The present:
"Talk to me, Hayato…"
"I told you to stop calling me that, baseball idiot."
"Not till you let me in. Why are you acting like this? Why won't you just let me help?"
"I don't need your help, I'm fine"
"Bullshit, that's a lie and you know it."
A week after knowing him:
I looked up at him. For the first time, I actually looked. There was just something about him. I'd never say it aloud…but there was something that drew me to him. I wanted to be closer. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to keep me safe. I wanted him to be there for me. I wanted him to choose me out of everyone else. I wanted him to be able to read me like an open book; to know my secrets; to tell when I'm lying; to know.
It's funny how those wants can turn to bite you in the ass….
Just last week:
"I love you….." he whispered.
"You're lying…" I looked up at him.
"Why would I lie about something like that, Hayato?" he gave me a soft loving smile.
Because no one can love me… "I don't know….you're just lying…" I reached up and placed my lips to his soft ones. "…I love you too…" I smiled.
Just yesterday:
"When I try to sleep, I have all these thoughts. Like, what would it be like if we ended on bad terms, I can't lose you, Hayato. You're my best friend."
"Well, what do you want to do? Would you rather stop now and just stay friends, or take the risk?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you. No matter what I'll always care for you."
"Well I don't care, I'll support you no matter what you decided" Don't let me go…
"So you'd be fine either way?"
"Of course." No, I need you. "So….?" Tell me I'm worth the risk. Please tell me I'm worth the risk…
"I guess we'll just stay friends for now…."
"Okay. That's cool with me." I'm not worth the risk….if you won't take the chance with me…who will?
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I'm broken…
"Okay…"
"…"
The present:
He wants me to tell him how I feel. How this is affecting me…but I can't. If let him know…that's weakness. I'm strong. I refuse to let him know. I'll be strong. I won't let him know how badly he hurt me. I won't let him affect me. I won't let this change anything. I'm still the strong right hand man that I've always been.
Who am I kidding? I still love him. But being his best friend is better than nothing…right? I just won't let him know. I'll be there when he needs me and I'll lie when I need him. He won't know and maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to be the best man at his wedding someday. I would offer the same for him…but then again…who would want to be with me?
"…Gokudera-kun?"
I lift my head to meet the eyes of a concerned Tsuna. "Yes, tenth?"
"Are you okay?"
I smile. "I'm fine"
"…you're lying…"
I chuckle. "I'm fine. I promise."
He looks at me a minute before nodding. "I'm here if you need to talk…" he exits the room leaving me alone.
Alone. Might as well get use to that feeling.
AN: Let me know what you think?
I own nothing~