Title: Syndrome
Author: Tristana
Fandom/Pairing: Animamundi: Dark Alchemist. No actual pairing.
Note: this is just a little something that sprang to life in that sick brain of mine. Kind of introspective.
Hammers falling on my skull endlessly – I can't hear anything but that beating sound. Blood pounding in my veins – I feel it. Poisoned blood.
Blackness surrounding me – I am so cold. Nothing to hang on to. I am falling. The ground under my bare hands... I open my eyes to see it, cooling down and jellied – blood. Sticky, metallic life essence on my fingers. Where am I? What am I doing here? I don't know and I feel like screaming. All I see is you – your cruel smile, laughing eyes. Stop taunting me! Stop haunting me! Stop it!
Body jerking upward, my eyes flew open on a familiar place. My room – in my mansion. Chest heaving from the adrenaline surge, I look around. Nothing is amiss... It was a dream, right? It was... It had to be. And still, I feel your gaze at the back of my skull, making my skin crawl. I can't escape, it seems. You are here without being here, like shreds of nightmares clinging to my mind even after daybreak.
Night has yet to fade, the moon is still hanging from Time's ceiling... I have to sleep, I know it. Tomorrow, I will be back to work – again. I don't want to but I cannot abandon the project now – I want to know. To know what are my inventions and machines used for. And as always, I would feel disgusted and afraid. Like a drug – I can't let it go – it's ingrained deep into my system and I cannot do anything. Hapless toy in your hands, bound to obey, though unwillingly. I shake my head. Why am I thinking this? I worked on that project of my own free will, there is nothing for me to feel so bad about, is there?
But still at the back of my mind is this voice whispering: this is not a dream, little scientist. You did such awful things – you shield your eyes but your body knows. Your hands know. I am you, and you are me. No matter what you say, you will be my toy and his, for I serve him. For he gives me what I yearn for: freedom.
I clench my eyes shut – praying for this voice to fade. It sounds so much like another me that I cannot shun it. Pressing my clammy hands to my face, I try to calm down – but still the words echo in my skull... You are the one doing it – you are the one defiling that innocence you thought to protect. You are a liar – I am your instincts – and you shall not shut me out.
And even in plain daylight I know it's right – and when I look at you... I know it is all for real. Like a disease cankering my bones and soul – leaving me to a dried up husk. I feel so empty and I know... this is but a syndrome – that of my own cowardice.