Ever since the incident with the pizza and the firecrackers, the residents of the frosty town of Snowdin had been watching the house at the end of the lane with the colored lights very closely with a mixture of concern and anticipation. Though the quiet, snowy town had long boasted of its large dog community and delicious cinnamon bunnies, nothing had ever stuck out quite as much as the brothers who had recently moved in. It wasn't just the fact that they had unusually different personalities for siblings, that one was tall and one was slight, or that one had doused the other's face in glitter and watched calmly as his sibling started running around wildly and screaming something about having been blinded by the tooth fairy.

No, what made for the top topic of conversation was the fact that this pair were skeletons. All the older residents would gather at the local pub, Grillby's to smoke and ask each other how long it had been since they'd seen a skeleton. Repeatedly throughout the conversations, they'd agreed that it had been a very long time since any of them had seen one. Years in fact. There had been quite a few of them running about before the war, but a lot had changed since then. They'd all nod their heads in rhythm before forgetting what they'd been talking about and refilling their drinks.

There wasn't as much to talk about today, though. Neither brother had left the house, perhaps due to the heavy snow that morning. It was only after the mailman arrived – a monster who was mostly slime and jelly – carrying a package in his gooey hands that one of the brother's emerged for the briefest moment. The children gathered to watch as the squat skeleton stepped out, tucked up his hoodie against his skull, and signed for the package – his expression an unreadable grin as it always was. Nothing else happened until someone reported seeing flames through one of the windows, but by then it was too late in the evening for anyone to care.

Little did anyone know that as the stars started to appear in the sky, two very exciting things happened inside that house. However, Papyrus, the younger and taller brother, was very aware of them both. First, the Royal Guard Fan Kit he had ordered online had arrived at last, the bundle including a miniature royal guard cape, trading cards of Royal Guards of the Ages, and his very own copy of Guarding for Dummies Special Edition.

The second incident had occurred while he was trying on his new cape. Somehow, his tiny, older brother Sans had managed to set the living room chair on fire. Luckily, neither of them liked that chair much anyways and decided it wasn't worth the fuss of putting it out. Instead, they had sat on their green sofa in front of the blazing piece of furniture and relaxed in the warmth of the flames.

As the cheap leather crackled, Papyrus started leafing through his new handbook. "Sans, listen to this!" he declared with enlightenment and then read aloud, "When confronted with humans attempting to invade your fortress, first confound and stall them with deadly and ingenious puzzles!" He held up a bony finger. "Why, humans must be incredibly dumb! First thing in the morning, I must consult all the library's puzzle books! I think I'll start with word search." He looked at his brother. "Sans? Sans? Are you even listening to me?"

Sans shook out the marshmallow he'd stuck on the end of a bone and roasted over the fire, opening his mouth wide and sticking the whole thing in. "Sure thing, bro," he assured before stabbing another marshmallow, "Though, you might want to start with a preschool jigsaw puzzle instead."

"Sans!" said Papyrus aghast, "Why would you say such a thing?! Are you implying that I, the Great Papyrus, am stupid?!"

"Nah, it's not that. It's just you're a skeleton."

"What does that have to do with puzzles?!"

"Easy." Sans ate the second marshmallow without roasting it and then stuck the bone through his head from one earhole to the other. "Because we ain't got nothing between the ears."

"Sans, that doesn't even make sense. We don't have ears."

"Whelp," his brother replied, pulling the bone back out, "Guess I better get a pillow then."

"Why on Earth do you need a pillow?" Papyrus asked with annoyance.

Sans winked. "Because I'm hard of hearing."

"Sans, I won't let you look at my royal guard trading cards anymore if you keep spoiling the evening with your bad jokes," Papyrus scolded, leafing through his book again.

"Hey, don't let me get under your skin," Sans shrugged.

"Saaaaannnsss…!" Papyrus hissed.

"Hey now," Sans protested as he stuck his marshmallow into the fire, "You gotta admit, that one was pretty good."

"You're still not helping," Papyrus grumbled. He turned another page and suddenly paused. "Now wait a minute! This book keeps telling me what I should do if I see a human, but it doesn't tell me anything about what a human looks like! How am I, the Great Papyrus, supposed to capture a human if I can't even recognize one?!" He slumped and rested his chin on his palm. "I'll never be popular at this rate."

Sans smacked the marshmallow against the floor until he put its flame out and offered it to his brother. "Here, bro. This will cheer you up."

"Mm," Papyrus hummed as he took the fire-blackened bone, "I suppose a little sugar might give me more energy to practice my guarding skills."

