It had been seven years since the break up, the fighting, the yelling, everything. Although so much time had passed by, Erza Scarlet could never forget; she hurt him, and he hurt her. Disgusted with herself and hating what she had done, she began taking all of her problems out on herself; cutting, hitting, anything that could possibly harm her as an individual. No one knew about this, and she needed help for this depression and self hatred, she just couldn't bring herself to ask for help, it wasn't who she was. This girl showed no weakness, no signs of depression, or even self hatred. She needed help, but she wouldn't say it.
She was sitting on her bathroom floor, legs crossed, towel resting in her lap. Her right elbow was resting on her right knee, while her left hand was holding a razor blade. Slowly, she marked her right wrist with another deep cut, holding in any pain that the cut had caused. She wanted to scream, to cry, anything to express what she was going through, but she didn't. The girl felt blood roll down her arm from the new opening on her skin. She was about to do another when the buzzer in her apartment went off which meant only one thing: company. Quickly, she wiped away all the blood on her arm, threw the razor into a cabinet drawer, rolled down her sweatshirt sleeve and exited her bathroom.
"Yeah?" She said as she held down a button on her buzzer before hitting another to hear a reply.
"It's Lucy."
Erza held down a button that allowed Lucy to enter the building. Within seconds there was a knock on the door. Erza answered quickly and allowed her friend inside.
"What's up Lucy?" The redhead asked with a smile.
As Lucy was about to respond, she noticed a bloodstain on the redhead's sleeve, "what's wrong with your arm? You're bleeding," Lucy spoke with a concerned tone.
Ah no, Erza thought to herself, "what'd ya mean Lucy?" she was playing it off, acting like she had no idea what the blonde was talking about.
"Let me see that."
As Erza went to move her arm, Lucy had grabbed it, not realizing that her hand was tightly grabbing a fresh bruise. Slowly, she began rolling up the sweater sleeve. It was at that moment that Erza Scarlet was busted.
"What is- Erza do you-..." Lucy couldn't compute what was before her eyes to properly ask a question. Erza remained silent, refusing to speak. Curious to see if what Lucy thought was correct, she wanted to know if Erza had more cuts, or scars for that matter, she pushed up the grey sleeve higher, revealing bruises, and more scars. The blonde couldn't decide what she wanted to look at: the bruises, the scars, or Erza herself. After a long moment of silence Lucy finally spoke, "what is all this?"
Erza shut her apartment door with her free hand before she lost all control of herself. She was crying, something that Erza NEVER did. She needed to tell Lucy, ask her for help. Erza looked down at her arm in Lucy's grip, finally realizing the reality of what she's been doing all these years. Slowly, she pulled her arm away from Lucy's grip, who was still awestruck, and although she was hesitant at first, she slowly began removing her sweatshirt. She was now standing before her friend in her tank top and her jeans, allowing Lucy to see everything that Erza had done to herself: the bruises, the cuts, the scars, everything. No turning back now, she had to ask for help, which is exactly why she was opening up to her friend. The blonde stood before the redhead in pure shock. Erza's body was covered in bruises, her arms showed scars and fresh wounds of self inflicted cuts. It was just an awful sight to see and it made Lucy want to cry right along with her friend.
"Erza," the blonde slowly began walking towards the girl before her, "why?"
"I hate myself and what I've done," Erza said softly through her tears, "I hurt him Lucy, but although he hurt me in the process, I hurt him. Hurting myself just feels right to make up for what I did to him."
The blonde knew who the redhead was talking about. The 'he' that she had hurt was the only man that she really ever loved.
"So why keep this a secret? This is something you tell people about so they can get you the help that you need," although the blonde was furious at Erza for not saying anything, it didn't show in her voice, in fact, she sounded more concerned than anything.
"I didn't want to be judged, or be told that I'm suicidal and get locked up. Truth of the matter is that I'm not, I'm just angry at what happened, and I've been this way since the breakup. I honestly wish I could tell him that I'm sorry but I know he won't answer me."
Lucy stared in disbelief. Erza was crying, and opening up to her all in one day, something that never happened before in all of their years of friendship. "Why can't you tell him Erza?" She asked as she embraced her friend in a loving and concerned hug as Erza cried on her shoulder.
"I heard he died a few years back," she responded through her tears, "I don't know if it's the truth, but I'm afraid to call him. I don't want him to hate me because I honestly wouldn't be stable enough to handle that. It's been seven years Lucy, but I still love him."
