I can't figure out why no one has done this before... Are there a million that I haven't seen? Is there a strange taboo against it? I LOVE this part of the story. It WORKS! C'mon people!

This takes place during the Kafka story, when Cain is staying at the country house with Riff and "Doctor Ancel Adams". Headily Cain/Riff and tons of fun to write! :3 Enjoy!

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Knock, knock, knock.

Three crisp taps on Cain's bedroom door alerted him to his visitor's arrival. The door opened and his valet entered, looking bemused and holding a slip of paper.

"Milord? Why such odd hours?"

Cain was pacing, his robe fluttering around his ankles as he glared indistinctly at the walls of the country manor. "Dr. Ancel Adams. He's been watching me every second of every day here. How am I supposed to talk to you?" He sounded frustrated. "I trust you were not seen coming?"

"I was not, of course."

"Good. Ancel is a fool, and I don't trust him. We need to build up the evidence of conspiracy against ourselves, since he obviously knows more than he's telling about the vampires. I have an idea-"

"Lord Cain," Riff interjected softly, "You needn't worry. The man is utterly mistaken. I will never… I could never betray you."

The young noble's pacing paused as he turned to face his one and only adviser. The haunting fear that Riff had seen in the depths of his eyes surfaced as the head butler stepped closer, allowing Cain to bury his face in Riff's shirt and deeply inhale the scent of the man. So softly it could barely be heard, he whispered, "Never leave me."

"I cannot. You are my reason for existing." Gently, the young valet held his master as he tried to ease Cain's fears. "My life is yours to command, my lord."

Cain remained nestled against Riff for a second longer than Riff had expected, leaving the man slightly pink-cheeked when he finally removed himself from the reassuring embrace. Straightening and clearing his throat, Cain returned to the topic at hand.

"Then there is no cause for concern. We needn't suspect one another, and my plan won't work if we do. Now, Riff, what the Doctor wants to see is us turned against one another, correct?

"Yes, sir."

"Well then, he simplest option is to stage a scene between one of us and the vampire girl, suggesting that she is our confederate. No one, least of all the Doctor, will suspect that it was an orchestrated event, and he will continue to try to poison us against each other, depriving me of my most valued ally." Cain smiled that little, careless smile that seemed too wanton for a conversation between two men, but Riff merely nodded. "For all intents and purposes, we will be separated, and you will be dismissed from my service."

Riff gasped now, horrified by the very thought. "Milord Cain! I cannot! Please, I do not trust that man, and I won't leave you with him-"

"Touching as your concern is, I simply need you to check up on Doctor Ancel Adams in London. There have been no corroborations of his identity, and his act has slipped a few times. The severe vertigo seems to come and go. There's no way for us to divert his attention from you, except by seeming to remove you from the picture completely."

"I see. I fear for your safety, but the plan is sound. What sort of scene have you planned, milord? And how will we convince him of the girl's involvement?"

There was a moment of silence as Cain eyed Riff with a calculating stare. "Take off your shirt." He fetched a tape measure from a drawer, and as Riff hesitantly began unbuttoning his neat white shirt, he began to explain. "We need a scene of obvious alliance. The simplest would be a… seduction."

The head butler sounded slightly stiff as he acknowledged this point. "Of course." The first four buttons came undone.

"The problem comes in finding a suitable girl. We need someone who we know won't betray us, and none of the maids fit that description. You aren't going to like this, Riff…"

"Uh," the young man finished unbuttoning his starched shirt and considered who could possibly play the part, "You can't possibly suggest Mary Weather, sir?!"

"Of course not!" Cain yelped, surprised. "I would never involve her. No, Riff. The girl will be you."

Silence.

"Riff? …Riff?!"

"M-milord, I-I'm afraid I… Milord, no!"

"Excuse me?" Cain asked, annoyed.

"I won't!"

"Oh, yes you will, Riff!"

