One Day, We Will Be

by Breakmedownx09

When outside forces tell you its wrong, do you listen?

1. Part 1

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I read the end of the letter, reluctantly:

You'll forever be in my heart.

Goodbye, Spencer.

2 years ago

Ashley's POV

August 2, 2007

I called Jess to have a very serious conversation with her today. We were best friends in grade school, but then she moved out of state right before 5th grade. We keep in contact as much as possible and every now and then we visit each other for a weekend. She's my go-to girl when I need to talk about things.

Ring…Ring…Ring… "Heeello?" she said in a perky tone.

"Jess, I'm not in the mood for your perkiness. I need your help. I have a HUGE straight girl crush that will not go away."

Jess sighed on the other end. She dragged out, "Again?"

In an annoying tone, I replied, "Yes, again and it's becoming out of hand."

She sighed again and said, "Ash, we've been over this a million times. How could you not know what to do by now?"

I confessed, "This time is different. I think I'm in love with her."

Jess gasped on the other end, pretending to cough up something. She finally said, "Ashley Davies in love?"

She's lucky she wasn't next to me because I would've swung at her. I said angrily, "Shut up. Just help me."

Jess calmed down, "Okay, okay. First off, are you sure she's straight?"

I answered confidently, "Yes, I'm certain."

She shot another one at me, "How much time do you spend with her in a day?"

I admitted, "A lot. Well, not a lot. We don't have any classes together, which sucks 'cause I want to be around her all the time, but we always hang out at lunch. Then, whenever we have free time, we usually spend it together."

Jess sounded like she was analyzing my situation. She uttered, "Mhm… Mhm. What is it that makes you want to be with her? Or, better yet, why do you think you're in love with her?"

I didn't think twice about what the answer was because I think about it all day. I said, "I love the way she can cheer me up, without even knowing. I love that she has really good morals, like me." I began to ramble off after that and listed everything on my mind. I continued, "I love the way she smells. I have no idea what its from. Whether it's the shampoo or perfume or body spray she uses, but I know no one has that same scent. She has this really cute face when she pretends to be mad at me. It drives me crazy. We have the best of times when we're together. She may talk too much sometimes, but I don't mind it because as long as I'm with her, I'm happy."

Jess cut me off, "I think you're the one that talks too much."

All I could say was, "Shut up. Was that good enough?"

"Yea. I can tell you really like her. You've never talked that way about any girl."

"I know. That's because I'm sure this is the one. The only problem is that she's straight!"

She didn't wait two seconds to ask, "Does she know you're gay?"

I abruptly said, "No! What are you kidding? Her family is totally religious and probably totally anti-gay and all of that stuff. If I told her I'm gay, she probably would never talk to me again. I'm definitely not going to risk our friendship with that."

Jess sighed, again, "Ash, I don't know what to say because it sounds like you're really in love with her." She waited a few moments for a reply, but I didn't please her. "I'm just gonna give you the same advice I always do, except this'll be a little different because of how religious you claim her to be." She sighed, "Just think about how it won't work out. Think about the fact that you can't have her because she doesn't like you in that sense. You don't even feel safe enough to tell her that you're gay." She had the guts to ask, "Is she even a real friend?"

I cut her off, "Don't even think about saying that! She's my best friend. We've been friends for so long and she's put up with so much. Shall I bring up the shit that happened with Madison?"

I met Madison in grade school and Spencer in middle school. I was on and off friends with Madison up until 8th grade. It was a very weird relationship because we either were really good friends or hated each other so much that we couldn't stand to look at each other. So, somehow, in 5th or 6th grade, Spencer and Madison became BFFs. It didn't bother me until I was introduced to Spencer in 7th grade.

Spencer and I instantly became friends. I remember having history together in 7th grade and it was one of the best times of my life. Hopefully it was for her, too. We had so many laughs in that class because we would always watch an "educational film" that never had an impact on our class. Instead of watching the film, we either passed notes or whispered to each other in class. It was so much fun because we thought we were being "rebellious." Then, we got older and we learned what "being rebellious" meant.

Anyways, I felt Spencer and I were pretty close friends, but I knew not as close as her and Madison. It still didn't bother me—yet. I always felt Madison didn't like me, deep down, because I was so close with Spencer. I wish I could just punch her out, but I can't—it's too late now.

So, in 8th grade, somehow, someway, Madison and I got into this huge fight. Not a physical one, but I wish it were because I would've showed her whose boss. I seriously don't know what started it, but I bet it had something to do with the fact that Spencer and I were really good friends. She was too jealous to even see Spencer talking to me. Now that I think about it, I bet Madison had a huge crush on her and couldn't stand to see another girl even with her. I'm getting off track, here…

This fight caused Madison and I to never talk to each other again. I really didn't mind it until I figured out that Spencer was pissed at me for getting into the fight with Madison in the first place. As time went on, I realized that Spencer was going to take Madison's side no matter what, even if it's me against her. She wasn't even going to let me have a say. It pissed me off. At that point, I felt like Madison had "won." She had "won" Spencer. I couldn't have that.

