. Sounding like an idiot was out.
How about a question instead of an order? How about K.I.S.S.? Keep it simple, stupid. Even you ought to be able to handle that! She's a girl and she's mad. Suck up. Pretend its Cuddy. Well, not exactly…
House winced at that thought and shook it from his mind. He stared at the text screen then stared at the floor as he thought it over. Simple was good. Simple gave him less room to screw up. House started to worry. Maybe he'd pissed Jesse off for good and she'd ignore it.
Maybe her voicemail would be better. But then she might answer the phone. House's eyes screwed shut. This was insanity. So what if she picked up? He wanted to hear her voice. God, how he missed her voice. House dialed Jesse's number.
The voice mail clicked in. House got his wish. "Jessica's voicemail, leave a message"
House hesitated. He heard someone who sounded like him speaking into the phone while his brain utterly failed him. "We need to talk. And no, you haven't been replaced. Call me?"
The last two words crept out as more of a question than a demand. That wasn't so bad, House thought to himself. Maybe, if they could get the lines of actual communication repaired. House waited, but there was no answer. It occurred to him as he made not of the time that it was very late where Jesse was. With the work they were doing she was more than likely already asleep when he sent the message. House only hoped she was sleeping alone. He shook his head, dismissing the thought from his mind. She wouldn't. Jesse wasn't like that.
After some minor casework and a late supper at the hospital it was Cuddy who saw House asleep in his recliner as she left for home that night. She sighed and shook her head. House looked so forlorn. Cuddy crept in and gazed around the room. The best she could find was one of House's extra jackets on the coat rack.
Cuddy took it and carefully covered the sleeping curmudgeon. So what if she woke him. Cuddy knew his bark was worse than his bite and she was hardly unused to it. She stepped back to view her work and decided it was the best she could do. At least whenever he woke up he would know someone cared.
But of course, he already knew that, Cuddy thought as she left for home. He knew Jesse loved him. Why oh why do you have to ruin everything good in your life? Cuddy wondered as she left the building and got into her car. Of course Jesse loved him. If only House could accept such a gift. Maybe someday he would learn, Cuddy hoped. Cuddy's thoughts turned to other things as she drove. She'd left a message on Joaquin's voicemail and hadn't gotten an answer
yet. She'd try again when she got home. It was late but the last time they'd spoken Joaquin was in Western Canada. It was still early there. No harm in trying.
Chapter One