K, so this is my first story not designed for solely comedy. So, read, and enjoy.

I don't own Naruto. So, if you assume I do, you'll be living a lie. Also, I'm using knowledge from Japanese episodes of Naruto, but using English dialogue.

Our story begins 8 years after Tsunade took on the role of Hokage.

Tsunade: Dammit. (A/N you know it's a good story when the first word in the dialogue is a swear word) how come we never have any sour cream in this place?

Jiraiya: Because, you're allergic to it.

Tsunade: ... Shut up.

Kakashi and Guy burst into the room

Guy: Tsunade! We need your help.

Tsunade: What's the trouble?

Kakashi: It's Sasuke! He's invaded the village, and he's too strong for even Lee after he's opened the seventh chakra gate! He almost opened the eighth one, but Guy stopped him.

Tsunade: This is serious. Even I can't stop Lee after he's opened the seventh gate... Did Guy try it?

Guy: I was going to, but Neji wouldn't let me. He told me to go get help instead.

Tsunade: Why don't we get Naruto to do it? He has been training as hard as he could these last 5 years. With that whole Shadow Clone training thing, he should be strong enough.

Kakashi: Naruto tried, but even when he took on the nine tailed fox's chakra, he was still defeated.

Tsunade: We're doomed. I don't have any idea what to do. Uhhh... You're gonna think I'm crazy, but I think we need Itachi's help.

Kakashi: Tsunade, are you serious? You think a member of the Akutsuki, let alone Itachi, would ever cooperate with us?

Tsunade: Do we have any other choice?

Kakashi: I just fear the worst... We can try.

Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi, and Guy set out to find Itachi. They find him already engaged in battle with Sasuke.

Itachi: What the hell? Has Orochimaru really trained you to be this strong?

Sasuke: Of course he has. I can sense your fear. I will at long last get my revenge. makes Chidori hand signs Chido—

Someone kills Itachi with a Chidori from behind

Sasuke: What the... who's the dead bastard who killed him?

Celeres: (A/N my original character) My name is Celeres. Celeres Oriens. I could sense how much you wanted to kill Itachi, so I figured if I did it first, it might piss you off.

Sasuke: My whole life... wasted... I have a new goal. Killing you. Shouldn't be too hard.

Celeres: Come get me.

Iruka: Celeres!!! There you ar... oh dear god.

Celeres: Not now Iruka Sensei. I have business to take care of.

Iruka: Celeres, you can't fight Sasuke, you have the worst grades of all students in your class.

Celeres: So? Just watch, you'll see. Makes Chidori hand signs, but throws in a last one similar to final Chidori hand sign, except it is his left hand out, and his right hand holding it.

Celeres: CHIDORI SHADOW BOMB!!! Ball of shadow forms in his hand, and he throws it with such incredible speed the force alone kills Sasuke, but the explosion disintegrates his body.

All ninja in that area open their mouths, somehow, even Itachi's dead body's mouth opens.

Kakashi: Chidori... Shadow Bomb? Wait, what's your story kid?

Celeres: Well, I saw you one day using Chidori, and the incredible power it had inspired me to produce my own line of jutsu similar to it. So, I have my line of Chidori Jutsu. Let's see... Fire ball, Ice blast, Wind rush, Rock smash, Light Ray, Shadow bomb, and Lightning blade... which would be yours.

Kakashi: Hmmm, very clever. Tsunade, this boy took out Sasuke with one move. Something no other ninja in this village could ever hope to accomplish. Me and Guy wish to take joint sensei-ship of him.

Guy: Wait, we do?

Tsunade: Yes. You two will alternate days. Kakashi trains his Ninjutsu and Genjutsu. Guy will train his Taijutsu. Teach him everything you can, nothing is forbidden for him. Not even the chakra gates. This boy must become as strong as possible. Understand?

Guy and Kakashi: You got it ma'am.

Kakashi: I want something return for it though.

Jiraiya: If you do this, I'll give you the next 10 volumes of Make Out Paradise for free.

Kakashi: That works.

Celeres goes off with Kakashi and Guy

Tsunade: Why the hell did I marry you Jiraiya? You still look at other women, and write those books.

Jiraiya: Because, if you hadn't, you would have had to marry Naruto.

Tsunade: Why do you always do that? I want a divorce.

Jiraiya: Me too, we never even had s... WATCH OUT!!!

Before Tsunade could react, she is impaled by a large sword engulfed in fire. She still lives, but just barely

Jiraiya: Oh no... what do I do? Uhhhh... sit tight, I'll be right back.

Jiraiya leaves to go find Sakura

Tsunade: I'm doomed.