Pretty soon Spencer tried to ignore me as much as possible, but it didn't last too long. We continued to talk and maintained our friendship, but it was never the same after that. I had to "share" Spencer. If I were talking to Spencer, Madison would come up, like the bitch that she was, and "take" Spencer away. Spencer would go along with it, which also bothered me. I never knew if she did it because she wanted to or because she was afraid to not go with Madison. She might have been afraid of the repercussions that would've occurred.

Madison eventually moved out of state (There is a God). My friendship with Spencer instantly became wonderful after that. Probably even better than how it was in 7th grade. Now that I think about it, I don't think Spencer kept in contact with her. I wonder why.

I don't know why or how Spencer stayed friends with me through that whole thing, but I'm sure as hell glad she did.

That's why Spencer is my best friend. She could've taken Madison over me, but for some odd reason, she chose both of us.

Jess agreed, "Okay, Okay. I see your point, but I still think you have no chance with her because of many factors: She's straight, she's religious, and she wouldn't fall for someone like you." She began to laugh.

"That's not funny," I said semi-angrily. I heard her laughing in the background. "You know what?"

She caught her breath and asked, "What?"

"You're absolutely no help so I'm just going to hang up on you."

Jess laughed, "Okay bye."

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August 24, 2007

Jess came over on Friday to stay over for the weekend and helped me coordinate Spencer's surprise birthday party.

The Party

Aiden walked up to me and disrupted my concentration on Spencer. He said in an unsure tone, "I think I'm going to ask Spencer to dance with me."

I was going to ask her to dance, except it wouldn't have been in a way that would've caused her to freak out. I made up an excuse to let him down gently, "Aiden, I don't know if she's gonna say yes."

"Why?"

I confessed, "I hate to break this to you, but I don't think Spencer likes you enough to go out with you. I'm sorry. I tried to convince her, but she won't budge." He created a very disappointed face, which made me sad because I saw how much he cared about her. I suggested something, "Aiden, why don't you go and have fun tonight? Don't worry about how Spencer feels about you. Just party your heart out. Maybe you'll meet a girl who'll fall in love with you."

Aiden tried to put a smile on his face, but it didn't work. He walked back into the jungle of people who were rubbing up against each other.

Within seconds, I saw Spencer walking up to me. I put a smile on my face to set the mood of the conversation. "Ashley, this is the absolute best present anyone could've given me. You're the best friend in the whole world," she said enthusiastically as she smiled widely. Yea, friend.

She grabbed my hand to bring me onto the dance floor. Normally, I would grind the person(s) I'm with like there was no tomorrow, but not with Spencer. With Spencer, I want to be a more calm, not as erratic person. She makes me want to be different. That's a good thing, right?

***

"So that's Spencer? The Spencer Carlin?" Jess asked me as we looked over at Spencer having a blast with her (our) friends.

"Yea. Yea, it is," I nodded my head as my eyes stayed fixed on Spencer.

She said, "You really picked a winner. She's so awesome. We talked for quite a bit and she's a really cool person. And her body is…"

"Perfect," I project out of my mouth quietly.

She didn't hear that, but she trailed off onto another topic, "If I should say so myself, I thought Spencer was kind of flirting with me."

I turned my head sharply to look at her. I said in shock, "No way!"

"I'm just kidding."

"That's not funny because I have to admit, I'm starting to think Spence isn't into boys," I looked over at Jess to see her reaction. She simply nodded her head. "I really don't understand why she won't go out with Aiden—or Tony. Both of them like her and it seems she likes them, too. So what's holding her back?"

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December 15, 2007

Spencer and I were sitting on her bedroom floor, criss-cross style. We both had books on our laps with at least one notebook and a couple of writing utensils to take substantial notes.

I put my pencil down, from my hand, onto my open book. I dropped my book onto the floor. I stretched out my arms from being in that position so long, studying. I chose to start a conversation to break Spencer away from her studies. I said, not wanting to start a fight, "So what is it that's stopping you from going out with Tony or Aiden?"

She didn't pick up her head from her book, "Ash, this is not the time to talk about this. We both have finals coming up, so we need to study."

I made an excuse, "I think we'll be fine if we take a five minute break. Now answer the question."

She still didn't pick up her head, "I already told you why."

I replied quickly, "No you didn't, Spence. Those were just excuses and you know it."

She mumbled, "I don't want to talk about it."

I cracked my knuckles, "Why?"