Sans winked as Papyrus opened his mouth. "Bone-appetite."

"Sans, if you put as much effort into your guarding skills as you do into your terrible jokes, you might have a chance of catching a human yourself." He chattered loudly as he chewed the marshmallow. "Come to think of it, actually…" He picked up his book again and brightened. "Sans! I just realized that you were around during the war against the humans, weren't you? You've seen one, haven't you?!"

Sans formed another bone in the air and grasped it. "I saw a few."

"Excellent! Then you can describe them to me in detail! Tell me, what do they look like? What are their favorite hobbies? Do they like spaghetti? Tell me everything!"

Sans stared at his brother for a moment and then looked down, suddenly and strangely very quiet.

(**Scene Break**)

It had been a beautiful day, the last time he'd seen one.

A boy in the final stride of his childhood lay on a hillside just outside a soldier encampment. His tunic and rough leather armor had been removed to bask in the sunlight, his pale chest flattened with the loss of his baby belly and marbled with the bare beginnings of squishy muscles. High above him, the sky was ideal as a painting. The sun shone brightly against the patch of wild flowers that the boy lay in and fluffy white clouds passed idly by. It was hard to image that a day like this could be just another day in the war against the monsters.

"RAWR!" screamed the terrible face of an evil dog, just inches above his.

"Aaaaah!" screamed the boy, flailing back, "Don't eat me!"

"Ahahahahaha!" laughed the man, pulling off the mask, "Got you good, kid."

"Abelard, that wasn't funny!" the boy complained, red in the face, "Where did you get that horrible thing anyways?!"

Abelard's crooked white teeth shone through his beard as he grinned proudly, the mask now hanging against his chest. "I picked it up in the village we passed through a few days ago. Said it was supposed to trick stupid monsters into thinking you were one of them." He flopped a musty leather glove on the boy's head and tussled his messy brown hair. "Looks like it tricks stupid boys as well."

"I'm not stupid," the boy grumbled sourly, folding his arms.

Abelard chuckled and tossed his hair again before straightening up. "Come on, Hans. We're packing up the camp and heading into the woods today. And you know what that means."

Hans looked up, pursing his lips to hide his nervousness. "Monsters."

"Yep. Get dressed."

As they trekked up the hill back to the encampment, Hans plucked at the petals of one of the flowers from the hillside, his head lowered and chin tucked. Abelard glanced back at him and gave a low hum. "Buck up, kid. It won't be half as bad as you think."

"My father went to fight the monsters in the forest and didn't come back," Hans murmured.

"Ya. And was your father a flag bearer?"

"No."

"See? Nothing to worry about." He stopped to look back at the boy, leaning on his knee. "You just keep that flag held high so the rest of us can keep our spirits up while we drive the villains back." He slapped Hans' back and started forward again with a laugh. "And when it's done, we all can go celebrate! The war won't last much longer and I know a tavern in these parts that serves mead that will fill your belly full of fire! Maybe we'll even find you a nice fraulein for you to get acquainted with."

Hans made a face at that last remark. "Is it true what they say?" he asked, changing the subject, "That the monsters will soon be gone forever?"

"Ya. Seven great wizards are working their magic as we speak to create a spell to seal those blighters away for good. All we have to do is make sure they're within the circle when it happens. Course, that's not our job. Not today."

Hans looked up, a twitch in his eye as he blinked. "What is our job?"

Abelard flashed him a bright smile. "Hurry up those wee legs and you'll find out."

By the time they arrived, some of the soldiers had already started packing up the tents. Hans dodged a man pulling a hand cart and rejoined Abelard's side, following at his heels.

Abelard glanced back at him and snickered. "You really are hopeless, you know that? Share a biscuit with a boy and suddenly he's as loyal as a hunting dog."

Hans said nothing, just glanced at the soldier dutifully and skipping once to keep up with his stride. Suddenly, a vice-like grip seized his wrist. Hans cried out with fright, grabbing at Abelard's belt for safety. A young man wearing a hood held him fast, the soldier's other hand drilling the tip of a knife into the stump he sat upon.

"My canteen's empty. Give me a drink," said the icy voice from the hood.

"What's in your head, you lazy bum?" Abelard scowled at the other soldier, "Go refill your own—" Hans whimpered and Abelard's skin turned cold as he saw the faintly red eyes and bright, emotionless grin of the other soldier. "Oh. Dirk. It's you." He pushed Hans a little and lowered his voice. "Well you heard him, boy. Give him a drink."

