CHAPTER 1 :
Lisa Cuddy couldn't stop thinking about what could have been, she was just like that, always thinking what if ?
What if she had fought harder, what if he wasn't so screwed up, what if she had believed in them more ? What would have happen ? Would they still be together ?
No, she definetely couldn't stop !
But thinking about that wouldn't change a thing, right ?
What was done, was done .
Now, as she lied in bed, thinking of him she wondered what had gone wrong, was it just his fault, or was she to blame too ?
What hurt the most was that for the firs time in her life she had been truly happy, with him, being in his arms, loving him and being loved by him just made her happy .
And now that it was over, she wondered if she could be happy again because the truth was she couldn't imagin a life without him being a part of it .
She tried with all she had not to think about what he was doing right now or worse WHO he was doing . She couldn't help but imagin him screwing some whore in an hotel or worse in his own bed where they shared all their memories together . Soon, the tears began to fall, she put the blankets over her head and tried to fall back to sleep. She didn't know what time it was but she didn't care . It was like nothing mattered anymore, like if he wasn't part of her life anymore then her life wasn't worth living . But then she thought
No ! This isn't me ! Just because I'm feeling low right now doesn't mean I should accept it and stay that way !
So she got up and decided to get ready . She entered in the shower and as soon as she did, the memories came flooshing back, memories of them in this same shower . The tears began to flew again and she fell to the floor, in a ball . She stayed that way for some time, not even caring that the water was beginning to get cold. She ignored everything, the goosebumps on her body, her phone ringing thousands time, the fact that she was starving . All she could do was cry .
Suddendly the door rang but since she wasn't ready to see anyone right now and she certainetely didn't want anyone to see her like this she just ignored it .
But then she heard a voice, a voice that she recognized instantely, james' voice
« Come one Lisa, open the door, I know you're in here ! »
Finally she got out of the shower and got dressed as the knocking continued.
« I'm coming wilson, give me a minute would you ! »
Once she was fully dressed, she got out of the bathroom and answered the door .
As soon as she did that Wilson came in, without asking permission first .
« How could you do that ,Lisa ? I thought things were good between you two ! »
said Wilson yelling.
But then when he took a good look at her, he instantely regret yelling . She looked like a mess, her eyes were puffy, like she had been crying all night, her hair was messy, something she would never let happen, and she was wearing an old oversized t-shirt .
« Lisa, Come on you know you can talk to me, what happened ? » said Wilson in a much softer way.
« It's nothing, it's nobody's fault, I guess we weren't meant to be together » her gaze filled with emptyness.
« Come on Lisa you can't say that, you know it's not true ! »
« Do I ? Because it seems to me that it was over before it even began »
Wilson couldn't believe it, the way she talked was just so empty, it hurt him a lot to see her like that, like she felt nothing . He knew her and he knew that the person in front of him wasn't Lisa Cuddy .
He shake her shoulders so she would look at him and said « Lisa, this isn't you, I know that House can be a jerk sometimes but whatever he did I'm sure it's not as bad as you think ! »
« Oh right because you know everything, don't you ? I was sick Wilson ! I was lying in my hospital bed, worried, waiting for him to come, hoping that he would come. I never lost hope because I believed in him , I believed in us ! Finally, he did show up but you know what Wilson ? He had to take a damn pill to come see me ! He took a pill of vicodin because he was afraid of what he felt !»
For a few seconds Wilson just stand there, mouth agape, shocked
House had take a pill before Cuddy broke up with him ? He didn't know that !
« I'm sorry Lisa I didn't know. » said Wilson looking down.
« Right, you didn't . » said Cuddy angry.
« I'm not trying to defend him, trust me but don't you think that the fact that he took a pill because he was afraid of losing you, proves that he cares about you ? »
« No Wilson you're wong, He doesn't care about me, he loves and needs me that I'm sure of but he doesn't care about me at all . »
« Cuddy ! How can you say that ? He always cared about you, he just didn't know how to show it ! »
« How can you say that, Wilson ? You're not in his mind, you don't know what he thinks ! »
said Cuddy very angry .
« No you're right I don't . But I am his best friend which means that I know him and what I know right now is that he's miserable because you left him. » said Wilson while trying very hard to contain his anger towards her.
« Have you seen him ? Is he okay ? » No matter how much Cuddy was hurt and furious because of what he did, she still gave a damn and couldn't help but ask, she just needed an answer, she needed to know he was okay so she could keep on living her life .
Wilson did everything he could to avoid eye contact with her, he knew what was to come .
« Wilson ? Come on, answer me ! » And she looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to tell her the truth, to put her out of her misery. And Wilson being Wilson, he couldn't resist .
« Look Cuddy, you have to know this is House we're talking about and you know how he reacts when he's deeply hurt... »
« Wilson ! Spit it out ! Now ! » Said Cuddy flashing daggers at him.
« Alright, Alright, I was worried this morning when he didn't return my calls, I knew something was up so I went to the bar he usually goes to when he's very angry or sad . I asked the barman if he had seen someone with a limp and he said a guy had cheked in last night and got a room. I went up and knocked and well... You sure you w ant to hear it ? » Wilson didn't know how to break the news to her, she was already a wreck, she certainly didn't need that as well.
« Wilson you're making me nervous, come on just say it ! »
Wilson sighed and finally told her the truth « When I entered the room, it was desert, no sign of life, the place was a mess but then I saw the balcony's door was open, I wen there and that's when I saw him. Cuddy, he was standing on the balcony and was ready to...to jump. » At that Cuddy let out a cry and horrified she run and locked herself in her bathroom, away from Wilson, away from his look of anger and pity, she just needed to get away from the world for a little while longer.
TO BE CONTINUED