She mumbled louder this time, "Because I don't want to talk about it."

I assured her, "I'm not going to laugh or anything. You can tell me anything. You're my best friend."

She spoke, "I know you are, but some things just need to be left unsaid."

I created a confused look, "Now, you're creeping me out. What is it that you're hiding from me? You can tell me, Spence." I paused a few moments. "Why is it that you won't go out with at least one of them?"

She picked up her eyes up to look at the floor a few inches from her. She fixed her eyes on that spot when she said, "Because I like…"

"You like who, Spencer?"

"No, never mind," she looked back at her book and continued to work.

"Spencer, you're going to tell me or I'm going to leave," I threatened, only to get to the point. I would never just leave her.

There was a significant pause before she even created a huff of air. She finally looked up at my eyes and confessed, "Because I like you."

My eyes grew like quarters within a second. I began to huff and puff at what I just heard. I asked myself, "Did I just dream that or did Spencer actually say that?" I sat there a few seconds. I thought, "I was 100% sure she was straight. What happened?"

I breathed out, "What?"

She repeated again, "Because I like you. I always have." She paused. "Ever since 7th grade history-"

I stopped her words by jumping towards her to kiss her, hard. She took my reaction in a positive way and joined in on the passion. She grabbed my cheek to grasp my face, as our kisses got deeper and deeper.

Even though our lips smacking together made quite some noise, we managed to hear someone running up the stairs. We quickly broke away and gathered our things together to make it seem like we were still working.

Her mom barged in with homemade brownies. Her brownies are awesome, but not awesome enough to forgive her from barging in on our make out session. She asked, "How's the studying going guys?"

Spencer answered, "It's going really well. We're getting a lot done."

Her mom replied, "That's good." She paused and looked back and forth at the two of us. "Well, I'll just leave you two to study." She smiled as she walked out, closing the door behind her.

I looked at Spencer and there was a moment of silence. I said what was on my mind, "I have so many questions for you."

She smiled, "Shoot."

I asked this because it was the first thing that came to mind for some reason, "So is that why you stayed friends with me when Madison and I were at each other's throats—because you liked me?"

She made an embarrassed face, but I don't know why. She nodded her head up and down.

I confessed, "I always wondered why you didn't just leave me in the dust for Madison. But I also couldn't understand why you were even friends with her in the first place." I smirked.

She slapped my shoulder. She said, "Shut up." She paused. "Might I recall the fact that you were friends with her, too?"

I blurted out, "But that was totally different. I realized she was a bitch, you never did." She gave me an annoyed face. I confessed, "I never liked her because she always took you away from me."

She looked me deeply into my eyes and leaned over to give me a quick peck on the lips. I looked at her seriously and said, "I will never let anyone take you away from me. Ever."

She replied simply, "Thank you."

I changed the subject, "I have another question."

"Okay…"

"Are you gay?" It was really abrupt, but it just slipped out.

"Yea. I actually just figured it out over the summer."

I consoled her, "That's fine. As long as it's figured it out."

She grabbed my hand gently. She looked me in the eyes. She said, "Yea. Now I can be with you the way I always wished I could be." She smiled at me. There was a long pause. She said suddenly, "Wait. You're gay?"

I dragged out my answer, "Yea."

She asked, "How come you never told me?"

I lied, reluctant to tell her the real reason, "It never came up for discussion?"

She blew it off, "Oh whatever."

She gave me a little peck on the lips. We placed our foreheads against each other for a few moments. I broke away from her to say, "How did you know? I mean how did you know you liked me? There are tons of girls out there, so why me?"

She smiled as she said, "I just knew." She looked down at the floor. "I knew that there was always something missing when I wasn't with you. I didn't feel complete whenever we were apart." She stopped. "I know this probably sounds so weird, but I'm almost sure I'm in love with you." She bit her lip, waiting for a good response.

I smiled back at her. I inched closer to her to place another kiss on her soft lips. I looked at her with a serious face and said, "I was always hoping you were. Because I'm almost sure I'm in love with you."

This time, she kissed me. It was a little harder than the past few kisses. We got into it almost instantly. The sexual tensions over the years were put into full force. Our kissing made us look like we couldn't get enough of each other. Well, that's actually the truth.

I had to break away from Spencer, but only to catch my breath. I said in shock, "So this is what we've been missing all these years? I can't believe it." I smiled at her.

She began to breathe heavily and made a serious face. It seemed like a light bulb turned on in her head—a very dark, disturbing light bulb. I couldn't look at it because it was scaring me. I asked, "Spence, what is it?"

She breathed out, "Ash, get out."

I asked in fear, "Why, Spencer?"

She didn't look at me. She gathered my books together and began to put them in my backpack. She finally said, "Ash, just get out."

