Heroes R Us

by Aethelgythe

Superman ropes the Justice League into a charity event. The catch is they have to serve the common public in a grocery store for one day. I know how the general public can be and at times it's not easy, so how will our heroes handle it? I give you this story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Justice League or Shoppers Express.

Author's Note: Okay this story is random. I worked at a grocery store for nearly three years and we did a lot of charity fundraisers. One day while I was working I thought about how funny it would be if the Justice League worked in a store for a charity event. I know how the general public can be and at times it's not pretty, so how will our heroes handle it? I give you this story! Also, every name I tried to invent for the store…all of them already exist somewhere. And I know that in reality a business probably wouldn't donate fifty percent of the profits but this is fan fiction.

Chapter 1

"You agreed for us to do what?!"

"Calm down Bruce. This is for a charity event. We will be doing some good."

"I refuse to be a rodeo clown for these ingrates, Superman."

"You aren't going to be a rodeo clown. The store owner is going to be extremely generous and donate fifty percent of the profit to Cancer Research Centers of Metropolis."

"I still don't understand why we have to do this!"

"Hey, it could be fun!" Flash piped in from where he was leaning against a console, eating a box of donuts.

"I think fun is hardly the word to describe it," Batman glared at them.

"What are you afraid of, a little hard labor?"

Batman growled at the Green Lantern.

"No. I don't socialize. Why do you think I stay in the bat cave so much? Besides, you don't need me to do this."

"The store owner said it's all of us or nothing. So like it or not you are going to have to do your part!"

Batman took another step forward and got in Superman's face. After a heated staring contest, he relented.

"Fine…but you owe me."

He turned around and shoved his way past Wonder Woman, J'onn, and Hawkgirl and left the room to go off somewhere to brood.

"What was that all about?" Wonder Woman inquired.

"He's just a little bent out of shape over a charity event we are going to be attending," Superman explained.

"That's not like Batman. I thought he loved charities," Hawkgirl sat down in a nearby chair.

"This one isn't a conventional charity. We are going to do something rather…ordinary."

"What do you mean by that?" J'onn questioned.

"We are going to work for seven hours at Shoppers Express, a local store."

"You've got to be kidding me. What kind of a charity is that?" Hawkgirl had a hard time understanding the situation.

"It's simple. We work for seven hours serving the common public and fifty percent of the store's profit for the day will be donated to the Cancer Research Centers of Metropolis."

"I'm in!" Flash ran over to stand next to Superman.

Wonder woman joined them.

"As long as what we do helps someone, then count me in too."

Green Lantern stepped up as well, leaving J'onn and Hawkgirl to decide.

Superman smiled at them.

"Come on you two…the deal was that all seven of us work or the charity is off."

"What if a super villain tries to destroy or conquer the world why we are doing this?" J'onn had to ask.

"Then we stop the villains and make up our work time later. Hopefully that doesn't happen."

"Fine…then let's get this show on the road," Hawkgirl joined the circle.

Last but not least, J'onn stepped forward albeit reluctantly.

"Great. We start work tomorrow morning at seven. Get some rest."

Everyone but J'onn and Superman left to go either to the mess hall or to their living quarters.

"Do you have something on your mind, J'onn?"

"Yes. I do not feel confident enough to perform this task considering my limited experience with humans."

"You're just nervous. Trust me, you'll do fine. If it makes you feel better I can give you a heads up on what it is you will be doing in the store tomorrow."

"Please…enlighten me."

Superman smiled and placed a hand on J'onn's shoulder.

"You will have the easiest job of all. You are going to stock shelves. And if a customer wants to know where something is, you tell them."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

That didn't sound too bad. Maybe there was nothing to be anxious about after all.

"Good night, Superman."

"Good night."

J'onn returned to his quarters and stared out the viewport at the stars taking in their splendor. He really didn't feel the need to rest but figured it wouldn't hurt.

Flash and Green Lantern sat in the mess hall eating a late night dinner.

"Gotta keep my strength up, ya know?" Flash stuffed his face with mashed potatoes, chicken, corn, and gravy. He stole a couple biscuits off of John's plate.

"You weren't going to eat those, right?"

He continued to devour his meal unabashed.

"Why are you so eager to do this charity Flash?"

