As the title says, it's a one-shot. Don't take it too seriously either! It's an idea I had while thinking what could they do with the amount of chakra you need to do the Infinite Tsukuyomi. That's a truckload of chakra used for that! You could do anything! And almost anything is better than the Infinite Tsukuyomi, right? So here it is, my first one-shot ever!

"..." = Talking

'...' = Thinking

Italic = Imagined scene

One-Shot: The Infinite Harem!

The battlefield had been utterly devastated. The Shinobi Alliance versus Madara and Obito Uchiha, a clash so intense that even Kabuto and Orochimaru intervened. Perhaps the most important clash in the history of shinobi, and all for naught. Naruto and Sasuke were powerless as Madara was about to enslave mankind with his ultimate genjutsu, Infinite Tsukuyomi. Or were they?

Two poofs were heard from under Madara's feet and the entire battlefield, Madara included, could only gape as his own sandals transformed into clones of Naruto and Sasuke both with a hand on the oldest Uchiha.

"This worked, now what dobe?" asked an impatient Sasuke, who could see Madara's chakra preparing for the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Madara himself was too stunned to even react, never expecting such a way to trick him.

"What are you two…" the maniacal Uchiha patriarch started but Naruto was quick in his answer.

"Genjutsu! Follow my lead!" he said as his Bijuu Sage Mode chakra was poured into Madara. Left with no choice, Sasuke poured his own chakra into Madara and let Naruto use it for his genjutsu. Wait, Naruto using genjutsu?

"Wait, dobe-" Sasuke started to say but the pillar of pure chakra interrupted him as it soared towards the moon. The Shinobi Alliance looked up to the moon, then saw no more. That is, until the jutsu drained all three of the fighting shinobi to near-death.

"Ugggggh, my eyes hurt… Hey, Kurama's gone" Naruto said while holding his head between his hands. His Bijuu mode had run out and he was on his last legs at Sage Mode. He used what little was left to try and sense for the other Bijuu, but he couldn't find any of them. Even the Juubi had disappeared.

A tired but immensely annoyed Sasuke marched towards Naruto and roughly pulled him by the shirt, nearly chocking the blonde with her breasts. "Look what you did dobe!" she said. Naruto had to rub his eyes. She?

"Wh-what the hell Sasuke?" he said, immediately shutting up after he did so. He also had the voice of a girl! 'Uh oh' was his only thought as he looked around, trying to find his fellow shinobi but Sasuke yanked him by the shirt again and shook to the point of making him dizzy.

"I should have known! There's only one useless genjutsu you can use, and you just had to use it here didn't you?" asked a red-faced Sasuke, with Sharingan eyes to match. The Rinnegan took too much chakra, and a forbidden part of Naruto's mind whispered that they looked better on Sasuke anyways.

"The Juubi… You two… You used up all of its power… Every trace of it is gone…" cried Madara from a distance, too weak to shout. Even this much fighting tired him out, and he fell forward as if he had been drugged. Unfortunately, he had forgotten he was a she now. His chest, now sporting D-cup breasts, pushed into his chest and he slowly became unable to breathe. His weak struggles soon came to a stop as he gave in to the pleasant peace of suffocation by breasts.

The Shinobi Alliance didn't notice Naruto and Sasuke having a catfight. They didn't notice Madara dying a pathetic death. No, they were too busy either ogling each other or yelling "Kai!" to dispel the genjutsu. But nothing worked. Even the kunoichi were affected, as Sakura herself lamented. She secretly liked being called flat. And hitting whoever called her that back to kingdom come. But now, that would be impossible. And was it her, or were her breasts bigger than anyone else's?

