The King Eats At Ratatoing
"5 Stars!* Glowed the review of a new restaurant in Rio de Janiero (that just happened to have a rather short distance to Hyrule for some reason...) in the Hyrulian Times. His Royal Highness Harkinian was sitting eating his breakfast, which was unusual as he always waited until dinner time, when he had lotsa spaghetti with meatballs and possibly toast if he was a good boy. The clock struck 12. Dinnertime. The King rose and strode into the main room, where his daughter Zelda and his magician Gwonam were talking.
"Zelda, I'm going to eat dinner at Ratatoing." he proclaimed.
"No, only Link can eat!" cried Gwonam, reading from the scrolls which he kept in his hat.
Zelda put her hand on Link's shoulder and gave him an order.
"Link, go to Rio de Janiero and find Marcel Toing." she said. Marcel Toing was the owner of his self-titled restaurant, which had NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DISNEY FILM THAT SOUNDS INCREDIBLY FAMILIAR AND CAME OUT THE SAME YEAR.
Link cheered and said, "Oh, boy! I can't wait to eat the freshest ingredients!"
Harkinian frowned. "Hey, what about me?!" he asked, his voice rising at the end.
Gwonam smiled, and then realised he'd forgotten where he lived. "You can find my house!" he suggested.
Harkinian nodded, fine with the idea, on one condition. "After you take me to dinner!" he said.
Gwonam stopped. "F*ck you!" he cried, then hopped onto his carpet with Link and flew him away.
Link spotted many things inside Ratatoing, and asked Gwonam what they were.
"What are those?" he asked.
"These are mouses." the old wizard said.
"You mean mice?" the boy asked.
"No. These are mouses!" Gwonam replied.
Meanwhile, at the castle
Harkinian was going mad. He turned to Zelda. "Zelda, take me to Ratatoing!" he demanded.
Zelda resented the idea. "You've got to be f*cking kidding!" she laughed.
"I'm not kidding." he muttered.
"But father, how are we gonna get to Rio de Janiero?" she asked, not expecting a real answer. It was an improbable answer she got.
"By farting!" the King cheered. "You can fart to fly around Hyrule!"
Zelda sighed, then went out and bought some Mexican food.
Later on...
The wizard and the boy were flying home.
"Boy, Ratatoing sure was wonderful!" Link sighed. Just then, Zelda and Harkinian flew towards them uncontrollably.
"Huh?" Link looked around, not noticing them, but certainly smelling (Oh for God's sake.)
Luigi closed the book. "Good night Yoshi!" he whispered.
"Night, Mama Luigi..." the dinosaur smiled.
Luigi shrugged. What was that smell?
The End.