A/N: Ok so I just wrote this while watching Snapped but it has nothing to with it. So this AU and oh so sad. I don't know why I wrote this but I was crying when I did. I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think of it.
All mistakes are mine.
Sunlight seeped through the windows as she turned over on the bed trying to escape the brightness from the morning sun. Blinking away the sleep from her eyes she stared at the empty space next to her. Gentle hands ran over the space before landing on the pillow. A sad sigh escaped her as she ran her hands over her face before running them through her hair. Her hair had gotten longer and she remembered how you would always tell her how much you loved her hair. She remembered the way you used to play with her hair wishing that yours was as soft as hers. You loved the way it framed her face even though most of the time it was just curtained over her eyes. You loved the way she used to huff at the stray pieces of hair before pulling them back behind her ears.
Turning over on the bed she stared out at the window, light landing on her face showing the exhaustion that was present. Light wrinkle lines aged her but she still looked radiant. Her eyes didn't shine like before; they now were dimmed but still had a little spark of life in them. She remembered how you told her that the first thing that caught her attention was your eyes. You used to tell her how much life your eyes expressed. You told her how you loved the way they would lighten when she was enjoying herself, the way they would darken when she was angry. She told you how she hated it and how it made her an open book but you just reassured her that she still was your favorite book to read.
She stared out the window, smiling softly at the memories of you always complaining about not closing the blinds at night. Guess she still hadn't learned. She remembered the way you used to stand there with a cup of coffee and just stare out onto the street, just watching people pass by and smile when something caught your attention. Every time she caught you looking out the window she would laugh and call you a creeper and how every time she called you that you would just smile even bigger and mock glare at her. She would then laugh at your attempt to glare and turn over on the bed trying to grasp onto a few more minutes of relaxation.
She remembered the way how you would just throw yourself on top of her when in bed, eliciting laughs from the both of you. The way your hands ran over her sides, wiggling your fingers causing more laughs and out of breath pleas to get you to stop. How you would then just climb over her and lay next to her, stare at her as if she was really real and not just a figment of your imagination. The way your eyes ran over her face, eyes so bright, cheeks flushed, some light sweat forming on her upper lip. You then would run your eyes down her throat and then watch as her chest heaved and then back to her face. She would then have an eyebrow raised at your leering and then lightly push one of your shoulders and call you a perv. You were sure that the angels were made in her mold.
She remembered the way how you would then hug her tightly, and peck her with kisses all over her face, kisses landing on her nose, eyes, cheeks and then finally on her lips. She ran her fingers over her lips and remembered the softness behind each kiss. The love behind each and everyone one of them as if it was going to be the only kiss of the day.
She then turned over on the bed and stared at the wall, the ugly gray she despised and remembered how much you had begged for it, not falling for her puppy eyes when she asked for a much brighter color like blue or even green. You complained that most of the house was already painted in colors she liked and that this was the master bedroom and it was time you got to choose. She gave in and here she was staring at the gray wall that she grew accustomed to, lightly agreeing with you when you had first started painting the room and saying how it didn't seem as dark as she had thought it would.
Stretching out her arms and legs, letting joints pop and crack she sat up and threw her legs to the side, feet touching the dark cool wood floor. She looked down at the worn out t-shirt you used to wear to sleep and smiled at all the memories. It was a plain black shirt with your University's emblem on the chest, nothing special but to you it was. It was the shirt she handed out to you during one of the school's homecoming parade. You confessed to her after months of dating that this was the first physical thing you had received from her. She laughed at your confession and just said how she didn't even remember that. The logo was faded, a small ink stain visible along with a small hole on its side. She wiggled her finger in the hole and remembered the time how you almost cried when you saw the condition of the shirt. She remembered how she was doing laundry and how she accidently left a pen in one of her pants pockets and that it must have exploded and tear the shirt. She remembered the way you just grabbed it and inspected it, sad at the thought of your shirt now ruined but instead of apologizing more she just said
"Now the shirt has pieces of both of us."
She then stood up and headed into the hallway making sure not to make any noise wanting to have this peace and quiet for a few more minutes. Heading into the hallway, she gazed at each photo hanging on the wall but stopped at one; the one that made her tear up each and every time she saw it. It was a black and white photograph that someone who was in the park snapped off both of you. The whole photograph looked like a movie poster, white snow surrounded the both of you as you sat out on a bench just talking about each other's week. The whole photo screamed cliché but like everyone you both were a sucker for clichés. She was telling a story about work and you were just staring at her, smile on your lips wanting to capture this exact moment. Her eyes flashing with excitement as she recalled the exact details, hands making gestures as if they would help narrate the story.