Naruto stopped his catfight with Sasuke for a moment, gulping as he felt a shiver down his spine. "Damn, I hope Sakura-chan isn't too mad" he thought out loud, unfortunately letting Sasuke hear it. "You mean… her too? I'LL KILL YOU, NARUTO-TEME!" the Uchiha exclaimed and lunged for the eyes, making Naruto shriek in fear. "H-hey, I thought you didn't care about her! And if ya do then I did ya a favor anyways!" he exclaimed, wisely choosing to run away while he talked. Because Sasuke obviously didn't agree, if Naruto was to believe the kunai in the Uchiha's hand.

Somewhere in the battlefield, an old snake was looking down at his new breasts and saying "Yessssssss, yessssssss!" louder and louder while a watery swordsman was busy trying not to kill himself for ever thinking of Orochimaru as 'hot'. He was utterly failing, but not for lack of trying. "FUCKING DAMNIT MY BREASTS WONT LET ME DECAPITATE MYSELF!" he yelled in frustration as a now-female Kabuto shamelessly stared at his master while drooling.

"Well… Uhh… Now you look more like Mother?" Kankuro offered to a still-stunned Gaara, whose eye twitched at the comment but otherwise didn't react. Meanwhile, Temari was too busy to notice her brothers; finding Shikamaru and enjoying his new Kami-sent gifts was top priority. And said genius was too busy trying (yes, actually trying!) to find more than a thousand ways how to kill Naruto. Needless to say, when Temari did find him, it was hard for him to even think of one reason why he'd ever do so in the first place.

The Shodaime just took one look at his brother and fell to the ground in tears from laughter. The Sandaime could only sweatdrop, aand the Nidaime simply shook his head and covered his face with a hand in shame. "If not this Naruto then surely you would had done something as ridiculous as this, brother" he said, completely certain that his brother was capable of such a thing. Hashirama didn't deny it, though he might have been too busy with howls of laughter. Minato, however, had discreetly used Hiraishin to get away and weep for what little manliness he had lost.

IN AMEGAKURE

It could had been confused with a frog, but any ninja that did such a thing deserved the death that waited for them. The toad croaked, and then a poof was heard. Once it was settled, the white mane of one Jiraiya of the Sannin was let free for the first time in months as its owner enjoyed his freedom.

"Ahh, so good to see my own hair again! Hmm, no more rain... seems my two pupils no longer rule Ame. Konoha, you better not have fallen!" he exclaimed while jumping from tree to tree. With speed almost unmatchable by any shinobi, the sannin hurried back to his home village while enjoying the fresh air. "I can imagine his stupid face and amazed adoration while I explain how I, Jiraiya the Toad Sage and genius of no equal, escaped even this gruesome death" he said to himself while giggling, and imagining the scene.

"Jiraiya-sama! No way" says Naruto with tears in his eyes.

"Yes my pupil, I have returned even from death" I say, a triumphant smirk on my face.

"B-but we thought you were dead! We weeped for weeks over your body…" Naruto says, choking on his raw emotions.

"Ahh, you see I am the great Toad Sage! I used my one-and-only Toad Replacement! My 'body' should be the body of a toad right now, may Kami bless his soul" I say, with such a solemn voice that Naruto breaks in tears for him and the toad's soul thanks me from the Afterlife.

"I should have known, Jiraiya-sama is immortal!" Naruto says, stars shining in his eyes.

"Jiraiya, don't ever leave me so lonely again!" says Tsunade who jumps at me in a tender hug, whispering into my ear how she would convince me to stay.

"Do not worry my love, I'll never leave you again" I say in such a manly voice that Tsunade yanks me to her room as the entire village roars my name in celebration.

He was drooling by the time he got to the village gates, and the view made him even more ecstatic. 'Not bad, these chicks are B+ class and maybe even A babes! Can't be A+ though, that's just for Tsunade' thought Jiraiya as he studied the two guards. He waved at them and they waved back, then blinked, and drew their weapons.

"Relax! I am the one and only Jiraiya of the Sannin, in the flesh! And my, must I say you two cuties are such warm welcome for a legend such as me-" he started one of his introductions but was cut short by the two guards calling him fake, and an ANBU squad surrounding him and demanding for him to "drop his henge" or else.

