Loved and Lost

"Y-you're Fire Nation." It came out as a whisper, accusing and full of hurt. And even worse, the betrayal in those wide, innocent green eyes of hers. Zuko wanted to reach out, pull her close, make that pain go away. But he was the one who had caused it, and there was nothing he could do, but stare glumly at the ground, unable to meet her gaze.

"You lied..." Jin whispered, shaking her head. Zuko remembered how easily she had smiled before, even when he had been so awkward and weird and sometimes outright rude. She is NOT my girlfriend!

She looked so frightened now, backed up against the corner, the clothes she had been carrying lying in a heap on the floor where they had been dropped only moments before. "Lee! What are you..?" And then she saw the Fire Nation red across his chest, and the royal gold around his collar, and suddenly Zuko really wished he had asked her what she did on their date, because maybe then he would've known that she was a seamstress, a mighty good one too, and her and her mother often made or mended clothes for the nobles, and then perhaps they could have avoided this encounter. But he hadn't, because it was Zuko, and he had only been on the date in the first place because his uncle made him, and why was he supposed to wonder what peasants did for a living?

"This is all your fault!" He couldn't deny her claim, because it was true. It was all his fault. But then he was shaking his head anyway, because hadn't he done the right thing? He was Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation and to this nation he is loyal. Not the Earth Kingdom. Not the Avatar. Not his uncle...

He needed to say something. He had to say something, to defend himself, to explain. But when he looked up and saw her eyes wet with tears, her fists shaking at her side, he knew there was no excuse in all this world or the next that he could give. "I'm sorry," he breathed, so low she didn't hear it. Or she just didn't believe him. Zuko wasn't sure if he should believe himself.

What was he sorry for? He had nothing to be sorry for! But Jin made him think that maybe he did, because he had just screwed up in the worst way he possibly could've, worse than even that blasted war meeting. I'm sorry...Father, please...

"What about your uncle?" Jin demanded, her tears threatening to spill. "Is he a..." She didn't finish, as if there simply wasn't a word horrible enough to describe what he was.

Zuko could've lied. He could've told her that his uncle had helped take over Ba Sing Se, and hurt her even further. Azula would've done it. His father would've wanted him to do it. But he knew he couldn't. Not only would he be crushing Jin even more, but he felt like that would be tainting his uncle. Which was strange, because his uncle was the one who was supposed to be a traitor, and that wasn't a good thing. Or, at least, it wasn't supposed to be.

"No," Zuko murmured. "He...betrayed...helped them escape." The girl -Katara- and the Avatar. Who was dead. Surely, he had to be dead.

Perhaps maybe it would've been better to lie, because -if anything- Jin looked even more hurt. "You...you turned against him! You betrayed him!" she accused. "After...I mean, I thought..." The tears were streaming freely down her face down, and Zuko moved forward, intending to comfort her. "No!" she snapped, pulling back. "Don't touch me! I can't believe I...I can't believe I let you..." Her face was twisted with rage and hurt and every bad thing she was thinking about him. Zuko recoiled, momentarily surprised, before his face hardened and he glared.

"Get out of here," he spat, but no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't add peasant to the end. Because she wasn't, a peasant. He knew her. She had a name and a face and her own personality and quirks and things she liked and things she didn't like and peasant simply could not describe her. And he watched, helpless, as she fled, running down the corridors, her clothes still a forgotten heap on the ground.

When he was finally aboard the metal ship, sailing for the Fire Nation, he realized he didn't feel like he was going home. As they left the port of Ba Sing Se, Zuko thought of the tea shop in the lower ring, of his single date with a girl who hated him, of an uncle who was traitor to his nation...and that was home, and the world was so messed up, and nothing made sense anymore.

Mai came out to him, asked him if he was cold. He said no, he wasn't cold, but that was lie, because he was cold right down to his very core, and no amount of firebending was going to warm him up. Mai noticed his expression and came closer, offering words of comfort, words that were meaningless. When she pulled his face towards her, brought her lips to his, he closed his eyes and thought of a green-eyed girl with an easy smile who wasn't shy and asked him to juggle. Who had a large appetite and hair the color of chocolate, who kissed him in the light of a fountain that he made bright just for her, even though it was stupid and foolish, but he just couldn't stand to bear that disappointed look on her face, and so he had danced without even thinking about it, setting flame to each little candle before coming to stand by her and telling her to open her eyes...

But then he was back on the metal ship, kissing a girl who didn't smile easily -she didn't really smile at all. And her eye weren't green, and her hair wasn't brown, and she had knives up her sleeves and arrows in her skirt and if Zuko wasn't careful, he'd get pricked. But he kissed her anyway, because what was he supposed to do, that was what he was supposed to, because he was loyal to his nation. Loyal to his nation and his father.

And Zuko wondered when the world stopped making sense.

Okay, so I am an avid Zutara fan but I do think that Jin played a very important role to Zuko. The Tales of Ba Sing Se is often classified as one of the filler episodes of the second season (albeit a very good one, but still filler), and while I agree it's not essential to the plot itself, I think it is absolutely necessary for the characters themselves. It his here that you get to see some very important development, and I don't just mean Iroh and Lu Ten (although that is definitely my favorite one, I think it's everyone's favorite). The way I see it, the crucial ones are Katara and Toph's, Zuko's, Iroh's, and Momo's (simply because it leads into the next episode). Yes, Sokka's is funny and Aang's is...I guess it's cute, but they're not really needed.

Now, I would like to go into each of these, but since this is kind of about Zuko and Jin, I'll just focus on Zuko's. In this episode, we get a glimpse of Zuko outside of the 'banished prince doomed to hunt the Avatar' or the 'traitor who's running from his crazy sister' or the 'returned prince who feels conflicted with himself' or even the 'finally made up his mind and joined the Avatar.' He gets to chance to be a regular teen, which he struggles with, but ultimately finds rather nice.

How was your date?

...It was nice.

And his date with Jin is the ultimate tipping point for him to begin to think that he just might not mind making a life here. He could settle down, forget about the war and his father and Azula, and just enjoy the fact that he's alive, not chasing an impossible dream, and not on the run from a blue-fire wielding maniac. He could work in the tea shop for a while, or maybe get a new job for himself, maybe find a nice girl to get married to, and when their kids start throwing sparks, he'd just figure it out, like he always does. Before Jin, Zuko would never even think about making a life in Ba Sing Se. But after, suddenly everything is a possibility.

Outside of this, I think Jin also plays a crucial role in Zuko's ultimate decision to join Aang. She lets him realize that you don't need to hunt down a legend to get approval or love, or that his scar doesn't define him (Jin didn't so much as stare at his scar, and I think that would've really effected him). These are things that, ironically, Iroh has been trying to tell him for years. But there's a difference between someone you just met, rather than a family member who often just 'says' these things.

So those are my thoughts, and why I decided to write this (besides the fact that it's one of the prompt's in the Summer's Day FCP writing contest). Hope you enjoyed it, and please let me know what you thought!