Author's note: For new readers, this is a story I started a few years ago that I've decided to rewrite. I have my fair share of free time, so I'll try to update promptly. Chapters which were already written will be posted faster; as they'll just be tweaked.

This is basically a Naruto version of "Big Brother". The characters are OOC on purpose—I'm merely trying to be hilarious.

I hope you enjoy!

Title: Toad Sage's Mansion

Rating: T (or PG-13)

Summary: What will happen when teams seven, eight, nine, Sand and Gai are forced to compete on Konoha's first ever game show, "Toad Sage's Mansion"? Jiraiya is behind it…so expect pure chaos.

Pairings: TemaShika, NejiTen [Other characters will have romantic moments; undecided about official]

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I wouldn't be writing this. It isn't mine.

Chapter One: Prologue

It was a beautiful day on the first day of June in Konoha. The birds were out and singing love songs, children were shouting "sorry!" for knocking down ramen stands, and phones were ringing.

Brrriiiinggggg

Brrriiiinggggg

The phones at the use-to-be gennin's apartments were ringing loudly. Teams seven, eight, nine, Sand and Gai were all being summoned to the Hokage's office. They were told they would all be receiving a mission. However, this wasn't an ordinary mission—rather, a task. This task was like no other. Jiraiya was behind it all, supposedly. The teams knew this could only mean chaos.

"TSUNADE!" An eighteen-year-old Naruto Uzumaki screeched, "What's this 'mission', and why are so many people here?"

Tsunade promptly threw an empty sake bottle at the boy's face which he narrowly dodged. "Shut up, idiot. I have summoned you all here to inform you that you've been given the opportunity to be on Konoha's first ever game show, invented by Jiraiya. It's called 'Toad Sage's Mansion'."

She rolled her eyes at the name and took a swig of sake, as everyone mumbled amongst themselves.

"Now," she began again, "the fourteen of you…wait a minute. Kankurou!"

"Hmm?" He pointed to himself in confusion.

"Leave."

"What?" Kankurou protested, "Why?"

Tsunade smiled, "Because, no one likes you. It's a fact. Besides, if you're here there will be too many people."

"Yeah?" Tears began to form in Kankurou's eyes, "Well…your mom!" he finished.

Temari scoffed and glared at the boy, "Bitch, please."

"FINE! I'LL LEAVE THEN!"

"Bye." The fourteen others said in unison. Kankurou crossed his arms and exited the room, defeated.

"Now," Tsunade said, regaining attention, "You will all show up here tomorrow with enough clothes and necessities to last you three months. Then, you will be escorted to the mansion by the host of the game show."

"Who's that?" Sakura asked.

"Kakashi."

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto yelled, nearly falling over.

"QUIET, IDIOT! Yes, Kakashi. Anyway. Once you get to the mansion, you will be informed of all the rules and guidelines of the game. Then, you will be escorted to your rooms. That is all. I'll see you tomorrow! Dismissed."

"Wait!" Naruto yelled again, "What if we don't want to do this?"

Tsunade smirked, "Well. Did I mention the winner of the game will get one billion yen? And, a lifetime supply of ramen?" She coughed and muttered to herself, "Actually, not the ramen, but…"

"LET'S DO IT!" Naruto screamed, yet again.

Sakura promptly punched him in the face, "Naruto! Don't be so loud."

"Hn, dobe." Sasuke interjected. "Come on. We have a lot of packing to do."

The remaining thirteen people nodded at Sasuke's words and filed out of the Hokage's office. Tsunade slumped over at her desk, knowing that nothing good could come from this.

"SHIZUNE!" she yelled frantically, "More sake! Now!"

Team Seven's Apartment

"This is so exciting!" Naruto proclaimed, adding various items to his suitcase.

"Yeah," Sakura hesitantly agreed, "But…this game show was created by Jiraiya…"

Sasuke visibly twitched at her words. Suddenly, Naruto gasped loudly.

"What, what?" Sakura asked.

"I almost forgot the ramen!" Naruto answered, grabbing as much of the instant noodles as he could in his arms. In fact, there was so much, the ramen needed its own suitcase.