Wally, aka Flash, found a pause between mouthfuls.

"Are you kidding me? I'm the fastest man alive, remember? How hard could it be?"

"Famous last words," John shook his head before taking a sip of his hot tea.

Flash gulped down a cream soda and sped to the other side of the cafeteria to grab another. He ran back and sat down so fast it didn't look like he'd even left. He popped the lid of the soda and guzzled more before devouring what was left on his plate. He burped heartily and patted his stomach.

"Ahh…much better."

He grinned at John.

"Trust me, this is gonna be EASY! Compared to battling super villains and saving the world twice a week, this is gonna be a cinch!"

John sighed and face palmed.

"You might be eating those words tomorrow you know. It's harder than it looks. You have to remember I spent my time as an ordinary citizen before becoming the Green Lantern."

Flash sagged a little and put an elbow on the table and rested his chin on his fist.

"You and me both…still, why are you so gloomy about it?"

"I'm not gloomy. I just want you to be prepared."

"Seriously? You are acting like one of our arch enemies is going to come through our check-out line!"

"They always could…I'm sure villains still need eggs and toilet paper, although that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about regular, ordinary folks."

"Riiight… okay then. Night!"

Flash zipped away leaving John in his proverbial dust.

John shook his head and excused himself from the table. He returned to his room and took Superman's advice and went to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be quite a day.

By midnight J'onn awoke and went to the command centre and took it upon himself to do monitor duty and to also watch over his teammates while they rested. He did not require as much sleep as humans and was currently in tip top condition. The hours passed until finally the crew was up and moving. Flash was of course, the first one to the mess hall for breakfast. Superman stood beside J'onn on the command deck and smiled.

"You stayed up all night, didn't you?"

"Technically, all morning," the Martian half-smiled.

"Are you ready for today?"

"As ready as I can be."

"Good, we are about to leave. Meet us in the launch bay in ten minutes."

With those words Superman left to find the others. Ten minutes later, all six of them were buckled in their respective seats on the Javelin. Batman snuck off in the middle of the night to return to his hideout on Earth to grab two sets of keys for the League. Superman and John piloted the ship and in minutes, they were entering Earth's atmosphere. They landed in a field right outside of town. Batman was there to pick them up. He handed one set of keys to Superman and kept the other for himself. They took two separate vehicles that looked ordinary. Knowing Batman, there was something extraordinary about them. No one asked any questions.

"There is something everyone must know. We are not to use our superpowers to perform our duties in the store."

No one said it but they were all thinking the same thing. No powers? How hard could that be? They arrived at Shoppers Express at seven and went inside to greet the lead manager.

"I'm so glad you guys could make it! My name is Steve and I have your assignments. A couple of my employees will give you quick training so that you can begin at eight. If you have any questions at any time, ask me or one of the supervisors on duty."

In an hour as promised the League had begun their tasks. Customers filed in and were greeted by Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl. Shoppers grabbed carts and hand baskets and began shopping. Two minutes and twenty six seconds into his seven hour shift, a customer found J'onn stocking cans of green beans and corn on an empty shelf.

"Excuse me…can you please tell me where I can find lighter fluid for my grill?"

J'onn's eyes glowed a moment as he subtly probed the mind of one of the employees in the store. His eyes returned to normal and he looked at the customer and pointed behind him.

"Aisle three, left hand side, bottom shelf."

"Thanks!"

The man ran off to find the desired product. J'onn returned to his task hoping to avoid any more interruptions in his duties.

A customer with a hand basket went to Green Lantern's check-out line and unloaded her groceries. She handed John her rewards card. Superman smiled at the woman.

"Would you like paper or plastic bags today, M'am?"

"Plastic but pack the bags light."

"No problem!"

Superman went ahead and carefully bagged her groceries. He handed her the bags after she paid. She thanked him and went on her way.

Everything seemed to be going just fine. Two hours went by without any trouble…so far, so good. At least until Flash received his first irate customer.

"How are you today?"

"I've been better. I'm actually in a hurry…I need to get home."

"No problem! You'll be out of here before you know it."

Flash used his superpower to whip the ladies groceries through. Half of them got thrown on a very irate Batman who stood at the bagging end of the checkout.

"What are you doing Flash?!"

"Sorry! She said she was in a hurry!"

