This is my very first fan fiction ever! So please review and let me know I did. I am so nervous that I am going to get details wrong! Ha-ha! So please read and review!
This is a TIVA story and hopefully you like it!
Chapter 1
Lost in Love
Letter Tony is writing to Ziva:
My Love,
Ziva Please read this letter. Don't rip it up, burn it, or throw it away. I am sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wish I could go back to the very beginning and just start over, but I know that cannot happen.
Every since I first saw you, I have wanted to protect you, hold you, and be there for you. I know I have done some things but I hope you learn to forgive me. I want you to forgive me and come back, but I know that will take awhile to happen.
There are so many things I want to talk to you about. Things that I can't right over a letter, but I will try.
I love you Ziva.
Every since you came walking into my life, I have been attracted to you. Here recently it has grown to an emotion of love and wanting. I know you might not feel the same way, but I just want you to know.
When I shot Rivkin, I won't lie, I felt proud and sad. Proud that I was the one to protect you for once. Proud that I was there to have your six. Sad because I knew you would never forgive me. Sad because I knew you would never come back to me.
I don't know where I would be in my life without you; I just want you to know.
I just want to know that I will always love you. I just want you to know that I will always be there for you. I just want to know that you will always have held my heart. I just want you to know that I am sorry. I just want you to know that I do care and sometimes I guess I care too much.
I do not know what you are doing in Israel right now, but I hope and pray you are safe. I don't know what I would do in a world without you...
Actually I do.
Because you aren't here with me now. I am going crazy. I don't know where I belong anymore. When I am at work, I can't stop looking at your desk that some Probie has taken over. When I am at home, I can't stop thinking about our movie nights. When I am at the bar, I can't stop thinking about how you would sit beside me with a beer pressed to your lips.
Oh God. Your lips. I have wanted to kiss them all the time. There have been so many good opportunities, but I never had the guts. I never had the guts to break Gibb's stupid rules.
I should have. Then I wouldn't be writing this letter.
Ziva I do love you. I am sorry I never said it before but I should have.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I think it is time I left NCIS and found something else. I need to move away from all this memories surrounding the bullpen, the lab, and most importantly you. I need to move away from you. I wake up every morning hoping that this will be the day where you come waling into the bullpen ready for work. I hope that it is all just a dream and I will wake up from this awful nightmare.
Instead, I just lay awake most nights just worrying about you. I know you hate when people worry and care but I can't stop. You want everyone to think you are unbreakable and undefeatable. But I know you are not, I know you are just frightened and broken Mossad agent.
So I need to get away from my memories of you and your shadow that haunts me every day. I have decided t resign next week. I have already made my decision. I need to get away from this place and theses memories of you.
I haven't really known what to do lately. I just spend my time thinking about you and the boss hates it. I have gotten more headslaps in past months than I have in my entire life. But you're worth it. Even you are just here in my dreams and thoughts, I am glad you are here.
I am sorry I shot Rivkin; I know you grew feeling for him. Just know that I am sorry and I love you. I always have.
Thank you for reading this letter and letting me talk to someone about my feeling. Even if it just a piece of paper, my heart is written all over it for you.
I love you Ziva and I am sorry you never have gotten to hear me say it.
Yours truly,
Tony