Sakura sighed, "Well, hopefully Jiraiya won't make us do anything strange…Sasuke?"

Upon noticing Sasuke twitching uncontrollably on the ground, and Naruto shoving ramen into a suitcase, Sakura could only sigh.

Team Eight's Apartment

"THIS," Kiba laughed, "Is going to be awesome!"

"Y-yes. It sh-should be fun, K-Kiba-kun." Hinata slowly stuttered.

Shino simply nodded as Akamaru barked in agreement. Hinata smiled and went over to pat him softly on the head.

"Why in the name of God would Jiraiya make a game show?" Kiba asked aloud.

Hinata stiffened at Kiba's harsh words, while Shino nodded. Akamaru barked, making Hinata pick him up lovingly.

"W-will Akamaru be coming with us?" She asked.

"Nah," Kiba said, "I don't want Akamaru anywhere near Jiraiya."

"Yes, Mr. Bugglesworth…" Shino was sitting in a corner, talking to his housecat-sized cockroach, "This will be an experience…"

Kiba's eyes widened.

Team Ten's Apartment

"I'm going to win this game show, no problem! Then Sasuke-kun will love me for sure!" Ino squealed.

"Not that I care…" Shikamaru interjected, "Because really, I don't. It's troublesome. But, didn't you get over that Uchiha?"

"Oh," Ino flipped her hair, "Oh, I did."

Shikamaru face palmed, "How troublesome…"

Chouji opened a bag of chips, in no way trying to mask the obnoxious sound. Ino stiffened.

"So, Chouji…" she slyly began, "What do you have there? Oooooh, it looks like some chips! Are you going to casually slip a few into my hand…"

"No." he immediately said. "Hey, weren't you on a diet anyway?" He began munching away at his delicious treat.

"…What did you just say?"

Shikamaru buried his face in both of his hands.

"Are you implying…" Ino glared, "That I'm FAT?"

Chouji realized that he was in trouble and looked scared, "No! …no…I just—"

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL?"

"N-no! Ino, you're one of the prettiest girls I know! I'm not—"

"ARE YOU SAYING," she inched closer towards him, "THAT I AM IN NEED OF A DIET?"

"NO, NO, NO!" Chouji put both arms up to defend himself.

Ino lunged, "YOU'RE DEAD!"

Shikamaru looked bored, "…troublesome."

Team Sand's Apartment

"I don't see why I can't go!" Kankurou whined, "And people do so like me! I have fangirls! …don't I?"

"No." Gaara answered.

"Quit bitching, Kankurou," Temari replied with her usual sass, "You can sit here and watch Gaara and I on TV."

Kankurou crossed his arms, "Well, at least I'm not a slut." He mumbled under his breath.

Temari glared at him, "…What?"

"OH, GOD!" Kankurou yelled as he scrambled away.

"YEAH, OH GOD!" Temari yelled back, chasing him with her oversized fan.

Gaara sighed, "Idiots."

Team Gai's Apartment

"I must win this game show to win Sakura-san's love!" Lee exclaimed happily.

Neji glanced at him, "It's completely hopeless. She'll never go out with you."

"Well, I think you're very much wrong, Neji! And to show my enthusiasm, I will run one thousand laps around Konoha! YOSH!" Lee replied, running for the door.

Tenten stepped in front of her over enthusiastic teammate, "Sorry, Lee. I don't think that's necessary. You should really save your energy for the game show." She said slowly.

"My!" he nodded, "What a youthful answer, Tenten!"

Tenten sighed and gave him a slight smile. Neji looked around with shifty eyes, and slipped a bottle of Suave conditioner into his bag.

"I MUST PACK MR. FLUFFERBOTTOMS!" Lee yelled. He grabbed a small, blue stuffed Walrus and hugged it tightly before placing it in his suitcase.

"You're an embarrassment to our team." Neji plainly said.

Lee's smile faded as he slowly sunk down onto his bed, nodding. Tenten shot Neji a glare which would make any Uchiha jealous and went to comfort Lee.

"Tch," Neji was unimpressed, "I'm finished, so I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

Tenten closed her eyes and sighed.

Author's note: This was pretty much the same as the first time it was written. Please, review.