Two eggs and part of a shell dripped down Batman's face and chest.

"You went TOO fast Flash…slow it down!"

"How slow are we talking?"

The lady huffed in annoyance as Batman and Flash argued. She interrupted them angrily.

"I JUST WANT MY GROCERIES! You ruined half of them! I spent an hour and a half shopping for these!"

Wally did his best to appease the ticked off lady and in a flash he cleaned up the mess and replaced her damaged goods.

"I'm really sorry about that miss, have a nice day."

"Yeah…whatever"

Flash frowned and Batman nodded cordially at the lady as she left. He wiped the eggs off of himself and readied himself for the next customer.

"I thought you guys weren't supposed to use your powers," Batman spoke softly.

"Tell that, to that lady! She was in a hurry so I was just trying to help her out."

Two minutes later, Steve went to Flash and Batman's station and shook his head sadly.

"Sorry to be the one to tell you guys, but you got a customer complaint."

"It wasn't my fault! I mean…it was but then I fixed it! I was nice to that cranky biddy."

"Just be careful son. Didn't Superman tell you that you weren't allowed to use your superpowers in here?"

Meanwhile, a lady rounded the corner and approached J'onn where he was just finishing stocking the canned goods aisle.

"Can you help me find—"

Again his eyes glowed for a second before returning to normal.

"It's in aisle ten, second shelf, on the right hand side."

She had a puzzled look on her face.

"I didn't even tell you what I was looking for. How on Earth did you know?"

A little boy ran up to him with a question on the tip of his tongue. He didn't even need to speak a word for J'onn beat him to it.

"The candy is in aisle ten."

The boy's eyes widened.

"Woah! You must be a mind reader or something…thank you!"

The woman backed away from him in a freaked our fashion. She ran the other way. A few minutes later Steve found J'onn.

"I'm afraid you are scaring some of the customers. You can't use your mind abilities to do your job. You have to help the customer find where it is the old fashioned way."

An old man with a cane hobbled next to Steve.

"Where are the prunes?"

"If you come with me, I will show you exactly where they are, Sir."

Steve winked at J'onn and showed the man where the produce section was.

Meanwhile, John received his next customer.

"How are you? Do you have your rewards card? Did you find everything okay?"

"Yes I did, thank you."

He began scanning her products and she stopped him.

"Oh, that is supposed to be half off. There is a sign back there."

"Okay, Superman can you go and check that—"

"I'm on it!"

Superman returned a couple minutes later with an outdated sign.

"Since this tag expired with the item still on the shelf, we will honor the sale price today."

John scanned four cans of tuna and she stopped him again.

"Those are supposed to be four for four dollars and they are ringing up $1.50 each!"

Superman ran off to check the price tags on the shelf and returned shaking his head.

"No ma'm, sorry. Those are two for three dollars."

"Then I don't want those. Take them off!"

John growled beneath his breath as he voided the items off. At this rate it would take twenty minutes to get through her rather large order. Just when he thought his troubles were over, one of the items wouldn't ring up. John handed the item to Superman who went to find the product on the shelf to check the price. He had trouble finding it and turned to J'onn for help.

"I can't find the gluten free organic pasta."

J'onn pointed down the aisle.

"Left hand side, three shelves down."

Superman raised an eyebrow.

"Wow, you know where everything is after working two hours?"

"Yes."

Superman gave him a sly grin as if he knew what he was up to.

"J'onn…you haven't been cheating have you?"

J'onn remained silent a moment.

"I admit I did twice but only because I did as you instructed. They asked me where to find something and I told them. No one specified how I was to accomplish that. I am a Martian. My abilities may be considered to be some kind of superpower to mankind but for Martians, it is a way of life."

"Touche," Superman smiled.

"I know where everything is because I've stocked every shelf," J'onn gestured with his hand to take in the aisle they were currently standing in. Superman remembered his mission and his eyes widened.

"Oh crap! I totally forgot!" He ran, dodging other customers and retrieved the pasta off the shelf. He returned to John's register as quickly as he could. The woman was scowling and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Sorry about that, I had trouble finding it."

"Took you long enough! How much is it?"

John scanned the pasta and looked at her.

"It's 5.69."

She shook her head.

"I won't take that either."