Blinking away the unshed tears, she continued down the hallway and into the kitchen where she proceeded to make herself a cup of coffee. She smiled as she remembered all the times she would find you here sitting, eating anything you could get your hands on before going to work. She remembered a number of times she would scrunch up her nose at you eating last night's dinner for breakfast asking how you could eat pasta so early in the morning and how you would just shrug and say that food was food and that your stomach didn't know the time. She remembered how you would then go ahead and wash your plate even though she always told you that she could do it before going and brushing your teeth. With a fresh mouth, you would then place a kiss on her lips and head out for the day, yelling out that you loved her.
The beeping of the coffee machine broke her out of her thoughts and proceeded to get the milk and sugar out. As she poured the milk and sugar she remembered how you would always complain about the absurd amount of milk and sugar she put in, masking the true flavor of the coffee. She then would tease, pointing the spoon at you and remind you that you once were obsessed with going to coffee shops and ordering the special of the day. Not wanting to give her the win you would respond how you would just go there cause of the barista with the pretty eyes and pretty laugh. Her cheeks would flush and you knew you had just won the conversation. She would then lightly tap your nose with the spoon and glare at you till you left the kitchen, a laugh always escaping from your lips.
She then headed out into the living and sat on the couch remembering all the events that happened on this couch. From the first make-out to the proposal. She remembered all the make-out sessions held on this couch as if they were teenagers, trying to get in as many touches before parents arrived. One that stood out was one after the fourth date. She had invited you for a cup of coffee after the date and you agreed not wanting to go home yet. You both sat on the couch, talking while the television played on the background. She excused herself saying that she had to go to the bathroom and you just nodded and closed your eyes on the couch waiting for her return. Not hearing the toilet flush or the door opening you didn't notice her come back into the room until you felt her straddle your legs. You quickly opened your eyes and as soon as you opened them her lips were on you. It was all fast and messy. Your hands were on her back trying to bring her closer to you as you kept on kissing. Finally, air became a necessity and you both separated, lips plump, chests heaving and cheeks flushed at what just happened.
She was embarrassed and began apologizing at the sudden attack. She kept rambling but you didn't hear anything she was saying, the only sound you heard was the way your heart thumped in your chest and how you knew that this was the girl for you. This was the girl you were going to marry and you vowed to yourself that you would make that dream a reality. Your thoughts were cut off short as you felt her trying to get off you. Instead of letting her, you just firmly gripped her hips and with much courage ran your hands over her thighs. Your eyes met hers and you lightly smiled at her telling her that it was definitely ok. Giving you a look at the smugness in your voice she just wrapped her arms around your neck and this time, instead of fast it went slow. You kissed each other, your hands ran down her back and then proceeded to lay her on the couch with you on top of her never once breaking the kiss. That night you didn't sleep with her but it sure changed the dynamic in the relationship and in a good way.
She blushed at the distant memory and began remembering all the other occasions that happened on this couch. The proposal. Glancing at the ring on her finger she sadly smiled at the way the diamonds on the band shined at every movement her hand made. It was two years into the relationship and everything was great, you had moved into a new apartment and everything was perfect. It was a snowy night and you both decided to stay inside and order Chinese and watch some Netflix. "Netflix and Chill" you had called it as you proposed the idea. Laughing at your attempt to be slick she just said to pick something on the television while she called for the food.
Food arrived and you now were watching some boring documentary she had picked out. It was then when you realized that this was the perfect moment to propose. Nothing extravagant, simple is what you wanted. This is the moment you wanted to remember when someone asked how you proposed. You wanted to remember the way her hair was thrown up into a messy bun baby hair not long enough to stay in place, you wanted to remember the way she ate the noodles as soy sauce stained her shirt. You wanted to remember the way her eyes followed everything on the television not wanting to miss a second of the documentary. Your eyes roamed her makeup-free face and pajama-clad body when they landed on her bare hands. You imagined how the ring would look on her.
