Hey guys.
First of all : English is not my first language. SO please, if you see any mistake (and i'm sure there is a lot in this text), just tell me and i'll change it okay ?
Second of all : I'm french, and it was really hard to find the good words in English. I love English language, really. And I love writing. But i'm used to write in French. Si don't be to harsh on me please ?I know the vocabulary is quiet simple. I'm sorry for that, i'm still learning new expressions every days.
Third : Haleb are the best. I need to get them out of my system because i'm so sad he is leaving. This is my way of saying goodbye to him (even if I hope he will eventually comes back in S5 ;) )
Love you guys. Tell me what you think : i'm really open minded and I won't get mad XD :) Even if you think it's crap XD
« And you know what? For the record, I AM going to help you stuck A…"
He is looking at here right in the eyes, chocolate pupils fighting for dominance with green ones. And that is why he knows she isn't going to give up; she actually isn't going to let him in. Again. She is pushing him away. Again. Like she always does. She said it was to "protect him". But doesn't she see that he is not the one who needs protection? Isn't she ever going to realize that he needs to protect her as much as she needs to keep him safe? Does she seriously think that he could just walk away and never look back? Well… He can't. Hell no. So, if she isn't opening the door for him, he does have no choice but knock the door down. And that's what he does.
"… And I'm not asking for your permission."
She is looking right into his eyes, fighting hard not to make a move toward him. She misses him so much: not seeing him, not being able to call him when she was sad or happy or excited or bored, not allowed to run out of her house and use the spare key he has given to her whenever she wanted to. She misses his touch, his arms around her when they were watching TV, his hand into hers when they where climbing up the steps of rosewood high, his nose in her neck when she was cooking DongPo, his lips on her lips when they were kissing, his lips on every inch of her when he was making love to her. She misses his scent: this characteristic mix of leather, cheap shampoo, and Kenzo perfume she had offered to him for Christmas. And then, suddenly, she doesn't. She doesn't miss it anymore because she can feel it again.
Suddenly, his lips are on hers again. Before she could even registered that he is kissing her, her back hits the wall behind her. She could have pushed him away. Could she? She isn't so sure finally. But why bother? She isn't even trying. Her right hand rises up and tangles in his hair while he presses her against the wall, and she kisses him back. She is pouring everything she can into this kiss: anger, frustration, fear of losing him for real, guilt… And he is responding with the same fervour. Neither of them has never experienced something like that before. Of course, they did have heated kiss before (lots of them ^^). But this is different: it is a fight for dominance. He is asking her to let him in, finally; and she is telling him that she is sorry for all.
Eventually, he wins. Because she is tired of raising walls between them. He is fighting for them to be together when she is trying to resist something she doesn't even want to resist in the first place: fair enough that it is easier for him. He can feel the exact moment when she really gives up and relaxes a little bit against him. He feels her lips opening and her teeth unclenching, allowing access for his tongue, which instantly meets hers. He releases her head, that he was keeping captive with both hands, and begins taking off her leather jacket. She helps him even without realising she is, stepping aside from the wall for one second before he crushes her against it once again. Her hands flow into his hair again, and she starts lightly pulling them out. She hears (well, mostly feels) him moan into her mouth and he bites her lower lip for punishment. She can't help but smile when they break apart, searching for air.
Maybe it is the fear that she would change her mind. Maybe he just missed her too much. But he isn't going to let her rationalize what is happening. Not that she is about to do it anyway ^^. He lets his tongue run along her jaw, circle around her ear, travel down her neck until the sensitive spot which would make her giggle if he tries kissing it. Anticipating that he would do it, she moans. But he doesn't kiss it: he pinches it with his teeth, lightly. She is his, now and forever, and he would have marked her if she wasn't so tiny, fragile, and sweet into his arms. A small cry escapes her lips, delicious mix of pain and desire while her nails dig into his right shoulder.
Caleb hand runs through her bare tight, progressively uncovering her ass and he finally cupped her cheek, squeezing gently. She arches against him, searching for more contact, and she can feel that he is clearly affected, which only makes her want him even more. They are in the middle of the night, the street is more than empty, and their place is hidden between the stairs and Caleb's car. But still: it is a public place. Hell, neither of them really cares at this moment.