The young blonde was close to tears herself now. She gently pushed Erza away and looked into her brown eyes, now puffy and red from all the tears she was shedding, "you need help Erza. Put your sweater back on and I'll take you to see a doctor, and this isn't up for debate either."
That last statement made Erza know that she was defeated. Wiping away some tears, she nodded and put her sweatshirt back on slowly. Knowing that her arm was still bleeding, she walked to her bathroom and wrapped her wrist up with a gauze wrap to at least make it so the blood wouldn't ruin her sweater even more. Lucy grabbed her friend's keys off the hook by the door. As Erza approached the door, she put on her boots and followed her friend out of her apartment. The help that she had so needed for years was now finally coming her way.
The car ride was quiet. It wasn't until Lucy pulled into her place of business that Erza finally spoke, "thank you."
Lucy should have said 'you're welcome' but she didn't. Instead she responded with, "what'd ya mean?"
"For doing this for me. Thank you."
The blonde young woman smiled softly as she parked her car. The two girls got out and instantly Lucy received a hug that was followed by more tears.
"You're welcome Erza," now she had said it. The redhead attempted to hide her face in the hood on her sweatshirt but Lucy just kept on persisting that hiding her face was unneeded. Once inside, they approached a young woman with long silvery-white hair who was on the phone, however she did wave as the two approached the desk she was behind. Quickly, Erza signed herself in and as she tried to walk away to take a seat, Lucy gently grabbed her shoulder, "hold on a minute."
Erza sighed and remained by Lucy's side. The young woman who was once on the phone now was looking at the blonde and the redhead with a smile on her face, "hi ladies," the girl spoke, "signing in?"
"Erza already did Mira, however she needs a medical form to fill out," Lucy responded to the girl that she worked with on a regular basis.
Mira eyed the redhead up and down. Nothing seemed to be wrong with her, but then again, Mira didn't know what was really going on so she asked, "everything okay Erza?"
Slowly, she nodded, "yeah, everything's okay Mira."
The girl handed her old friend a clipboard with the medical form and a pen attached. Now Erza was free to sit. She walked away leaving Mira and Lucy standing by one another as the redhead went to fill out the form.
"So what's up with Erza? She doesn't look sick," Mira asked her coworker.
Lucy sighed then looked back at Erza, then back to Mira. Quietly, she answered, "self harm, self abuse, and depression. She told me that that's been going on since... well... since her last relationship ended with him."
"You mean to tell me that she's been like this for seven years? What did Jel- I mean uh, what did he do to her?"
"I don't know the whole story Mira. She told me that she just wants to apologize to him for everything that happened back then."
"Why hasn't she?"
As Lucy was about to respond Erza was standing next to her, holding out the clipboard in her hands for Mira to take. The girl behind the desk took it with a smile and slowly both her and Lucy watched as Erza went back to her seat, three away from a young woman who was reading a magazine.
"What I want to know is why hasn't she told anybody about this until now?" Mira's attention was now back on Lucy.
"She didn't exactly tell me. I went to visit her after my run to see if she wanted to get some food. When she opened her apartment door, I noticed a bloodstain on her right sleeve so I questioned her about it. One thing led to another and here we are."
A young nurse walked up to the desk and faced Lucy and Mira. She smiled sweetly at the two of them, "have any more medical forms for the doctor Mira?" The bubbly bluenette smiled sweetly.
"I do Levy," Mira handed the petite girl Erza's medical form.
"Thank you Mira," Levy took the form with a smile and looked it over, "Erza?"
"Long story Levy," Lucy responded to her closest friend.
The girl nodded, then walked through a door in order to give the form to the doctor. Both Mira and Lucy watched her disappear, before turning their attention back to their redheaded friend who had her hood up, knees up to her chest, and head tilted back, looking up at the ceiling.
"I feel so bad for her, but at least she's getting the help she needs now, you know?" Lucy's face only showed a bit of sorrow.
All Mira did was nod before she quickly shooed Lucy away and began to look busy. Lucy knew why, Porlyusica, Magnolia Clinic's best doctor, was on her way to the front of the hospital in order to get her next patient, Erza Scarlet. She was holding the clipboard in her hand's that Levy had delivered to her just moments ago, "Erza Scarlet." The woman spoke, looking right at Erza. The redhead stood and walked towards the older doctor. She was frightened, but she didn't show it. As the doctor began walking through the doors that led to the emergency room, Erza shot Lucy a quick look.