She paused the documentary and turned to you. She smiled and her tooth covered with some green herb told you that she was going to get another drink. Nodding you also stood up and went to the room, and on your side of the bed, you dropped onto your knees and reached up into the bed frame looking for the robin blue box you had been hiding for months. Finally grabbing it, you stood up and walked back into the living room, little blue box behind your back. She was on the couch, slurping on a soda, little drops of the sugar drink landing on her shirt joining the soy sauce. Joining her on the couch, she just patted your leg but kept her eyes fixated on the screen. So immersed in the documentary you placed the blue box in front of you and waited for her to look at you. Minutes passed and when she finally turned to face you, she gasped at the sight of the box and tears automatically made residence in her eyes. She brought her hands to her mouth and looked at you, waiting to see if this was real or just a crazy figment of her imagination. You had the speech planned out but seeing her react to the box made you falter. You opened your mouth so say something but nothing came out so you cleared your throat and this the time words came out.
Finally finishing your speech, you breathed out the million-dollar question. No words came out of her except for the shaking of the head up and down until a few seconds later she said
"Yes, yes, of course, I'll marry you."
With those words she jumped on you and kissed you, tears running down both of your cheeks. Releasing her lips, with shaky fingers, you held out the box to her wanting her to open it. She grasped it and took off the lid, and then took out the black velvet box. She then gasped again at the reality of it and with the help from you, opened the box. The diamond ring sparkled in the light but you were for certain that her eyes rivaled that of the diamonds. She took out the ring and just stared at it. You grabbed it from her and grabbed her hand and slid it down her finger. It was a perfect fit and it was as if the ring was made for her. She kept staring at it, moving her hand feeling a new weight and observing the ring from different angles. She then looked at you and with giddiness let out a squeal and hugged you.
You stayed there laying on the couch, her on top of you as you both kept looking at the ring that adorned her finger. Looking up to you, her eyes darkened and in a sultry voice said:
"We can get to the chill part now."
Laughing at this, you just kissed her and you both stood up, her hand pulling you towards the bedroom. It was then when you realized exactly how perfect this night was. It was just you and her in the comfort of your home, watching her favorite documentary, eating Chinese in pajamas and you wouldn't have changed it for anything in the world.
Tearing her gaze from the ring, she looked around the living room when her eyes landed on a photograph of your wedding day. You both were standing there holding onto each other with family and friends surrounding you. The wedding. The ceremony was over and you were now officially married. It was now time for the reception. Dinner was served, toasts were made, the cake was cut, bouquet and garter were thrown, and now time for the dances. You both met in the middle of the dance floor and held on to each other swaying side to side, holding onto this moment. Sadly, that moment was ruined when she stepped on you causing you to yelp in pain and her profusely apologizing while giving you, soft pecks to your cheeks. After that, the dance floor opened to all guests and you both danced the night away.
A noise broke her out of her daydream and then whimpers and a quiet cry followed. Setting down the coffee cup on the table she stood up and went down the hallway entering the other bedroom. The room was covered in blue wallpaper adorned with colorful planets and rocket ships. One of the walls had the design of a moon with an astronaut on top of it. In the middle of the room, there was a white crib with a planet mobile hanging above it. Inside the crib, there was a baby boy standing grabbing onto the railings. Seeing his mother's face,he smiled and squealed in happiness showing off his dimples and teeth that were growing in. Reaching into the crib, she picked him up, holding him to her chest smelling the wonderful baby smell. Sniffing him, he giggled when her nose met his ears. She held him up higher and smoothed down his soft curls. Every day he was getting bigger and bigger and soon enough he was going to start walking.
Sitting on the rocking chair that was in the corner of the room she placed Jake on the floor, watching him crawl away to his toys. She remembered the day when she told you were pregnant. It was a few months after the wedding and everything was great. Married life was great, work was going well but she felt like she was missing something, so she brought up the fact that maybe it was time for a baby. She remembers the way you choked on your drink when she brought it up and yes maybe she should have been more eloquent with the delivery of the news but she had to say it. She remembers the way your eyes lit up with the excitement of the possibility of having a baby and agreed with her.
Months passed and after many times trying to get pregnant none were sticking and at this point the both of you were tired of getting your hopes up and then having that hope crushed. This was the last time she was going to try and if not they were going to wait a few months and then begin trying again. It was about two months after she last tried and she had just missed her period. Not letting the excitement get to her she went to the local drug store and bought a pregnancy test. She peed on the stick and waited for the results. Minutes passed, she stood up and held up the pregnancy test and then began crying. It was really happening. They were going to have a baby.
Entering the house that night you called out for her and she ran out to greet you. She told you how dinner was almost done and then asked how work was. You complained about your coworkers and their incompetence as you helped her out in the kitchen. Finishing with your rant, you asked how her day was and she just responded that she just went out and did some light shopping. Continuing with the conversation, you both ate dinner, cleared the plates and then told her how you were going to shower.