Hans shuddered as he pulled the cork from his canteen and held it out to Dirk at arm's length. Dirk's fingers slipped from Hans' wrist and took the canteen, taking a long drink from it. Both Abelard and Hans watched him carefully as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and held it back out to him. "We're going to fight the monsters today," he whispered to Hans as he smiled, "Are you ready? I know I am..."

Hans swallowed and nearly dropped the canteen as he tied it back to his belt. "I won't have to fight. I-I just have to protect the flag."

"Ah..." Hans quivered as Dirk planted a glove on his shoulder and brought him in close. "Is that what you think...?"

"All right, Hans, enough socializing," Abelard nervously grunted, pulling Hans away, "You have duties to do. Now come on."

"Find me some monsters, soon," Dirk reminded, resuming the twisting of his knife.

Hans practically hugged Abelard's hip until the soldier gave him a shove to the head to remind him to be a man. "I don't like him, Abelard."

"Nobody likes him," he replied wearily.

"What's wrong with him? Is he a monster?"

"I doubt it." Abelard quickened the pace, forcing Hans to skip twice. "He's far worse than any monster I've ever met."

"He's not right," Hans insisted, "Every time he looks at me I feel like I'm goin' to die."

"Believe it or not – the way I hear it – he used to be a normal lad once. Never even had his first tumble and turned into that."

"What happened?"

Abelard eyeballed him for a moment. "Nobody really knows. But I think I have some idea. See, boy, this war against monsters isn't like man's wars. The monsters and men in it...we're all getting stronger somehow. Faster. Able to take a hit. Delivering mightier blows with every foe we slay. Now the way I hear it...that Dirk...he hadn't even fought his first battle when he got himself captured by the monsters. They were questioning him when somehow he got free. Picked up a knife. Slew every single freak in the camp."

A shiver ran up Hans' spine.

"And when he came back...it was like he was another person entirely."

"I don't like him," Hans insisted.

"Nobody cares what you think of him, boy," Abelard scolded and then twitched himself, "Fact is, from what I hear, ever since he escaped, nobody's been better at killing monsters than he is. Using a knife, of all things." He kicked him a little. "So you keep your mouth shut and your head down around him, all right?"

Hans nodded, all too eager to agree. Eventually, they broke apart to gather their gear, all the soldiers working quickly or lazily to pack up the tents and gather at the head of the camp. There, Hans found Abelard and glued himself back to his side. Abelard looked him over to make sure he had minded all his gear and had the flag lofted high, the boar and vivid green flapping in the wind. He did. Hans, to feel like a man, looked Abelard over as well. Of course, the soldier already had his sword at his hip and his shield and spear in hand.

Abelard chuckled and nudged his young friend. "Hey, Hans. Check out the Captain." Hans fixed his eyes on the bristly, gray-speckled man ahead of them, blinking often and massaging his temples. "Looks like ol' Raymund was drinking all night again. Poor fool. Can barely hold his drink and makes himself sorry sick every morning. Don't tell him that, though."

Swallowing and steadying himself, Captain Raymund finally got off the rock he'd been sitting on, surveying his troops and taking a moment to take in the colorful flag that Hans held in the wind. He shifted with a tight and frightfully angry expression as Dirk, his hood still up and his knife at last sheathed, walked right up to him and sniffed.

"Can I help you?" Raymund asked through his teeth.

"You smell like swine," Dirk stated.

No one said anything, the entire regime silent as Dirk stood there for a moment and then walked back to the soldiers, standing off to the side of the rows. Raymund's eyes were so wide it was a wonder he didn't piss himself with rage.

He still couldn't stop clenching his teeth, even as he spoke after that. "As you all know, we will be pushing into enemy lines today. What you don't know is the nature of our mission." He looked resentfully at Dirk and finally vented the last of his anger before falling into his usual stable but relaxed pose. "Something in his area has been killing all our scouts. Now, as you know, keeping eyes in the woods is very important to the King's plan to eliminate the monster threat. So, today we will delve into the forest, flush out this threat..." He looked at Dirk again, this time with a concealed sigh. "And put an end to it."

He took up his spear and shield. "Now, I recently received word that most of the dead were impaled with human bone. Which means we should expect to see Walking Skeletons. I trust most of you have run into this kind of monster before."

"And killed one," Abelard whispered to Hans with a wink.

"If you haven't...where the blazes have you been the whole war?" His men murmured a laugh. "But just in case you're new to this, skeletons only have one kind of attack. They throw bones at you. Don't let any one of them hit you and a good spear thrust should finish them off."

Hans looked down at the dagger at his belt and wetted his lower lip. Abelard sighed and nudged him again. "Beloved Heaven, just stick close to me, ya? You'll be fine."