I looked at her, hoping she would've looked at me, but there was no such luck. I demanded, "No. I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong. I hate when you do this!"

Spencer looked at her door to see if anyone was standing there, like her obnoxious brother. The doorway was clear. She slowly began to cry, while still packing up my books. She continued to not look at me, "Ash just leave now, before you get hurt."

I asked in confusion, "Spence, how am I going to get hurt? You're going to hurt me? You won't hurt me because I know that you love me. You just told me so. And I won't let you back away from me because I know how much I mean to you."

She sniffed, "This isn't going to work out, Ash. Can't you see that?"

I replied quickly, "How will it not work out? We love each other. We always have. And we always will. What's the problem?"

She finally looked at me, "My parents! That's why." She caught me off guard with that one. I mean, I always expected them to be anti-gay, but always hoped it wasn't true. "There's no way my parents will accept me or us." She shook her head.

I wasn't going to back away from that—our chance to be together. I've wanted it for so long and to just throw it away was not an option. I took my backpack and books from her hands. She began to cry harder. I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her. I just hoped no one was going to barge in anytime soon or even hear her crying. I tried to comfort her and get her to calm down with a soothing tone. I gently rubbed the back of her head. I said, "Spencer, it's going to be alright." I paused. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

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Later that night, 12:00 am

Ring…Ring… "Ash, stop bothering me," Jess said on the other end.

"I gotta tell you something really important," I said excitedly.

She yawned, "What is so important at three in the morning?"

Jess lives in Pennsylvania. I'm in California—L.A. to be exact and she's three hours ahead, but I don't care because it was really important and I thought she would be shocked to hear about it.

I demanded, "Guess what happened tonight."

She yawned again, "You figured out that you're crazy to call someone at three o'clock in the morning?"

I said elatedly, "No, something better than that." I paused a few seconds. "To make a long story short, Spencer told me that she's had a crush on me ever since 7th grade. She also told me that she's practically in love with me!"

I could tell Jess became alert when I said that. She said, "Oh my God. Are you serious? Spencer? The Spencer?"

I replied quickly, "Yea! I couldn't believe it either." I paused to change the subject. "And then I told her how I felt about her and all that good stuff and then we kissed and kissed some more." I reminisced the night perfectly. I became slightly calm when I said, "And then something happened."

Jess practically screamed through the phone, "Ashley Davies!"

I immediately understood what she thought I meant. I assured her, "No! Nothing of that sort happened." I paused a few moments. "She began to cry. She told me to leave, but I didn't. She tried to kick me out of her room." I stopped. "She didn't want me to get hurt because she knows our relationship would never work out because of her parents." I stopped again. "All I could do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but I know that's probably not true."

Jess said, "Ashley, you've got a lot on your hands if you expect to be with this girl. You pretty much told me that her parents would probably disown her if they found out she were in love with a girl." She sighed. "All I can say is to be careful. Make sure, when you two feel it's the right time, tell her parents—in person. It'll probably be the hardest way of doing it, but I don't know what else to say."

I didn't say anything. I just soaked in all the advice she tried to give me.

She finally said, "Listen, I got get some sleep. School's tomorrow and you know how cranky I can be without enough sleep." She continued with sincerity, "I wish you two the best, Ashley. I really do." She paused again. "Goodnight Ash."

"Goodnight."

March 15, 2008

Spencer and I were sitting on the couch in the living room, surrounded by the whole family. I had Spencer comfortably resting in my arms. My parents are totally okay with me being gay. And they absolutely love Spencer, which is a very good plus. We were watching a home decorating show. I don't know whose idea it was to turn it on, but I was getting used to it. It probably was Aiden who did it. He seemed really interested in it.

Anyways, a house that was absolutely gorgeous popped up on the show. It was a white house with blue shudders and a white picket fence. It was a dream home. The beauty was worth $750,000. Of course, something that gorgeous has to be that expensive. Spencer gasped as soon as she saw it. She said, "That's so beautiful."

I nudged her a little. I said, "Isn't it?"

Spencer turned around to look me in the eyes. She looked stunned. She asked, "Since when did you get interested in things like this?"

I asked, "What? You don't think I know a beautiful thing when I see one? Then how do you explain us?" I started to tickle her. She goes nuts whenever I tickle her. I kept say, "Huh? Huh? Huh?"

She couldn't keep a smile off her face as she tried to swipe my hands away. She begged, "Ash, stop it."

I obeyed her wishes. My mom looked at us and jumped in, "Aren't they so cute?"

Spencer and I looked at each other seriously. I said after a few moments, "We are. Aren't we?" Spencer gave me a quick peck on the lips. I waited a few minutes, then looked back at the TV screen. I suggested to Spencer, "Hey, maybe we'll live in something that beautiful someday."

