AN: please don't take this seriously. really, please don't. this was written for the wtfcontests/wtffanfiction blog's "worst possible lube/sex scene" contest on tumblr specifically, and peer pressure from my friend has led me to post it here. warnings for severe outofcharacter, (possible) slurs, and horrifically terrible depictions of anal sex. seriously. don't try this it will only lead to misery and suffering.
"Hey Karkat I'd like to have sex with you," Dave Strider said to the short angry troll boy.
"Okay." Karkat practically burst out of his clothing, sending shreds of cotton around the room and revealing a sweat-slick, muscular body and a fully erect, pulsating and dripping red tentabulge. Dave did the same, but his genitals were 14 inches long and oozing rivers of precum down to his pleasure orbs between his shaven legs.
"Get down on all fours you slutmonkey clodnook," Karkat growled, eyes hazing over in pure lust for Dave's perfect pink hole, which was positioned in the direct center of his smooth white buns, Dave did as he was told, wiggling his butt and causing his great spear to wobble as well, twitching with pure arousal.
Karkat took his place between Dave's legs, putting his face next to the tight muscled hole. He opened his mouth, and shouted as loud as he possibly could into Dave's anus, causing his butt cells to produce lubricant as his angry, horny, gay voice reverberated inside Dave's poop cavern. Then Karkat placed the tip of his oozing tentabulge inside of Dave.
"Ooh Karkat fuck my tight ass," Dave moaned, and try to back his way onto the bulge, which drew out and slapped him across his ass several times.
"No you whoremongering fishcurd fucknoodle we have to use a secondary lubricant. Did you really think me just shouting in your bitch ass was going to work you asinine nut creature? No matter how deliciously slimy it is." Karkat then picked up from the floor a miniature chainsaw. "I borrowed this from Kanaya." He said proudly, before inserting the chainsaw into Dave's ass and turning it on.
Dave moaned as the miniature chainsaw shredded up the inside of his ass, and whined pitifully when Karkat pulled it out. Dave's anus was now coated on the inside with a slippery combination of yellubricant, feces, blood, and parts of his lower intestine.
"Perfect for my bulge," Karkat whispered seductively, and shoved himself in all the way. Dave's erect manhood flopped around as Karkat thrust into his bleeding pleasurehole and fucked him until he reached the brink. Not able to take it anymore, Dave screamed, spilling his goopy white yogurt of life everywhere. Karkat finished soon afterwards, blasting his cherry red troll DNA sauce into a hole in Dave's intestines, filling Dave's bloodstream with his seed. They fell asleep shortly thereafter, Karkat still buried wrinklesac deep in Dave.