Hanna reaches for Caleb belt without any kind of hesitation. She has known they are going to have sex right now, right here, the moment she has let him enter her mouth… and she wouldn't have it any other way. She missed him so much she knows she couldn't have stopped, even with all her willpower. The belt falls on the floor with a metallic "click" that neither of them really registers. She is unzipping his pants and he is sliding her panties along her long legs at the same time. They aren't speaking, because they aren't really themselves and there is nothing much to say. They know they need to talk later, in his car, or at his apartment. But at this moment, they are just two people who missed each other too much, and want to reconnect more than anything.
At some point, he really tries to be kind with her. Because it doesn't matter how angry, how impatient, or how excited he is: he could never be violent when she is in his arms. He slowly lets the hand, which isn't cupping her ass travel along her stomach, circle her belly button, and then plunge into her wet folds. His nose buried in her neck, he hears her moan and is amazed that she is always ready for him. But as much as she ordinary loves preliminaries, she doesn't want his love right now (well, yes), she just wants him. He feels that she is shaking her head no and at the same time, her hands are sliding his pants and boxer down, urging him closer to her. Surely, an other day, he would have resisted, he would have taken all the time in the world to torture her until she begs him. Torturing each other for hours is one of their favorite games, and they are always both winners at this battle. But not today.
In one, long stroke, he plunges into her. She throws her head back, and would have hit the wall if he hasn't anticipated her move and put his hand between her skull and the bricks.
"Caleb…"
It's actually the first time she speaks in minutes, which is not common for her. She opens her eyes, realizing that she just forgets where she was and could have killed herself, and a small smile appears on her lips. He remembers many moments when she had this exact same expression: every time she was uncomfortable like in the first memorable shower they shared together. He responds to her facial expression by raising one eyebrow and biting his lower lip with his teeth. She knows what he is thinking, which makes her smile grow even more, and for the first time the tension between them drops a little.
He opens his mouth, about to make some ironic commentary about her clumsiness. But she doesn't let him, because she wraps her long legs around his waist and drags him deeper into her, which causes him to whimper and clench his teeth closed together. She can hear him hiss:
"Jesus Hanna…"
He cups her other cheek to maintain her and she throws her arms around his shoulders, burying her face into his neck and intoxicating herself with the scent of him. They stay like that for a moment. Just enjoying the fact of being together, the sensation of their body so close, of his hands on her, of her breath through his hair. He briefly thinks that he is lucky she is wearing wedge heels today.
Then, eventually, he has to move, because as delicious as it feels, it remains torture, and he is not suicidal. She bites her lip, hard. Because she doesn't want to cry, but she missed him so much and he is so tender with her it is almost intolerable. She strengthens her grip around his hips, asking him to go faster, just to make her forget that they haven't been so close to each other in days and to fill all the emptiness she has felt without him. He doesn't please her though. He knows she doesn't have much control on the situation right now, and he is the one who has the right to be mad. He intends to make love to her. Slowly. And she has no way of hurrying him.
And there he is: torturing her. He knows it is not right. He knows she needs him, as much as he needs her. He is torturing himself as much as he is torturing her. The only difference being that he is the one who gets to go faster or slow his moves, and he is using it. He is using it to put her on the verge of release in a few quick strokes, and then abruptly slows down and lowers the pressure. He does it once. Twice. Tree times. She isn't saying anything, and if it were a normal night he would have noticed because she just can't keep quiet more than one minute. And then, he hears a small sob in his neck and those four words:
"I'm so sorry Caleb…"
It is hardly audible, just a small whisper. She has had her face in his neck the whole time and he realizes he wasn't really paying attention to her. He was paying attention to the message her body is sending, but not to her. He stops for one second and pushes her head against the wall. But she keeps her gaze low, avoiding his eyes.
"Hanna, look at me."