Spencer said quietly, "Yea maybe."

June 21, 2008

"But I want to see you before I leave tomorrow," Spencer pleaded on the other end.

I teased her in a whiny voice, "But what if I don't want to see you?"

She replied quickly, "Then I'd say you're a very bad liar. I'll be over in 15 minutes."

I agreed, "Okay, fine. I have something to give to you when you get here."

She said slyly, "I have something for you, too."

The promise:

Ding-dong

I answered the door, knowing who it was instantly. She appeared in my eyes and I immediately hugged and kissed her.

I grabbed her hand to lead her upstairs into my bedroom.

We got into my bedroom and Spencer immediately asked me eagerly, "So what is it that you have for me?"

I demanded, "Sit on the bed and I'll show you." I walked to my dresser and turned my back to Spencer. "You gotta learn to have patience." I covered up the gift with my body as I took it out and put it in my pocket.

I turned around to walk back towards Spencer. I sat to the right of Spencer, on my bed. It was really intense for me because I knew what I was about to give her, but she had no idea. I grabbed her right hand and pulled it closer to me. Spencer asked, "What are you doing, Ash?"

I smiled lightly, "I'm giving you your present." I reached in my pocket to reveal a beautiful light-blue diamond ring. The stone sparkled as the light reflected off of it.

Spencer gasped loudly. She said in shock, "Oh my God, Ashley. That is so beautiful."

I bit my lower lip as I placed it on Spencer's ring finger. I explained, "I didn't get you your birthstone color because I didn't think it would look as beautiful as this would. The blue goes so well with your gorgeous eyes."

Spencer lifted her hand to view the ring like a princess would. Her face suddenly resembled that she just realized something. She asked in confusion, "Is this supposed to be an engagement ring?"

I grabbed her hand to kiss it. I said, "Even though I would love for that to be an engagement ring, it isn't. I'm sorry. It's more of a promise ring." Spencer opened her mouth a little. She was still in shock. "I know I'm being cliché by saying it's a promise ring, but it really is. It's a promise I'm making you that I will always love you. You'll forever be in my heart, no matter how far apart we are." I stopped. I teased, "And it only took me six months to realize that." I smiled to show her I was kidding with her.

Spencer smiled at me. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Well, I think it's been a very…" kiss "great…" kiss "wonderful…" kiss she rolled her eyes "amazing…" kiss "six months." She pulled my bangs back from my face. She said, "I wouldn't have traded it for the world."

This time I kissed her. I couldn't refuse to smile with each and every kiss. Everything seemed so perfect, like nothing could go wrong. But Spencer's parents still don't know about her or us. We still need to get over that hurdle.

I reminded her, "So what was it that you had to give to me?"

She shrugged her eyebrows and asked, "Honestly?"

"Yes?"

She inhaled deeply before saying, "Honestly, I was going to come over here and tell you that I wanted to take the next step in our relationship."

I asked, "You mean engagement or the other thing?"

Spencer bit her lip, "The other thing."

I began to breathe heavily. I was so nervous that I think my palms were starting to sweat. I had never imagined of doing that with Spencer. Well, I fantasized about it, but never thought it would happen on those terms.

She didn't seem nervous. She probably mentally prepared for that little speech of hers. How sneaky.

All I could say was, "Really?"

Spencer shook her head up and down. She put her hand on top of mine. She explained, "I'm going to be really cliché now." She paused. "I love you Ashley and I know you love me. And I think that people that love each other should do things like that."

I nodded my head in approval. I inched closer to her face to kiss her passionately. I brought her to lay her head on the bed to proceed with our things.

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June 25, 2008

Ring… I picked up my phone from my nightstand and said groggily, "Hello?"

"Hey, Ash. Sorry to wake you up, but this was the only chance I got to talk to you alone," Spencer spoke on the other side.

I immediately arose from my bed and became perky. I said cheerfully, "Hey, Spencer. I'm so glad to hear your voice. I miss you so much, baby."

Spencer comforted me, "I know, babe. I miss you, too. It's so hard not being able to see you all the time. I'll be home in a few days, though." She paused. "But anyways, the reason why I'm calling you is to tell you that I think we should tell my parents about us, when I get back. A couple days after we come home, at least."

I questioned, "Are you sure about this?"

Spencer guaranteed me, "Yes, I'm sure. I think it's been a long enough time keeping it from them."

I sighed, "Okay." I paused. "I'll talk to you later?"

Spencer said genuinely, "Yea, hun. I love you."

I replied, "I love you too babe. Bye."

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July 1, 2008

Spencer came over today to help "mentally prepare" for what we were about to do tonight.

Soon enough, I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door to find Spencer, dressed as beautiful as usual. I smiled at her and opened my arms. I said as she was comfortably in my arms, "Hey cutie."