"Sir," Riff grasped at reasons, of which there were thankfully many. "Sir, I am far too tall and broad-shouldered. The Doctor would never believe it. And besides, he has been focusing on framing me, Lord Cain. You know that he is most likely a confederate of the vampire girl, trying to get to you, and if he thinks you have been seduced, he will move on to killing you, or whatever he has in mind! You realized all this I'm sure, Cain, and I can only conclude that you realized the only way your plan could function and were unwilling to suggest it yourself."

Cain winced, but smiled good-naturedly at getting caught. "I should never attempt to trick you. Yes, I know…"

"You will have to be the girl."

"I will indeed. And I will have to seduce the most emotionless and steady man in all of England, so I'd best look stunning."

It was a moment before Riff realized that the "emotionless and steady man" was himself, but when he did, he looked nearly cataleptic. "Milord!! I don't think-!! This surely isn't…!! …Seduce?" He held up his hands as if to ward off an attack, but Cain was simply standing by the dresser, tape measure still in hand, robe sagging open at the neck casually and almost… suggestively. Riff gulped and realized that his own shirt was in a similar state from the earlier order to remove it. He hurriedly refastened it, terribly uncomfortable and not noticing when Cain smiled slightly as he buttoned the shirt askew. "I couldn't…"

The young noble eyed him slyly. "How else would a vampire gain control over my repressed manservant?" Something about the way he said the word "manservant" made Riff think suddenly of the hidden implications of innuendo involved in the term. It suddenly sounded less like a reasonable and respectable job for a poor man of the middle class and more like a job one might get in a harem. "Manservant" indeed!

As if to reinforce this impression, Cain stepped forward and slid the robe off his shoulders in a slow, fluid motion. It slithered to the floor in smooth folds around his slim ankles, and he stepped carefully out of it, towards Riff. He wasn't wearing a stitch underneath. Stepping a bit too close, the dark-haired man pressed the tape measure into his servant's hands. When he spoke, his voice was too soft to break the tension.

"Riff, I'm going to need a dress. Measure me."

It was unclear exactly when the process of the seducing the valet would begin for Cain. He held his arms to the side as his blonde head butler wrapped the tape around him and mumbled numbers to himself, fumbling more than usual and seeming oddly nervous for a man who dressed and undressed his master every day. To his credit, his master did not discuss seducing him every day.

When he bent to read the last number, Cain's voice startled him out of an efficient daze, just loud enough to be heard and breathy enough to tickle Riff's ear as he whispered, "Finished?"

Riff froze and nodded.

"Tuck me in."

Riff stood, a touch of pink lightening his cheeks, and lifted Cain into his arms carefully, carrying him across the room to the bed, where he deposited him gently and pulled up the covers. Before he could straighten and leave, Cain caught him by the shirtfront and pulled him down to say, "Well then, good night Riff, and sweet dreams…"

"Good-night, my lord." Riff smoothed his master's hair with unexpected tenderness and headed quickly for the door.

The maid Doctor Adams had paid to watch Cain's room watched in surprise as the door opened and Riff hurried out. She was about to run for the Doctor, but then she caught a better look at the valet as he passed under a lamp.

His hair was mussed and his face slightly flushed. His shirt was buttoned askew and rumpled, and his breathing was less than regular. The maid covered her mouth to hide a giggle. She would have expected as much from Master Cain. Poor Riff. She was quite sure the lord was responsible for his manservant's state and suspected that perhaps this wasn't the first order of uncertain nature that innocent Riff had obeyed, although she was positive that Master Cain would provide splendid assistance to his chores… Honestly. It was really only a matter of time before something scandalous happened, with the way her noble employer acted around his servant.

It wouldn't be right to tell Dr. Adams about that. After all, it was up to her to protect her master's secret scandal, but of course she would warn a few of her friends not to say anything if they saw something suspicious… That wasn't the sort of thing the doctor needed to know, anyway, and it was none of his business. Giggling, the gossipy maid scurried off to find her friends and inform them of what the repressed manservant and his master did behind closed doors.

--g--o--d--c--h--i--l--d--

I finished this in a few more chapters. Review if you want them... Actually, I'll post them if you like it or not, but you'll make me feel good if you do. Please? No? NO?! ...Asshole.