Solace

Summary: JulieRyan. After Marissa's death two unlikely people find solace in each other. Please review.

Alone, Julie Cooper nursed a heavy glass tumbler of whisky. She had been drinking more and more recently and it was in danger of becoming out of control. The last thing she wanted was to end up like Kirsten Cohen. She had lost enough already without adding alcoholism to her growing list of issues. Bringing the glass to her mouth, Julie sipped enough to just wet her lips. The taste of the liquor warmed her immediately and she could feel it coursing through her veins but almost as soon as the sensation came it was gone again. Clearly she was getting far too used to the strong alcohol. Julie just couldn't find another way to numb the pain of losing her daughter.

Two months had passed since Marissa's death and on the outside Julie appeared to be coping well, but that was not the full story. When in public Julie could put on a facade and pretend that everything was okay but the mask she built up fell away as soon as she was alone. Everyone had be so supportive to her after Marissa's death but she did not know for how much longer she could take their sympathy. It was starting to become suffocating and she just wanted to move on. It was hard though when everywhere she went reminded her of Marissa. Jimmy still hadn't returned to Newport, he needed time away but Julie wanted him here. Things had been chaotic between them but somewhere inside of her Julie hoped that the death of their daughter could bring them together again. But she knew how much Jimmy would be hurting and knew it would a long time before he ever returned to Newport or if he ever would at all.

Dusk was slowly falling now but Julie didn't get up to turn any of the lights on. Instead, she perched on the edge of a chair and continued to sip at her whisky, staring out into space. A soft breeze blew in front the open patio door and lightly ruffled Julie's auburn hair. She sighed, running her hand through her long hair before taking another long sip of whisky. A slight knocking on the glass door brought her back to her senses and she looked up with a mixture of surprise and caution, until she saw that it was only Ryan Atworth.

Julie had never initially approved of Ryan or his intentions for her daughter. She had always believed that Marissa could do much better for herself than this outcast from Chino but she had been proved wrong. It soon became obvious that Ryan was in love with Marissa and even Julie could not deny this. She came to find that Ryan wasn't so bad at all, especially compared to some of the other guys Marissa had been involved with.

"Hey," He said, a little uncertaintly, aware of the way Julie used to regard him. Things have changed between them recently though, since Marissa's death they had become a little closer. Both of them united in their grief for the girl they both loved and treasured. "Is it okay if I come in?"

Julie nodded, standing up and putting her empty glass down on the table. "Come on in, Ryan." She said, turning back to face him. "What can I do for you, tonight?" She gestured towards and empty seat and Ryan sat down.

"I was just walking, and thinking about Marissa." Ryan swallows a lump in his throat as he says her name and Julie can feel tears forming in her own eyes. The fond way in which Ryan remembers her daughter always touches Julie deeply. "And I thought I should come and see how you were holding up."

Julie reached for his hand before she could even think twice about it.

"That's sweet of you Ryan," She said gently. "But I'm doing okay, you must have other places to be."

Ryan shook his head, if he was honest there was nowhere else he wanted to be right now. He could not explain what was going on his head that was making him think differently about Julie Cooper but since Marissa's death they had spent more time together and had got to know each other better.

"I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need me, okay?" Ryan said, firmly.

Julie nodded but looked away to avoid the intensity of his eyes. "Drink?" She asked and Ryan complied.

Several hours later, with their chairs closer together, Julie and Ryan sat together drinking most of the decanter of whisky between them and reminiscing about the past and about Marissa.

"She loved you so much, you know." Julie said, twirling the tumbler around in her hands before Ryan took it from her and refilled it with another inch of the liquor. As their fingers grazed each other they felt the tension between them escalate.

"I know." Ryan said with the trace of a smile. "And I know she loved you too Julie, she was so looking forward to working things out with you."

Julie felt her eyes misting over and took another sip of whisky to divert Ryan's attention. But it was too late.

"Julie," He said softly leaning closer, his hand on Julie's thigh. "It's okay to cry, it's not a sign of weakness."

Julie laughed a little but it sounded strangled. Partly due to grief and partly due to the feeling of having Ryan's hand on her body. He seemed to sense this and took her hand instead, gripping it in his. "It's okay." He soothed.

Julie felt a rush of emotion and found that she was pouring her heart out for the first time since Marissa had died. Ryan reached up and brushed away Julie's tears with his thumbs, watching her beautiful face change with each emotion she experience. Slowly he pulled Julie into his arms so that he was cradling her body. He could feel her leaning her head against his shoulder and she could feel his heart beating against her own.

"Ryan," She said looking up at him, her beautiful green eyes fusing with his. She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his, gently and warily at first before Ryan captured her lips and deepened the kiss. Neither of them thought to stop and consider how wrong this was.

Ryan felt Julie's tongue sliding across his lips, seeking entrace to his mouth and he obeyed as they explored each other's mouths. Julie's hands roamed through Ryan's blond hair as he slid his hands down her body to her hips. She moaned into his mouth as Ryan deepened the kiss even further. As he moved his mouth away from her's and began to kiss down her neck, sucking on her collarbone, they both knew they had gone too far to come back.

When Julie awoke the next morning it took a while for her to piece together the events of the night before, especially when she found that she was naked and an equally naked Ryan Atwood was sleeping next to her. What had they done. Ryan awoke slowly, the first real smile spreading across his lips since losing Marissa.

"Ryan, what did we do?" Julie asked, panic raising her voice.

Ryan wrapped his arms around Julie's waist. "We made love, Julie."

"I know that." Julie said impatiently before her voice softened. "What about Marissa?"

Ryan had been thinking this through himself for weeks now.
"I think she'd been happy that we've found each other. We can get through this together Jules." He said softly, pressing a kiss to the soft skin behind Julie's ear.

Julie was still uncertain but found it hard to resist Ryan's touches and kisses. Maybe he was right, maybe they could work through this together. She supposed that only time would tell.