Luke Skywalker is really really happy and all that and he goes home to Qui-Gon Jin to talk. He maybe shows him the new slogan. Master Qui-Gon Jin, after he read the new slogan, was mad. Master Qui-Gon Jin curses at Luke Skywalker. The dastardly couple flourished in each other presence and thus couldn't contain their furious love any longer, with a bold kiss. They led each other to the bedroom and unleashed their Force so hard that even yoda would be ashamed. The moans emanating from that oh-so-distasteful back closet would be heard and told to future padawans for centuries as ghosts. They were right though, a ghost of a steamy, passionate night.
Anakin Skywalker bolted upright in his bed, and screamed in fright. Boy, that sure was a weird dream. And yet, even as it was all a dream, it felt a bit too real. Yoda chuckled. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?" He said without meaning to. He could sense everything with the force, yet there were some things that escaped him. Yoda floated into the the oblivion that was Luke's heart. "Darkness within darkness you shall know, only then will you escape from down below." With these words, Yoda screamed as hot-doggu chan danced and that snapchat hotdog repeated "K̷͕̣͕͎͛̚͘̚I̵̯͓̻͑̎̄̇͜L̴̛͈̭̖̿̓̍͜L̷̢̦̲͚̏͑̾̏ ̴̮͓̪͗̊̾͠ͅT̷̢̲̳͌̒̾̚ͅH̷̡̭̝̺͐̚̕͝E̸͉͉̥̥͑̀́͝ ̸̞̱̣̩͑͒͌͌P̷̨̞̯̮̌̽͋͝O̷̙͖̩̻͂̐̑̓Ṕ̵̠̯̙̔̚͝ͅE̶̜̭̟̝̍̀̓̉"
Luke Skywalker cried of loneliness. Qui-Gon Jin was dead, and there was nothing he could do. He flicked his wrist, and suddenly he had a Keyblade! "KEYBLADE" shouted Xehanort, as he created a rift in space time in order to acquire the Keyblade, thereby destroying the entire Star Wars universe. "Fuck, I have a really fucking bad feeling about this" Han Solo said, as he was flung into the oblivion.
A new world was created, an atlantis of sorts that housed the next part of this adventure. The oblivion portal was split apart, breaking like a rich woman's vase, shattering and releasing Alduin once again. In the indecipherable dragon tongue he spoke "HAH, TRY AND GET ME NOW DRAGON BITCH BOY". Sadly, to us mortals it sounded more like "Lok' Eres Fro'a Rrat" but for this fanfiction's sake it sounded like an anime schoolgirl . Han Solo breathed once again as he landed directly on Alduin's back. "Alright you mangy fuckin' mutt, take me home!" "WHAT THE FUCK" screams Alduin.
Caecilius was not happy with any of this. Standing on the grass, Caecilius sighed and whispered to himself "you know I had to do it to em." Suddenly, Syphax the motherfucker was standing behind him with a fucking knife in his hand. Sneaking ever so quietly behind Syphax, he stabbed him in the shoulder. As the life drained from Caecilius' eyes, he whispered in his ear "s0rry sweatie, that's my line. Uwaa~ +-(^・ω・^ )-+". It was only at the last moment that it is revealed Caecilius studied Substitution Jutsu. Just as the knife hit, the log appeared and he limped into the forest clutching his now useless noodle arm. The blood spewed out, yet it did not leave a discernible trail as he limped into the forest. No one seemed to notice as Alduin was still bucking Han Solo off of his back. That of course was very entertaining. Syphax just kind of left.