"I'm not scared," Hans assured.

"Lying's a sin, you know." Hans looked up pitifully and Abelard laughed and winked. "C'mon. Time for us to get moving and for you to do that flag proud."

Hans had been on several long marches since his lord had recruited him for the war. But this one felt much longer. The shadows of the woods loomed overhead, the flag he lofted high making rustling sounds as the occasional long branches caught it. Every time he had to cover his mouth to keep from crying out and embarrassing himself. The other soldiers looked nervous as well. This was enemy territory.

For as long as man could remember, the dark woods had belonged to the monsters. Countless stories had been passed down through the generations of men, women, and children wandering under the cover of these trees, never to return. Until the war against the monsters, a regime of soldiers such as this would have walked miles around rather than pass through these woods. But now they walked straight into the mouth of the monster realm, in the hopes of never being afraid again.

Hans shook like a leaf as he marched. But every once in a while, a beautiful ray of sunlight would break through the trees and shine on a patch of flowers. And every so often, the birds would flitter by and sing a gorgeous song. When these things occurred, Hans would smile and his shaking would stop. He'd look at Abelard and the man would glance back with a little wink. For a while after that, Hans would breathe easily again.

They had been traveling for some time when a strange silence fell over the woods. Captain Raymund held up a fist, stopping the column. Hans' heart started racing again as all the soldiers stiffly shifted their eyes around.

"Shields up!" Raymund shouted.

A wall of shields shot upward as a shower of bones fell from the trees, Hans crying out as he hugged the flagpole. The shower ended as the bones either impaled in the shields or bounced harmlessly off them. As the barrage ended, the air filled with rattling and clattering. The whites of Hans' eyes showed as Walking Skeletons dropped down from the trees and landed intermingled with the soldiers.

They weren't what Hans had expected. Instead of the naked, dirty skeletons he'd seen in graves, these skeletons were pure white. Their statures varied in shape and size and each was dressed in some kind of human garb. Some had black eye sockets while others had glowing white lights in them. Hans was only starting to take this in when a giant skeleton, wider and taller than the rest landed only paces away.

Hans covered his mouth as he stared into those giant, black sockets. "Is that the monster we're after?" he squeaked.

Abelard chuckled excitedly. "That's gotta be him."

The giant skeleton raised his hand high into the air. As he did, every single soldier's chest lit up with a different colored heart.

Hans stared wide-eyed as a red heart stretched from his breast to his navel. "What's this?!"

"Keep your socks on!" Abelard barked at him, a purple heart glowing on his chest, "It's just your soul!"

"My soul?!" his voice cracked.

"We've been over this—monsters attack your soul—now get ready!"

The giant skeleton's teeth clenched and his eye sockets narrowed. "For King Dreemur!"

"For King Dreemur!" the other skeletons echoed.

Light flashed as bones filled the air. Mixed shamelessly with the ranks of soldiers, each skeleton picked a target and went hay. Faced with real monsters for the first time in his life, Hans could only stand frozen with wide eyes as he watched the battle ensue. Every skeleton in sight had a unique way of attacking. He spotted one that liked to wiggle around before each of his attacks. Another threw his bones straight into the air before raining them down on his foe. For a little while, it was almost like a town festival.

But then, one of the skeletons' attacks finally hit its mark. Blood came to the soldier's mouth as the glowing mark on his chest that was his soul cracked. The cracks spread from where the two bones struck and his soul shattered. Hans lost all feeling as he watched the soldier fall to the ground and blood stain his armor. The skeleton sighed with relief and gripped another bone out of the air. But just as he did, a spear embedded in his back. The skeleton's jaw dropped, looking down with horror as his body turned to dust and fell into a pile with his clothing.

"They…" Hans whispered, unable to hear himself over the clashing of arms and blood throbbing in his ears, "Don't want to die…?"

Suddenly, as if this event had been the first domino, men and monsters began to die throughout the ranks. There was a skeleton who liked to juggle his bones before each throw. Abelard knocked him down with the side of his spear and pinned him to the forest floor, turning him to dust. There was a soldier with a tint of red to his beard who liked to gamble back at the camp. Five bones pierced him at once and he fell. The mulched leaves of the forest floor became mixed with dust and blood as the air rang with battle cries. Hans was so mesmerized by all the death, he didn't notice the giant skeleton moving through the battlefield straight towards him.

Abelard's eyes widened, bashing back a skeleton with his shield. "Hans! Hans! Idiot boy, look out!"