Superman had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. This woman was only just starting to get on his nerves. From the way John's jaw was clenched and how he glared at the woman when she wasn't looking, his patience was wearing thin. He finally finished scanning her food and other items. Before he could sigh in relief, she handed him twenty five coupons. The first three were expired.

"I'm sorry but I can't accept these ones."

"You should accept those because they were on the products I purchased today," she argued with him.

"I'm sorry but I can't accept expired coupons, its store policy."

"Does this mean that the pop tarts are expired? You know what…just take those things off my order. I don't want those."

Superman had to dig to the bottom of the cart to find the bag they were in. He slid them across the conveyor belt to John so that he could void them off. The woman paid and John handed her the receipt.

"Thank you and have a nice day," he ground out through clenched teeth.

She didn't grace him with a response and started to walk away still looking at the receipt. She stopped and looked back at John.

"You overcharged me for something and rang me up for two lotions when I only bought one."

John used his ring to snatch the receipt from her and set it on fire. He then used his ring to create a giant glowing green hammer and completely destroyed her groceries and shopping cart.

"Excuse me, are you even listening?!"

John snapped out of it. Her cart and groceries were fine. She handed him the receipt so he could refund her. He gave her the cash.

"I'm sorry about that, have a good day."

And good riddance he thought to himself.

J'onn stepped behind him.

"Do you have any merchandise that needs to be returned to the shelves?"

John handed him the pop tarts, lotion, and tuna fish that the very annoying lady didn't want. No customers were in line so they talked.

"Please do me a favor…and kill me."

"Why would you want me to do that?"

John banged his head repeatedly against the cash register. J'onn couldn't resist…he had to know. His eyes glowed as he quickly and carefully probed his mind. John stopped hitting his head and looked up at him with a small frown.

"You were just inside my head, weren't you?"

"I'm sorry. I too have had troubles today."

"What sort of troubles?" John raised an eyebrow.

FLASHBACK

"Mommy I want that!"

"No honey, we have enough vanilla crisps at home."

"I WANT IT!" The child screamed.

J'onn watched the growing spectacle with morbid curiosity.

"I said NO!"

"YES!"

The child then proceeded to throw an absolute fit in the store and screamed at the top of his lungs. The humiliated and embarrassed mother gave in and threw a box of vanilla crisps into the shopping cart immediately silencing the boy. J'onn mentally shook his head.

"Hey!"

J'onn turned to see a man approaching.

"You guys are completely out of choco flakes cereal! You are always out of the things I am looking for! I'm going to shop somewhere else!"

"I can look in the back to see if we have any."

"Forget it! I've had it with this store!"

The man angrily kicked the cereal display causing an avalanche of cereal boxes to bury him alive. The irate customer swore multiple profanities and climbed back up to his feet. He shoved past J'onn, leaving the mess behind for the Martian to clean up. As soon as J'onn finished replacing the last box on the shelf, movement caught the corner of his eye. A child was climbing up the shelves trying to reach something up high. The kid's parent saw what they were doing and moved in to grab them but the inevitable happened. The shelf fell forward causing a domino effect that knocked three displays over, spilling merchandise all over the floor.

The commotion scared an infant into screaming.

END FLASHBACK

J'onn came back to reality to see John snapping his fingers in his face.

"Very frustrating things," J'onn answered dryly.

In the checkout lane next to them, Flash greeted yet another customer.

"Would you like paper or plastic bags?" Batman asked.

"Give me double paper inside of plastic," the man responded seriously.

Batman looked over at Superman.

"Is that even an option?"

Superman shrugged.

"Just make the customer happy."

Batman did just that. If he thought that request was strange, he had another thing coming. The next customer that came through was a middle aged man wearing a pair of black sunglasses. He looked at Batman and before the black caped crusader could ask him what he wanted, he beat him to it.

"I want the cold stuff in a plastic bag but put that bag in a double paper inside of a plastic bag."

Batman looked at Superman with narrowed eyes.

"Now this is getting ridiculous."

Just when J'onn thought the frustrations were finally going to end, a man accidentally dropped a two liter of soda that exploded all over J'onn. The man apologized profusely before running off, yet another human leaving a mess for him to clean.