She pulled away from me, smiling, "Hey to you too." I closed the door. She informed, "We have to make this go as smoothly as possible so we set good grounds for Glen and Aiden."

Here's the deal. The whole plan was for Spencer and me to first come out to her parents. Then Glen and Aiden would follow, if, by some slim chance, ours turned out well. Yea, Glen and Aiden are going out. I was shocked to find out Aiden is gay, but I think he felt the same way when he found that out about me. Surprisingly, Aiden and Glen turned out to be a cute couple. Even though they can't agree on a lot of things, they seem to be really happy together.

But not as happy as Spencer and me.

I nodded my head in approval. I said, "This better go well. We've been so worried about this 'meeting' for so long that it would be such a load off our shoulders if it went well."

She smirked, "Yea. If this all goes well, then there IS a God."

I sighed, "Yea."

The Big Meet

Dinner was going great at the Carlins'. The food was great or maybe my plate was poisoned because they suspected something. We were having good, wholesome conversations, as usual. Her parents always liked me, but that changed by the end of the evening.

We weren't halfway through our dinner when Spencer announced, "I have something to say." She clutched my hand underneath the table. My heart was going slower and slower, the longer she dragged out the announcement. I could've sworn I saw stars.

With that clutch, I felt everything that was rushing through her. I felt her fear, her happiness, her anger, and her worry. I felt it all. Every single one of them because I'm pretty sure I had all of those emotions running ramped through my body.

Spencer looked at me, but I refused to look at her because it would've just made me more nervous. That whole "mentally prepare" session didn't help one bit. She stroked her thumb onto my hand, trying to sooth me, but it didn't work. Spencer finally looked at her parents to say, "Uhm… I don't know how to say this. Well, we don't know how to say this…"

Paula demanded, "Spencer spit it out."

She took one deep breath to say, "Ashley and I are…" There was a pregnant pause before she finished, "…in love."

Paula's eyes widened bigger than quarters—probably the size of a half-dollar coin. I saw the fire of anger burning in them. I couldn't get my own eyes off of them. She slammed her fork on the table. She screamed, "What!"

Spencer said it one more time. Was she trying to antagonize them? I think they heard it loud and clear. "Ashley and I are in love."

Paula looked like her heart just dropped. Arthur looked like he was just shot. Glen, I thought was in a totally different world or at least wanted to be because he didn't like his parents' reactions to Spencer being gay. Spencer had her eyebrows shrugged while she looked back and forth from her dad to her mom. Me? I was scared out of my mind. I didn't know what to expect.

With her eyes still bigger than quarters, Paula said to Spencer and Arthur, "Can I see you two in the kitchen?" She got up. She noticed neither had moved. She yelled, "Now!"

Spencer looked at me with a worried face. She must have known what was going to happen because she whispered as she got up from her seat, "I'm so sorry, Ash."

The kitchen is pretty much connected to the dining area that Glen and I were sitting at, but there is a door that blocks our view. I looked over at Glen, reluctantly, to see his facial expression. He looked worse than I felt right then. I didn't know if that was supposed to be good or bad.

I put my face in my hands to express the distress I felt. Pretty soon I heard screaming.

"This is not normal, Spencer!" I heard Paula's voice rise.

I heard my baby fighting for our relationship. She yelled, "Normal? What is normal? There is no definition of normal! Everyone has their own opinions of normalcy! You know what? I know that being with Ashley is normal because it feels right!"

A few seconds later I heard Paula scream again, "It is not accepted in God's eyes!"

I'm very proud of what she said. She said, "We won't be accepted? Why would we not be accepted when God excepts everyone—even serial killers?"

Pretty soon I heard Spencer's voice breaking because she was starting to cry. I held my ears to forbid the sound of her crying enter them. I couldn't stand to even hear her in that kind of pain. I began to shed tears.

I couldn't stand the pain and screaming anymore so I up and left. Glen tried to stop me from going by saying, "Ash, don't leave. Don't leave Spencer with this."

I mumbled under my breath as I got into my car, "Sorry, Glen, but I can't bare to see her in that much pain."

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July 12, 2008

I haven't seen or heard from Spencer in three weeks. I did everything I possible could do to get in contact with her. I called, texted, wrote, and even e-mailed her. None of them were returned. I went to stop by her house, but I was too scared to even get out of the car. I don't know how that night went after I left and I don't want to make matters worse by going over there for Paula to yell at me.

I'm starting to think that Spencer doesn't want to talk to me. That sounds really terrible, but I can't figure out a good enough reason why she wouldn't return anything. I trust Spencer would figure out a way to talk to me if she really wanted to. Yet, again, it all depends on how well that night went after I left. It probably went a lot worse than I think.

