Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, and any events or ideas that take place within this fanfiction are fictional.
Warning: May be some angst, death, emotional torment, and confusion.
Key:
Chichiue- Father/dad/daddy etc.
Hakusei- White star (Literal translation)
Shinju- Pearl (Literal translation)
Authors Note: This is the most utterly random, screwed up, and stupid fic... well, at least one of them, that I have written. Please excuse the random theme, thin plot, and even more random end.
Story Note: This story is a transition of... degrading sanity. The POV will be confused, and may contradict itself. There's a reason for it ^^;;
There are also many connections to parts of the story from other parts. So if you feel dejavu, it's not just you ^^
And yes, it is true. A white star (white dwarf) is a small star on the verge of its death, or end.
Credit: I would like to thank oOKeairaOo-san for beta reading this chapter. ^^ Arigatou K-san!
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this ficlet to my koi, Callisto Firestarter. This fic is a random gift to her, and a pitiful attempt to make up for my stupidity/ignorance/absence. I fear I'm not a very good koi, but she's wonderful, so this is to her, my hakusei. ^^
~*~
Death is not beautiful.
(Chichiue! Chichiue! I made the tree bud! Did you see it?)
I only cry for beauty.
Misery does not deserve tears.
Tears are beautiful.
And only beauty deserves beauty.
(Love, look at him. Our kit, growing so quickly!)
I strived so much for perfection.
The perfect body.
The perfect mind.
The perfect stance.
The perfect mask.
And yet, the more I strived for it, the more distant it seemed.
But one day, that one day...
I came so close to it.
And I lived so close to it...
But perfection is a fleeting thing.
(You did perfectly, son.)
How I'd taken pride in calling him that.
(Son.)
How, for once, it felt like...
I was living.
Not just the thin satisfaction a hunt gave me. Not the fake happiness stealing gave me...
I was living.
Because
I finally had something to live for.
He was so beautiful.
He was so intelligent.
He was so graceful.
He was so perfect.
And my life revolved around him.
~*~
Perhaps, I knew something was going to happen.
Perhaps, Inari was leading me somehow, to tell me...
Protect this child. Teach this child. Teach this child to protect himself.
Quickly! Quickly! QuicklyQuicklyQuicklyQuickly! QUICKLY!
But he didn't need to be told.
He just learned.
As if he'd been born with all the knowledge in this world.
As if he hadn't been born that day, but simply transferred into this world, from something much greater. Like he was some perfectly bred child sent to me for...
what?
What was he here for?
Quickly!
I guess I wasn't fast enough, ne?
~*~
Once, he cut his finger. He ran to me, and started crying, and I winced at the scent of his blood.
I quickly made a wound-sealing lotion from some plants, and taught him how to make it.
(To take care of the boo boo's.)
And he giggled because his father. Me. Because I, with my set face, had said such a word. Then he looked up at me, his eyes crinkled from laughter and asked me:
(Ne, chichiue, do you think I'll ever grow up to be like you? Like the story you that mommy talk about? Do you think I'll ever be as pretty as you?)
Inari... Inari... I never wanted to lie to him...
I never meant... I never meant...
(Aa, of course.)
Liar. Liar. Liar Liar LiarLiarLiarliarliarliarliarliar...
He was beautiful. That, I did not lie about.
Pearl white, with a sheen of metallic light, like a dove...
A perfect white dove.
He had golden eyes. Like mine. But instead of the sly, seductive look mine held, he had some sort of innocent, rich appearance... like a treasure.
Yes. A treasure that the dove held. A golden chain the symbol of innocence carried.
That must be it. His body must have just been a carrier...
He must be somewhere...
Because how could one as perfect as him...
Just...
Disappear?
Beautiful. Innocent. Rich. Beautiful. Perfect.
Perfect...
Innocent...
(Oh, Inari, they're coming! They're coming, honey! They're going to... Oh God...)
Funny to think that such perfect innocence was created by me, and a fellow thieving vixen.
Funny to think that we thought we could get away with all those selfish raids.
Funny to think that we believed we could find real happiness, beyond the passion that stealing brought.
(I will go find them, and stop them. Stay here. Stay here, do you hear me? Keep him safe. Keep him safe, for the love of Inari. Inari, keep him safe...)
I don't remember her name. The vixen. But I remember that she knew me well enough to be surprised when my 'perfect' mask shattered and I begged her to watch over him.
Her crystal blue eyes and that white hide he had gotten from her...
That's all I remember of her.
(With my life, I swear. With my life.)
I want to remember.