Accompanying you into the bedroom, she dressed into her pajamas while you undressed and went to shower. Exiting the shower and dressing you found her on the bed reading a book. Crawling into bed with her, you asked her to read to you but instead of reading to you she said that she had bought a book especially for you. Internally groaning at the prospect of receiving a boring book she told you to close your eyes and to place your hands out in front of you. Following her instructions, she placed the book in your hands and you groaned at the weight of it. Shushing you she told you to open your eyes. Looking down at the book you furrowed your eyebrows at the title "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Your eyes ran over the cover and then looked up at her ready to question her when it all clicked. You looked down at the book cover, her stomach and then her face. Instead of having the chance to question her she just nodded answering them for you. You hugged her and then placed kisses on her stomach, your hands softly running over it. You couldn't believe this was happening. You were going to have a baby. Tears ran down your face and you looked up at her and she too was happy crying. She then placed her head on your shoulder and whispered:
"We're having a baby."
The next day you both went to the doctor to confirm it and it was confirmed. Family and friends were ecstatic at the news. Months passed and her stomach grew. She went through the morning sickness, the weird cravings, and the mood swings. You stood by her every step of the way. You would hold her hair back while she threw up, you would be the one going out to the local 7-11 at 2 am to buy her a wild cherry Slurpee along with whatever food combination she craved that night. Once you had caught her eating a pickle while eating Fruit Loops and you were pretty sure you gagged at the sight of that. You were there when the mood swings kicked in. You were there affirming that you didn't, in fact, think she was fat and that you weren't going to leave her for someone thinner and prettier. You once made the mistake of letting her know that whales were, in fact, your favorite maritime animal. It was a joke but she obviously didn't find the humor in it as she banned you from the room for the night. She threw the pillows at you, smacking you across the face as she retreated into the bedroom, slamming the door. You were there when she would just cry at anything. She once cried at the scar you had on your leg from a biking accident that you had gotten when you were a child. She babbled on saying how she was sorry that it happened to me and that she was sorry that she wasn't there to kiss it better. You went through everything with her except for the birth of your child.
Feeling hands on her knees, she looked down and saw him standing there, his big eyes staring curiously at her as if he sensed her sadness. She carried him to the kitchen and placed him in his high chair as she began chopping a banana along with serving him some Cheerios. She watched him babble away as he mashed the bananas in his hands and then shove his whole hand into his mouth trying to get as much fruit into his mouth. Smiling at his antics, she just continued watching him observing all the similarities he shared with you. She knew that he didn't have any blood relation to you but it was as if you were in his veins and didn't wish to leave. He is, after all, your son no matter what.
From his unruly hair to his eyes, to his smile, to his actions, he was a carbon copy of you and she for the rest of her life would have to look at his face and remind herself of what she gained and lost in the span of a day.
She was 8 months pregnant and the due date was closing in. You placed a kiss on her cheek as you headed out to work, watching her sleep as she was now on maternity leave. You had cut your hours short to be there when she gave birth but that wouldn't start for another week. It was about midday when you came back from lunch when you realized you had a missed call from her. Hearing her calm voice confirming to you that her water broke and that she was headed to the hospital you sprinted out of the office heading towards the closest subway station. Taking a cab at this time was for sure a horrible idea as you would never make it across town in time. Waiting for the train, you anxiously looked at your watch and cursed as each minute ticked by. She was going to kill you if you missed the birth of your first born. Taking a deep breath, you calmed yourself and remembered that the book told you that people had different labor times and you just hoped that this wouldn't be a super fast one.
Finally, the train arrived as you jumped in waiting for everyone else to enter and for it to start moving. Maybe if you were paying attention you would have seen the man in the corner sweating and looking around anxiously. Maybe you would have noticed him taking out a device and pressing a button. Just maybe you would have been able to get off the train and just maybe you wouldn't have missed the birth of your child. All you felt was pieces of metal and cement fall on you as you screamed out in pain, a high pitched ringing blared in your ears, the screams of people were muted as you laid your head down on the rubble and whispered her name as you closed your eyes.
She was laying on a hospital bed in pain as the contractions hit her. Her friends surrounded her and told her that it was all going to be fine and that she was doing great. She screamed out why you weren't here yet and how she couldn't push out the baby till you were here. You couldn't miss this.
