notes: maybe some eventual nalu because everyone knows i ship them hard.
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Gray muttered harsh, vulgar words under his breath and jabbed his thumb against the doorbell another fifty million times. There was a series of clicks from the other side before the door finally inched open a sliver, rusted chain still locked in place.
"What's the password?" A single, dark eye demanded.
Gray wiggled his fingers into the crack in a desperate attempt to stab the lone eye as hard as he could. This obviously failed to work.
"Natsu, open the door, or I'm gonna beat the shit out of your cat."
Natsu paused to consider the threat before reluctantly removing the chain, allowing the door to swing wide open.
"I hope you know what an incredibly rude human being you are."
Gray ignored him, moving further into the small and cramped apartment. He chose a seat beside Gajeel—who was actually on time, mind you—and propped his feet on top of the coffee table.
The two 'sup' nodded as Natsu joined them on the couch.
"How long you been here, man?"
Gajeel blew a raspberry. "I dunno, like, since around 3?"
Gray frowned. "So you've been here for 8 hours—" He glanced up at the television. "—watching Law & Order?"
"It's actually not a bad show okay. You learn, like, crime fighting and shit and yeah, I'll admit there is an obvious lack of titties, but that is not the moral of the story. You shut up, I am a learned individual."
Gray dismissed his comment. "Okay, the real reason we're meeting on a perfectly good Friday evening... Did you two also receive some nicely packaged red velvet cupcakes yesterday?"
At this Natsu looked at Gajeel, who shifted his eyes towards Gray, who stole a tiny, microscopic glance at Law & Order before staring straight at Natsu.
They continued this for another two and a half minutes before Natsu finally said,
"Yes, in fact, I did." He tapped his head thoughtfully. "They were a little on the dry side, and it was also obvious that whoever baked them failed to leave them in the oven for the appropriate amount of time to get just the perfect crispy outer layer," he finished, commenting with much expertise.
Next to him, Gajeel nodded in agreement, rubbing a hand on his chin.
Gray shook his head, deciding to disregard Natsu's surprisingly extensive knowledge of baking, and continued, "Well, I think it's safe to say we all ate them, yeah? 'Cause, like, free cupcakes, who the hell wouldn't?"
This brought about a series of 'yeah's and 'no shit's.
"Notice anything weird?"
Silence fell upon the three friends until Gajeel loudly cleared his throat. "Okay, I didn't wanna say nothin', but Natsu's cat—("His name is Happy.")—whatever, has been whispering to me from across the room, and lemme tell you, that is some shocking vocabulary."
"DUDE, dude," Natsu piped in. "My hands are pretty much never cold, but this morning, they were freezing to the point where one of them got stuck to Charles while I was taking a piss, kinda like when you lick a popsicle—"
Gray grimaced. "I don't know what's worse, that or the fact that you call your genitals 'Charles.'"
"Forget that, you asswipe, what about you?"
Gray paused, and wrinkled his nose. "I have... An uncontrollable compulsion to remove my clothing at any given moment. I think."
Only then did they notice that Gray had been sitting there sans everything he had been wearing, for the past 10 minutes.
"Dude, your junk is touching my couch."
Gray flipped his hair, fabulously. "Whatever, feel grateful it's not on your face right now."
Natsu made a sour face and sunk back into the cushion. "You do realize that sounded slightly homoerotic."
"It sounded very homoerotic."
Gray decided to ignore them. Again. "So lemme get this straight, Redbitch can understand cats—("Or just Happy.")—no, shut up. Dragqueen has abnormally cold hands, and I randomly feel the need to expose my luscious body to the world."
"Holy SHIT!" Gajeel chose that moment to spring up off the sofa and exclaim, "Those cupcakes gave us fucking superpowers!"
"Some lame ass powers. We ain't saving the world from shit."
And for the rest of the night, the term 'superpower' continued to be used very loosely.
tbc
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dedication: randomly for les—'coz she writes the best bro!ships ever, and for rhea—'coz her kage!ship makes me very happy. also for those who enjoyed study hard kids. i love everyone.