"If you two can't clump happily, I'm going to get aggressive." Said Xehanort to Alduin and Han Solo, except what Alduin and Han heard was "Ḱ̶̨̭͇̼̙͚̲̮̙͂̆̉̍͌̾̀͠͝ͅE̶̡̝͎͎̰͚͍͈̪̣̿͋̅́̈́͗́͛̈́̕Y̵̡̨̖͚̭̥̭̲͎̙͗̾̃̿̾͝͝͠͝͝B̸̡̳̘͉̫̲͕̰̯̀́͑͐͗̒̈̋̕͝ͅL̴̹̝̹͉̲̼̻̫̣̜̓͌͗͐̓̿́̕͘̚Ă̶̳̥̥̥͓̲̭̮̖̦̽͗̏̑̆̈́̃͘͝D̵̟̱̪̯͔͎̫͕̀͋͑̽̌̅͗̕͜͝͝ͅE̸̢̛͔̝̗̳̭͚̳̭̼͆̀̔̇̈́̇́͂̽" Han Solo just kind of shrugged. With their eyes meeting from across the distance, a young and oh so handsome RayMan stared back hauntingly. Han Solo gently undressed suavely, showing his wrinkly skin (Did I mention he is 53 in this? No? Well now I have) and Alduin stood on all fours, assuming a dog-like position. "Are you two gonna keep me waiting?" Without understanding a single thing Alduin said, but seeing the look in his devilish eyes, Rayman held Han's hands and approached a nearby empty castle with alduin sighing behind knowing he and his friends were about to cause a downpour with all the steam to be created in that castle. Xehanort followed close behind. He enjoyed watching that.
Ash Ketchum woke up. "I'm gonna go get a Pokeyman!" he said excitedly. Ash Ketchum left to go to Professor Oak's lab. While he was on his way to the lab, Gary Oak took the Charmander that he got from his grandpa and went to the convenience store. He bought a knife and gave it to his Charmander. "Charmander, we need to get you some experience." Gary said with a solemn expression on his face. "Char?" Charmander looked up at Gary innocently. "Don't look at me like that! Take the fucking knife!" Gary started crying, and Charmander started crying as well. Charmander tried to push the knife away. "God dammit…" said Gary. "I picked the wrong Pokemon."
Meanwhile, Ash Ketchum finally reached the lab. "I WANT A BOKEMAN" he shouted. "DON'T FUCKING SHOUT AT ME I'M OLD" Professor Oak shouted also. Professor Oak turned to his machine and took out an orange. "Here you go kid." Ash Ketchum took his orange excitedly and left the lab. Outside, Gary Oak was waiting for him. "Alright Charmander, just like we practiced." Gary said, tears still in his eyes. "Char Char Fuckers, let's do this" "HOLY SHIT CHARizARD YOU CAN TALK?" "You blind mortal fool, you hear only what you w-" Gary grabbed charmander off the ground, knife in hand and ran to Pprof. Guzma who screamed in fear of the talking pokemon and (because this is totally not in bootleg america) tried to shoot the charmander but the small god pokemon effortlessly dodged. In his deep sexy voice "You mortal fools didn't listen to me when I spoke so, I deem this planet unworthy of my offspring. Thus, as stated, in my final creed, I WILL DESTROY YOU AND TH-" a loud THOk pierced the sound waves as charmander was shot in the leg. "HOLY SHITIREALLY DID PICK THE WRONG POKEMON!11!" screamed Gary Oak.
"what the shit was that?" said Ash Ketchum, still ready to go on his journey with his orange. Gary Oak's Charmander was finally sedated and sent off to the medical industry for testing. "Wait do I get another Pokemo?" said Gary Oak hopefully. "No because I hate you." said Professor Oak. Gary Oak was sad. Then Xehanort fucking drove a car through the dimension and ran over Professor Oak. Xehanort shouted "KEYBLADE" and his Smart Car Translator™ translated: "Get in loser we're going Keyblading." Gary Oak got in the car and they drove really fast. 80 miles an hour. The car was a DeLorean. The Back To The Future theme started playing and Gary Oak sang "AND YOU BETTER PROMISE ME WE'LL GO BACK IN TIME!" as they tore through the space-time continuum yet again for like the 47th time today.
Ash Ketchum walked down Route 1 and his orange rolled along with him. A Rattatatouille stole all of his food in order to make the most wonderful dish that is the most pleasing to the taste buds. "Holy fucking shit what the fuck is that." said Ash Ketchum. He consulted the orange. "Rattata. It likes seeds, nuts, fruits, and berries. It also comes out into open fields to steal food from stupid travelers." Suddenly the field and forest caught on fire because of how badly Ash got burned. Ash managed to recover from his burn just enough to retrieve a Pokeball from his bag. "Go Abomination!" A horrible cross between a Weezing, Golbat, Mr. Mime, and Alakazam came out of the ball. "Is this MissingNo?" Ash inquired, fearing for his life. "No fuck you." said the ever wise orange. Ash left the Pokemon of Route 1 to perish under the wrath of the abomination, and moved on to Viridian City.
Who's that Pokemon?