It was January 9, a partially hateful day, when a certain annoying pupil came at the end of the day "Is it true that it is your birthday, Professor Snape?" "Is that any of your concern?" From behind her back, she pulled out a box wrapped with rogue paper that had the words "Griffendor" scatter printed on it. Snape looked at the wrapping with dislike. "Happy birthday!" The potions master reluctantly took the box, pulled out the rather magenta ribbon and tore away the wrapping with a little bit of satisfaction. Lifting of the top, he merely started at what was inside. "I thought you might need the whitening Listerine for your ugly teeth and toxic breath. Oh and the shampoo for your hideous greasy hair that looks like you suck your head in a fryer. Lastly a mirror, since I'm sure you broke all of the mirrors you own already." His usually pale face had turned an ugly brick red color. "Detention, tonight 8 pm," he said, baring his teeth in rage. "Are you sure you can fit that into your schedule? After all you have to drool over girl magazines that have cute guys' pictures on them for three hours before two hours of staring at yourself while shattering mirrors and then -" "Eight o'clock!" Snape yelled, shoving her out the door.
She pushed open the dungeons door to find Snape grading papers, probably failing people, she thought. "Professor Snape, why do you like in the dungeons?" She stressed the word dung in dungeons. "I mean I know you're a piece of dung but -" "Take my suggestion and hold your tongue." "Why? I don't care if I get expelled. And I'm telling the truth. You are ugly, gay, stupid and -" "Miss -" "Actually I'm called the dissing assassin." "HOLD YOUR TONGUE!!" The girl smiled. "Ok, Sir Gay." "You," Snape walked towards the desk she was to sit, "will be writing lines for me. Write 'I must respect my professors' for two hours." With a short wave of his wand, a pile of parchment, two ink jars and two quills were placed on the desk. The student smiled once before starting the assignment. Two hours passed before she had the parchments in. They said, "Snape is gay, ugly and stupid. Snape is gay, ugly and stupid." Before the teacher could comment, the girl ran out of his office, smashing jars of pickled brains on the way out.
The next day in Potions she had to make a Strengthening potion. Not saying a word, she secretly started a Boil potion. Being in the back of the room, it meant that Snape checked on you last. So taking advantage of the fact that the master was busy yelling at Longbottom who had also chosen the back for obvious reasons, she pushed the cauldron towards the edge of the desk. "Let's see, to start off with the potion is the wrong co -" Snape didn't have a chance to finish. As the poison made contact with his skin, huge red boils appeared to be growing on his skin. "Why you little -" With a flourish the student pulled the cap on a bottle and poured the liquid on top of Severus's head, dyeing his hair and the top of his robes a highlighter pink. The class roared in laughter except the Slytherians who glared at the troublemaker. "That's the best you can do!" yelled Draco who had a look of disgust on his face. "Nope but your best is probably one of those lame 'yo mama' jokes." The laughter had become so loud that McGonagall came rushing into the Potions classroom. "Wh -" She ended half way through her first word, staring at boil – covered pink Professor Snape. It was a while before she said, "What is a mountain troll doing here?" The laughter was now so loud that no one heard Snape try to retort. Since the noise didn't die out, the Griffendor Head of House asked the student to walk him to Madam Pomfey, the nurse. Dodging Severus's attempts to strangle her, she strutted towards the nurse's office. Stopping short at the door, she pulled the antidote out of her robes she poured it over his body and sure enough the boils shrunk and disappeared. "Thank you." Replied Snape flatly. "Deten -" But before he could give a punishment the pupil shoved him in the Hospital Ward and slammed the door in him.
"Professor Snape?" Smirking, the "dissing assassin" waved her wand, causing her teacher's black robes to turn into a pink floral dress. Another wave gave him mascara and blush. Thinking for several moments, she waved it one last time, and green eye shadow and cherry red lipstick appeared as well. Pulling out her camera she quickly took about seventeen photos. The eighteenth flash woke him. "You little!" Trying to grab the camera, he realized he was tied to the bed with pink rope. Giggling, she rushed out the door, heading for her dormitory.
Once Snape was ready to start teaching, he headed for the dungeons. (Tehe, dungeons, get it? Ok, never mind.) With his hair back to normal, he finally felt like he had some dignity back. Well…at least until he saw his classroom. Pink wallpaper was on the stonewalls and his desk was painted pink. On it laid a picture of him with makeup and pink hair. And in the middle of it was the dissing assassin holding a box that had "Griffendor" written all over it. "Are you feeling any better, Professor Snape?"