"I'll be here when you get done. Everything is going to be alright Erza, I promise," Lucy spoke. Her words reassured Erza as she continued to follow the doctor into the back rooms.
Slowly, Erza removed her sweater, just like the doctor had asked of her. The old woman didn't seem too happy to see all these things on the young girl's body, but there was no way she could travel back in time and stop her.
"Why did you do all these things?" The old woman asked the girl as she grabbed her bandaged wrist.
Erza sighed and looked down at her feet, "I hurt him. I hurt him physically and emotionally. I've hated myself for a long time so I thought that this would-"
"Harming yourself because you've hurt another person doesn't solve anything. By you doing this it could have killed you."
Erza slowly nodded her head. She understood what the woman was saying to her. This is exactly what she was fearing. The next thing she was expecting the old woman to say was that she needed to be locked away and given some help. Slowly, Porlyusica told her to turn so she could see her back. Erza listened and did as she was told. It amazed the woman how many bruises that the young woman had on her body, but the cuts on her wrists was what really worried her the most, "most of the cuts I can't help with since they're already scarred, however these ones," the old woman was holding Erza's right wrist, referring to the three fresh cuts she had put there earlier, "these ones I can stitch up."
Erza nodded. She didn't know what else there really was for her to do, but there was no turning back now. The redhead put her sweater back on and looked at the doctor who was writing down a few things, "you aren't going to tell me I need to be locked away are you?"
The old woman seemed the laugh a little before she responded, "no. I'm going to say you're depressed and you need to take some anti-depressants. I'm also going to tell you that you need to stop doing this to yourself. Your best bet would to maybe get ahold of this him you mentioned earlier and work things out."
Erza wanted to tell this woman that he was dead, but that would probably make her say 'you can visit his grave and talk to him there', so she remained quiet while the woman handed her a medication form, "you'll need that to pick up the prescription I'm going to call in for you. It'll be there tomorrow morning so get it."
She nodded slowly as she took the slip from the woman. She knew what was coming next, the stitches. She didn't want to watch the old woman stitch her up, so she turned her head and looked away, trying not to show any signs of defeat.
She was all stitched up, and her wrist was wrapped, just like it was when she arrived. Lucy was sitting in a chair flipping through a magazine as she waited for the girl she had brought to the hospital to walk through the doors. Mira gave Lucy a look that told her Erza was on her way back to the waiting room. Nobody said anything as Erza joined Lucy, who placed the magazine down.
"All better?" The blonde asked as she stood.
"Yeah. Tomorrow I need to go pick up some anti-depressants from the drugstore, but tonight I need to tell him."
Lucy looked shocked when Erza responded to her. Neither one of them knew if this man was dead or alive, but it seemed like Erza was bound and determined to tell him exactly what was going on. The two girls waved to Mira and exited the emergency room doors. Erza was explaining everything that was discussed to her friend, mainly because she had asked. They both got in the car and Lucy was on her way to take her friend back home.
Once Erza stepped through her apartment door she quickly ran to her bedroom and grabbed her phone off the charger. No one had called, or sent her a text so she didn't have to worry about calling anyone back, or explaining where she was. She gulped as she went through her contacts, seeing if she still had his number saved in her phone, and she did. It had been seven years and she still had it. Her fingers trembling, she hit dial. She held her phone up to her ear, hoping to hear dial tone as if his phone was shut off, but it wasn't, the phone rang. It rang three times before someone answered.
"Hello?" It was his voice. His husky voice was on the other end of the phone. She couldn't bring herself to speak to him for she was too shocked that he even answered. "Hello?" He said again, "look, if this is a prank I'm calling the police."
"No wait!" She spoke loudly, then she quieted herself, "it's me... it's... it's Erza." She wasn't sure how he would react upon hearing her name so she stuttered when she said it.
"Erza Scarlet? It's been seven years since we've spoken last," he responded. His voice didn't seem angry, it actually seemed filled with joy, as if he was glad to be speaking to her again.
"I need to talk with you about some things that have been bothering me for quite some time. Can you meet me for lunch?"
"When and where?"
"Hargeon Restaurant in an hour. Does that sound good?"
"I'll meet you there then. Good bye Erza."
"Good bye... Jellal."
