Disclaimer -we really shoulf be past this, tbh.

People here eat fire and iron; this really shouldn't be such a surprise-

But-

But -it is.

"Get off!" Gray shrieks, inserting another Shakespearean endearment for Natsu as he kicks him away.

Endearments involving the words fuck, pervert and tard. In different orders.

His kick doesn't work because horny, brainwashed dragon slayers are strong as fuck.

Natsu grins (because Gray is annoyed and it's such a joy to behold) and rubs his palms, a little fire, well, firing up.

Sheesh.

"Don't you fucking dare." Gray glares icily, emphasising each word with the increasing narrowness of his eyes.

Natsu guffaws.

The rest look at them.

At the dragon slayer who finds it funny that his best friend/bathmate/comrade/anything they call each other/possibly maybe sorta kinda lover is currently underneath him, awkward because...

...because the sacred rod, dammit.

Natsu doesn't know it's not supposed to be shown around in the public!

At least not while Gray is naked (because he has a killer body and showing off is a must, okay?) and Cana and Erza and oh well who is he kidding, even Juvia are all blushing hard with perverted ideas running through their minds, all noting down their position through magic lacrimas.

It's also fucking awkward as hell and why the hell is Freed licking Laxus' chest?

Gray shakes his head in disgust -this can't be unseen -and focusses back on Natsu Dragneel, on top of a naked himself, a very evident 'sacred rod' rubbing against his own.

Horrified, he realises that his body has a similar reaction.

Gray groans, turning his head away. Why the hell aren't his arms working?

Oh right, because they're tied to a pillar.

Then Gray sighs and decides that Natsu might come to his senses if he talks softly.

In his head, Gray plans to speak very calmly and tell Natsu -Listen, Natsu, please get off? Be reasonable, man.

But since Natsu also decides right that moment that he should move against Gray's lower body, all that comes out of Gray's mouth in place of 'listen' is 'ah' and a moan with a very breathless, "Na-Natsu! Ah!"

"Gray Sama!" Juvia blushes heavily and covers her eyes in confused excitement, but remains rooted on the spot.

Tch, useless.

And then Natsu looks into Gray's eyes and smirks, "Not gonna fight, huh, freezebrain?"

And because it's Natsu and Gray simply cannot resist fighting him, he whispers back hotly, "At least I'm not sweating like you."

Natsu leans down, his warm breath over Gray's lips, and in that moment Gray knows more than anyone that Natsu is a fire dragon slayer because damn, Gray's insides are melting.

He turns his head just as Natsu moves down to kiss him, and captures the flesh on his jaw instead. And starts sucking.

Gray suppresses a moan but of course it comes out.

The girls all look at them now, enraptured. The two seem to be on the top of their list.

(Of course they are, because Laxus and Freed are doing nothing other than licking and the girls expected a lot more from them; Loke ran back to the spirit world the moment he saw the plan of all the female mages of Fairy Tail; and Elfman and Bixlow just did not please the eyes.)

And anyway, Natsu just gave Gray a hickey.

"We were supposed to fight their plan, you know." Gray pants as Natsu's hand slips down to grope Gray's ass.

The ice mage thrusts upward in turn. Natsu groans, and tickles his neck with his salmon hair.

"This plan is so awesome! Erza, you're simply a mastermind." The girls all gush praises for the redhead, who only nods distractedly, her eyes fixed on the two boys.

She always knew they'd make her proud. Somehow.

Yaoi lovers were a dangerous species altogether.

Natsu pinches Gray's nipples as the raven haired mage parts his lips in a moan and the dragon slayer can't help but let a finger slide through those lips.

"Suck." He demands. Gray looks surprised for a minute but then complies, staring unblinkingly at Natsu seductively.

"Oh my god whut are they gunna do!" Levy blushes as she joins the crazed audience. "How much did I miss?"

Cana replies, not drinking for once, "Don't worry, we're recording it all. Lucy will definitely feel better once she tastes my soup and watches this video Mira is recording."

They're even recording, dang.

"What is he gonna do next? Oh my god, this is all too much for my innocent eyes!"

As if replying to them, Natsu smirks at Gray, "I'm going to makd him submit."

And that is why, folks, there was an ice mage shaped hole in the guild floor.

A/N: ok, Ik this sucked major time but... this is the first time I wrote something that was an inch below the belt XD I'm horrible at puns, I admit.

But damn the 'sacred rod' thing was my favorite in the past few chapters.

Just gimme reviews, okay? I physically need them. *pouts then gets embarrassed at her own weirdness*