Naruto da playa

Hi all, Ultima here and bringing you another comedy fic for the Naruto storyline. Me and one of my Beta-Readers (Or do I mean critic?) were having a conversation on a fic to write out.

He came up with an idea of, 'what if Naruto was a pimp?' So I decided to take his idea and write it to see how it fared.

This is the first ever one shot by me,

Naruto, the hooker of Konoha.

Prostitute no Jutsu

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, everything is owned by Mashasi Kishimoto, the creator of Naruto.

"Blah" normal talking

'Blah' thinking

"Blah" Kyuubi talking

It was a normal day in Konoha, Sakura was obsessing over Sasuke. Rock Lee and Guy (A/N: Bear with me…I don't like the way the other name is spelled.) were having their 'Flaming Youth' conversations all over the place.

Tsunade was gambling and Shizune was doing paperwork. Everyone in Konoha was doing something they did nearly everyday.

However, there was a certain blonde ninja that was having some trouble. He was broke and believe it or not, there wasn't a single thing for him to do!

There were no missions available and no one needed any chores or favors and our poor Naruto was hungry but he had no food.

"Now let me think." Naruto said aloud as he paced back and forth in his living room apartment. "No missions, no one in the village needs help…of course they wouldn't let me help them if I was the last person on earth."

He had no idea what to think and it seemed to him that there was nothing he could do. "Hmm…train others…nah…their parents would flip out on me." He said as he sat down at his table.

"Open a small business. But what kind of business do people want?" he asked himself as he strained his mind trying to think.

"Its too cold for lemonade…of course I don't have the money to buy ingredients. I could sell something…but I need everything I have." He sighed in defeat before he finally saw someone passing by with an 'Icha Icha Paradise" book in hand.

Naruto thought for a minute, then he grinned evilly. He knew what he wanted to do for money now. He suddenly heard a voice in his head. "Kit, I want a word with you!" the Kyuubi roared as Naruto shook his head.

"Whaddya want now Kyuubi?" Naruto asked as he folded his arms across his chest. "Kit, I know very well what your thinking, but don't you think that's a bit extreme for a bit of spending money?" Kyuubi asked.

Naruto grinned, "That's the fun of it, I won't do it, but my shadow clones will!" Naruto exclaimed as he made a cross shaped hand sign and five shadow clones suddenly appeared.

"But listen to me kit, don't you think that people WON'T wanna sleep with YOU?" the Kyuubi asked as he inwardly laughed at the thought of someone sleeping with Naruto.

"I've already thought of that and I'm going to transform my clones into something else instead of me." Naruto explained as his clones vanished and Naruto made five different hand signs, "prostitute no jutsu!"

Naruto said as a puff of smoke blasted out in front of him and a shadow clone appeared, but this shadow clone was NOT anything like Naruto.

Oh no…this clone was a female, she had long dark brown hair, a large chest, a half lazy look, lots of blue eye shade on, dark red lipstick and was wearing a short black mini skirt with a cut off tank top and black heels with string laced socks. (Imagine that black clothing piece under Temari's tunic.)

"Bwahahahahahaaa!" the Kyuubi roared with laughter when he saw what Naruto created. "Good one kit! Now all the men will DEFIDENTALLY be after this one!" he said as he laughed some more.

Naruto grinned and wiped under his nose as he admired his work. "Ok you…I want you to go out there and make me some money! Ya hear?" Naruto said to the clone.

She tsked and put her hands on her hips. "Look hon…I was created for one reason only and I know what it is. So if you would kindly move out of my way, I'll get started." The clone said huffily as she nudged past Naruto and went out to the streets to do her thing.

Naruto grinned evilly as his plan went into effect. Kyuubi spoke up suddenly, "Hey kit, ever think of doing this permanently?" he asked.

Naruto put a hand under his chin as he thought about this for a minute. "Sure, why not?" Naruto said as he put his hands behind his head.

"Allright then. I'm going to teach you everything I know about this. First off…you need new cloths." Kyuubi said as Naruto looked down at his outfit.

