Yada yada yada legal stuff. Don't own Chicago Ted, Left for Dead 1 or 2, nor am I affiliated with Valve or anything so connected to them or their property -
The Epic of Chicago Ted
We were fighting infected all across the square
The scent of their blood was strong in the air
A Witch in the courtyard gave us quite a scare
and things only got worse from there.
When a Hunter grabbed Marc and thrashed him in twain,
Geoffery hung by a Smoker as he cried out in pain,
Nicolas drew his pistol and took careful aim
he fired two shots, but it was all in vain.
Just then, when all hope had been burned and bled
the infected all screamed, and turned and fled
clothed in a flannel shirt blue, black, and red
came The Angel of Bad-ass named Chicago Ted!
With his twin shotguns blazing, he slaughtered that horde
till he got bored of that, and he switched to his sword
his cap coated in blood, while us he ignored
for the thrill of the hunt was its own reward.
Now he was no Chuck Norris, don't get me wrong
but Ted could do this shit all day long.
The survivors lept up and all fought along
but Ted would do this work for a song.
with corpses piled as high as can be
ol' Ted lit up a smoke, and howled with glee
as he used his sword to carve notches you see
into his belt, a thousand times fifty-three.
As a Tank rounded the corner, we filled up with dread
but he just laughed and he shook his head.
With a powerful holler, the wild savior said
"NO ZOMBIE IS SAFE FROM CHICAGO TED!"