Dear Ms. Stephenie Meyer
BY: MYLiFE'SBOAT
This is a disclaimer.
Summary: It's 2019 today. People talk on the tongue of early eighteenth-century English romanticism. Examples of which are, "You're a meteor that fell from the sky and blinded me. You're just a stupid rock now."
A/N: Made two hate-fics in one night and proud of it! Damn, I'm so awesome. *head suddenly blows up to pieces*
Anyway, I enjoyed doing this, so please also do enjoy reading it. However, at such occasion that you feel that somehow you might be offended with my few chosen words, you may turn back and leave my life at peace. If you're a Twilight fan and hates people who try to defame you god, Edward Cullen, also feel free to curse me to hell just for the heck of it.
I come in pieces--I mean--peace.
o-o-o-o-o
Dear Mr/s. Stephenie Meyer,
Since you're reading this, I'm probably dead by now.
It's 2019 and life on earth today is completely different than the life on earth I've known before the names Edward Cullen and Bella Swan hit the publishing companies.
What I feared the most have happened in such a short period of time. Rabid Twilight fangirls have already dominated all six continents and are yet to invade Antarctica including the Poles. They're currently trying to conspire with Santa Claus through his dwarves but the said fangirls remain saddened with the negative results of their persuasion. I deeply hope the do not succeed.
The trend of Halloween had drastically changed. It has become horrible. Children knock on the doors for trick or treat wearing corduroy jackets and tight dark jeans. Their faces are covered with thick white foundation powder and their bodies are sprinkled with glitters all over. These are the new styles for vampire costumes. The werewolves now however, are equipped with large motorcycles with massive dogs as drivers. It was extremely horrifying to see a black Great Dane drive his way up to school. Seriously.
Earth is now covered with thick rainforests. The Gobi Desert, even, has become thick with wild life and tundra because of extreme rains and storms. A self-proclaimed group of vampires engulf the late desert (which is now tundra) and they're establishing a community there. They are to call it Forks the Second, or so they say.
People of Arizona now are all pale now. Their genes have mutated and they have all become half-albino. I have no idea how this sudden transition of the genes took place and it also puzzled a lot of biologists so, what the hell.
Students in different high schools are popular in ditching their Biology class when the topic is about blood typing. They claim to be nauseated with the mere sight of blood, or with the mere scent of blood, or the combination of the sight and the scent of blood. The UN is actually discussing if they should just remove blood typing in the curriculum as I speak. I hope they do not agree with this nonsense.
People are also speaking gibberish now. They talk on the tongue of early eighteenth-century English romanticism. Examples of which are, "You're a meteor that fell from the sky. You're just a stupid rock now," or "You are the lamb. I am your shepherd. Provide me the wool," and "I am a lion. I fell for the lamb. Our daughter's name is Lambioness. Rawr."
Mothers are also naming their children differently. Rather than using two names like before, they combine the names for their offspring instead. Examples are, 'Snapelydore' (for Snape and Dumbledore), 'Josephinedrianne' (for Josephine and Adrianne), 'Charmouise,' (for Charmaine and Louise), and 'Stephismee' (for Stephenie and Esme)."
It was devastating.
On the other hand however, in all of this crisis earth is going through, a secret crusade known as the The Death of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen Movement (DISECuM) is established to make people realize, that Twilight is just a frickin' book about a gay vampire and a group of teenagers who seriously need a life. The crusade is situated underground (with top security and secrecy) because the Cullenites (members of the religion of Edward Cullen, Cullenism) are torching the members down one by one. Fifty-seven known deaths have been reported in the last two years and there is a growing number of missing persons. I'm on the run again tonight.
Oh, by the way. . .I've seen my face plastered on the walls everywhere and there's a large bounty on my head right now (like all the other members of the crusade). I've changed hair color seven times and had five different hair-cuts in the last three months. I'm also changing hotels every two nights because, like I said: I'm on the hiding, just like my other pals out there that still held on and believed that there is still hope.
Now that I am dead, I wish for the people to reflect on their actions. IT'S JUST A FREAKING BOOK!
Warm regards,
Never a Fan
mylife'sboat
PS. Twilight sucks.
o-o-o-o-o
END