Don't Question, Just Do
Note and Disclaimer: I don't own the character of M*A*S*H. I just enjoy writing them, just like the rest of you do. Happy reading of this next Igor short!
In the Army, I am learning that it's easier not to question the people above your head and to just do things. After a while, you get into a routine and you get things done right and without getting yelled at. However, sometimes those things change, you get screamed at about something and then a new schedule starts without warning. It's the same old cycle, I suppose, but this new job always has the ups and downs I never thought I would get in civilian life.
However, I must say that I do not like it. Not one bit. It's good job security and it's great to write home about, but the more I think about the politics and the blood and guts and gore, my head starts swimming and I want to throw up. It's not a pretty picture. In the meantime, I hold my breath, try not to look at the kids and other officers who come in here looking like a mess and continue to serve the food with the usual complaints, usually now from Captain Pierce. Once in a while though, something else comes up and Major Burns has me doing something that does not involve the cooking and serving. The war duties and securing the camp is one of them.
An early autumn day, maybe in September (I lose track of days after a while), Major Burns had a bunch of us enlisted guys doing menial things around the camp like cleaning it up, switching up who was guarding the outside and moving things around. He had some of the guys parking the jeeps somewhere else and not the Motor Pool, others maybe digging foxholes and trenches. Me? I was painting rocks.
That's right. Major Burns had me taking a can of white paint and giving the rocks around the camp a good blank color, starting with the main compound. Apparently, it was supposed to mark us as a base or whatever. I wasn't really paying attention as to the reasons why and how. I was just glad not to be in the kitchen with the cook, since he was making the chef's surprise again. I didn't want Captain Pierce to think I was in it to murder him and the camp again.
Well, I wasn't doing my job right again. Major Burns was lecturing me on how to paint the rocks (all the while I was thinking of throwing them at his head) when Captains Pierce and McIntyre came up to us, dodging some games behind them and ignoring the mud. They stood behind Major Burns, making faces and kinda mimicking what he was saying, and then appeared innocent when the major turned around the check why I was trying not to laugh at what was behind him. Then, Major Burns went back to talking about how I was supposed to coat the items and then move two inches and use my brush again.
"And you paint around that perimeter without question," Major Burns barked as an order, pointing specifically to the circle of rocks around the flagpole. "Don't miss it by an inch! Just do it and get it done!"
"Yes, Sir." I nodded stupidly, feeling like a moron. "I understand, Sir."
"Hey, Frank, watch out!" Captain McIntyre suddenly yelled, ducking with Captain Pierce as a football came flying from Captain Jones' direction. The ball then hit Major Burns in the head, causing him to fall into the line where I was supposed to be painting, his back missing the rocks.
Kneeling before the line immediately afterward, I started my work again, measuring the two inches like I was told to and then starting up again. Finally, I got to where Major Burns was, making strips on the major's uniform in the appropriate places, and moved on to his face and what was left of his hair (something he liked shaving most off). I went around the large circle, finishing it up, and soon was besides Major Burns again, grinning from ear to ear with what I hoped was gladness.
"Did I do it right, Sir?" I asked Major Burns, hoping that even my work including him was right.
The major spit out some white liquid from his tongue, his face full of pain from tasting it. "Private, we need to talk. Meet me in Colonel Blake's office. Now."
"Don't question, just do," Captains McIntyre and Pierce sang in a mocking way as I went to the colonel's office in shame, the both of them laughing as I walked away. "Don't question, just do it, Frank. Just do it…"