Oh my… I just got a good idea. I'm gonna go ask Aiden how Glen's doing and then maybe I can get to Spencer somehow.

I miss her so much. I need to be with her. She's the love of my life. I'm probably too young to be saying that, but I've known for a while.

Enough of this shit, I'm gonna talk to Aiden.

Well:

I walked up to Aiden in his bedroom and immediately asked, "How's Glen doing?"

He turned around in his computer chair to view me. He said simply, "He's okay."

I jumped to my request, "Aiden, I've never asked something so big from you, right?"

He said confidently, "You want me to get you with Spencer."

I said without fully taking in what Aiden said, "I want you to-" I paused. "Wait, how did you know?"

He gave me the "its-obvious" look. He said, "Ashley, I know you better than you think I know you. I can really tell how much you've changed since you haven't been with her."

I demanded, "Okay then help me!"

He hurried his words and said, "I'll call Glen right now."

I said as he dialed Glen's number, "Thanks." I began to twiddle my thumbs as I waited worriedly for a plan.

Glen picked up quickly. Aiden began to talk, "Glen, I need you to do something for me. I need you to get Spencer out of your house so her and Ashley can talk… I don't know think of something… Take her out to the movies or something… Well," Aiden looked at me. My face was really drained out from being exhausted trying to get a hold of Spencer. "Glen, please, hun, do this for me. Do this for Spencer…Mhm…Mhm…yea that's a great idea!" he practically jumped out of his seat. "Okay babe. I'll talk to you later, bye. Love you." He hung up the phone and started jumping up and down. He had a huge grin on his face.

I asked eagerly, "What! What do I have to do!"

He blurts it out, "He said his mom has been really hard on Spencer by keeping her on lockdown. She can't leave the house without someone with her, from the family. So, Glen came up with the idea of bringing Spencer to the gym and I would bring you." He paused. "He's gonna tell his mom that he's going to the gym because she'll fall for it and he'll bring her along to 'get her in shape'."

I said, "No wonder why Spencer hasn't talked to me. I bet her mom confiscated everything she had that kept her in contact with me." I paused to look at Aiden. I stormed out of the room, punching the wall. I yelled, "That fucking bitch!"

All I can do is pray and hope for the best, tomorrow, cause I have no idea what I'm up against.

July 13, 2008

I don't think I even have the strength to write what happened, but I should because my therapist tells me to write whatever's on my mind. Here it goes:

Aiden and I walked through the gym doors and immediately felt the cool blast of the air conditioning hitting our face. I scanned the entire gym instantly before moving any farther, looking for Spencer or even Glen. The gym wasn't packed, but I didn't see them. I nudged Aiden on the shoulder, "Do you see them?"

He responded as he continued to inspect the area, "No." A couple seconds go by and Aiden abruptly announced, "I see Glen."

I quickly asked before I realized he was walking towards him, "Where?" He didn't answer so I just followed him, instead. We walked across the gym to reach where Glen was standing. Aiden right away greeted Glen, "Hey hun."

They did their little handshake or whatever and I interrupted by asking, "Where's Spencer?"

Glen looked over at me and updated me, "She's in the bathroom." I didn't waste any time. I darted out of the weight room and into the girls' bathroom quicker than anything. I pushed the door open, causing it to slam against the wall, almost ricocheting to hit me back in the face. I said loudly, "Spencer."

Seconds later, I saw Spencer, freeing herself from a stall. With her bloodshot eyes and a body that looked like she hadn't eaten a good meal in weeks, she walked over to be in my arms. She rested her head in my chest as she declared, "I missed you so much, Ashley."

I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I comforted her, "It's okay. I'm here now." I kissed her head. Her body even felt like she wasn't eaten. It worried me to see her like that.

After a few moments, she broke away from me. She confessed, "My mom took away everything. Absolutely everything. My phone, my computer—everything!"

"Did you get my letters?"

She looked at me with a puppy face and asked, "You wrote to me?"

I blurted out, "I wrote, I called, I texted, I e-mailed. I did everything, Spence. I did everything." There was a long pause for her to take all of that in. I said, "We can see each other everyday now because we're doing this whole 'meet at the gym' thing."

She began to cry. I didn't know what I said wrong. She uttered, "That's not gonna happen."

I asked in confusion, "Why?" She began to cry harder. I felt like I was making her cry. I almost started crying right there. I begged, "Spencer, tell me." I waited a little longer for a reply. "Please Spencer."

She finally confessed, "My mom is sending me to a gay camp in Ohio that will turn me straight. I'm leaving tomorrow. I'll be gone until next summer. Only my mom knows—not even Glen knows."

I couldn't believe what I just heard. I almost broke out in tears right then. I said, "What? She can't do that!"