"What's wrong with my orange jumper?" Naruto asked as he looked into a mirror. "That's just it kit, orange is NOT a good color for this line of work unless your wearing a tiger striped outfit."

So after a few tips and hints, Naruto departed to look for a clothing shop that would sell what he needed. He finally came to a shop called 'The Show Below' Naruto wondered why he never noticed this shop before.

Naruto had walked inside and the lights were dimmed and an eerie glow had filled the room, making Naruto's skin change color and his cloths to shine brightly like neon. (In case you still don't know…a blue light.)

A clerk came walking up to him and was wearing a suit and a big hat with a feather on it, he had on sunglasses for some reason and his cane had a gold handle and a golden tip and he had a chain hanging off the side pocket.

"Welcome to The Show Below my man, what can I do you for? The clerk asked as he lowered his head and glanced at Naruto over his shades.

"I need some new cloths." Naruto said. The clerk then had a look of shock on his face. "Boy, I should bitch slap you for sayin it like that here!" the clerk said before glancing back.

"In here, you say, 'I needs me some new threads.' Go on, say it!" the clerk said. Naruto was confused by this but obliged, "I needs me some new threads." He said to the clerk.

"Now that's much betta! Before we gets this show on the road though, I thinks I'd betta teach ya a few thangs about bein a playa." The clerk said before he took Naruto to an area where there were some pants hanging on a cloths rack.

"Now first off, we needs ta work on your language skills. Now then, I want you to try talkin like I been doin here since you met me." And so, the lessons began.

Meanwhile, with the clone

She was standing on a corner under a street light and was standing there with a hand on her hip. Kakashi suddenly came walking by and she showed her leg off to him, "Excuse me doll, interested in a good time?" she asked him.

Kakashi seemed a bit stunned at this girls behavior, well…because this was the first time he's ever seen a hooker in Konoha. "Well um…how much?" he asked her.

"Oh not much hun…just about 5000 Ryou." She said as she looked at the back of her nails. Kakashi didn't know what to say, he had only read about this in his books.

"Ok then. Lets head back to my place." Kakashi said as he put an arm around her and led her back to his home.

Back with Naruto

He was apparently a fast learner as he had the talk down, the walk down, and he even changed his voice to sound deeper and different than before. "Now ya's ready for a change of wardrobe!" the clerk said as he led Naruto to the back.

He then held a black suit and a purple suit to Naruto. "This heres our finest sella…the black'll make you look dignified and in charge, while the purple shows that you mean business. It even comes with a hat and shades." The clerk said.

Naruto nodded at the clerk, "Would ya believe that this is all I have to wear homey?" Naruto said to the clerk. "No damn way!" the clerk said, obviously shocked.

"Well, looks like we gonna have to get you a new damn closet!" he said as he started to grab various outfits and items and taking them to the front of the store.

"Now listen homes…I knows this stuff supposed to be expensive an all, but I make a deal with you. Normally, this altogether cost over 200,000 ryou, but for you…I lower it to 125,000."

Naruto seemed to like this but he still had his money problem. "Sounds great home boy…but I'm short on dough and I ain't gettin no pay till some other time." Naruto said to the clerk.

He pfft and waved his hand. "Don't worry bout it homes…just pay me when you can." The clerk said as he wrote down the receipt and stashed it in his desk drawer.

Naruto took the cloths and headed home where he then proceeded to throw out his old outfits and restock with his new cloths. "My crib needs redecoratin." Naruto said as he frowned at his home.

Suddenly the prostitute clone enters the room and tosses a wad of 70,000 ryou at him. "Its all I could make tonight." She said before punching herself and poofing out of existence.

Naruto was shocked at first about the money, then at the memories the clone provided when she poofed out and handed her knowledge down to Naruto.

"Oh shit sista…that's just sick there." He said as he shuddered as the memories of every man the clone went with flooded into Naruto's head.

Well that's it for this chapter. Tell me what you think, please no flames, and just review.