He doesn't give her so much of a choice, when his fingers force her chin to rise up. He has a glimpse of her green eyes, filled with tears, and he can finally see it. In her look, he gets a shot of what he was just doing to her. She thinks that he is punishing her. And if he is honest with himself, maybe he was. He is angry, and she obviously thinks that he is getting revenge by sex. He should be even more pissed than she could even think that. But he can see it in her eyes : the guilt. She is letting him do that because she feels guilty for pushing him away. But she also feels guilty for his mom's accident, for all that he went through because of her : the police station last year, hacking into a dead woman website, dealing with her going to Radley… And most of all she feels guilty because of what they are doing right now, because he wouldn't have to fight and then reconcile on an empty street at 2am if it wasn't for her.
That's when he gets that he is really close to crash her. It kills him to see his proud, bright, wild girlfriend broken like that. Softly, he pushes her sweaty blond hairs behind her ear and kisses her nose.
"Hanna, babe… It's not your fault…"
She closes her eyes. She wants to be selfish and listen to him. She could just believes him and let it go. Except that she can't because she loves him too much for putting her happiness before his own.
"Yes it is. Caleb. Be realistic one second… You should be able to have a normal girlfriend. The one who can hold your hand in the hallway without your mom being almost killed, who cooks you dinner without thinking about her psychotic bitch of a friend, and who talks about what she is planning to do during holidays instead of how her best friend's girlfriend was killed. You should…"
He cuts her. Because it's ridiculous. He is here with her, he is precisely inside of her and she is telling him to find someone else… Really? She tried to protect him, and he went after her anyway. He doesn't want an other girlfriend, he wants her and he doesn't really care about the danger or the complications.
"Hanna. That's bullshit. I don't want to find an other girlfriend. I want YOU. And I love YOU. There is nothing to discuss."
He knows she won't give up so easily, but he continues because it is important. She has to let him in. Now. Otherwise, they are going to stay at the same point forever. She will continue keeping things for herself, they'll eventually break up again, and then reconcile, and break up, and reconcile…
"Hanna listen to me…"
His voice is a little harsher now, and she raises her eyes to meet his.
"You tried to protect me. I get that. It was really altruist of you. I appreciate the gesture… Well no. Actually I am pissed that you lied to me… But anyway, let's say that I considered the offer, but I say no thank you…"
She can see the determination in his gaze. She finally understands that no matter how twisted it gets, he would never leave her. It hits her that she pushed him away, so sure that he was just going to leave and never come back, like his dad, Sean, Lucas, … But it's not working with him because he is different. And she smiles. A real smile this time. The one which suddenly lightens all her face. He smiles back and gently stroke her jaw with two fingers.
"No more secret ?"
She brings his head down to her lips and kisses him. He can feel the taste of tears and salt on her lips and a hint of guilt rushes through him when he remembers he made her cry. But she is smiling now, and that's all that matter.
"No more secret."
She promises and he believes her. At some point during the discussion, she has let her legs touch the floor. Now, he begins to move into her again and she gets back to her favourite position. He is kissing her, and slowly entering deeper into her with each stroke, sending shivers through her entire body. She digs her nails into his neck, then softens her touch and runs her fingers through his soft hair. He responds by capturing her lower lip between his teeth and gently sucking it, which causes her to moan. She lets her hand slide down against his chest, tracing curves and serpentines with her nails, scratching and then skimming between their joined bodies. She can tell it is effective because he bites her lip harder and releases it, fearing to really hurt her.
"You're killing me and you know it, princess…"
They are moving faster now. They are playing, but the rules have changed since earlier. They are teasing, but not searching for pain anymore. She can feel the pressure building inside of her while he is pinning her against the wall even harder.
"Caleb…"
He knows her so well that he can predict the exact moment when she is about to peak. And one second before, he stops. She cries her frustration.
"You're kidding right?"
But he is not. His right hand leaves her ass, reaches for her clit and with one last stroke, she blows her mind and his at the same time. Her walls clenches in fits and starts around him and if paradise does exist, well, they just reached it…
Slowly, they come back into reality. She unwrap her legs but her muscles are still jelly and she would have fallen if he weren't maintaining her against the wall. They both breathe harshly when he kisses her forehead with all the tenderness he can put in one kiss. They both close their eyes and enjoy the perfection of the moment.
"I love you Hanna Marin…"
It's just a small whisper, just for her to hear.
"I love you too, Caleb Rivers…"