Title: Prey Of Human Technology
Author: Cella stereotypevamp
Rating: PG
Fandom: BLEACH
Ship/Characters: Orihime + Yachiru + Kenpachi ZOMG, it's family time!
Disclaimer: All is of Kubo Tite. Duh.
Dedication: Moochi and Ken-chan, the best ever Kenpachi and Yachiru muns. Thanks for the great time in Nexus and for adopting Orihime as your sister/daughter. You guys are made of love.
Summary: Yachiru gets a new babysitter, and Kenpachi is introduced to pop songs from the 80s. By force. KENPACHI. YACHIRU. ORIHIME. The importance of not having kids.

Prey Of Human Technology

Unlife was good.

Unlife was good for Kenpachi. Strolling around the streets (imposingly, of course), one hand loosely over the hilt of his zanpakuto, the gigantic Shinigami decided that this was a great day. In fact, it had been a good week, in general. Yachiru had been tranquilized, apparently, with the welcomed presence of the human girl--Orihime something-something--back in the Soul Society. The girl, when she wasn't training with Rukia, had taken to babysitting Yachiru.

And by babysitting, we mean sharing mountain loads of candy.

Either way, this allowed Kenpachi to chill out a bit. And possibly, if he had been there, Ikkaku would've enjoyed the silence. Or at least the absence of head-munching.

It was quiet.

The road to his taisha was empty.

The day had the prospect of being made of awesome.

A bird chirped in his direction.

Kenpachi grinned, and glared at it.

The bird died.

A good day.

A very good day.

"KEN-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

Oh fuck.

"HEEEEEEEY, KEEEEEEN-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

Seconds later, pink little devil performing a rendition of squid-attacks-your-face on his head, his day? Not so good anymore.

"Udfubeeupto?" Kenpachi asked, his voice muffled and almost chocking.

"CANDY!" Came the answer.

And. That explained everything.

"Ne, Yachi-chan, come off from Kenpachi-san's head, he can't breathe…" came the voice of the Orihime, who was the guilty one in this, and who would die. Hopefully. Most likely. Maybe. When she stopped being so cute.

"Oops! Sorry, Ken-chan!" Yachiru giggled, climbing off his face with grace.

Kenpachi tried glaring, but that didn't work. That never worked with the little girl. And the worst thing was that she knew it. "Who gave you candy?"

"Byaku-chii!" Yachiru answered.

The Kuchiki heir was instantly sentenced to DEATH.

"And then Ori-nee-chan showed me MUSIC!!!"

"…music."

"Yes, Ken-chan! It's so cool, you have to come and listen!"

He allowed himself to be dragged into the taisha, glaring a bit at Orihime because she deserved it. Once inside, he was obliged to sit down by an over-eager Yachiru, and given a box of candy.

"Hit it, Ori-nee!" Yachiru ordered, her voice resembling someone from the yakuza.

"Hai!" Orihime said, pushing a button on a strange contraption, and then coming to stand besides Yachiru. "Ready? Go!"

Kenpachi was prepared for the worse.

But he was not prepared for this.

"I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right!"

They were…dancing. In synchronization. As if they had done this before. A lot.

"And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun!!!"

And the song was…Kenpachi growled. Well, there went his fucking good day. Glaring at the candy, and at the contraption, and wishing the singer of that song were a Hollow he had terminated, Kenpachi sighed.

"PAY ATTENTION, KEN-CHAN!" Yachiru demanded, twirling around with flourish.

His head fell to the table. He needed better babysitters.

And a hard drink.

::end::