A little girl who saw the whole thing stared at the Martian with wide eyes. Her mother was too preoccupied making a hard decision choosing between a brand name or a store brand product. The child approached him and pulled out a napkin from her pocket. She offered it to J'onn.

"This is for you."

J'onn took it and wiped the still dripping soda off of his face and half smiled.

"Thank you."

"Are you an alien?"

J'onn was silent a moment.

"Yes. I'm from Mars."

The little girl smiled.

"Cool! I love outer space. I wish I could go out there and see it all! Can I visit your planet?"

J'onn shook his head sadly.

"I'm afraid there is no life there anymore and nothing exciting to see."

"Do you have superpowers?"

J'onn shape shifted into his natural Martian form. The little girl's eyes widened but not in fear.

"I think you're cool!" She grinned brightly at him.

J'onn reverted back to his Earthly disguise. He smiled and watched the girl leave with her mother. He then looked sad as he remembered the loss of his two children. He had a daughter. Had she been human she would have been that girl's age. He finished cleaning himself off and cleaned up the mess with a mop and bucket.

While the heroes were busy in their work a shifty eyed teenager wearing faded blue jeans and a black hoodie snagged a can of chili and stuffed it in his pouch pocket. He attempted to walk out but Wonder Woman saw the whole thing. She stopped him from leaving.

"You are going to do one of two things. Either you put that back or you pay for it!"

The teen made a run for it. Wonder woman tried to lasso him with her rope but he baseball slid beneath an empty register and kept running.

"Stop that thief!" The store owner shouted.

The teenager tripped and face planted, the can flew from his grasp and struck the little girl J'onn spoke with. She cried as a huge bump appeared on her forehead. J'onn's eyes narrowed and he growled. The mop fell from his hand and he hauled the boy up and lifted him three feet off the ground by the front of his shirt. The teen looked ashamed.

"Why?!" J'onn asked in barley controlled anger.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I just…I just…"

"Just what?" Superman questioned with his arms crossed.

The rest of the Justice League stood behind Superman with disapproving expressions.

"It's not what you think! I wasn't really stealing. I just wanted your autographs."

He pulled out a comic book from his pants pocket. J'onn put him down.

"Then why didn't you just ask us?" Flash piped in.

"You were all so busy. You probably would have said you didn't have the time."

"You never know until you ask," Wonder woman said.

"A little girl is hurt because of you," Superman admonished with a frown.

"I know and I'm sorry! It will never happen again, I swear!"

"You are SO lucky I don't press charges," the mother growled at him.

The store owner got ice for the girl's head. J'onn approached her with a small smile.

"This is for you."

He opened his fist and revealed a small reddish rock. He used telepathy to speak to her.

This is a Martian rock. Now you can carry Mars with you.

She smiled and took it.

"Thank you. I'll keep it forever!"

She hugged the rock to her chest and then left the store with her mother.

The owner made a deal with the teenager. If he wanted the Justice League's autographs…he'd have to work for it. Steve handed him a broom and dustpan.

"J'onn here can show you what to do."

The boy gulped with wide eyes and smiled nervously at the Martian.

"Uhh…hi. I know we got off on the wrong foot…but I'm a huge fan."

"Right this way."

J'onn instructed him on the duties he was to perform the remaining three hours they were in the store. The teenager worked hard, more than willing to make up for the trouble he caused. In just three hours time, the League finished their shift. They signed autographs for the kid and said good bye to Steve. The store owner stopped them before leaving and smiled.

"I received the preliminary report from our accountants. Thanks to you we will be donating 54,543 dollars to the Cancer Research Centers of Metropolis."

"We are glad we could help you out."

The Justice League exited the store, the blinding sunlight made them squint but around them a multitude of cheers and applause filled the air. As it turned out, a reporter who worked for the Daily Planet heard about the Justice League's endeavor to help raise money and the news spread like a wildfire.

"Thank you Justice League!"

"Because of you, my son will get the treatment he needs!"

"Thank you!"

The members of the Justice League were rather surprised. They smiled and waved at the crowd and returned to their ship. They flew back to the watchtower, all of them trading stories about the day's events. Little did they know that what they did that day… would save the life of a little girl who dreamed of Mars.

THE END

Author's note: I really think that J'onn has a soft spot for kids. He had two children after all, at least in the Justice League cartoons. Again, this was just for fun.