A/N: Originally meant to be a second one-shot to Loveliest Contradiction but really this ficlet has taken on its own little life. So, after much contemplation, I have decided to make this little baby its own. Most likely to be a five shot… (is that even a thing? If not it is now.) Oh! And this is my first work that my beta has taken her very colorful pens to! Isn't that exciting? So, any mistakes you find are HERS. Thanks so much EbilTeddehBare for working on this ^^
Warning: cheap excuse for the English language, potty mouthed men, slash, low self esteem of a man who obviously shouldn't have low anything…
Disclaimer: I do not own the Walking Dead or any characters.
The Walls.
Chapter One: At first.
I couldn't take it any more, it was driving me crazy. I was becoming deranged. I never really was one to envy, it just didn't suit someone that had so little, but this? I was seething with it. I could feel the icy slush of jealousy pumping through my veins with each drowning heart beat. How could she think he was hers? At one point she had the papers to prove it but couldn't she see that he didn't want her? Couldn't she see the cringe on his face whenever she got too close, or the muted disgust when her arm slunk around him? She had to be blind along with stupid. She was a pig. A filthy fucking temptress. A courtesan wearing the mask of the ever caring wife.
Lori was a slut, there was no denying it. Everyone knew she had been bumping uglies with Shane while Rick was somewhere out there, running away from walkers. Hell, I'd stumbled upon them more than once, writhing in the dirt. Disgusting. She wanted everything. People could only have but so much, couldn't she understand that? It wasn't a hard concept. She was already so close to giving up Rick before, she had happily run off when she thought he was dead, why couldn't she just give up now? I couldn't stand her using him like that. It was so vile. She'd sit there in front of God and everybody, wrapped around Rick like a scarf, it made me sick. Borderline pornographic is what it was.
Sure, I was mad at her, but what about him? He was the one that just wouldn't end it. He just couldn't tell her no. Was he so weak that he couldn't keep that damned succubus out of his bed? Did he just keep her there because of Carl? I could only hope it was something simple like that, some easy fix, because I wanted him. It was cracking my heart into itty bitty shards, but I still wanted him.
I couldn't help the forlorn glances I knew I'd been sending him all day, but it wasn't like I was the only one, the farm had just been overrun, adding to the death toll numbers. We'd lost some good people. Andrea had been fiery, albeit a complete bitch, but I had just begun to like her. Patricia had been swarmed, the sweet, caring woman that had changed my bandages getting torn to bits. Shane, but no one was going to lose sleep over him being gone. And Jimmy. I didn't know him well enough to feel upset though. I did feel guilty that my frustration was for something different than the rest of the group. They were all grieving their almost safe have. I just hated Lori.
Even to myself I sounded like a jealous mistress when in all actuality I was far less than that. When I looked at Rick like he held the answers of the world in his palm, I'm certain he saw me as a mildly intelligent monkey. Maybe a trusted hound dog, if I was lucky. That hurt, but it was something I could live with. However, I couldn't live with all the pain Rick was in. His shoulders had begun some sort of dialogue with gravity, creeping towards his chest, and soon the floor. I knew from experience there was only so much a person could handle before they just snapped. How many times had I seen it in my life? Hell if I could count that high.
I just wanted to help Rick. Stand together in some unbreakable force and slaughter all those evil things lurking in the night. I could be his backup, his sidekick, that extra shoulder to take all the really heavy, super painful stuff. I could do the job Lori was supposed to have. There wasn't any reason for him to get his hands so dirty when mine were already caked in metaphorical mud. I didn't want to see Rick break. That would hurt so much more than anything I'd been through so far.
Lori was holding him back and she needed to go. I wasn't going to hurt her, nu-uh. My momma taught me better than to hurt a woman, even if she was hateful, but she still needed out. Maybe I wouldn't have to work too hard though. Something had happened that afternoon which had changed things. Right before dinner and Rick's ground breaking anti-democratical speech, Lori just didn't seem so keen to be around her husband. She even flinched when he instinctively reached for her. Things were looking up in this little, apocalyptic area of Georgia. I could even see the stars winking down at me.
It was long after the others had closed their eyes and the moon had sucked the sky dry of its color, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I had climbed the hill adjacent the riverside camp area and was now sitting on the stream's stone dam. I liked the sound the water made against the decrepit wall, it helped me process all my many thoughts. Rick, Lori, Rick, Lori, Walkers, Rick, Lori. It was all I thought about, which was exceptionally frustrating. I couldn't focus on a good hunt anymore without those two butting in, and I didn't even know when the last time Merle had even crossed my mind. It was nice being alone in nature, away from the claustrophobia of the group, and away from my crush with all his baggage. I didn't like this feeling of being jerked around. I was exhausted of all the tiny gestures and smiles Rick always gave me. I couldn't decipher them and they left me lightheaded or sluggish like I'd taken a few too many hits to the brain. Maybe my old man had knocked a few screws loose somewhere along the way and problems were only surfacing now. It wasn't like I would really know how I was supposed to feel, all this romance shit was pretty new to me.
The crossbow was gripped tightly in my hands. The second the branch behind me snapped, a bolt at the ready and finger securely on the trigger.