She hung up and threw her phone down on her bed. It took all the confidence she had to call him and see if he wanted to get lunch. He wasn't dead either so apparently what she had heard was just some sick rumor. Not wanting him to see her in her sweater that had a bloodstain on it, she decided to find something a bit nicer looking. She stood, cautiously removed the sweater she had on and threw it into her hamper, then approached her closet and pulled out a very nice, and somewhat dressy looking sweater and threw it on over the tank top she had on, then walked over to her mirror and looked at her reflection. She didn't look like she was the victim of self harm, nor someone going through a state of depression. She looked like a young lady who was living a completely normal life, not still beating herself up over an ex-boyfriend that she was about to meet for lunch. She gave a very soft smile, then gathered a bag to take with her.
She walked into Hargeon Restaurant, not expecting to see him standing by the door waiting for her. He looked exactly the same as she remembered; green eyes, his shaggy blue hair, and the odd red tattoo above and below his right eye. He looked like he was doing well with his life and he seemed to of smiled when he saw her. She had to admit, he looked good in his ripped blue jeans, his black band t-shirt, and his old black converse. He was the same old Jellal.
"Hi," she said to him softly as he stood before her.
He didn't respond back, instead, he simply hugged her tightly, unaware of how much pain her body was in. His embrace felt good, it made her feel safe. She hugged him back and fought back the tears that were forming in her eyes, "I'm glad you called me. I've missed you," he said to her as he rubbed her back.
The two of them were now seated at a table sitting across from one another. Jellal was generous tonight, he had bought her a glass of wine, and he was offering to pay for her dinner. Erza didn't protest, she just let him do what he wanted to do.
"Listen, about what happened seven years ago, I-" Erza started to say but was cut off by Jellal.
"Just drop that. It happened in the past and we need to move forward from it. I was in the wrong, and I wasn't right in the head. I took it out on you, and you defended yourself. I forgive you Erza," he said with a soft smile. Now she was about to lose it.
"You- you forgive me?"
He nodded, "oh yeah. I'm not angry with you either. For the longest time I was angry at myself because I let the greatest thing in my life go because of something stupid. You're the only girl I've ever loved Erza and I thought about you all the time. I figured you hated me so I never bothered to call. When you called me earlier though I was the happiest man ever. Hearing your voice just made me think about all the great times we had together."
"I- I actually thought you hated me. For seven years I took my anger out on myself for letting the best thing in my life go," she rolled up her sweater sleeve and showed him the bandage, and the bruises, and the scars, "I did these things because I hurt you. I just... I don't know. I realize that all of this was stupid, but at the time I thought it was right."
"Er-Erza... you..." the blue haired man couldn't comprehend what his ex-girlfriend had just told him, "you shouldn't do that to yourself." His voice was getting louder, "you hurting yourself is stupid Erza!"
Now she was crying. She couldn't help herself, "you have no idea what I've been through these past seven years! I loved you, and I still love you! That breakup put me through hell! You don't seem to-"
She couldn't even finish her train of thought before he leaned over the table and kissed her on the lips. It was a shock that he was actually kissing her but she wasn't going to complain about it. She missed his kisses. Actually, she missed everything about him.
"I've been so lonely without you in my life Erza," Jellal finally said when he pulled away from her. The two of them were looking each other square in the eyes.
"I've missed you and it's been awful," she responded as she wiped away her tears.
Before he spoke, he gave a soft grin and grabbed her hand in his, "let's start again. I promise, I won't hurt you ever again."
She smiled softly and nodded, "I'd like that."
"Hi, I'm Jellal Fernandes and you are incredibly gorgeous."
She laughed, "not that far back."
It seemed like her life was finally getting back on track. Jellal was back in her life and they were going to try and make it work again. She had gotten the help she had needed for so long to deal with her depression, which could quite possibly go away a lot quicker now, and she reflected on the past seven years, and how stupid she was. Everything was going to be better now, and she knew it.
Author's note:
I wanted to write something based on a personal experience. I know that Erza is usually a very strong person but even the strongest of people have a weakness. I went through a good three years of really bad depression before I finally got the help that was needed, and I wanted this story to sort of show that. I started to get out of my depression when I met my now boyfriend because he was one of the sweetest guys I've ever met in my life. So please, if you're going through a tough time, tell someone: a parent, a friend, a teacher. Anyone. It's better to let people know than to keep it bottled up inside. And I'll even be here in case you don't know what to do. I'll be more than happy to help with any problem you guys have. I've been through it, and it's awful. I don't want other people to go through it and feel weak because they have to ask for help. Asking for help is the strongest thing a person can do. So please, if you're suffering from bullying, or depression, or anything, tell someone.