The shadow of the giant skeleton passed over Hans. He gasped with terror and suddenly remembered he was a soldier, drawing his dagger and trembling as he pointed it at the giant. "I…will protect the flag…" he whispered.

Abelard roared, battering at the skeletons as he struggled to close the distance between him and his little friend. "Hans! Don't just stand there, boy—run!"

Hans couldn't even feel his fingers anymore as he gripped the flagpole. The giant skeleton gazed at him with his empty sockets and formed an enormous bone in his hand. Hans raised the dagger higher. "I…will protect the flag!" he declared.

The skeleton swung down and something blocked Hans' vision. A clang nearly deafened the boy as the bone bounced off Captain Raymund's shield. The captain lowered his shield and bared his teeth, shouting and barking at the giant like an angry dog. Hans watched with amazement as, for a moment, white lights like pupils appeared in the formerly empty sockets of the giant and his white cheekbones turned a little pink – as if Raymund's antics made him feel cheerful somehow.

But that all faded as Raymund lashed his spear at him and the giant swung back. Hans watched, still holding his dagger, as Captain Raymund and the giant skeleton started to battle. Raymund expertly dodged the skeleton's every strike, moving past his defenses to jab him with his spear. However, no matter how many times he struck the giant, the behemoth didn't seem phased.

Suddenly, Hans felt someone grab his arm. "Idiot!" cried Abelard as he hauled him back, "I told you to stay close to me, ya?! Keep with the ranks if you don't want to die!"

Hans continued to stare at Captain Raymund as he battled the giant, even as Abelard hauled him away. Raymund landed his spear in the skeleton's chest and still his foe didn't falter. The giant skeleton summoned a second bone to his hands and pounded the forest floor into craters as Raymund dodged every strike. The giant was attempting to stomp on the captain when Hans noticed two red lights amidst the maze of branches and leaves overhead.

The giant froze as a figure landed with a foot on either of his shoulders. The hood fell back on the figure and Dirk laughed with an enormous, twisted grin as he spun his knife and held it in both hands high above his head. The skeleton gained white pupils to his eyes again – rattling with fear.

"No…" sounded the giant's deep voice, "Please…don't…"

Dirk drove the knife into the center of the giant's skull and rode the mess down as the skeleton faded into dust. All at once, the other skeletons ceased their battles and stared at Dirk, their jaws hanging and their sockets wide with terror.

"LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!" they screamed, backing away.

"Love?" Abelard scowled.

"Kekeke…" Dirk grinned, flipping his knife and holding it sideways in one hand. "That's right, monsters! Time for you to give me more power!"

He dashed forward in a single step, cutting down three skeletons in one swipe. The monsters gripped their chests in shock before dropping into piles. Dirk turned and cut down another. The other soldiers could only stare as what had once been a battle turned into a massacre. The skeletons forgot every single other human and all turned on Dirk, wildly lobbing bones at him. Dirk grinned as he dodged his way through the bones, not even phased as one impaled him in the chest – causing only a tiny crack in his yellow heart and a small drip of blood on his lip.

One stroke of his knife was all it took for a skeleton to turn to dust. He moved from foe to foe like a starving man chasing platters at a banquet. Every time the dust landed on his boots the red hue of his eyes intensified. He knocked one over and crushed its ribcage beneath his boot. He separated a skull from the spine and chucked it at another monster before its fellow had finished dissolving. By the time the last one cried out for mercy and attempted to flee, Abelard shielded Hans' eyes. The boy still heard it fall apart.

In the end, the air was thick with a white cloud. The dust fell like an early snow and Dirk basked in it, laughing. He laughed and cackled himself silly, his face turned skyward and his arms held out as if waiting for an embrace. The louder he got the more his face contorted until it was difficult to say if he was even human at all.

Hans stared down at the piles of dust. "You murdered them," he stated. Dirk stopped laughing and gazed at Hans emptily. "They were scared!"

"They were why I'm here," Dirk replied, taking another step closer, "To make me stronger."

Hans shook his head. "They were just like the soldiers. But you…you're wrong!"

Dirk's grin curled up impossibly high on his cheeks. "You're not as stupid as you look." Suddenly, he was right over Hans. He put his hands on his knees and leaned into the boy's face. "Why do you think the king and the people really fear the monsters? They're not so scary, really. No…they're afraid of people like me." His red eyes flashed. "All those 'monster slayers'…all the 'heroes' in our history. They were like me. And once you get a taste…" His voice turned to a snarl. "You love it! You LOVE it! You're full of the love for it!"