Spencer started shaking her head and cried harder. She pleaded, "She did. Just please don't-"

I got sharp with her, "Don't what! Don't yell! How can I not yell, Spencer! They're taking you away from me! How do you expect me to feel?"

She got serious, "Don't you think this is tearing me apart too? I mean, I have to live a whole year in some fucked up place that thinks they'll turn me straight. And you're not even going to be there."

I realized how much more pain she felt, right then. I was causing her more pain. I wrapped her in my arms and immediately said, "I'm so sorry." I kissed the top of her head. I held her for a couple minutes. I came up with a "good" idea. "Spencer lets just run away, right now."

She started crying again.

I asked, "Why?"

She shakes her head again. "My mom knows too many cops, who know higher up cops. If we ran away, we wouldn't get far and you'd probably get sent to jail."

All I could do was shake my head.

"Ash, I tried everything I could, but I can't get out of it." A little bulb went off in her head. "Oh, I didn't tell you the worst part. This is the strictest camp in the country, which means no technology, no writing to anyone, but family members, and visitors have to be certified family members."

My heart sank. I didn't know what to do. The love of my life was slowly slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do about it. "Spencer…"

"Ash, just let me go to this thing. I'll pretend to be straight and I'll be home as soon as I can to with you. I'll have you in the back of my mind to get me home quicker." She took the ring out of her pocket. She said, "Take this, before my mom does. I want you to have it because I don't know what will happen to it if I leave it home or even bring it with me."

I took the ring from her hand, very reluctantly, "You promise?"

"I promise. I'll come back to you as soon as I can. And as soon as I get home, you're the first person I'm going to visit. I love you so much." She put her forehead against mine.

"I love you too. I always have and always will."

So that's what happened. I said my goodbyes to her when we left the gym. It was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. I'm not going to talk to her or see her in a year, at most—I hope.

1 year later

August 20th, 2009

It's been over a year since Spencer left and nothing has happened. The last I heard, Glen told me Spencer is still in Ohio. They must've found out about her relationship with me and had to make sure she was de-gayed.

I'm leaving for college, University of Boston to be exact, in a few days. If Spencer doesn't show up within the next couple of days, I'm gone. In the past year, I gave up on our relationship. I know I shouldn't have, but it's time for the both of us to move on. I'm a different person now and she probably is, too.

I told Aiden to give Spencer this collection of journal entries I've written over the past couple of years that are about our relationship or us. I was going to show her when she got back, but well it's self-explanatory. I want her to see what went on behind the scenes to our relationship. It'll be something for her to read, if she wants, to remember us.

I also wrote her a goodbye letter.

That's it.

Spencer's POV

September 3, 2009

I stopped by Ashley's house to tell her I'm home, but she left before saying goodbye. I just finished reading the journal entries Aiden gave me. I wipe away the tears from my face. I begin to read the goodbye letter.

August 15, 2009

To my dear Spencer,

But only once in a lifetime there is a sudden breeze that passes by. That breeze is what I would like to call "love." We, humans, chose for ourselves whether or not to take in its purity, it's highs, and it's lows, while risking the affect of the toxins that could be seeded in it. I, Ashley Davies, took in a deep breath of the breeze that blew by me on December 15, 2007.

That is one breath of air I will never regret taking. Despite the anger and pain it caused, I would never let the opportunity to be in love with you, blow by. You brought me valuable things that I will forever cherish. You brought me emotions I never thought that could be felt for another person. You brought me peace and comfort in my soul, each and everyday. You brought me inspiration to achieve my goals.

Our love was different from any other kind. We have an undeniable love for each other that will forever be accurate. What we had was real and would've lasted for eons, but it had to end. God felt it was right for it to be over and we have to accept it. Everything happens for a reason and I fully believe that because God brought you to me to show me what real love meant and to cherish it.

I'm not trying to make you cry or regret what we had because I would never want that. Don't cry because it's over. Just remember what we had and live on with that. That's what I'm trying to do. I feel this is the right thing to do now. I feel it's time for me to grow up and live my life without you.

And maybe we will meet each other again in the future. And if we do, I'll look at you and smile and remember all of the memories we had with each other. That's what I will hold onto forever. Maybe, if we see each other in the future, we will be Ashley and Spencer. Maybe we'll grow even more in love and eventually grow old together and get that white picket-fenced house, but not now. Right now, we will live apart, hoping for another encounter with each other.

I need to stop before I start crying. I wish you the best in life, Spencer. I know you'll be great and you'll live happily with someone. You'll know what's right for you and you'll go after it. Just don't follow what you're mom wants you to do. Do what you want to do.

Spencer, I love you. I always have and I always will.

I read the end of the letter, reluctantly:

You'll forever be in my heart.

Goodbye, Spencer.

Maybe one day, we will be.