Credits/Disclaimers: Only the idea is mine, everything else belongs to their respective creators.
I think I finally broke and voila! here is a RivaMika crack fic. Enjoy, my lovelies.

Crushingly Uncharacteristic Of You/Uncharacteristically Crushing

"Will you go out with me?"

She just stared at him. Eyes full of curiosity and something else that he suspected was mirth. Levi was a fairly confident young man. At almost thirty, he had a small but successful business venture to his name and a reputable presence wherever he went. He was respected and great deeds were expected of him. Said impressive man, was currently fighting the descent of the many beads of sweat down the back of his neck and the overwhelming mortification that was rapidly encasing his entire being. He had just walked up to a college student and asked her out on a date. No introductions, no society-regulated, expected flirting whatsoever.

"I...I mean. Allow me to explain. My nam-"

"I know who you are. If my memory serves me right, your speech in my Finance Seminar was exactly two months ago? I am just surprised that after stalking me for weeks, you finally worked up the guts to come say something. I was sure that I could boast of having a stolid stalker for the rest of my life." She finished with a smirk.

"You are impertinent." He replied lowly, casually scowling to hide his embarrassment.

She smiled slightly at this and mocked, "You are the one visiting a coffee shop everyday to stare at me while I do homework."

That not only made him uncomfortable, but also shone a bright neon light on how uncharacteristic of him this behaviour was. He had briefly "met" her two months ago when answering an invitation from her professor, Erwin Smith, a long time friend of Levi's and had been taken in by her no-nonsense attitude. What had been a classroom visit out of charity, as Levi liked to call being roped into Erwin's schemes, had quickly evolved into obsession. He had tried to bat it away and failed miserably, only to conclude after more than a week of not even seeing her that he needed to see for himself why he was so charmed.

That had resulted, unfortunately in retrospect, in visiting a very tiny, very cramped, thankfully clean coffee shop almost every evening to "work". On his mental state, that is.

That had been three weeks ago and now here he was, ready to put an end to his misery. Call out his demons...well, just one - this witch. And either go out with her and destroy his delusion or, as he secretly hoped, find that she was an unbearable woman. Either outcome would benefit him.

All that assuming that she would not run at the first utterance of his motives.

What he had not wanted or needed was the increasing palpitations of his heart as he neared her, the enchantment that were her eyes and the hypnotic hymn in which she spoke.

Belatedly, he realised that she had mocked him and a smart reply was due, he opened his mouth but she beat him to it.

"Why are you asking me out?"

"..."

"Why didn't you ask me out earlier?"

"..."

Heavy sighing accompanied her next question, "Are you planning on speaking anytime soon?"

Theoretically speaking, he did not have very good reasons for the delay or this random request of her time. But people normally expected sound reasoning or at least stupid infatuation. He took the route of stupid infatuation.

"I am..interested..in spending time with you."

She chuckled at that, "Right. Sir. And would you happen to have our itinerary printed out?"

This woman was annoying. Why did she have to be annoying and still enrapture him like this. And he was not insane. Of course, there was no itinerary.

Printed. That is.

This was not going well and before it got further out of hand, Levi wanted to clear up the misunderstanding, save himself the shreds of dignity he had remaining and he just needed to get it out.

"Look,I know this is strange and I understand your doubts and concerns. As you have so precociously noticed," - he stressed - " I have been wanting to speak to you for a while now. I just wanted to see if I-I-I could," -he gulped -"ask you out for an evening."

Three lines had him breathing a little hard and she was staring at him, head resting on the little fist she made of her right hand. Her expression did not betray much. And his discomfort rose with every moment that passed in utter silence between them. This had been a bad idea to begin with.

The clock continued ticking and eventually, she stood up, packed her belongings and picked up her cup. Rounding the table, she halted. It took him a while to get the hint and he moved. They both walked out of the cafe together.

While he fidgeted and tried opening and closing his mouth, in the manner a fish does, she, once again spared him.

"Only if you come pick me up for our date from my flat. You can do one thing "properly."" She finished. Mischief and blush marring her face. Air quotes labelling her small teasing.

His eyes narrowed and emotions burst into song. Silently, of course. And all he did was christen her with a token of adoration, that, as he would learn in due time, was just the beginning of forever - with a college student.

"Brat."

How uncharacteristic.

A/N: I love them! In any colour, shape and size. Or universe, for that matter.