He stopped as suddenly Abelard's sword was pointed at his face. Dirk slowly stood up and Abelard's sword tip followed him, the soldier's eyes intensely on him. "You'll want to leave the boy alone now."

"Kekeke…" Dirk snickered, "Ohh…don't worry. You're all safe. You won't make me stronger."

"Enough," Captain Raymund gruffly ordered, "Or have none of you fools noticed yet that your souls haven't faded back inside your bodies?" All the attention immediately shifted away from Dirk to the glowing hearts plastered across their chests.

"Monsters…" Dirk purred, stroking his yellow heart and turning his back on Hans, "There's more of them nearby!"

Just then, they all heard a rattling sound somewhere in the trees. Raymund signaled the sections. "You, men, you're with me. We'll flush them out. The rest of you stay here and keep watch."

"That means you, boy," Abelard said, slapping Hans' shoulder and heading for Raymund.

"But you said to stay with you!" Hans protested.

"That was for the battle and it's over," Abelard scowled. He glanced over at Dirk warily. "You'll be better off here."

Hans silently nodded, watching most of the soldiers depart to seek out whatever was hiding in the trees. After a few minutes, the tension of the battle died down and the soldiers that remained behind with Hans and the flag began to mill about, searching for wounded among the dead and scavenging the dust piles for loot. Some even started chatting cheerfully – joking and exchanging findings. Hans sat on a fallen tree, hugging the flag pole and feeling sorry for all who had fallen – human and monster alike. He wondered if Dirk was right – if this whole war was really about the power monsters and humans got from killing each other. And how it changed them.

The sun broke through the leaves again and the glittering light it cast on the dusty air filled him with determination. He resolved in that moment that for the rest of this war he would do whatever it took to stop people like Dirk. He was sure Abelard wouldn't approve – that his friend would tell him just to keep his head down and that certain things were necessary in war. But there had to be certain things – even in war – that a person couldn't accept.

As the soldiers grew even more relaxed, Hans got out his field ration – a hard biscuit that would have tasted a lot better with a bit of oil – and started nibbling at it. That's when he heard a man call out to him.

"Hey kid."

"Huh?" Hans looked around attentively for the soldier who had spoken to him, but none of the nearby ones seemed to be thinking of him at all.

"Kid. Come here for a moment."

Hans realized that the soldier speaking to him was some ways behind him. Not wanting to make the man wait, Hans put the biscuit back in his satchel, took up the flag, and followed the voice. The sun disappeared again and Hans squinted through the trees, looking for the soldier who had called him.

"Human." Hans froze, the voice directly behind him now. "Don't you know how to greet a new pal?" Hans turned around to face a very tiny figure – a wee little man even shorter than him. Except…this man had glowing white pupils. The little man extended an arm. "Go on. Shake my hand."

Hans stared at the little man. "…You're a monster," he stated, surprised to find himself unafraid. The figure blinked once, waiting. Shivering anxiously, Hans reached out and grasped something cold and hard. "A skeleton? I…nice to meet you. My name is—" Hans throat clogged up with blood as the thing in his hand pushed against his chest and then out his back.

"Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!" laughed the tiny skeleton as Hans fell to his knees, a large bone impaling him through, "Well, would you look at that? You and your new pal are inseparable already. You might even call the two of you bosom buddies." Hans stared at the grinning face of the skeleton as he collapsed to the ground, the red heart that was his soul cracking and shattering. "Best friends for life."

Abelard stayed close to Captain Raymund as they followed the rattling sound in the woods. Dirk moved ahead of the rest of them, his knife hungry for another monster kill. At this point, most of the soldiers were far more apprehensive of the monster slayer than they were their foes. So they gave him a wide birth. The rattling noise continued until suddenly it was all around them. Figures dropped down from the trees and the soldiers immediately retaliated, impaling them with their spears and raising their shields.

But their cries of war soon fell into murmurs as they stared at the skeletons. Not Walking Skeletons, but actual, literal human skeletons. The dirty collections of bones had been glued together somehow and were strung up on ropes like marionettes. Captain Raymund walked up to one to inspect it and scowled angrily.

"What the hell," he pronounced.

"Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu!"

They all turned with a start to face the tiniest Walking Skeleton any of them had ever seen. The monster was laughing merrily, his sockets squinted and his bony jaws constantly grinning. He was a funny looking fellow, dressed in a white night gown, a blue lord's robe topped with fur, and brown fur slippers.

"Ah, you should all see the look on your faces," he whimsically stated, pointing a bone finger at them like an old drinking buddy, "Priceless." Instantly, he was surrounded by a circle of spears. He shrugged. "Ah you humans. Always straight to the point."