What was her name?
The beautiful vixen that kept that promise...
Even when I myself cannot remember her face?
Makai is a hellhole.
I know...
But it felt like...
Everything had to work out.
Because I had him now.
And I was living.
Because I had something to live for.
Inari couldn't take it away...
I thought.
But they... those thief hunters...
Found him.
(With my life, I swear. With my life.)
Blood had never made me sick before.
But those words rang in my head...
And I almost cried.
for death
But my actions were stolen from me.
Because huddled beneath her hunched and curled body...
Was a little ball of silvery fluff.
And with my keen nose, I knew.
It was the scent of his blood.
But it wasn't a 'boo boo'.
He wasn't looking for herbs to make the wound-sealing potion.
He wasn't crying and running towards me with his finger cut.
Because...
Someone had shot my dove out of the sky.
No... I am not worthy of wings.
Someone plucked him out of hell, and placed him back in his rightful place.
With Inari, I suppose.
~*~
Death is not beautiful.
I only cry for beauty.
Misery does not deserve tears.
Tears are beautiful.
And only beauty deserves beauty.
I am not beautiful.
I am not perfect.
He was both.
He was everything.
My little dove.
Hakusei.
White star.
The perfect one.
I remember someone told me, when I was a kit.
That a white star is a star near its end.
An intense, perfect looking star. A small star.
That was near its death.
Funny that I didn't think about that when we named him.
Funny to think we picked the perfect name.
Funny to think he was perfect...
And...
Funny to think that...
I was his father.
That such an innocent child could be the spawn of me...
~*~
I am,
Youko Kurama.
I do not believe in love.
Because love is life.
I am not alive because...
My Hakusei disappeared,
And took me with it.
~*~
(Ne, Chichiue, where do stars come from?)
(Mm, well son, I was once told that stars are the souls of passed lives.)
(Ne, Chichiue, I think you would make a beautiful star.)
(Hm? I don't think I want to be a star. I'd rather be a moon.)
(Moon?)
(Yes. And you can be my star.)
(Oh?)
(Did you know? We can only see the moon because the sun's light reflects off of it. And the sun is a star.)
(What if there is no star, chichiue?)
(Then nobody can see the moon.)
(But why would it exist if nobody could see it?)
(It would just... be.)
(Be?)
(It would be dead, I suppose. The moon has to orbit around something.)
(Dead?)
(Yes, my little Hakusei. Now go to sleep.)
(...daddy?)
(Hm?)
(How can a star just... die?)
(Hm?)
(What happens to it? Doesn't it go somewhere?)
(I suppose. Why?)
(What about the moon? Does it follow the star?)
(I suppose it could. Why?)
(Because if you're the moon, and I'm the star...
I always want to be with you.)
(I don't believe I could live without you, either, my kit.)
~*~
I was right.
I can't live without you, Hakusei...
Because...
What do I live for, without you?
~*~
Inari...
Where did you take him?
Inari...
Why do you torture me with this second life?
I cannot end it, for that would be murder...
Yet...
I don't know how to live it.
Inari...
Where did you take him?
Why did you take him?
~*~
(I don't believe I could live without you, either, my kit.)
~*~
That night, Inari opened his doors to a tired, ragged youko.
His golden eyes diminished any proposition for reincarnation Inari had for him, and the Fox God let his exhausted child rest at last.
The first one to greet the silver youko was a little pearl white kit...
"CHICHIUE!"
The worn out Kitsune blinked in surprise, for the kit was more mature than when he has last seen him.
"You were right, chichiue. I'm almost as pretty as you!"
He stared, and before he could react, another suprise fell upon him.
Two slim arms embraced him, and he found himself wrapped in a soft scent he remembered from somewhere...
"I kept my promise, koi." (With my life, I swear. With my life.)
A moment dragged on for eternity, and Youko Kurama finally managed to whisper:
"...Shinju?" And Inari smiled.
~*~
(What was he here for?)
~*~
At Ningenkai, Shuichi Minamino truly awoke the following morning.
Strange memories plagued his mind, and all he could clearly remember was a presence of heavy grieving...
And he found himself thankful that it was gone.
"Kaasan, what time is it?"
"You're up early, Shuichi." Shiori Minamino looked at her son's face and saw something that hadn't been there before.
The will to live.
Not that she recognized it...
All she knew, was that his emerald eyes shimmered a bit more than usual, and his smile seemed complete.
"Did you wake up on the right side of the bed?"
And they laughed, not knowing how right they were...
For life was as it always had been...
Perfect.
...right?