"You have to be here."
She shook her head as tears clouded her vision, asking why you weren't here. The doctor came in and told her that it was time. She argued that she couldn't, that it wasn't right. She had to wait. The doctor told her that she couldn't wait any longer and that she had to push.
So with tears, she screamed and pushed. She screamed because of the pain but she also screamed for you. The doctor encouraging her to continue, she gave another push before she heard a cry and she cried along with it. A boy. Her baby boy was here and her love was nowhere in sight. You were supposed to be there, holding her hand and encouraging her. You were supposed to be there to hear your baby's first cry, to cut the cord, to hold him but none of that was going to happen. Her friends surrounded her as they congratulated her, pushed her hair out of the way and told her that they were trying to contact you. Nodding at them, she pushed out the placenta and then the doctor placed the baby on her chest as he cried. He was now clean and all wrapped up in a blanket, beanie on his head. Once in her arms, he settled, sighed and fell asleep. The nurse asked for a name but she told them that she wanted to wait for you so that you can both name him.
Hours passed and no word from you. Everyone was now worried. Where could you possibly be? She was getting anxious as to your sudden disappearance. What if something had happened she thought. You should be here by now. It wasn't until later when a doctor came in to tell her about the situation. How you were caught in a small bombing and that you slipped into a coma. She wailed at the news, how could this have happened. They told her that you were in the same hospital but that you were in intensive care. She demanded to be placed next to you. She needed to see you, she needed for you to see your son. After much arguing, they wheeled her into your room. Upon seeing your face, she sobbed at the sight. You were covered in bandages, your face covered in scars, bones broken. She grabbed onto your hand and cried and told you how you have a son and that you needed to wake up so that you could name him. She told you how he looked just like you and that you both were going to have your hands full if he had her attitude. She begged for you to wake up when suddenly they brought in your son. The nurses looked at her with pity but she avoided eye contact with them and just grabbed her son. She carried him towards you and introduced us. She sat back down and grabbed your fingers and placed them on his cheek. At the touch, he nuzzled closer to the hand finding comfort in it.
Morning came and no change but she felt that this might be the day that everything was going to be fine. She was feeding him when all of the machines started beeping. The sudden noise scared the baby and he soon began to cry as she called out for help. Suddenly, nurses were wheeling her out of the room but she demanded to stay in the room. She just couldn't leave you there. Watching the doctors and nurses work made her break out into tears, watching them as they tried to revive you. She would jump in shock when they used the paddles on you. Minutes passed and nothing, the only noise in the room was the flat line and sobs. This wasn't happening. You couldn't be dead, not yet. She yelled at them to do something, to keep going but they just started to walk out, a nurse turning off the machine. A doctor grabbed her and told her that nothing could have been done and that it was a miracle you had lasted the night. Angered at this she just continued on yelling at them, telling them to do their jobs. They were supposed to save people not just walk away from them. He told her that he was very sorry and walked out.
Once he left, she broke drown. Holding onto the baby, she just cried and cried saying how it wasn't fair. You were supposed to see your son grow up. You were supposed to see him take his first steps, take him to his first day of school, to his first soccer match. You were supposed to see him grow up into a man, to see him tower over you, to see him off to college. You were supposed to see him get married, to have kids but now none of those are going to happen.
She cried saying that she couldn't do this on her own, that this wasn't part of the plan. You weren't supposed to leave her. She cried and cried till no more tears came out and it was then when she saw you on the bed, laying all peaceful when she accepted the fact that you weren't coming back. Gasping at the reality of it, she laid next you with him in-between you both. Her head was on your chest and he was laying on your stomach when suddenly she spoke out into the silent room.
"We're naming him Jake"
The clatter of the plate hitting the floor broke her out her daydream. That was eight months ago and each day was hard but she knew that she had to do it for Jake. At the beginning it was so difficult, seeing all of your things around the house reminding her that you were never coming back. At the sight at any of your belongings, she would just break down until Jakes cries would break her out.
She looked at the plate that was now on the floor before she picked it up and looked at Jake. His little face showed smugness at what he had just but lightly scolded him and told him no. He scrunched up his face and got all red but before he could start crying she picked him up. Not crying she placed him on her hip as she quickly cleaned the kitchen. Once finished she gave Jake a kiss on his chubby cheek as she walked towards to his bedroom talking to him.
"Let's go see Mama today."
Ok so what did you think? Hate it? Like it? Let me know in the reviews.