Captain Raymund stood directly in front of the little skeleton, his weapon at the ready. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Just a prankster who never hurt no body," the monster replied, spreading out his hands in another shrug, "Name's Sans. Sans the skeleton."

"I believe it," Captain Raymund stated, looking almost amused as he inspected the skeleton, "You're without a doubt the weakest monster I've ever seen."

"I guess you could say I'm nothing but skin and bones." Some of the soldiers chuckled and Sans grinned with delight. "Ah. Not a bad crowd you got here."

Captain Raymund smirked and signaled the soldiers to raise their spears. But just as they did, the flash of a knife leapt forth. Before any of them could cry out, Sans instantly and neatly dodged the blow.

No one had ever seen Dirk look so livid. "How dare you?!" he snarled. He swung several more times, the skeleton no longer in the path each strike.

"Dirk!" Captain Raymund finally cut in, "Stop at once! We don't attack prisoners!"

"Monsters…" Dirk seethed, "Are mine to kill!"

"Well it doesn't look like you're doing a very good job anyhow," Raymund raised a brow.

Dirk put up his hood as the other soldiers dared to chuckle at him. He pointed his knife at Sans and the skeleton winked. "Sorry, human. I do have a talent for getting people rattled." His glowing white points rolled lazily back to Raymund. "Anyhow, I've been watching you and your men for a while now. I like humans. Always good for a laugh."

"Is that what you think luring us away from our men is?" Abelard stated, not sharing the humored expression of the other soldiers, "A joke?"

Sans winked and leaned coyly toward the other soldiers. "Looks like someone's funny bone's broken." His audience laughed. "But I did want to talk to you, humans. See, I overheard you're looking for some big bad monster around here."

"That's right," Captain Raymund confirmed, "You know of it?"

"I sure do. And I can tell you now, it wasn't Grande who you killed back there. I'd get pretty bored if humans stopped coming through here. So I thought I'd lend you a hand. You know. Give you a leg up."

"In exchange for your freedom?" Raymund asked.

"Sure," Sans shrugged, "Why not? Sounds like a fair deal to me."

"Captain, wait," Abelard spoke up again, "I see no reason to trust this monster."

"Stand down, soldier," Raymund replied, "Or are you that afraid of a comedian skeleton?" Some of the other soldiers chuckled and Abelard sourly frowned.

"Couldn't have said it better," said Sans, relaxing with his sockets pinched close. He looked at Raymund and offered his hand. The captain was about to shake it when he noticed something red on the skeleton's hand. Sans rolled his eyes up with embarrassment and got out a green and gold kerchief. "Whoops. Sorry about that. Had a bit of tomato for lunch."

The others started with shock as Abelard, without warning, seized Sans wrist. He stole the cloth from his grip and opened it up, his face like heated stone. "Where…did you get this?" he asked through his teeth, holding up the crumbled flag. Several of the other soldiers grew tense.

"That?" Sans replied, unmoved by Abelard's hostility, "I found it on the ground."

"Where did you get this?!" Abelard shouted, yanking the tiny skeleton into the air by the wrist, "What did you do to Hans?!"

Captain Raymund shoved Abelard and forced him to drop Sans. "Back in line, soldier!" he barked. Abelard shivered with rage, but stepped back.

Sans sighed, standing up and relaxing again like nothing had happened. "Okay," he stated, "I guess it's time to spill my guts. The monster you're after is real close by. In fact, he already killed some of your men."

"What?" Raymund asked, eyes wide.

"Sorry, pal. Saw it happen with my own eyes."

Raymund nodded and signaled his men. "Then we need to move. You're coming with us."

"Fair enough. But first, human, I want you to know how much I appreciate this. Do you know what kind of human it takes to trust a monster like me?" Raymund took another step and dozens of bones pierced his skull from all sides. Sans sockets turned black. "A bone head." The green heart on Raymund's chest cracked and shattered, the captain falling, dead as can be, to the ground.

Some scattered and some froze in horror as one of Sans' empty sockets lit up with a wicked, glowing blue eye. The skeleton raised his hand and more bones filled the air and shot up through the ground than any of them had ever laid eyes upon, even from an army of skeletons. The ones who stood still soon died as dozens of bones impaled them. The rest were left madly running about as they evaded and shielded themselves from innumerable attacks.

