Characters belong to Eastenders, no copyright infringement intended!
There's another chapter to come! Hope it's not too bad, it's my first Chryed fanfic!
Reviews would be appreciated!
Christian heard the door creak open as he pulled a black t-shirt down over his taut, tanned skin, his hair was still slightly damp from the shower.
"Hey, you're back late, did Tanya chain you to the massage table or something?" Christian laughed, "Do you fancy going to the Vic?" he said casually as he spun towards the door to see his lover enter the flat they shared.
Syed was standing in the doorway, shoulders hunched, head bowed, eyes downcast, his dark wavy hair falling over his face creating a mask of shadows.
"Sy? Are you ok?"
Syed gently closed the door behind him and took a slow step into the room but didn't raise his head. Christian could sense Syed was trembling, his green eyes clouded with concern and he strode forward until he was inches from his subdued lover.
"What is it?" Christian spoke softly, he reached out and placed his hand on Syed's arm, gently stroking it with a calming movement. He could sense Syed struggling to control his emotions, a battle scene he'd seen play out inside his lover many times before. He wanted to help, to ease whatever Sy was feeling. His hand moved from Syed's arm to his face, stroking his jaw line with his thumb before cupping his chin and gently tilting his face upwards towards his.
Syed looked up into Christian's intense eyes, he held his gaze for a few moments, his honey brown eyes wide and brimming with tears. He felt the distance between them dissipate, Christian was looking at him with such love, Syed felt his composure crumble. There was no need to hide from this man before him, who knew him better than he knew himself. Syed felt his bottom lip tremble, the tears spilled over and a sob escaped from deep within his chest. Immediately Christian drew him close, his strong arms encircling him in a comforting embrace. Syed rested his head on Christian's shoulder, leaning in to him for support until the full length of their bodies were pressed against each other.
Syed let the emotion escape him, it washed over him like a wave, with Christian there to break the strong current and hold him afloat. All the anguish that had built up inside him over the attempted reconciliation with his estranged parents came tumbling out.
Their marriage was in trouble. No matter how much they tried to create a public façade, Syed knew the truth. He knew too much of the truth. His Mother had found out about his father's dalliance with Jane. It was the final straw on top of the mountain of problems that they had mostly brought on themselves. He could see that now. Last year, he had felt so responsible, that it was his choices that would make or break his family. But with Christian's help, and after finally accepting and learning to be comfortable with who he was, he had come to realise that it was their choices that had got them into this mess. His sense of worth was no longer reliant on their approval and love. He was loved. Unconditionally. By the man pressed up to him, breathing the same air as him. He had even grown to love and respect himself.
He didn't need their approval anymore. But it still hurt. Everything he used to have with them, everything he will not now have in the future. Especially with him and Christian thinking about the possibility of adoption, family seemed more important than ever. They were his parents, he just wanted them to love him. He still had Tam, but what about Kamil? His father had made it pretty clear that he didn't want him anywhere near Kamil. Would he be such a bad influence on his baby brother? No, of course not. It was them. It was them that would turn Kamil against him, would he even know the real Syed?
As the sobs subsided, Syed sighed and parted himself slightly from Christian so that he could look at him, there were tears in Christian's eyes.
"What would I do without you?" Syed whispered, his voice hoarse, he smiled slightly trying to relief the anguish he could see on Christian's face, his own worries temporarily forgotten as he saw his own pain reflected in his partners eyes.
"Was it them?" Christian asked, his voice low and heavy with emotion. Syed nodded, biting his bottom lip nervously as he wondered whether he should elaborate or not, he knew what Christian thought of his parents. But he also knew he would want him to be honest. They were in this together.
"I went round there…. I know, I know. But somehow I thought I could help, make them see sense about this whole Jane thing."
Christian tensed, he turned his head slightly, glancing at Syed in exasperation.
"Dad told her. He told Mum that I knew about him and Jane all along, made me out to be the hypocrite, the one that was in the wrong. When will I not be the scapegoat for that family? When will they see how destructive their own behaviour is?" Anger and desperation marred Syed's voice, he gulped in air, trying to control his breathing.
"They're in such a bad place right now, and I know what they've done to me, to us… said and done such…. terrible things.." Syed's voice cracked slightly as he spoke, but Christian took his hand reassuringly and he carried on.
"But I had to try Christian, this is it for them, make or break time, and I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't at least try, because I'm not them, I will never be like them."
Christian mouth softened into a smile and he gently shook his head. "You're so much better than them. How two people as bitter and twisted as your parents could have a son as beautiful and sensitive as you I'll never know."
Syed squirmed slightly with embarrassment and the corner of his mouth twitched nervously, almost smiling, but his gaze never left his lovers.
"Come and sit down with me" Christian said and still holding Syed's hand led him to the sofa. They sat down side by side, their thighs touching, their upper bodies turned towards each other. Christian clasped both Syed's hands in his and look at him intently for a long time.
"I'm so proud of you, the last few weeks, so proud of the way you've tried to make peace with your parents without giving up any of your own integrity. The way you've grown in confidence, striving forward with your own life, our life together. It's their loss not yours, you're a good man Syed Masood." Syed smiled, Christian smiled back, then bowed his head slightly, when he looked back up his face was serious.
"Sy... I love you. I love all of you. I love that you always see the good in people. I love the way that you don't give up, I love the way that you're here with me, now, like this. The way you've turned my life around." Christian licked his lips, thinking for a moment, then laughed softly, a glint in his eye, "Hell, I even love it when you're being devious, when you sulk and look at me all forlorn when you don't get what you want, because you know I'd do anything for you. I even love when we argue because I know we'll always make up. I love how you can make me feel with one look, one touch, like there's no one else in the world. I love the electricity, the passion, the fire that will never ever go out, because I can see it burning behind your eyes, and I feel it when I press my skin against yours." Christian breathing was getting heavier, his hands clasped Syed's tighter, caressing his fingers with his own.
"Alright, steady on" Syed chuckled, but knew exactly what Christian was feeling.
"Next you'll be telling me you love the way I turn off the alarm in the morning hoping for an extra ten minutes sleep, only to make you late for work." Syed tried to lighten the mood, but his eyes were flirty.
Christian gave an exasperated half sigh, half smile. Then looked deep into his lovers eyes "I love the other reason you make me late for work more."
He eyes fell to Syed's full lips, which parted slightly in anticipation. Christian leaned in slowly and his lips met Syed's in a slow, sensual lingering kiss. A kiss like they'd shared a thousand times before but would never fail to amaze with it's depth of feeling and intensity. Christian breathed in deeply as his lifted his head to speak again.
"But most of all, I love you for you, for just being who you are and I'd never want to change you. We're a team, me and you. Last month, when I thought I'd lost you…." Christians voice broke slightly before he continued. "I'll never turn my back on you, never judge you, whatever life throws at us we'll work it out, together. You'll always have me,… always. " He said the last word with such conviction and passion that Syed knew that it was the truth. As they stared into each others eyes, Syed noticed a slow realisation light up Christian's face. A moment of clarity.
"Sy…" he hesitated for a moment, his eyes flicking over Syed's face searchingly.
"Marry me?"
Syed looked at Christian. The question took him back, shocked him. He hadn't even thought about it. It seemed silly now, why hadn't he even thought about it? He felt a panicky feeling in the pit of his stomach, was it panic? Excitement? A million questions, thoughts, obstacles raced around his head, he couldn't seem to focus on any one particular thing. Except Christians face. Christian's face inches from his own, his expression open, expectant, vulnerable, but mostly full of love…..