Pain Reliever

((Well! I am back and I wrote another fanfic. I realized as I re-watched last weeks episode that Addison wasn't on the bottom level of the ferryboat, so please ignore that fact. LOL…I think I might continue this story and see where it takes me. That is of course if anyone would like me to? The pairing is IFFY to me and to be honest, I want to just write Addison's POV but there might be some weeks I write other characters. I'm not sure yet. I'm just wasting time before church! Anyways, Please Read and Review! ))

There was only one thing Addison didn't count on as she threw her wedding rings over the edge of the ferryboat. It was that Derek was there, watching her through the windows. The look on his face was horrifying and Addison had to turn around and see it, and him all at the same time.

They stood there staring for a good 5 minutes before she nodded at him and he nodded back. They both silently agreed it was for the best and Addison turned her back to him and stared out into the water. She tried to ignore the fact that Derek had just witnessed that and in all actuality, she was quite glad he did. Maybe he wouldn't look at Ferryboats the same way again. Maybe he'll ride the ferryboat across the water and wonder if the rings were floating below him. Sinking under the current, just like her feelings for him had gone.

While Derek was gloating at her all day she wanted nothing better than to slap the hell out of him and tell him to grow some feelings. That day he wrote the definition of insensitive in her mind. When she realized that she couldn't read him and tell if he was happy or acting happy she knew she had to let him go. He was becoming a great actor and she hoped she'd be a better one in the weeks and months to come.

How long could it take to get over him? She had held on to the good memories of him and when she thought they were trying she saw fleeting moments of the Derek she fell in love with. He'd changed though and she was chasing the ghost of a good thing.

She heard the whistle signaling the fact that they were docking in ten minutes and she walked away from the spot that would be etched in her mind. She'd never go on a ferry ever again unless she absolutely had to.

Derek on other hand had been watching her as she turned her back to him and he felt a pang of regret and emptiness and content. Addison had done it, he should feel great. Kind of like he did all day that day, he was practically dancing in the hallways with happiness. Not caring in the world that Addison was around and seeing it. He knew she wasn't happy about it, not at all. But yet here he was once again, hurting her through his actions.

Derek couldn't take his eyes off of her. Part of him felt this all consuming urge to go out there and hug her and tell her everything would get better but he knew if he did that, then the wall he built up in defense to her would come crashing down. The other part of him wanted to break down and cry realizing he drove her to that point. They were divorced for god's sake. Why did he suddenly feel like he lost his best friend?

The wind was knocked out of him at that moment as Addison turned and walked towards the other end of the ferryboat. He felt like she was one walking away and

It hurt everything inside of him hurt. He gripped the end of the windowsill and looked down at the floor blinking back tears. It hit him that he never really mourned his marriage. He stayed angry with her all the time and even when they were working on it, he resented her. By resenting her he never really gave her the chance.

That wasted chance wasn't even really a chance and he started crying quietly and ignored all the patrons moving past him to get off the ferryboat. He couldn't move at all, and just cried. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to get off that ferryboat and go back to Meredith and be all happy over rubbing their relationship in Addison's face. At one point in time the woman had been his best friend and the love of his life all rolled up in one. That wasn't just something you got over in 3 weeks.

He loved Meredith. The love consumed him and made him feel completely numb to being indifferent to his wife and feeling stabbed in the back. He had used that love to pay Addison back and now seeing her move on and throw their rings over the side of the boat made him feel like he had pushed her too far. He knew deep down inside that she wouldn't keep chasing him and he guessed his happy façade all day had pushed her to the point to giving up.

He wanted her to be happy but at the same time, what about him? It was selfish but he was so used to her actions being about him and vice versa. The past few years definitely hadn't been that way. He never did things for her any more and he didn't care if she was sitting at home waiting for him.

Derek took a deep breath and wiped away his tears and looked out the window again and stood up. The fact was that he was the reason their marriage crumbled. He still didn't know when he stopped doing things for her but it didn't matter anymore. Their marriage was over and there was no point in trying to think about it. He didn't want to.

Derek pulled his coat on and took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He would leave it all here. Just like Addison did, he'd try and leave it here. He headed off of the ferryboat and went back to Meredith just like in the end he always would. She was his pain reliever.