The sannin knew there was only one way of proving who he is and quicker than the ANBU could blink he sat atop one of his toads, grinning widely. "Now do you believe me?" he asked with a smirk that would anger the Buddha if he stared at it for too long.

And yet he didn't expect their answer. The ANBU and the guards did store their weapons away, but what they said made Jiraiya groan in frustration. "Alright Naruto, drop the henge" they said, crossing their arms and pushing their D-cup breasts up for Jiraiya to ogle at. 'Damn, they still don't believe me… But the view makes up for it for sure' he thought, seeing every ANBU was an A or at least a B+ in his books. Still, it was a bit annoying getting mistaken for the brat.

But before he could speak again, the very same blonde came from the buildings area and met the ANBU squad who he could feel were now glaring at the Naruto. And he was using his Sexy no Jutsu. What the hell? "Hey, it's a nice henge but who the hell's that?" he asked while pointing a finger at Jiraiya whose eye was beginning to twitch now. "'Cus if you think that's me, it isn't. I only did one Ero-sennin impression and that's it, I promised Tsunade-baachan" he kept going, ignoring the ANBU's accusations and Jiraiya's growing anger.

"Oi, brat, what the hell's going on here?" he finally snapped at the brat, his perversion lost against the sheer irritation he was feeling. The blonde looked at him with narrow eyes, but then looked at the toad and stared.

"Wh-who did this… It's not funny girls, not funny. I mean, you can take it out on me but not on Ero-sennin's memory" he said between sad and furious, taking a step back without even realizing it.

"Gaki, it's me! I used a toad jutsu, got turned into a toad for months now but I'm back! Just what the hell is going on?" he asked while waving his hands around, the summoned toad patiently keeping balance so its rider wouldn't fall off.

Naruto looked up and into the sage's eyes. And he saw the legendary man was saying the truth. At first it was just a snicker, then a chuckle, then he fell to the floor laughing as the ANBU looked between the two in utter confusion. "So that's why you're not a girl! And you're alive! This is priceless!" he said between laughs.

Jiraiya looked outright murderous and was about to slam Naruto into next week, but being a sannin he was suddenly suspicious by what he said. "Why would I be a girl? What happened while I was gone Naruto?" he asked carefully, in a tone that made Naruto stand up and wipe away his tears of laughter.

Instead of answering, however, he grabbed Jiraiya's arm (he didn't struggle, his arm felt very comfortable where it ended up) and pulled him into the village. It had been restored to its prime, and was bustling with activity.

"Ero-sennin, the Fourth Shinobi war happened. We fought Madara, and we stopped his plan but…" he said and then looked down. Jiraiya got worried for a second, then his pupil snickered. "But everyone in the entire world transformed into my Sexy no Jutsu" he said between giggles.

Jiraiya was about to scoff, but then he took a better look around. He had been staring and ogling at every well-endowed woman he saw. What he hadn't noticed is that EVERYONE he saw was a woman, and well-endowed at that. His eyes bulged as the realization hit him. "Wait, gaki, do you mean I'm-?" he started to ask but his pupil cut him off.

"Yep, you're the only man left in the world that we know of!" Naruto stated, and suddenly everyone around him had stopped. They had heard. And now everyone was staring at Jiraiya as if he was a piece of meat.

The sannin in question didn't dare stare back. He stared at his pupil. And he realized what it all meant, that his student wasn't kidding. "Gaki… pinch me" he asked in the lowest whisper he could muster. "OW!" he exclaimed as Naruto did as told with a grin. The sannin scowled at first, but slowly turned serious and then slowly smiled. And then grinned. Widely. Very widely.

"GIIIIIIIRLS! I've come to save this village, how may I help you?" he shouted in a sing-like voice, arms wide as if he was in a dream. But for the old pervert, this was far better than any dream. It was... his new harem!

THE END