Two soldiers ran smack dab into each other before a bone pierced them both through the pelvis. "Classic," Sans chuckled as he watched, his normal eyes returning for a moment, "I always heard war brings soldiers close together, but you two are joined at the hip." The pair were impaled several more times before they fell together in an undignified embrace. "Brothers in arms." Another soldier fell as bones went through his sides. "What a rib-tickler!" A fleeing soldier got pierced through the chin. "Got a case of lockjaw!"

Sans readied another round of jokes, but lost track of them as he dodged a swiping knife. "Finally!" Dirk grinned, "I could smell it on you! I am going to get so strong from killing you!"

"Is that so?" Sans lazily replied, sidestepping another strike, "Well I hope you're ready to white knuckle it or you're kinda boned."

"Quickly!" Abelard urged and shoved the remaining soldiers, "Retreat! While the maniacs are keeping each other busy!" He ran through the woods with them back to where they had left the soldiers on watch. But when they arrived, they found every single one of them dead on the ground, impaled by a sea of bones. The veteran soldier felt tears well in his eyes and angrily rubbed them away. "Damn it, kid."

"Stop! Dodging me!" Dirk screamed as he sliced at Sans.

"Huh. You have a funny idea of how a battle works."

"Just give up!" He wildly slashed at his head. "You can't beat me! One stroke of my knife and it's lights out for you!" He choked as three bones hit him, his soul cracking. "Come on," he chuckled, "I can take it."

"You know, you may be right." He threw up a wall of bones and Dirk leapt over it. Sans shifted to the side out of the way of his blade. "I could fill you with enough bones to build you a second skeleton." His blue eye returned. "Guess I'll just have to blow you away instead."

"Blow me away?" Dirk sneered, "What does that even mean?"

"Well," Sans smile grew, "Let's just say a friend of mine gave me a cool birthday present. And…well." He snapped his fingers and Dirk stumbled back as two gigantic skeletal dragon heads loomed over him. "You know what they say about boys and their toys." The dragon heads opened their jaws and bathed Dirk in a terrible light.

Abelard and the others could hear the screaming as a bright flash cut through the trees. Abelard clutched his spear. "God help us."

"Come to think of it…" Abelard spun around and leapt back as suddenly the tiny skeleton was behind him. Sans brushed the soot from Dirk's ashes off his nightgown. "Maybe that was a little overkill."

Abelard felt the last of the soldiers looking to him for guidance. He swallowed and readied his spear and shield. "So, that's it, then? This is your game? You pretend to be a harmless, friendly little thing and then slaughter everyone?"

"Well," Sans shifted his eyes, "It's not really pretending when you think about it. My attacks barely hurt you at all. And I wasn't lying about liking humans." His sockets turned black. "Watching you die never gets old."

Abelard gritted his teeth. "Come on, men!" he encouraged, "It's time we end this poor excuse for a jester!"

Sans winked. "I prefer to be called…" Abelard's shield and spear both broke as he stopped the rain of bones that killed the last of his comrades around him. "Humerus."

Abelard felt at the bone that entered his left side and drew his sword, spitting some blood from his mouth. "I'll call ya what ya are. A true monster."

Digging his boot into the dirt, Abelard came at Sans with everything he had. He screamed, all the blood rushing through him as he leapt, slid, and twisted his way through more bones than he could count. Thrice he reached his foe and swung his blade down at him, but only cut the underbrush. Over time, more and more bones collected in him. Till at last, a wall sprung up from the ground and pierced him from abdomen to back.

Abelard felt the blood rush up his throat and his stomach grow cold. The sword fell from his hand and he collapsed to one knee. His vision grew blurry and he smiled. "Well…guess the battle's finally over…" His mind grew dark. "I think…I'll head to that tavern now. Hans… come on…let me buy you a drink…" The purple heart on his chest shattered.

Sans watched him slump, still held upright by the bone. "Whelp," the skeleton surmised, "I'll give him credit. He had a lot of spine." He turned, walking idly away. "I like that tavern idea. I think there's one deeper in the forest. Maybe I'll go there for a while."

The sun broke through the trees again. Sans ducked as a blade nearly took off his head, leaping forward and sliding in his slippers as he spun around. The bone still through his chest and Abelard's sword in his hands, Hans stood breathing heavily, the broken pieces of his soul shaking with the urge to come apart.

AUTHOR NOTE

To my DBZ readers,

Sorry there's been such a delay on the next chapter of AGM. I've been very busy writing my senior thesis so I can get my college diploma mailed to me. Also, this short story has been tickling my skull for ages since I played Undertale. The idea of it was interfering with the writing of AGM so I decided to just get it out there so I can refocus.

Part 2 of this story will be coming out soon. I hope you all enjoy it. Look forward to dreaming with you again soon.